So welcome everyone.
Thank you.
Thank you for listening and thank you for being here.
So there is a particular kind of heaviness that some people carry.
And can never quite explain.
It doesn't seem to belong to your own life.
You have a good life or a good enough one.
And yet there is a sadness in you.
That seems too big for anything that's actually happened to you.
Or a guilt you can't trace to anything you did.
Out of fear,
A heaviness.
A sense of doom,
A pattern you keep repeating,
No matter how hard you try to break it.
And when you look for its origin in your own story,
You can't find one big enough to explain the size of it.
So people will tell you it's chemical.
You're overthinking.
You just need to work on yourself a little bit more.
A little bit harder,
Heal a bit more,
Read more books,
Do more CBT.
And you do try.
And yet it doesn't fully shift.
Because you're trying to heal something.
As if it began with you.
What if it didn't begin with you?
And just be open to receiving and see if anything resonates.
What if it didn't begin with you?
I want to offer you today.
A completely different way of understanding that weight.
One that comes from a body of work called Family Constellations and also one that has been around in different forms,
Different traditions for more than 10,
000 years.
And it begins with an idea,
Just an idea.
And once you truly take it in.
It might change how you see certain things in your life.
You are not the first cause of most of what you carry.
You are not the first cause of most of what you carry.
You were born into something already in motion.
A family.
A lineage.
A long line of people.
Stretching behind you.
And that line already had its history before you arrived.
Its losses.
It's griefs that were never mourned.
It's secrets.
It's people who were pushed out,
Forgotten,
Unspoken.
And that history simply didn't end when each generation died.
It actually moved downwards through the line.
Into the ones who came after.
Into perhaps you.
Now let me explain in simple terms how this works.
Because it's not mystical,
Even though it can sound it,
It's systemic.
It's about the way families as living systems hold and pass on what they cannot digest.
Every family carries things that were too big to be felt at the time.
A child who died and was never grieved because there was no room to grieve.
A terrible loss in war.
A famine.
Maybe migration.
A guilt nobody could bear to look at.
Maybe someone who was cast out.
For who they loved,
For what they did,
For the shame they carried.
And whose name was never spoken again.
When something is too painful to be faced.
A family does.
What a person does.
It pushes it down.
It excludes it.
It carries on.
But here is the strange law that constellation work reveals again and again.
That what is excluded does not leave.
What cannot be felt does not disappear.
It just goes underground and waits.
And it surfaces again in a later member of the family who has no idea they are carrying it.
A grandmother's ungrieved grief becomes a granddaughter's unexplained depression.
A great-grandfather's guilt becomes a descendant's sense of not deserving to exist.
An excluded ancestor's fate gets unconsciously relived by a child three generations later.
Who feels without knowing why that they don't quite belong and they should disappear.
Life isn't for them.
Now this is what constellations call entanglement.
You become entangled with the fate of someone who came before you.
You become entangled with the fate of someone who came before you.
Carrying their feeling,
Their burden.
Their unfinished business.
Out of a deep,
Blind and touching loyalty.
Because that's the engine underneath it.
Love.
A child's boundless love for their family.
A love so total that you will say,
Unconsciously,
If someone in my family suffered and was never seen,
I am going to carry it.
If someone was excluded,
I will be loyal to them by suffering too,
Like they did.
I will not have it better than the ones who were forgotten.
In my experience,
Every time you bring this up in sessions or in classes or in groups,
That just because we love our family members deeply,
We take on their suffering.
There is a lot of resistance from the conscious mind.
That why the heck will I take on any pain from people that came before me just doesn't make sense.
To digest this concept.
Think of it like a choice you've made on a soul level.
And the choices I make on a soul level can be different from the choices I make from a conscious mind level.
My conscious mind would love to be free from suffering,
Would love to be free from poverty,
It would love to be free from anxiety.
But on a soul level,
My soul chose to suffer,
Chose to carry this anxiety,
Chose to be poor,
Chose to have these burdens,
Because it could see someone else in the family going through the same thing.
So it shows out of love for the family soul to take on that loyalty.
So it's absolutely okay,
Very normal in fact,
For the conscious mind to resist this.
So just be open that this is a choice that was made on a soul level by a part of me which is now Ancestry Entangled.
