Blockhead Hans.
Far away in the country lay an old manor house where lived an old squire who had two sons.
They thought themselves so clever that if they had known only half of what they did know,
It would have been quite enough.
They both wanted to marry the king's daughter.
For she had proclaimed that she would have for her husband the man who would best know how to choose his words.
Both prepared for the wooing a whole week,
Which was the longest time allowed them.
But after all,
It was quite long enough,
For they both had preparatory knowledge,
And everyone knows how useful that is.
One knew the whole Latin dictionary,
And also three years' issue of the daily paper of the town off by heart.
So that he could repeat it all backwards,
Or forwards,
As you pleased.
The other had worked at the laws of corporation,
And knew by heart what every member of the corporation ought to know,
So that he thought he could quite well speak on state matters,
And give his opinion.
He understood,
Besides this,
How to embroider braces with roses and other flowers and scrolls.
For he was very ready with his fingers.
I shall win the king's daughter,
They both cried.
Their old father gave each of them a fine horse.
The one that knew the dictionary and the daily paper by heart had a black horse,
While the other who was so clever at corporation law had a milk-white one.
They had oiled the corners of their mouths so that they might be able to speak more fluently.
All the servants stood in the courtyard and saw them mount their steeds.
And here by chance came the third brother,
For the squire had three sons.
Sons,
But nobody counted him with his brothers,
For he was not so learned as they were.
And he was generally called Blockhead Hans.
Oh,
Said Blockhead Hans,
Where are you off to?
You are in your Sunday best clothes.
We are going to court to woo the princess.
Don't you know what is known throughout all the countryside?
And they told him all about it.
Hurrah,
I'll go too,
Cried Blockhead Hans.
And the brothers laughed at him and rode off.
Dear father,
Cried Blockhead Hans,
I must have a horse too.
What a desire for marriage has seized me!
If she will have me,
She will have me.
And if you won't have me?
I will have her.
Stop that nonsense,
Says the old man.
I will not give you a horse.
You can't speak.
You don't know how to choose your words.
Your brothers?
Ah,
They are very different,
Lads.
Well,
Said Blockhead Hans,
If I can't have a horse,
I will take the goat which is mine,
And he can carry me.
And he did so.
He sat astride on the goat,
Struck his heels into his side,
And went rattling down the high road like a hurricane.
Hoppity hop,
What a ride!
Here I come,
Shouted Blockhead Hans,
Singing so that the echoes were roused far and near.
But his brothers were writing slowly in front.
They were not speaking.
They were thinking over all the good things they were going to say.
For everything had to be thought out.
Hello,
Bald blockhead hods.
Here I am.
Just look what I found on the road.
And he showed them a crow which he had picked up.
Blockhead said the brothers.
What are you going to do with that?
With the crow I shall give it to the princess.
Do so certainly,
They said,
Laughing loudly and writing on.
Slap,
Bang,
Here I am again.
Look what I just found.
You don't just find things every day on the road.
And the brothers turned around to see what in the world he could have found.
Blockhead,
Said they.
That is an old wooden shoe without the top.
Are you going to send that too to the princess?
Of course I shall return the blockhead Hans,
And the brothers laughed and rode on in a good way.
Slap,
Bang,
Here I am,
Cried Blockhead Hans.
Better and better.
It is really famous.
What have you found now?
" asked the brothers.
Oh,
Said Blockhead Hans,
It is really too good.
How pleased the princess will be.
Why,
Said the brothers,
This is pure mud straight from the ditch.
Of course it is,
Said Blackhead Hans,
And it is the best kind.
Look how it runs through one's fingers.
And so saying,
He filled his pocket with the mud.
But the brothers rode on so fast that dust and sparks flew all around,
And they reached the gate of the town a good hour before Blockhead Hans.
Here came the suitors numbered according to their arrival,
And they were arranged in rows,
Six in each row,
And they were so tightly packed they could not even move their arms.
This was a very good thing,
For otherwise they would have torn each other in pieces merely because the other one was in front of the other.
All the country people were standing around the king's throne and were crowded together in thick masses,
Almost out of the windows to see the princess receive her suitors.
And as each one came into the room,
All his fine phrases went out like a candle.
It doesn't matter,
" said the Princess.
Away,
Out with them.
At last she came to the row in which the brother,
Who knew the dictionary by heart,
But he was not knowing it any longer.
He had quite forgotten it in the rank and file.
And the floor creaked,
And the ceiling was made of glass mirrors,
So that he saw himself standing on his head.
And by each window were standing three reporters and an editor,
And each of them was writing down what was said.
To publish it in the paper that came out and was sold at the street corners for a penny.
It was fearful,
And they had made up the fire so hot that it was grilling.
It is hot in here,
Isn't it?
" said the suitor.
Of course it is.
My father's roasting young chickens today,
" said the princess.
Then he cleared his throat,
And he stood like an idiot.
He was not prepared for such a speech.
He did not know what to say,
Although he wanted to say something witty.
He cleared his throat again.
It doesn't matter,
Said the princess.
Take him out.
And out he had to go.
Now the other brother entered.
How hot it is,
" he said.
Of course.
We are roasting young chickens today,
Remarked the princess.
How do you,
Um,
Be sad?
And the reporters wrote down,
How do you um?
It doesn't matter said the princess,
Take him out.
Now Blockhead Hans came in.
He rode his goat right into the hall.
I say,
How roasting hot it is in here,
Said he.
Of course,
I am roasting young chickens today,
Said the princess.
That's good,
Replied Blockhead Hans.
Then can I roast a crow with them?
With the greatest of pleasure,
" said the princess.
But have you gotten anything you can roast them in?
For I have neither pot nor saucepan.
Oh rather,
Said Blockhead Hans.
Here is a cooking implement with ten rings.
And he drew out the old wooden shoe and laid the crow in it.
That is quite a meal,
Said the princess.
But where shall we get the soup from?
I've got that in my pocket,
" said Blockhead Hans.
I have so much that I can quite throw some away.
And he poured some mud out of his pocket.
I like you,
Said the princess.
You can answer and you can speak.
And I will marry you.
But do you know that every word which we are saying and have said has been taken down and will be in the paper tomorrow?
By each window do you see there are standing three reporters and an editor.
And this old editor is the worst,
For he doesn't understand anything.
But she only said this to tease blockhead Hans.
And the reporters giggled,
And each dropped a blot of ink on the floor.
Ah,
Are those the great people?
" asked Blockhead Hans.
Then I will give the editor the best.
So saying,
He turned his pockets inside out and threw the mud right in his face.
That was neatly done,
Said the princess.
I couldn't have done it,
But I will soon learn how to.
Blockhead Hans became king,
Got a wife and a crown,
And sat on the throne.
And this we have still damp from the newspaper of the editor and the reporters.
And they are not to be believed for a moment.
