Welcome,
I'm James Davis,
A coaching psychologist,
And I specialize in helping people navigate midlife,
Improve their wellbeing,
And create more fulfilling lives.
In today's video,
We're going to explore why confidence can sometimes take a knock during midlife,
Even when we have years of experience and achievement behind us.
We'll look at the impact of comparison,
Changing priorities,
And how we view ourselves.
I'm going to share three practical ways to reconnect with your strengths,
Rebuild self-belief,
And start taking action even when you don't feel completely ready.
You're going to come away with a simple challenge to help you take your next step with greater confidence.
So let's get started.
Okay,
Let's talk about confidence because I think there's something quite interesting that happens to many of us as we move through life and at midlife in particular.
On paper,
We might be doing rather well.
We might have built a career,
Raised a family,
We've navigated relationships,
Dealt with the challenges,
Setbacks and responsibilities that life throws at us.
We've accumulated experience we simply didn't have when we were younger.
And yet,
Somewhere along the way,
Some of us start questioning ourselves.
We wonder whether we're still relevant.
Whether we're good enough.
Whether we're as attractive,
Capable or successful as we once were.
Perhaps we look around and see young people coming through in the workplace and we feel challenged.
Perhaps our children are becoming more and more independent.
That means something about our identity.
Perhaps a relationship has changed.
Or perhaps life simply hasn't turned out quite as we imagined it would do.
And gradually our confidence can take a knock.
Now here is something I want you to remember.
Confidence isn't something you either have or don't have.
It's something you can develop,
Rebuild and strengthen throughout your life.
And I'd like to share three things that can help.
So number one,
Stop comparing yourself with other people.
Ah,
Social media doesn't help much here.
We see other people's holidays,
Businesses,
Relationships,
Bodies,
And apparent successes,
And we compare their highlight reels with our own everyday reality.
We start believing that we're behind.
That we're missing out,
That everybody else has somehow worked life out,
But you don't know the full story of somebody else's life.
You have no idea what their challenges are.
What the insecurities are?
What happens when the camera is switched off?
And here's the problem with comparison.
It can distract us from recognising our own progress.
You might be comparing your career with somebody else's,
Your relationship to somebody else's,
Or even your physical appearance with an image that's being carefully curated.
So here is my first suggestion.
Spend less time measuring your life against other people's expectations and more time deciding what actually matters to you.
Ask yourself.
What does success actually mean to me now?
What do I want more of in my life?
What would make me feel genuinely fulfilled?
Because the answers might be very different from what they were 20 years ago,
And that Perth,
OK.
Number two.
Reconnect with your strengths.
So the second thing to do is reconnect with your strength.
One of the exercises I often use in coaching is to ask people to identify their personal strengths,
Not just their professional skills,
Their actual qualities.
Things like resilience,
Thoughtfulness,
Compassion,
Good at bringing people together,
Courageous,
Curious,
Creative,
Dependable.
We often overlook these qualities because they come naturally to us.
We don't recognise them as strengths because we've always had them.
So we become a bit blind to them.
So take a moment and think about three things you're genuinely good at.
What do people come to you for?
What challenges have you overcome?
What qualities have helped you get through difficult periods?
Again,
Perhaps he's navigated a difficult relationship.
Perhaps you've rebuilt your career after a setback.
Perhaps you supported your family through challenging times.
Or maybe you've just simply kept going when things have been difficult.
These things count.
Your experience is an asset in itself.
Sometimes rebuilding confidence starts remembering what you're already capable of.
Take action before you feel completely ready.
This is a big one.
So many people wait for confidence to come and then take action,
But this is one way around.
You don't need to feel ready before doing something.
You don't need to wait until you feel confident enough to apply for the job,
Ask that person out,
Confident enough to start the business,
Confident enough to have the conversation,
Confident enough to make the change.
If you wait for confidence,
You'll be waiting a long time.
Confidence develops through action.
It doesn't precede it.
You take a small step,
You experience a discomfort,
You learn something,
And then you realize you're more capable than you thought.
And so your confidence grows.
So think about.
A new thing you can take on,
A new responsibility you never had before.
You probably didn't feel confident at the beginning,
But through experience,
Practice and repetition,
You became more comfortable.
And the same principle applies to many areas of life.
So rather than setting yourself an enormous challenge,
Choose one small action this week.
Perhaps it's making that phone call you've been putting off.
Perhaps it's signing up for a new activity or class.
Perhaps it's saying no to something that no longer works for you.
And it could be that you simply want to make more time for yourself.
The important thing is that you take that action.
Now here's your confidence challenge.
I'm going to leave you with a simple exercise.
Take a few minutes after this video and write down three things.
Three personal strengths that you're proud of.
Second.
One thing you've been putting off because you don't feel confident enough.
And third,
One small action you can take in the next 48 hours to move towards it.
Don't overcomplicate things,
Just take that step.
I'd like to finish with a thought.
Midlife isn't a period where you should automatically start shrinking your ambitions.
It can be an opportunity to reconsider them.
You may have different priorities now,
Different responsibilities,
And you may want different things in life.
That is not failure,
That is development.
You don't have to become the person you were at 25.
Do not look back,
Look forward.
You're not competing with the person you are in your 30s.
You can become somebody entirely new,
Somebody more self-aware,
Someone who's more comfortable in their own skin,
More intentional about how they spend their time.
And perhaps,
More confident than they've ever been.
So remember,
Your best years don't have to be behind you.
Your next chapter is still yours to create.
Thanks for spending this time with me.
I hope you found it useful.
And if you enjoyed today's session,
I'd love you to join me again for another practice here on Insight Timer.
Until next time,
Take care of yourself,
Keep challenging yourself,
And don't underestimate what you're capable of.
