Welcome to The Meaning Tree,
A regulation practice for neurodivergent bodies.
Hi,
I'm Cori,
And I'm a late diagnosed autistic therapist,
And I'm really glad you're here.
Before we start,
I want to tell you what I think this practice is not.
It's not a body scan.
I'm not going to ask you to breathe deeply or relax your jaw or find your feet.
If those things feel good to you,
Go for it.
And if they feel exhausting or confusing or kind of like being yelled at,
That's okay.
Too.
For a lot of neurodivergent people,
Our relationship with our bodies is a little different.
Sometimes we don't notice what's happening inside us until much later.
Sometimes just tune in means absolutely nothing.
So instead of mindfulness,
We're going to work with regulation,
With noticing what already helps you feel more like yourself.
You can close your eyes,
Or not.
You can sit,
Lie down,
Pace,
Rock,
Fidget,
Or keep doing the dishes.
And you don't have to picture anything.
Some brains make images and some don't.
If yours doesn't,
You can just think about these things or know them.
That counts too.
We're going to move through a tree together.
The meaning tree,
As I like to call it.
The roots,
The trunk,
And the branches.
Each part is something your nervous system needs.
Some parts might feel full right now.
Some parts might feel pretty bare.
That's information.
Just notice.
Feel free to check out the meaning tree visual before you get started.
Let's start at the bottom with the roots.
The roots are what has to be there for most of us to feel regulated at all.
And the first root is autonomy.
Think about how much control you have over your own life right now,
Autonomy over your environment,
Where you live,
Who's around you,
And how you get to interact with them.
Think about your schedule.
What are you doing all day?
How long are you doing those things?
How much do you actually like the things you're doing?
If you needed to leave for even a few minutes,
Could you?
Are you able to say no?
Do you feel comfortable saying no?
And here's one I really love.
Who do you feel the most comfortable saying no to?
For a lot of us,
It's not everybody.
Might just be one person,
Might be your dog.
Just notice who comes up.
The second root is solitude,
And I don't mean loneliness.
I mean deliberate time to just be with yourself,
A protected place where nobody is perceiving you.
Maybe it's somewhere with no sensory input at all,
Or maybe it's somewhere with very specific,
Very cozy sensory things that you get to enjoy all by yourself.
Maybe it's dark.
Maybe it smells really good.
Maybe you're tucked into a small,
Tight space,
Or maybe you're just sitting somewhere and there's no one around to notice what you're doing.
Solitude is incredibly important for neurodivergent regulation,
And a lot of us feel really guilty taking it.
So I'll say this for you.
Our mental health depends on solitude.
We have to find it wherever we can.
Sometimes it's a few minutes in the car before you go back in the house.
Sometimes it's sitting in a dark closet.
Sometimes it's a few extra minutes in the shower before the day starts.
Where does solitude show up for you?
When are you happiest by yourself?
Now we move up from the roots into the trunk.
The trunk is the core of the tree,
And I think the core of the neurodivergent experience is meaning.
One of the things I love most about neurodivergent people is that we tend to live our best lives based on meaning.
We don't do things arbitrarily or just because we should.
We lean in where we feel like we're making a difference,
Where what we're doing matters,
And where we matter.
We're drawn to people who make us feel that way.
So think about where the meaning is in your life.
Maybe it's helping people.
Maybe it's seeing people who go unseen to others.
Maybe it's showing up for your family.
Maybe it's being patient with someone other people have trouble being patient with.
It could be creating something,
Advocating,
Teaching,
Building,
Creating,
Knowing an absurd amount of information on one thing.
Think about the places where you feel most like you're here for a reason.
Could be now,
In the past,
Or places you'd like to be in the future.
And if you're in a season right now where meaning feels really hard to reach,
That happens.
Burnout does that.
If you're not sure what the meaning is right now,
Just notice what kind of meaning you'd want.
Or think back to a time when you felt really connected to what you're here to do,
And notice how good that felt.
Sometimes just thinking about how good that felt can bring the feeling back in present day.
Where do you find the most meaning in your life right now?
Who were you around when you feel the most meaningful?
Now we move out from the trunk into the branches.
The branches are the day-to-day things,
The small,
Practical ways we connect back to the roots and the trunk.
You might notice some branches feel full and some feel thin.
You don't have to fix anything.
We're just here to notice.
The first branch is predictability.
Where do you already bring predictability into your life?
Do you have your coffee the same way at the same time in the same cup every single day?
If you're me,
You absolutely do.
Same two cups every morning.
Maybe you have a bedtime ritual you love.
Maybe you wind down the same way every night.
Maybe you call the same friend at the same time every Friday.
Maybe your family has pizza night after work.
What are the things that feel comfortable because they're familiar?
The chair you're sitting in,
The hoodie you wear on the weekends,
The show you've already watched 11 times.
And is there somewhere you could bring in a little more of that predictability?
Sometimes predictability is called rigidity by people who don't understand the neurodivergent brain.
But predictability is safety.
It makes our bodies feel good.
It helps us to know what's coming next.
Think about where you could add some safety to your life.
The next branch is connection.
Who do you feel connected to?
