Welcome.
You're probably already annoyed.
Excellent.
We have something to work with.
Maybe your hope in meditation would involve becoming instantly peaceful.
Maybe floating three inches above the floor and developing the ability to understand what birds are saying.
I'm sorry to report that none of that will be happening today.
Probably.
Instead,
We're going to do something much less exciting.
We're going to sit here.
And breathe.
Which sounds pretty easy,
And somehow for the human brain can become a complicated assignment.
So find a comfortable position.
You can sit on a cushion.
You can sit on a chair.
You can lie down if you need to.
You can even sit on the floor.
You can even sit on the floor in a position that makes you look vaguely spiritual.
Whatever works.
And let your body settle.
You don't need a perfect posture.
You don't need to look like a monk carved out of marble.
Just be comfortable enough that you can stay here for a little while.
And when you're ready,
If you want to,
Allow your eyes to close or to settle your gaze down.
Or don't.
I'm not the meditation police.
Take a slow breath in.
And let it out.
Again.
Slowly breathe in.
And out.
And now,
Notice your breathing.
Don't change it.
Don't try to improve it.
Don't try to.
Become a person who is good at breathing.
You're already breathing.
Congratulations.
You've been doing it your entire life.
This is one area where you have an impressive resume.
Just notice the breath.
The sensation of breathing in.
The sensation of breathing out.
Try to follow the breath all the way to the end of its inhale and notice when it becomes an exhale.
Follow it all the way in and out.
Maybe you feel the air moving through your nose.
Maybe feel your chest moving.
Maybe your belly rises and falls.
There's no special sensation that you're supposed to feel.
Nothing that you're trying to find.
Just notice what's actually happening.
And here's where meditation usually starts getting interesting.
Because eventually your mind will wander.
Probably sooner than later.
Maybe it's already done it.
Maybe you're thinking about something you need to do later.
Maybe you're thinking about.
Something that you said three years ago that nobody else remembers.
But you remember.
Your brain,
Remember.
Your brain has apparently decided that this is the perfect time for a documentary.
About your past mistakes.
That's okay.
You don't have to stop the thoughts.
You don't have to argue with them.
Then you certainly don't have to solve your entire life while we see.
Just notice.
Oh,
I'm thinking.
And then gently return your attention to your breath.
That's the practice.
That's literally it.
You noticed that you've wandered.
And you came back.
You don't have to be annoyed that your brain wandered away.
You don't have to criticize yourself.
You don't have to say,
Oh,
I'm terrible at meditating.
Because here's a little secret.
Noticing that your mind wandered is meditation.
That's the rep.
That's the exercise.
You did not fail.
You just did one repetition.
Congratulations.
No trophy will be mailed to you.
But spiritually?
Gold czar.
Now return to your breath.
Breathing in.
Breathing out.
Breathing in,
I know I am breathing in.
Breathing out,
I know I am breathing out.
And perhaps for a few moments.
Simply rest your attention there.
Notice the next breath.
And the next.
And the next.
.
.
And if your mind wanders again,
That's okay.
Maybe it's wandering towards something important.
Maybe something completely ridiculous.
Maybe you suddenly remember you need toothpaste.
Your brain has incredible timing.
You don't need to do anything about it right now.
Just notice.
Thinking.
And come back to the breath.
Thinking.
Thinking.
This is mindfulness.
Not having no thoughts.
Not becoming a human-shaped bowl of pudding.
Just learning to notice where your attention has gone.
And gently bringing it back.
And notice that word I'm using,
Gently.
We're not wrestling our attention back.
We're not grabbing it by the collar.
Or just noticing.
And we're returning.
Like we're saying,
Hey,
Come on,
We're over here.
And then we return to the breath.
That's our anchor.
Now you may notice sounds.
Maybe there's a fan going on.
A car outside.
A dog barking.
A bird making an announcement that apparently nobody has asked for.
Maybe someone is doing something with a lawnmower.
The universe has provided you with a soundtrack.
And here's the fun part.
You don't have to make any of it stop.
Just listen.
Notice the closest sound to you.
Can you pick it out?
Can you notice the sound that's furthest away from you?
Notice sounds coming and going.
You don't have to identify them.
You don't have to decide whether you like them or not.
Just hear them.
Sounds appear.
You notice them.
And eventually it disappears.
Just like thoughts.
Just like sensations.
Just like that one person from high school who somehow keeps showing up on your Facebook suggestions.
Everything appears.
Everything changes.
Everything passes.
So instead of trying to create perfect silence,
Let the world make whatever noise it's gonna make.
You don't have to fight it.
You can simply listen.
And when your attention wanders.
Notice that.
Then come back to listening.
No judgment.
No fixing.
Just hearing.
And now gently bring your attention back to your breath.
Breathing in.
Breathing out.
You may notice other things now,
Sensations in your body maybe.
Coolness.
Pressure.
Lightness.
Heaviness,
Whatever it is.
Whatever is there.
Just notice it.
You don't need to turn it into a problem.
You don't need to turn it into a spiritual experience.
It's just a sensation.
Notice it.
And let it change however it's going to change.
And then return to your breath.
Breathing in.
.
.
Breathing out.
Now,
If you're comfortable.
Let's spend a few moments.
Simply being here.
No special experience.
Nothing to achieve.
Nothing to prove.
You don't have to become enlightened before this meditation ends.
In fact,
If enlightenment happens.
Please remain calm.
We'll deal with it together.
For now.
Just breathe.
Notice the sounds around you.
Thoughts appearing.
Notice that you don't have to follow every single one.
A thought can appear and disappear.
Without becoming your next project.
You can let it be there.
And return.
Breath.
Body.
Awareness.
And if you wander,
Come back.
Gently.
If you get frustrated,
Notice frustration.
You don't have to fight it.
If you get bored,
Notice boredom.
If you start wondering how much longer this is going to last,
Exhale.
You've discovered another object of meditation,
The thought.
How much longer?
Notice it.
And return to your breath.
There is nothing wrong with you if your mind is busy.
A busy mind is doing mind things.
Your job is not to stop it.
Your job is to notice.
And return.
Again.
And again,
And again.
That is enough.
Now take one slightly deeper breath this time.
And slowly let it out.
Feel your body sitting there.
Feel whatever's supporting you.
Notice the room around you.
And before you open your eyes,
If they were closed,
You can take a moment to appreciate something.
You just spent time doing absolutely nothing.
Nothing at all product.
And somehow,
That may have been one of the most productive things that you have done today.
You gave yourself a few minutes without needing to accomplish anything.
You notice your thoughts.
You notice your body.
You practiced returning.
That's meditation.
Not perfection.
Not mystical powers.
OHHHHH!
Not becoming a completely different person.
Just noticing and returning.
So when you're ready,
Gently open your eyes and look around.
Welcome back to the extremely exciting world of having responsibilities.
You survived.
And more importantly,
You practiced.
Congratulations,
Sincerely.
Gold star!
Now go drink some water.
Probably thirsty.
And if your brain starts going and doing brain stuff again,
You know what to do.
Notice it.
And return.
Thank you very much for spending time with me and taking time for yourself.
It is an important thing.
Too many people are walking around in a cloud,
Not noticing anything about their life.
And you took time to do this.
Thanks again.
Namaste y'all.
