Healing Your Inner Critic

On Day 1, we will tune in to the inner critic on purpose. This powerful act of awareness immediately releases us from many patterns of unconscious reactivity by shining a light on those thoughts that would typically be running in the background of our daily lives. We will highlight the areas where we are most likely to encounter our inner critic, in which we will undertake an assessment of our abilities, our bodies, and how we feel when other people don't do what we want them to do.

If having a "Negative Nancy" running commentary in our heads isn't bothersome enough, we complicate matters by reacting to negative judgment in problematic ways. Harsh criticism triggers feelings of sadness, guilt, anger, or general dissatisfaction that we manage by eating, drinking alcohol, using substances, gossiping, or lashing out. On Day 2, we tune into the urges that arise when our inner critic is narrating our daily lives.

One of the most damaging aspects of an undercover inner critic is the disconnection it can cause in relationships. We judge others harshly, assume their behavior is personal or at best thoughtless, and withdraw or lash out. On Day 3, we will take a look at what our inner critic tells us about other people, acknowledging judgments that are unfair, disconnecting, or generally unworkable if our goal is to be loving and compassionate.

As hard as our inner critic can be on others, we are 10 times harder on ourselves. On Day 4, we learn to notice the harsh ways we judge ourselves, the hum of negativity that runs in the background of our daily lives, zapping our energy and keeping us stuck. When we tune in, we hear how painful much of our self talk truly is, and begin to feel the spark of compassion for ourselves that is the key to healing.

Our inner critic is partly a consequence of evolution, and partly the result of painful childhood experiences. We learn to see ourselves as less than, unlovable, broken, or bad, based on interactions with early caregivers, and these beliefs translate into the negative narrator we encounter throughout our lives. On Day 5, we dig into the experiences that taught us to see ourselves, the world, and others in such a limited way. Again, the light of awareness gives us power to carve a different path out of constant negativity.

On Day 6, we identify some of the specific memories we have of learning to believe our harsh inner critics. Using guided imagery, we will contact the heart, tapping into our hurt, and letting it arise in the body. Once we contact the hurt, we will learn to nurture ourselves gently and wisely through the pain, becoming the parents we needed. Recognizing our inner critic is a product of learning, where, by learning to relate to our pain in a kind and gentle way, we loosen the hold of the inner critic. In doing so, we make it's commentary less believable and easier to ignore.

Our harsh inner critics rob us of incentive and motivation to be kind to ourselves in the simplest of ways. We tune out basic needs like hydrating, resting, and nourishing our spirits because our inner airwaves are full of negativity. Learning to identify specific self-care needs and to meet them with an open heart funnels energy away from the inner critic and toward our true selves.

Now that we have clarity on how our inner critic operates, where it comes from and how to care for ourselves, on Day 8 we learn how to let go of negative judgments when they arise. Negative self-talk will already seem less believable now that we have uncovered many of the moving parts of the inner critic, but mindful letting go gives us a powerful tool for shaping our reality intentionally, no longer at the mercy of the inner critic.

On Day 9, we explore the impact of the inner critic on a social level, recognizing the inner critic's work to generate fear of anyone who is "other." Recognizing the inner critic's contribution to our understanding of race and gender can help us become powerful change agents in divided communities.

On Day 10 we learn some basic skills for responding to others when their inner critic is running the show. Healing our own pain is an incredible way to contribute to the awakening of the world, but we take it to the next level when we can respond to criticism, blame, and anger in others, with an open heart. We will learn to respond effectively, maintaining self-respect, and holding boundaries firmly, with love.