Tup and Stern and the Skipping Rope Scandal.
At Tampin's Stern Mystery.
Written by S.
D.
Hudson Performed by Stephanie Poppins.
Chapter 2 at St.
Ethelburg's Academy for Girls,
That selects seminary in steepleblasted,
Offering new age education with a capital N.
The school gymnasium had never quite recovered from the 80s refurb.
The regulation crash mat stacked against its wall hadn't been moved in years.
Although the box of skipping ropes was making a comeback.
Much to the surprise of English professor-cum-amateur sleuth Tuppence Stern,
Malcolm Marshall,
Gym teacher aka school star,
Was lying face down and bottom up on the treacle-coloured floorboards.
With one red skipping rope tied around his neck.
Quite how this happened,
Tuppence was yet to establish.
The man was a giant for one thing.
And very popular for another.
At this point,
2 and 2 were definitely not making 4.
But then again,
Maths never was Tubman's strong point.
What do you reckon Bart?
One flirt too many?
They stood side by side and picked over everything they knew and everything they didn't.
Probably.
Said Bart.
Knowing Alice Weed's choice in men,
Malcolm Marshall had to be a Lothario.
Letharia?
That's a new word for you.
My influence is rubbing off,
I see.
Tuppence considered their deputy head.
Alice Weed was responsible for staff recruitment.
She had hair as wimey as the caretaker's broom,
And eyes as shifty as an average pupil's attitude to learning.
And as for staff politics,
She was about as popular as the old head was.
The board had managed to get rid of him,
But Alice Weed was clinging on by her fingernails.
She hated tuppence and tuppence loved every minute of it.
Getting one over on Miss Everything-to-the-Letter kept Tuppence entertained,
Which was great for someone who needed 101 things going on in her life at any given time.
Grammar is all you talk about,
T,
" said Bart.
That and Martin Bonus.
Tuppence blushed.
He's the head teacher,
She insisted.
It's the least I can do.
Bart held his tongue.
Tuppence Stern was kidding herself,
But he wouldn't be the one to tell her.
Where did Martin disappear to anyway?
Leaving you holding the baby.
Tuppence laughed at the irony.
Well I've done this before haven't I?
He knows he can count on me.
She prodded the course with her signature school pen.
He's cold and stiff.
Judging by the lividity,
He's been here since at least 10 o'clock last night.
Bart chuckled as she pushed her pants neigh further up her nose.
I'll miss iPassBiology over here.
I'll have you know I got an A for Science!
Tup and smirked.
And a Certificate of Participation in the School Science Fair?
Then all at once,
Martin Bonus was back.
Scratching his grain stubble,
He considered his biggest problem.
Then he scanned Malcolm Marshall,
The largest lump on his staff list.
Well,
This is certainly a sorry start to the morning,
" he mused.
Here,
Bart,
Throw these towels over him.
This is way beyond PG.
I'll have complaints if I'm not careful.
Tuppence somehow doubted that.
The parents of the pupils at St Ethelberg's were proud to call themselves Free Spirits.
They had the funds to think outside the regular boxes.
And for the most part,
Live outside them too.
Which was just as well,
Because Martin Bonas ticked none of them.
The majority of the parents were sailing round the world as they spoke,
On a mission to find themselves.
They left the serious business of child-rearing to Martin Bonas and his team.
And Bonus being a stand-up kind of a guy.
Was the best man for the job.
That was the one thing at St.
Ethelberg's everyone agreed on.
Mr Bowness!
Mr Bowness!
" came his sudden shriek.
Here we go!
Tuppence and Bart turned simultaneously.
Alice Weed was entering the gym.
She took one look at the naked corpse and fainted in a heap at Martin's feet.
You'd think with a name like her she'd be more chilled.
Quick start.
Tuppence laughed,
But Martin was not impressed.
Miss Weed is our colleague.
He insisted.
Let's show some professionalism,
Please.
Turning her back to him,
Tup and stuck out her tongue.
She hated it when Martin pulled rank.
But really,
What did she care?
She wasn't here for romance.
This was a job pure and simple,
And Martin Boners was a distraction she could well do without.
She watched him prop up weed in the corner.
Seems a bit primitive,
" said Bart,
Covering up the corpse with the towels.
A school skipping rope,
I mean.
And Malcolm Marshall's a big lad.
Toppence added.
Heaven knows,
But the big ones go down the hardest.