And that understanding is sometimes enough to see through some of the things you may be going through.
It is one of the most moving things I know,
That so much of what looks like personal dysfunction is a child's love.
A loyalty to the system.
An unconscious attempt to belong by sharing in a burden that was never theirs to carry.
But here is the thing,
That loyalty or that pain,
However loving,
Doesn't usually help the one who's carrying it.
So your depression does not ease your grandmother's grief.
Your guilt does not redeem your ancestor.
And your suffering doesn't bring back the one who was excluded.
You are just carrying it for them.
And it helps no one and it might be costing you.
Your life.
So the work is not to heal the burden as if it were yours.
The work is first to recognize that it isn't yours and then to give it back.
And in this field,
We give things back with respect,
With honour and with love to the ones it actually belongs to.
So they can carry their own fate.
And you can then be free to live yours.
If you are still here and if some of this is resonating with you.
Let's do a very,
Very quick journey.
This is not a constellation.
This does not need you to be somewhere.
We don't need other people.
You don't need to light an incense.
Just be where you are.
Wherever you are.
And let yourself settle a little bit.
I may ask you to visualize certain things,
If you can.
That's fine.
If you can't,
Just trust that sitting here being open and listening to the words.
Whatever you need will come in for you.
There's no wrong way to do this.
Now as you settle now,
Wherever you are.
I just want you to first bring your attention to your body.
Feel the sensation of the floor under your feet.
And if you're lying down,
Maybe the hard surface.
And their body.
And now slowly,
Gently.
.
.
Bring a tiny bit of attention and awareness to your breathing also.
Whichever way your breathing is happening,
Just watch it.
Observe it.
Watch it and observe it.
Watch it and observe it.
You No.
I want you to bring your imagination,
Your attention,
Your visualization to the space behind you.
Not in the front,
But behind you.
The space at your back.
Because in this work That's where my family line is.
The ones who came before me.
Directly behind you.
Behind you.
Very close to you.
Stands your mother and your father.
And whatever your relationship with them.
Whatever happened.
Either they are here or not here.
Because without them you would not exist.
Just see,
Sense or feel the presence of your parents behind you.
Mother on the left,
Father on the right.
And for those of you that have resistance because you don't have a relationship with them you can think of it again.
As you simply connecting with them on a soul level.
You might still choose to never speak to them again,
If that's your dynamic,
And that's fine.
For now.
.
.
I'm simply tapping into their presence and their energy behind me.
Then behind each one of them.
Is their mother and their father.
So I now have a sense of my four grandparents also,
Behind my parents.
And behind them,
Their parents.
And then theirs.
And the line receding backwards,
Doubling each generation.
A great widening crowd of people stretching back into the dark.
Back through the centuries.
Back further than you could ever name.
Hundreds of them,
Thousands of them.
All of whom who lived.
And struggled.
And survived long enough to pass life down the line to you.
Feel them there now.
At your back.
You don't have to see faces.
Just feel the presence of the line.
The weight and depth of it.
You are the front door.
Of a recession thousands of years long.
You did not just come from nowhere,
You came from them.
And somewhere in that line.
You may not know who.
Is the one whose burden you've been carrying.
The grief that was never yours.
The guilt,
The fate,
The pattern in relationships,
The relationship with money.
The heaviness you could never explain.
Someone back there left something too big to be held.
And it travelled down the line.
Through the ones who couldn't feel it.
Until it reached you.
The one loyal enough and open enough to lovingly pick it up.
You don't need to know anybody's name.
You don't need to know anybody's story.
And you only knit now.
In your mind's eye,
Just turn inwardly.
Turn,
Turn,
Turn,
Turn,
Turn.
And just acknowledge.
Someone here suffered something.
And I have been carrying it.
Someone here suffered something.
And I've been carrying it.
Someone here suffered something.
And I've been carrying it.
Now we come to the heart of this sacred work.
No analysis,
No understanding.
Just acknowledgement and giving back.
I am going to offer you some sentences.
They are real sentences of this work,
Very simple,
Almost plain,
But they carry enormous weight when they are spoken inwardly.
Don't trust them.
Let each one land.
And if they bring a feeling,
Please let the feeling come.
Turn in your imagination now.
