Public Speaking And Social Anxiety

I've given hundreds of public lectures, presentations, and keynotes and every single time I suffered with social anxiety and fear of public speaking. If you have the same issue or are worried about an upcoming or future presentation or speech, this is for you. Even if social anxiety keeps you from smaller gatherings, this might be a helpful listen. I have shared this advice with countless friends and coaching clients over the years and it has helped all of them manage the profound stress of being observed (and judged) in a public forum.

Transcript

Most people find it hard to believe that I experience social anxiety. And especially. . . A fear of public speaking. As someone who has made a career. Public speaking, Among other things. It is something that I have lived with. And have not only learned to manage but I've learned to take advantage of a few little life hacks that make it easier. And I want to share those with you. The first thing I would offer is that if you find yourself in a place in a space where you need to speak in front of any number of people, You've probably been invited. And that invitation likely came. For a reason. You are likely in possession of some wisdom, Experience, Expertise, Skill that positions you to offer something. Very specific and unique to that group of people. So I don't want you to undervalue your offering. Bye. Not trusting that you have something of value to give. The next thing I would say is that I never go in front of a group of people. With any preconceived notion that I am an expert. I don't think of myself as a guru or the smartest person in the room. I like to consider myself a person who has done some things and knows some things that I'm willing to share with people. Again, People who've invited me. So when it comes to game day, The time to show up and perform. I don't think of it as. I'm this important person that everyone came to see. I think of it as. . . An opportunity to catch up with some friends who are curious about what I've been up to or what I think about something. I envision we're chatting over a cup of tea and that it's really chill and that everyone in the room are friends, Maybe friends that I just haven't had a chance to meet yet. And that takes so much pressure off. After many years of doing that, I've taken it one step further and I've added that I don't use slides and a lot of pre-prepared material anymore. Definitely encourage you to do that to stay on track in the early days. But what I have found is that if you can allow yourself to be present with the people in the room and really connect with them, Everything that you need to know, Everything that you've been invited to share. Is probably already inside of you. Now, If it's a technical presentation and it requires slides, Definitely use them. But if it's something that has to do with your experience, Your expertise, Your knowledge, Your skill. If you can share it. In a real connective way, As if you were sharing a story with friends, Do it that way. It yields incredible results. The other thing I would say is. . . Try not to focus on the most distracted person in the room. You might be speaking in front of a group of 20, 30, 100 people. And speakers have a tendency to notice the one or two people who are distracted, Who are on their phones. There's always one, There's always at least one. And what I like to think is. . . Once upon a time, I was a young mother of young children. And I needed to be attentive to my phone because at any moment someone could need me to pick them up from school or there could be a co-parenting issue, Who knows. And I like to think that when somebody has the audacity or the necessity to pull out their phone and do whatever they're doing during your presentation. It's probably urgent and probably has nothing to do with the quality of your presentation. Instead, I look for the most engaged person in the room, The person who is nodding and smiling and really tracking with every word that I have to say. And after the presentation, I try to find that person and thank them for that energy. The other thing I've noticed is that nervousness. Comes in waves. I know that 100% of the time when I get on a stage I'm going to have a racing heart. And I might be hyperventilating a little bit, All of the signs of nervousness and social anxiety will come up. And I've learned to ride that wave like a surfboard, Right? Like it's the tide of the ocean. I allow my energy to mount on that swell and to fall as it subsides. I just expect it. And I recognize it, Not just as nervousness, But also as excitement and anticipation. So I think of it as this excitement that I get to share with these people. Essentially, The message becomes more important than my nerves. What I have to offer and the one person who might be helped in that room or who might learn something new is more important than my anxiety. So I hope these things help you. They've certainly helped me and many others over the years. And I hope that you take really good care of yourself.