Must have been a tough job getting that round his neck.
Tap and stone,
Said Bart in disbelief.
A tough job!
Needs must part,
Reminded Tuppence.
This isn't the time for sentiment.
We have to think on our feet.
It won't be long before the police get here.
She started twisting her big amber ring around and around like she always did when she was thinking.
They don't call this village Steeple Bloodshed for nothing,
Bart.
Get used to it.
Because it's all part of the job description.
It was little over an hour since they discovered the body.
And word spread through the school like a wildfire through dry kindling.
Bringing every teacher in their BFF straight to the gym to go put the covered up corpse that was Malcolm Marshall.
Someone screamed.
Tappan Stern was beginning to lose patience.
She could never understand it.
She never screamed.
She hummed and cogitated,
Murmured and considered.
But she never screamed.
They were all there now.
The languages department arguably the most dramatic.
The Mass Department fixated on the timing of the fire alarm.
The religious department certain they were all going to hell.
And the science team deep in deliberation about what the contusions on the victim's neck actually meant and whether the blood leaked into the vessels had congealed on the surface as a result of a deeper,
More sustained primary wound.
Whatever anyone had to say about the matter.
They all agreed.
Malcolm Marshall was the latest victim to the bloodshed curse.
The next notch on the village bench,
The newest stain on Steeple Bloodstead's reputation.
And haven't the village sign just been recommissioned to remove any hint of the colour red?
But as sure as night followed day,
Some bright spark would add it again with the permanent marker,
Much to local lord Heffingway's disgust.
He'd been working hard to clean up the local reputation and now this.
Not that the villagers minded.
What was one more murder?
It only added to the charm,
They said,
And staying alive in steeple bloodstead offered them celebrity status these days.
So what did they care?
They say,
The youngest girls gossiped,
Mr Marshall was strangled with his own underwear.
Apparently he was some kind of king.
A six-form girl.
He was a bit of a show-off.
A sensible one said quickly.
But young or old,
No one,
Not any of the girls at St Ethelberg's wanted to leave and go home.
School was a laugh.
Albeit a very expensive one,
They said.
This was their place,
The place they could really be themselves without fear of repercussion.
They all knew they would have to keep this on the low.
Battened down the hatches and remained tight-lipped until they were given the all-clear.
Meanwhile,
Martin Bonas,
The most likeable of likeable headteachers,
Didn't waste any time in closing ranks.
The local inspector was a bit of a dolt,
He reasoned,
And if they could deal with this in-house before things got too messy,
So much the better.
He could trust the girls to play along.
It was in their interest,
He said.
And even if he couldn't,
He always had his emergency backup plan.
There's a tree blocking the drive,
He declared dramatically in the impromptu assembly.
And it will remain that way until all this is over.
Now it's in your interest,
Girls,
To remain focused until things get sorted.
St.
Ethelburg's will not be defeated.
The whole school cheered.
Everyone liked his original way of thinking.
And didn't their parents pay top dollar for an exclusive holistic experience?
St.
Ethelberg's wasn't like any other school and they wanted to keep it that way.
The less their parents knew about what went on here,
The better.
Set up and stern wasn't one to complain.
In fact,
She rather relished the challenge.
What did they need the outside world for anyway?
The last thing they wanted was media interest and the school to shut down.
Life at St Erthelberg's meant life away from her ex and that meant peace and quiet.
Thank God we're in the middle of nowhere,
She whispered to Bart,
And there's no mobile reception.
That should stop any nonsense before we've got time to work out what's going on.
But Bartholomew Bowman didn't look as reassured by this as she hoped.
I think I'm gonna need that wine.
I've just been told I gotta cover maths.
Tup and Stern smiled,
Then followed out the last group of stragglers as they all left the hall.
Now remember what Mr Bonus said,
She cried to the girls.
Back to your dorms until the bell goes.
But miss,
Will we be alright?
One of the young ones questioned.
I'm allergic to the sight of blood.
There's no blood,
Tilly.
Tup and soothed.
And don't worry,
I'll be in to see you shortly.
Now stay in pairs,
Please.
The prefects will take you.
Everything is going to be just fine.
That was the nice thing about teaching,
She thought,
Her chance to spend some time with kids.
That gaping chasm left after numerous failed attempts at growing her own would never ever be filled.
But being at St.
Ethelberg's.
.
.
Was the next best thing.