Towards the one whose burden you've carried.
And even if nothing comes to mind,
Just.
.
.
Acknowledge their presence and say to them,
I see you now.
I see that you suffered.
I see that something happened to you that was too big.
And was never held.
And I see that I have been carrying it for you.
Out of love.
Out of loyalty.
But this burden was never mine.
It was yours.
And I have been carrying what belongs to you,
Because I love you.
So today in this field,
With respect,
Honor and love.
I give it back to you.
I give it back to you.
I give it back to you.
It belongs to you and to your fate,
Which I must let be yours.
I am not bigger than your fate.
I cannot carry it for you.
And it does not help you when I try.
I give it back now.
And I ask you.
To look on me kindly.
To let me put it down.
To bless me in living my own life.
The life that came down to me through you.
I am the little one.
You are the big one.
And I now leave this with you.
I am the little one.
You are the big one.
And I now leave this with you.
I am the little one.
You are the big one.
And I now leave this with you.
You Now notice what it feels like.
To set something down.
That you've carried for so long that you had forgotten it wasn't part of you.
There may be relief for some of you.
They may be grief for some of you.
Because letting go of a burden,
You carry it out of love.
Can feel at first.
Like a betrayal of the one you carried it for.
And it is not.
Giving someone their fate with respect is the deepest honouring there is.
So you're not abandoning them.
You're finally seeing them.
Seeing them as a whole person with their own life,
Their own fate,
Rather than merging with them and disappearing into their suffering.
So we call this reordering.
In this work love flows,
Only flows when the order is right.
Each person in their proper place.
Those who came before,
Come before.
Those who came after,
Come after.
And when a descendant stops trying to carry an ancestor's fate,
Stops trying to be bigger than the ones who came before,
By shouldering what was theirs.
Not just you,
But the whole line can settle.
Everyone in their place.
The burden with the one it belongs to.
And you at front of the line free to face forward at last towards your own life.
Feel some of that if you can.
That behind you the long line There's no longer any weight pressing you down.
Better support at your back.
The most support you've ever felt.
Thousands of people who lived so that you could be here.
And nobody is asking you to carry their pain.
They are standing behind you,
Giving you their strength.
To have the life they didn't get to have.
And to carry it forward lightly.
And continue your lineage.
Now,
Here is something I've seen again and again in this work.
That when the excluded one is finally acknowledged.
When the forgotten are remembered.
Then the burden is given back.
What comes through the line then is not more suffering.
But a blessing.
The ones who came before do not want their descendants to suffer from them.
No grandmother wants her grief relived by her granddaughter.
No ancestor wants their fate carried by a child generations later.
What the whole line wants is for life to flow forward.
For the ones at the front to be free.
So the deepest loyalty you can offer your family.
Is not to suffer alongside them.
Is to take the life they pass down to you.
Through their struggles,
Through their survivors,
All that love.
And to live it fully.
And that is what honors them.
Not carrying their pain but living your life.
So the burden goes back to where it belongs.
And what comes forward then down the line is permission.
Permission to live your life.
Strength.
Blessing of the dead who want the living to live.
So rest here now.
With whatever you set down and whatever you have received from them.
You don't need to understand anything consciously.
The work continues on its own,
Below thought,
In its own time.
But you did something today that matters.
You saw you'd been carrying and you began to give it back.
You turned to face your own life.
What was never yours,
You can set down.
What is yours is now waiting in front of you.
In a moment now.
You'll return to your day.
And the burden you've carried so long,
It may not lift all at once.
This work moves slowly,
In layers,
And over time.
Something might have shifted.
You know now that not everything you carry began with you.
A sum of the weight was inherited,
Carried out of love.
And it can be given back with love.
That you were being loyal to a line that does not need your suffering.
It needs your life.
When the old heaviness returns and it may return.
You can simply turn inwardly to the ones behind you and say this again.
I give it back with respect.
I give it back with respect.
I give it back with respect.
This is the work.
This is the honouring.
Set down what was never yours.
And live the life that was.
To go gently.
Thank your ancestors for being present with you today for this healing.
Thank you,
Body.
There are thousands of them behind you.
And they are,
All of them,
Now on your side.
So thank you very much for joining me and until next time.
Namaste.
