Please let me feel At the center,
At the center of you Welcome,
Dear one.
I'd love to share the gift of my soul sister Lindsay Abramitis Smith's words today.
These are the sacred words of our soon-to-be ancestor.
Before I do,
I invite you to take a moment to connect with your breath.
Let us breathe together,
Beloved.
Finding a comfortable seated or lying down position,
Take a moment to land in your body.
Feel the support of the surface beneath you.
Relax your shoulders.
Release your jaw.
Notice how you feel.
Physically,
Mentally,
And emotionally.
Make any adjustments necessary for you to find even more comfort.
We will take three deep,
Cleansing breaths together.
Breathing in through your nose,
Belly expands on your inhalation,
And exhaling through your mouth,
Allowing sound to come through with a sigh,
Emptying out completely.
We will do this three times.
Let us begin.
Breathing in for four counts.
Exhaling and releasing with a sigh.
Breathing in deep.
And breathing out long.
Do this one more time at your own pace.
Notice what there is to notice.
Continue to breathe in whatever way feels nurturing for you at this moment as we prepare ourselves to receive these beautiful and sacred words by Lindsay Abramitas Smith.
Fierce Grace by Lindsay Abramitas Smith Nine and a half years ago,
I was told that I was dying,
That I have one of the worst diseases imaginable,
And that I had two or three years to live while my body slowly stopped working.
But in the dream I had the night before my initial diagnosis,
A goddess told me that it was time to physically manifest differently.
I am still very much alive,
And I spend my time in my bed.
My room has become my world and sanctuary,
Like the oracles and priestesses of old,
I rarely leave my temple except for the occasional trip to the holy hot springs where I can sing and wash away the skins I have shed.
I depend on others to help me with everything that hands do.
Most often I sit with my legs in a diamond to make a nest for two small tigers who take their job of being my guardians very seriously.
My root system has evolved to grow from every part of my very large lap nest,
As if I have two pelvic basins woven into an infinite figure eight.
When everything else falls away and even breathing is a struggle,
I still have these roots.
I have my imagination and can visualize energy moving through my being.
I am a vessel,
Able to receive the love of the universe.
I bear witness.
And with my eyes I can create the words,
Blinking to catch each letter of love poems to the world I have so much to give and share.
I surround myself with people with the most sparkly hearts who want to support my living as well as possible.
My inner circle is full of people with soft curves like the oldest mountains in the summer and fierce power of many different flavors.
We hold each other up,
A dance of tea and hugs,
Art and stories,
Filling in the gaps as we can,
Making sure we are not burning out.
There is an even bigger community that holds us in safety.
This is the kind of care that I am creating and I know it is being born into the wider world because I am still here building it.
I am still here.
Yes,
This disease is in fact awful and terrifying and there have been many times I didn't know if I would make it.
But it has also been beautiful and full of growth and joy and pleasure and grace.
The key is finding your home in the liminal space between accepting what is happening again and again,
Every day,
While also holding on to the dream of something greater.
January 27,
2022 Fierce Grace by Lindsay Abramitis Smith narrated by Zawadi Nyong'o Ashe
