Developing Patience & Calming Irritability (For Parents)

Parenting stretches us in so many ways. Often, it feels like it’s our patience that is stretched the most, as we learn to navigate a new life with little ones dependent on us at nearly every moment, or grow into the role of being parents to older children. Sometimes, it feels like there’s just not enough of us to go around! Know that you’re in good company if you ever feel irritated or impatient. If you do, you’re in the right place. Your cultivation of a mindfulness practice is inherently a cultivation of patience - learning to slow it down, and be present.

Each of us entered parenthood with a suitcase of expectations; they’re natural and inevitable! But I don’t have to tell you that children and parenting also come with a whole lot of surprises - some that elate us, and others that really challenge us. Learning to recognize and be mindful of our expectations helps us to gracefully roll with whatever comes our way. Things will not always be smooth sailing - our mindfulness practice helps us to accept and move with our challenges.

Impatience and irritability are most often auto-pilot reactions to what is happening around us. We’re wishing things were different, that everything was happening just like we want it to. We’re fighting against what is. Today, we explore our consciousness around these natural reactions, and discover that there is more freedom where we may not have seen it before. We always have a choice in how we respond to situations.

Feelings of frustration often lead to spirals of thought through blame. Blaming a child, a co-parent, or anyone else for problems distracts us from finding solutions and sows negativity between two people. Mindfulness allows us to recognize these destructive thought patterns and instead introduce empathy into a situation. Empathy connects people and softens our emotions.

Strength of character is not built when things are easy. These little (or big!) human beings that we are raising are providing us ample opportunity to hone all the skills we ever hoped to. Love, understanding, acceptance, patience, and empathy - are all developed as we allow difficult situations to teach us rather than frustrate and anger us. Today, we learn to reframe irritants into opportunities!

What can we observe when we learn to slow it down and follow our children’s lead? The mindfulness practice we are cultivating helps us to see our children differently - and maybe even see things from their point of view. Taking the time to watch and even mirror them can teach us to be more present, to ease up, to notice the little joys we often miss, and be less rigid and fast-paced.

Today, we imagine how our child sees us. What they see when we’re irritated or annoyed, and what they see when we are calm and patient. When we’re mindful, we’re able to better show up for our children, recognizing that they are learning from our behaviors. When we handle our big emotions or their big emotions with equanimity, they feel secure and confident that challenges can be met in stride, and they begin to act more rationally and peacefully as well.

Our meditation practice can be such a game-changer in parenting. If nothing else, it can help us to develop that critical skill of learning to pause. To find a space between stimulus and reaction, in which we stop, recognize what we’re feeling, decide what is most important, and then respond in a thoughtful and deliberate way. This simple (yet very difficult!) skill can revolutionize the way we interact with anyone, but especially with our family.

Irritability and impatience are often rooted in an inherent and deep-seated subconscious desire to want to control everything, to have everything go our way. When we’re rational, we understand that this lofty desire is not realistic. Let your mindfulness practice (and your children) guide you to more ease and acceptance. In it, we can learn to smile more, breathe more, laugh more, and relax more.

Grounding into the present moment is what keeps us from ruminating on the past or stressing about what is next. When we can clearly connect to the here and now, we can tap into the calm that disallows impatience or frustration. Every time you show up to practice or take a mindful breath, you are becoming a more wise, graceful, and calm parent. You are amazing!