Who makes you feel like it's good to be around you.
And where does that connection happen?
Is it in person?
Over text.
In an online group.
In a video game.
Does your connection look like other people's or does it look unique?
There are many kinds of connection,
And all connection is valid.
Nobody gets to tell you what yours should look like.
Some of my favorite connection in this world comes from dogs.
Where else can yours come from?
The next branch is your brain.
What makes your brain feel really good?
Maybe it's learning.
Maybe it's going deep into the same interests for a long period of time.
Maybe it's being around other people who think the way that you do.
Maybe your brain needs breaks and pauses that other brains don't seem to need.
That's okay.
Is your brain full of song lyrics?
Is your brain full of worry?
Does it like to replay your entire day at bedtime and catalog everything you did wrong?
Many of our brains do.
Think about what your brain wants and how often you give it something that's just for you.
A moment to scroll.
A moment to learn.
Just a few moments to be curious during an otherwise busy day.
A moment to connect with other people who appreciate the depth that your brain goes to.
The next branch is special interest.
Think about the things that light you up,
The things that make you smile all over.
It could be a special coffee cup,
Your favorite pen.
It could be animals.
It could be the dog that greets you at the door,
Who you cannot imagine your life without.
It could be gloriously nerdy,
A book you reread,
A topic you could research forever.
Special interests can be unique,
Bizarre,
Common,
Or anything you want them to be.
Think about how good it feels when you get uninterrupted time with your interests,
When you get to explore them unapologetically.
And think about the people who can handle your special interests,
The ones who celebrate them,
The ones who get excited to hear about your latest thing,
The ones who meet you with the same intensity about theirs,
The people who can find curiosity for the things that light you up.
The next branch is safety.
What makes you feel safe?
Safe in your body,
Safe in your relationships,
Safe with people.
Maybe it's certain clothes that feel really right.
Maybe it's the people who know you so well that you can show up as your full self without having to translate.
Who are you with when you feel safe?
Who are the people who feel like a warm hug just being in their presence?
Who are the people that can make you feel connection even during parallel play,
Doing your own thing in the same room?
This brings us to our body branch.
A lot of neurodivergent people feel like we're at war with our bodies at times.
And what each body needs is really different.
Your body might need to be completely still.
It might need to move constantly.
It might need things that other people's bodies don't need in order to relax.
That's okay.
What makes your body happy?
Is it happier warm?
Is it happier alone?
Is it happier moving really intensely?
Is it happier with something heavy on top,
Soft blankets,
Specific textures.
Is there something your body might want that you haven't tried yet?
Floating,
A new kind of movement,
Something you've been curious about.
What would it feel like to give your body something that it needed the way that we do with a newborn baby or a young child?
As an adult,
Do you feel comfortable giving your body what it needs in real time?
Do you notice what your body needs when it needs something?
The next branch is medication.
If you use medication in your life,
There's absolutely no shame in that.
Sometimes medication is what gives us the first deep breath that we've taken all day,
Or the predictability of knowing that we'll be able to get our work done,
Or a couple of hours where the aches and pains finally ease up.
Taking care of your body and the way that it needs is taking care of your body.
Is there a part of you that's afraid of medication?
Or afraid of being dependent on medication.
Is there a part of you that's curious if your body could feel better day to day if you explored medication?
And if medication isn't a part of your life,
Or you're not curious about it,
That's okay too.
And the last branch I like to call green stuff.
Think about the last time you were in nature.
Last time you looked out a window and saw something really beautiful,
Or noticed the flowers that were sitting on someone's table.
One of the most regulating things we can do as neurodivergent people is get outside and just take it in.
We don't have to be running.
You don't have to be walking the dog.
We can literally just sit in a chair outside the door and take in the green stuff.
Notice what that does.
In your body.
It can be a really healthy reset,
Even if you only have five minutes.
Do you remember any moments from being a child where being outside felt natural,
Normal,
Or even like a pull to get out of the house?
When we're younger,
We're much more tuned in to what our body needs.
Where could you add green stuff to your adult life?
When's the last time you were able to sit in nature and take it all in,
Without a care in the world,
To notice what that does to your body,
To your nervous system?
What do you hear?
What do you see?
What might you enjoy?
And if nature sounds overwhelming.
Because it's muggy,
Or because there's bugs,
Or because the sun is just too bright for you.
It's sometimes just as good to look at a picture of nature,
To look at nature through the window.
Listen to the waves crash on the beach through a video online.
Sometimes that's just enough to give your body the experience of nature.
So that's the tree,
The roots,
The trunk,
And the branches.
Before we finish,
Just notice which part of the tree came up the most for you today.
Maybe a branch that felt really full or a branch that felt pretty bare.
Maybe there's even a branch you've been ignoring or trying to push away.
If you want,
Pick just one,
Not all of them,
Just one branch,
And think about a small thing you could do before the end of this week.
Maybe a few moments of solitude without guilt in the car.
Maybe 10 minutes sitting just outside your door.
Maybe saying no to the person who's the easiest to say no to.
You don't have to do this the way that anyone else does.
Your tree is yours.
Thank you for spending time with me.
I'm Kori,
And I'll see you next time.
