Build Connection, Communication & Compassion Through Mindful Breathing

Mindfulness practice is both simpler and more challenging than it seems. It’s not about relaxation, though feeling less stress is often a benefit. The greater intention is resilience: we build habits that let us relate more skillfully to the ups and downs of life. In a world consumed by reactivity and anger, whenever we come back to being more aware and more settled, we benefit as individuals – as do the people around us.

Meditating without self-compassion can lead to a harsh and frustrating practice. We’re not trying to be perfect, calm, or to have no thoughts. We’re committing to something impossible yet straightforward – focusing on each breath. Without self-recrimination, we notice when we’ve lost touch with that intention and come back to the next breath. We train ourselves to stay resolute without getting lost in doubt. That translates to staying more resilient as we bounce back from when we’re caught off guard – and might otherwise lose touch with our intentions for our lives.

After centuries of practice, the meditation instruction to notice our nagging habitual voice of self-criticism and doubt still rings true. If anything it has become more intense, as our marketing and social media-driven world creates even more comparison and jealousy. Unchecked, our self-doubt and defensiveness affect how we treat other people. Changing our relationship with our inner critic is therefore a foundational step in the development of communication skills and compassion.

How we interact with people around us is also driven by a basic rule of cause and effect. Whatever we say or do or don’t say or don’t do affects what comes next. Yell at a child as they get on the bus, and how does that affect how they act to the other kids on the bus? How about if we send them off with a moment of affectionate connection? We can never be “perfect” at communication, but as Joseph Goldstein said, setting the intention to communicate with compassion has value in and of itself.

Our world is being consumed by reactive, angry, and non-communicative communication. How do we stay aware and on point during a challenging discussion? We can aim to listen, with compassion, and leave space for ‘repair’ when things go off the rails – all while staying strong and proactive in taking care of ourselves and of the world. Each of us has an opportunity to resolutely influence any situation we encounter, and through those moments, an opportunity to influence the world.

Compassion practices start with the people closest to us – our friends, family, and ourselves. One cornerstone of resilience is the experience of consistently supportive emotional relationships. While much of that experience may be out of our control, it also relates to how we prioritize both our time and mental energy. We get busy or avoid reaching out because our inner critic tells us we shouldn’t be unhappy or lost right now as other people have it so much worse. Maybe social media time absorbs our attention instead of time with people who actually sustain us. Supporting friends and family while also reaching out for support often requires resolve and clear intentions.

We’re all connected whether we want to be or not; it’s how life works. You almost certainly eat food grown somewhere else by someone who may have an entirely different world view than you, and someone else ships it, packages it, prepares it and on and on, each with their own perspective and lifestyle. And then, all of those people rely on you or your community too. Suffering together (the root meaning of the word compassion) means recognizing that even the people we disagree with are struggling and aiming for happiness. Take care of what needs to be done – but anger and reactivity almost always create a cycle of more anger and reactivity in the world.

Each breath we take – each moment we spend – living with awareness allows us to act with more intention and skill. Through the unavoidable laws of cause and effect, mindfulness practice changes not you alone, but the world around you. Our practice by nature benefits many other people. Instead of fanning the flames, we set an intention to influence whatever we can as best as we’re able – one breath at a time.