Welcome to this Primer on Stoicism.
I'm Barbara Dreisen,
And among other things,
I'm a coach for those experiencing family conflict and estrangement.
My commitment is a reclaiming of personal dignity and self-esteem,
And offering tools to more wisely navigate the circumstances of our life.
I remember the very moment I turned to Stoicism.
The year was 2020.
My youngest daughter suddenly stopped talking to me.
My world felt like it collapsed into one small room inside my mind,
Filled with confusion,
Grief,
And endless rumination.
I realized I wasn't thinking clearly and couldn't seem to find my footing.
For some synchronistic reason,
Perhaps intuition,
Perhaps grace,
I picked up Ryan Holiday's The Daily Stoic.
I opened the book.
I stopped at page one.
January 1st,
Control and Choice.
Epictetus wrote,
The chief task in life is simply this,
To identify and separate matters so that I can say clearly to myself which are externals,
Not under my control,
And which have to do with the choices I actually control.
This was the first time I had ever heard life laid out with such clarity.
One column,
What is not in my control.
One column,
What is in my control.
That was it.
Simple,
Direct.
I think I was drawn to Stoicism because it offered a structure when so much felt chaotic.
The language is direct instead of flowery.
The wisdom did not feel trite,
Like stay positive,
But rather gave me insight that taught me how to stay steady.
Now,
Years later,
When I felt I needed deeper guidance and a more embodied understanding,
I turned to John Brooks of the Stoic Handbook.
His coaching has further helped me move from understanding Stoicism to incorporating the four cardinal virtues,
Wisdom,
Temperance,
Justice,
And courage,
Into my life,
Especially when I feel triggered and overwhelmed.
Here are the five Stoic gifts that support me.
One,
The gift of separating what hurts from what I can actually do.
Stoicism illuminated the difference between pain and suffering.
In my case,
I couldn't control my daughter's silence,
Other people's opinions,
Family dynamics,
Past mistakes,
Or external outcomes.
But,
I could control how I chose to show up,
How I breathe through the moment,
How I respond instead of react,
Whether I open or close my heart,
And how I live each day with intention.
This distinction was sincerely life-changing.
Number two,
The gift of interrupting emotional spirals.
I learned practical ways to catch myself before I collapsed into catastrophizing or rumination.
Three,
The gift of preparing for difficult moments.
Stoicism taught me how to steady myself before I was overtaken emotionally in charged situations.
Four,
The gift of softening resistance into acceptance.
Not resignation,
But a grounded,
Open way of meeting whatever life brings.
And five,
The gift of seeing my life through a wider lens.
Instead of believing this very moment was the whole story,
I learned I could rise above the small lens I look through in order to view life with a larger perspective,
Compassion,
And gratitude.
My personal,
Yet common idea of being stoic,
Quietly enduring hardship,
Has been reframed.
I've discovered a philosophy of clarity,
Virtue,
And agency that has the power to guide me toward a rich life of purpose,
Inner calm,
And even happiness.
In our next segment,
I'll speak about the birth of stoicism,
Three main stoics,
What stoicism is,
And what it is not.
I'll introduce you to the four cardinal virtues.
I'll offer clear,
Actionable tools,
The Dichotomy of Control,
Which is the cornerstone of stoic philosophy,
SPQR,
A modern stoic emotional reset tool,
And Amor Fati,
Meeting life's challenges with openness and purpose.
And so,
Till then.
