Case 86 in the Blue Cliff Record.
Yunmin's Everyone Has Their Own Light.
Yunmin said to the assembly.
Everyone has his own light,
Though when you try to see it,
You cannot.
Everything is darkness.
What is everybody's light?
He answered himself,
Saying,
The temple storeroom,
The tower gateway.
He also said,
A precious thing isn't as good as nothing.
I want to talk today about this idea of our light,
Of shining,
And how Zazen allows us to do so.
There are many stories,
Koans,
And anecdotes about monks coming forth in moments of clarity,
Insight,
Or pure enlightenment,
Shining their light as it were.
As lay Zen practitioners,
We often strive for those moments for ourselves.
We struggle to control our minds so that we can realize something,
Have an insight,
Reach one of those aha moments.
All the while,
Through that struggling and yearning,
We may be missing what is right here in front of us,
This very moment,
Which is pure and vast.
Yunmin said,
When you try to see it,
You cannot.
Everything is darkness.
When we see the light as something separate from ourselves,
Something we need to find or achieve,
And then strive for it,
We become lost.
For many years,
I wanted to learn how to shine better,
Brighter,
More consistently.
Back in my 20s and 30s,
I would often spend my weekends going to hippie jam band shows,
Dancing hard and dancing big.
The people I got to know later told me they had originally seen me on the dance floor,
Dancing ecstatically,
Looking like I was having a great time.
And I was.
But then Monday morning would come,
And I would be back at my office,
Feeling closed down,
Introverted,
Quiet.
Flat.
The antithesis of what I felt on the weekends.
I felt like I was living in two separate worlds.
One was large,
Spacious,
And shining.
The other was what I thought of as,
Quote,
Normal life.
Mundane.
Quiet.
Boring.
I was stuck in this great dichotomy and couldn't figure out how to connect those two parts of my life.
Of course the spectrum of extraversion and introversion is itself a duality that we impose upon ourselves.
Years ago,
I remember a former Zen teacher of mine,
Danan Henry Roshi,
Talking about how he once saw a group of Japanese monks talking amongst themselves.
He was intrigued by one particular monk who sat perfectly still,
Eyes closed,
Quiet,
Keeping to himself.
But then he would hear someone say something,
And he would react.
He would open his eyes and speak strongly and passionately,
Making his point with strength and determination.
Or sometimes with playfulness and warmth.
And then he would return to sitting in silence.
Danum was struck by the experience of seeing this man come forth and shine so brightly for a moment,
And then return to stillness.
And yet,
In that stillness,
He still had that light.
None of us are pure extroverts shining at all times,
And none of us are pure introverts,
Quiet and silent throughout the day.
We all have moments of coming forth,
Of shining,
As well as moments of quiet.
And even moments of quietude can be an opportunity to shine.
It may also be the most mundane of things.
A couple of cases later in the Blue Cliff Record,
Yun Yan asked Da Wu,
How does the Bodhisattva Canon use all those many hands and eyes?
Da Wu answered,
It's like a person in the middle of the night reaching behind her head for a pillow.
The most natural of actions,
The most mundane of tasks,
Can be moments to shine.
Our Buddha nature comes forth in the simplest of actions.
I didn't understand that back when I was struggling with feeling so big on the weekends and so small during the work week.
How does one find that light?
How does one know and express that light?
Zazen.
There is the often told analogy of Zazen and a heavily silted pond.
Perhaps the reason it is told so often is because of how powerful and truthful it is,
And how simply it demonstrates the wonders of Zazen.
The mind is like a pond with silt stirred up in it,
Giving the water a muddy,
Cloudy tint.
And how does one allow it to become clear?
Not by action and stirring it up even more.
But by doing nothing.
By simply letting it rest,
The silt settles to the bottom,
And what is left is clear,
Bright water.
It is true of the moon in the sky as well.
When the winds calm and the clouds fade away,
The moon is left to shine brightly,
Simply and serenely,
Without effort.
