Breaking Free From A Culture of Fear, Guilt & Shame

In this first lesson we want to understand what arrogance is, where it originates and how counterproductive this attitude is to learning and development, and the disadvantages it brings to all contexts of life. You will have a chance to become aware of the lack of self-esteem in yourself and others.

Here we analyze the phenomenon of religious fanaticism - its origin in early childhood, its characteristics, and its dire consequences for humanity.

Becoming aware of the immensity of the universe, we assume an attitude of humility toward life and others and we realize that our beliefs are never the truth. The important thing is to make sure our beliefs function as good maps to guide us toward well-being.

The “lighthouses” are the natural principles or laws that do not change when we update or change our maps (assumptions/ theories/ beliefs). They serve as reference points to help us locate ourselves to know if we are near or far from where we want to be. There are 7 lighthouses. In this lesson we will talk about lighthouse #1: permanent change.

In this lesson we study lighthouse #2, The Law of Balance; and #3, "responsible selfishness". We will understand the importance of satisfying our needs in a balanced way and that this is not possible if we are extremely selfish (“I am always number one”) or extremely altruistic (“You are always number one").

Lighthouse #4, "everything is connected with everything else", uses the holistic model of the human being to define the multiple human dimensions that must be taken into account to achieve balance. Lighthouse #5, "living is an art, indicates the level of complexity that life presents us and the self-knowledge and self-esteem necessary for the development of well-being.

The inner child is lighthouse #6. We all carry inside the boy or girl we once were. Our ability to create well-being depends a lot on the knowledge and understanding we have of this aspect of our internal reality. The seventh and last lighthouse is "If I do not know myself, I cannot love myself." It makes us understand that self-love is only possible if we discover who we really are. If I don't love myself, it's because I don't know my true self.

What if we used a map of New York to guide ourselves in San Francisco, or a map of New York from 1935 to guide ourselves today? We would get lost, right? We would not get where we want to go: a life of well-being. By using wrong or outdated paradigms (beliefs/ assumptions/ maps), we lose ourselves on the paths of suffering. We will consider a total of 8 of these paradigms of suffering. In this lesson we will look at the first two: #1 "Faith is enough", and # 2 "Who am I? is not an important question".

In this lesson we will reflect on one of the most powerful, destructive, and outdated paradigm that has dominated human socialization since the Stone Age: the unwritten rule of “The good child is the obedient child". It is the basis of the so-called “poisonous pedagogy”. It summarizes the traditional autocratic upbringing and education that generates toxic feelings like fear, guilt, and shame in children and leaves them with a deep programming of fear of authority and a more or less blind obedience.

With the paradigms of suffering #4, “Love has to be earned"; and # 5, “Real men don't cry", we analyze the traditional upbringing and negative effects of conditional love and the repression of feelings.

The last three paradigms of suffering are “sex is bad", "success is achieving my goals", and "life is a struggle". Through understanding them, we become conscious of the different problems created by a repressed and distorted sexuality, by not knowing how to enjoy the present and by never being able to relax.

Awareness is the first step towards liberation because it enables us to choose new behaviors. The Paradigms of Wellbeing are the updated versions of the Paradigms of Suffering. As updated maps, they will help us reposition ourselves in the terrain of life and guide us along more positive paths. With them, we regain our self-esteem, natural happiness, and creativity. The first map of well-being is “Experience, not faith, is enough.”

The paradigm of well-being #2 analyzes the question “Who am I”? It is the most important question, because who are you going to love if you don't know yourself? It is also the most difficult question to answer. In this session we look in detail at how we develop a wrong and distorted self-image in early childhood. You will receive a map that explains the differences between "what am I", "how am I", and "who am I". It will also show you how to get to know the original version of yourself.

In this lesson you will learn about the maps of wellbeing numbers 3, 4, and 5: “The good child is sometimes disobedient", I am loved without doing anything", and "Real men do cry". For children, there can be a difference between being loved and feeling loved. Due to their cerebral immaturity, the love they cannot feel does not exist. Therefore, the important question for adults is not whether or not they love their children, but whether the children feel loved by them or not. In this session we explore what it means to give children unconditional love, and how to set limits without humiliating, disrespecting, scaring, or shaming them. We will also see that men have a particular need to learn how to better manage and express their feelings.

The paradigm of well-being #6, “Sex is good”, relies on Taoist sexology to offer a positive view on sexuality and gives practical advice to achieve greater satisfaction in our sexual life. Maps #7 and #8 "Success is enjoying the ride" and "Life is a mystery to be lived", show you the benefits of living with greater awareness of death and life´s mystery.

Two well-known paths of self-knowledge are the path of therapy and the path of meditation. The combination of the two is excellent because they complement and enhance each other. In this lesson we will analyze the path of therapy. One of the positive effects of psychotherapy is that it reduces the mental "noise" caused by the pain in our emotional memory, which enables us to meditate more easily.

Therapy reduces emotional tensions, but if it does not lead us toward meditation, there is a danger that we will get stuck in, or addicted to, the therapeutic process. In this lesson we will clarify what meditation is, as well as what it is not. We will understand that meditating while we go through the therapeutic process helps us integrate more quickly the new consciousness and the new self-knowledge acquired in therapy.

I know that very few people are satisfied with today's world. I also know that with self-esteem, the human being is positive, proactive, creative, and loving, because self-love liberates the spirit and enables it to express itself. Consequently, and knowing that more and more people are improving their self-esteem and improving the treatment of their children, I dare to dream of a better world. In this lesson I invite you to dream with me.

In the same way that the stars are visible only in the dark, sadness and suffering reveal knowledge that joy does not provide us. How can we know what happiness and well-being is if we have not experienced unhappiness and suffering? This aspect of life is both a paradox and a mystery. In this lesson we will go deeper into this topic.

If our basic assumption is that the essence of the human being is love, how can we explain the existence of evil in the world? In this lesson we will try to answer this difficult question.

In this last lesson, we are looking at the consequences of consciously choosing the assumption that we humans are essentially good. It will become clear that this choice helps us avoid the role of the victim, it enables us to assume responsibility and it gives us power and freedom to take action.