Welcome to day two of the Break Your Habits Challenge here on Insight Timer.
We all have things we keep doing,
Even when we wish we wouldn't.
This is your time to understand these patterns and find ways to hopefully do things differently.
Let's jump into today's session.
Welcome to the Break Your Patterns Challenge.
I'm Ethan Cross.
I study the science of the inner voice.
The conversations we have with ourselves in our own heads.
And today we're looking at one of the most common things that voice does.
It keeps replaying conversations that already happened.
You know the feeling.
Something's already over.
A meeting.
An argument.
An awkward exchange.
And hours later.
You're still replaying it.
What they said.
What you said.
What you should have said.
You're lying in bed,
Running the tape for the 10th time.
If your mind does this.
Welcome to the human condition.
You are completely normal.
This is an incredibly common thing.
That brains do.
So why does the mind do this?
Here's the thing.
Your inner voice is actually useful.
When we turn our attention inward to make sense of something.
Scientists call that reflection.
And it's one of the most valuable tools we have.
It helps us learn.
Plan.
And understand ourselves.
The problem is that sometimes,
Instead of reflecting,
We get stuck in a loop.
We go over the same moment again and again.
And instead of finding insight,
We just re-feel the bad feeling.
That's what I call chatter.
When the inner voice shifts from a healthful coach into a broken record.
Now I've been doing research on chatter for over 25 years.
And I genuinely think it's one of the big problems we face as a species.
I say that not to scare or exaggerate.
I say it based on what I know of the data surrounding chatter.
Because if you look at what it does to us.
.
.
Chatter syncs us in three areas of life.
That most of us care a great deal about.
It makes it really hard for us to think and perform optimally.
It creates friction in our relationships with others.
And it undermines how we feel subjectively.
As well as our physical health.
And here's the really cruel part about chatter.
It often feels productive.
Your brain tells you.
But if you just think about this enough.
.
.
You'll solve it.
Or protect yourself from it ever happening again.
So you keep chewing.
But chewing on something and digesting it are two totally different things.
Rumination keeps you in the pain.
Without moving you through it.
You end up more upset.
Not less.
And often more stuck.
Now here's the really good news.
There are simple,
Well-researched tools.
To shift out of the loop.
And one of the simplest ones to use.
Is something that you already have at your disposal.
The way you talk to yourself.
Let's try one self-talk shift together.
Bring to mind a recent conversation you've been replaying.
Nothing too big.
Just something that's been looping.
Here's the first move.
Most of us,
When we're stuck.
Silently talk to ourselves in the first person.
Why did I say that?
Why can't I let this go?
That keeps you right inside the experience.
So instead.
.
.
I want you to step back and talk to yourself the way you talk to a good friend.
Using your own name and the second person pronoun,
You.
So if your name is Sam,
You'd silently ask.
Why is this bothering you so much?
Or,
Sam,
What would you tell a friend in this situation?
Try it now.
It sounds a little strange.
But the research here is clear.
Using your own name and you instead of I.
Creates a small bit of psychological distance.
And from that distance,
The problem looks more manageable.
You coach yourself.
Instead of drowning with yourself.
With your own name in you.
Ask yourself.
What's one thing you can actually take from this?
Not everything.
Just one useful lesson.
Maybe it's.
.
.
Next time you'll wait before you respond.
Maybe it's Sam.
You care about this more than you realize.
Maybe,
Honestly.
The lesson is.
.
.
There's nothing to learn here.
It just didn't go perfectly.
And that's okay.
Now the last step.
Make an intention to use this tool.
The next time you find yourself slipping into a bout of chatter.
Rehearse the plan.
I find myself looping over a negative experience unproductively.
Then.
I'll coach myself through the problem like I would a good friend.
Using my own name and you.
Try it now.
Creating this type of if-then plan.
And rehearsing it a few times.
Can be incredibly helpful.
For creating a productive self-talk habit.
So next time you catch yourself running the tape,
Remember.
.
.
You don't have to keep rereading a conversation to have learned from it.
Step back.
Coat yourself through the problem like you would a close friend.
Take your one lesson and move on.
Please note,
This is general advice.
For any individual concern,
Please speak to your health professional.
Your inner voice can be your best coach when you give it a little distance.
Take care.
And good luck with the rest of the challenge.