The same is true of our true nature.
The more activity we generate,
The more our mind becomes muddied.
When we sit zazen,
We let go of everything,
Allowing our thoughts,
Emotions,
Plans,
And daydreams to settle.
And in doing so,
We allow our true nature to come forth,
Brightly and unabated.
Round after round we let go by doing nothing.
We don't attach to the thoughts that arise,
Or the memories that float through our minds,
Or the physical sensations that occur moment after moment.
And through time,
Repetition,
And practice,
Our silt settles.
Our water becomes clear.
Our moon begins to shine more brightly.
In the Tao Te Ching,
It is written.
Studying requires daily increase.
The Tao requires daily decrease.
Decrease upon decrease until non-action is obtained.
With non-action,
Everything is accomplished.
Everything happens.
All under heaven is one through no busyness.
Another translation of the same chapter says,
Those who seek the way lose every day.
They lose and they lose until they find nothing to do.
Zazen is a practice of loss.
Of losing moment after moment.
We seek the way by losing more every day.
We lose and we lose.
Yun Men said,
A precious thing isn't as good as nothing.
Through the many rounds of Zazen,
We let go again and again,
Leaving us with nothing.
And in a flash.
.
.
We can realize that we have been shining all along.
Every moment,
Every day.
Our true nature is right here in this very moment,
In this very zendo.
On Juicery Cuts Through Delusion,
Right here,
Right now.
The Kaesu bell rings bright and true.
The flowers on the altar have beauty beyond measure.
I was raised in a Catholic household and served as an altar boy until I left for college.
The stereotypical Catholic shame and guilt were very real for me.
They still are at times.
I know from experience it is difficult to be in touch with one's light when shame and guilt are present.
If we are focused on how we should act or behave,
Per fear of shame or guilt,
Those shoulds only muddy the water,
Stir up the silt,
And obfuscate our inner light.
Again,
Those who seek the way lose every day.
They lose and they lose.
With non-action,
Everything is accomplished,
Everything happens.
But through the practice of zazen,
I have let go of a great deal of that baggage.
And I probably still have more baggage to let go of.
My teacher often says,
You're perfect just the way you are,
And you could use some work.
Always so true.
One quote that has helped me over the years comes from Marianne Williamson.
It bears repeating here.
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light,
Not our darkness,
That most frightens us.
We ask ourselves,
Who am I to be brilliant,
Gorgeous,
Talented,
And fabulous?
Actually,
Who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
It's not just in some of us,
It's in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine,
We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others.
" As we let our own light shine,
We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others.
Sounds very similar to what Siddhartha Gautama said after seeing the morning star.
I and all beings together have realized the way.
Recently,
I was at a friend's house and in his office he has a board with a number of beautiful quotes.
One is from the Gospel of St.
Thomas who said,
If you bring forth what is within you,
What you bring forth will save you.
If you do not bring forth what is within you.
What you do not bring forth will destroy you.
If you naturally bring forth your light,
Your buddha nature,
If you do so without ego,
Without attachment,
You and all beings realize the way.
If you do not bring forth your light,
You will be a hungry ghost wandering,
Lost,
Never satisfied,
Never satiated.
So what will you do?
Yunmin said,
Everyone has his own light,
Though when you try to see it,
You cannot.
Everything is darkness.
What is everybody's light?
Where is your light?
How do you experience it?
How do you shine?
And do you give other people permission to shine their light as well?
I still go to the hippie jam band shows to dance like crazy.
Or perhaps not quite as crazy,
I am not in my 20s or 30s anymore and my body is feeling it.
But I don't feel the discrepancy between those experiences and my day-to-day life as I once did.
I do experience my own light as I cook dinner.
As I serve and drink tea.
Or even when taking out the trash.
It is always here.
Always available.
It is Buddha nature coming forth.
And I continue to sit Zazen so that I might continue to know it,
Continue to shine.
Together with all beings,
We shine our light.
