You Don't Know The Impact You Are Having

In this session, we discuss how when we think, speak, and act in ways that encourage peace, care, and connection, we are planting the seeds of positivity, healing, and growth that will resonate back into and out of our lives. We end the session with an extended practice that summarises all of the practices this course has introduced. It begins with Anapana (focus on the breath), then moves into Vipassana (body scanning), finishing with Meta (loving-kindness). This track is taken from my course, ‘The Path Within: Lessons From A 10-Day Vipassana Retreat’, available now via my profile.

Transcript

Day 10.

You don't know the impact you are having.

So when we first arrived at the course,

We,

All the participants that is,

Started chatting.

A couple of us,

It was our second or third or fourth courses,

But for most of us,

Myself included,

It was the first time,

It was the first time we had,

You know,

Been really in-depthly introduced into the practice.

And we were nervously sitting around talking,

Waiting for the course to start and not quite sure of what was going on.

And very quickly,

We were sort of introduced to the instructor and sort of given a guided sort of video talk and then led to our rooms and,

Well,

Then noble silence began and the meditation time was on.

We were in silence,

No communication,

No talking,

Just practice.

And for nine days straight,

We persisted like that,

On the breath,

On the breath,

On the body,

On the body,

With ourselves,

With our thoughts,

Just doing what we've been talking about over the last 10 days of this course.

But on the 10th day,

The instructors very wisely open the community back up to discussion.

Noble silence is replaced by noble communication,

In which you're allowed to chat about and share your experiences with one another in the course.

And this is done for a couple of reasons.

Number one,

The idea of the meditation course itself,

A 10-day silent retreat,

Vipassana training,

They analogized to a self-operation.

You're opening yourself up,

Extracting some deep wounds and the process will hurt.

So on the 10th day,

It's a bit of a balm,

A bit of a soothing medicine is given.

You're taught the practice of metta meditation,

Which we looked at in day three,

The idea of sending loving kindness,

May you be free of ill will,

Free of suffering,

Full of loving kindness,

May you be happy to all beings.

That's a bit of a meditative balm,

But also the idea that by talking with your fellow meditators,

Discussing what you've experienced and just sort of debriefing,

So to speak,

It's a bit of a soft landing back into reality.

Because trust me when I say when I came home,

I was confronted and bombarded and by the pace,

The intensity,

The noise,

The reality.

So the soft landing was very appreciated.

Speaking of that,

Before I get into the depth of the lesson of this final day,

I wanted to highlight one sort of real benefit of doing a 10-day course.

And like I said,

If this course has encouraged you to do and practice a 10-day Vipassana training,

Do so.

There are many out there and they're always running and they're tremendously beneficial.

If you think it's something you can handle and should do,

I encourage you with all of my heart to do so.

It'll be one of the best things for you.

There's one thing to sort of talk about it and do the experience as what I'm sharing here,

But there's another thing to live it and anyone that thinks they can should.

Because beyond all of the lessons learned here,

There was another one that became uniquely apparent upon my return.

The world is fine without me,

Both the world in general,

But my world.

My family was fine.

My friends were fine.

My kids were fine.

My business was fine.

The world doesn't need me to be anxiously or overly attached and sort of in control.

It is possible for me to rest and for things to be fine.

I knew this theoretically,

But having gone away for 10 days and then returning to the world and seeing that it is all fine,

Was another confirmation that,

Well,

Everything is okay.

So there's a beauty and a deep unlock to be had across the duration of the course and post the course and things keep dropping into place since.

So this is the last I'll speak of it,

But if you find value and you think that it'll be a good thing to do,

Find one and do it.

You won't regret it.

But what I wanted to really drill down upon in this final day,

This idea that you don't know the impact you are having,

Because we were discussing and talking and sort of deconstructing the experience that we've just had.

And as with every group of people that you meet,

Some people you will connect with and resonate with and other people you'll be kind to.

You'll not hurt or disparage or bully or anything like that,

But you just don't connect with,

You don't resonate with,

Or you just simply don't have time.

And it happened to be as we're about to leave,

This older practitioner,

A guy that I knew was there and I'd seen him around,

But I hadn't had any conversation with him,

Not prior to the beginning of the course.

I didn't really see him during the course much.

And afterwards,

When we were all talking,

I didn't really,

I didn't talk to him,

But he came up to me and he pulled me aside and he said,

I need to thank you.

I need to thank you from the bottom of my heart for something.

And I'm like,

You know,

In my mind,

I'm like,

What do you mean?

You know,

Like,

Are you mistaken?

Like are you talking to someone else?

What's going on?

He's like,

No,

No,

I need to,

I need to thank you.

You did something for me.

He's touching his heart.

You did something for me.

You helped me.

What do you mean?

He's like,

And he had a bit of broken English as a communication barrier,

But he really was intent to share this thing with me.

And he said,

When I came here,

You did something for me.

I walked in the door and you looked over and you smiled and that smile helped to alleviate the anxiety that I was feeling.

I looked at you,

I saw you smiling and then it moved away and I knew I would be safe here.

I knew I could do it.

I knew I would get through the 10 days.

So I had to thank you for that.

Then I shook his hand and I hugged him and I thanked him for sharing that experience with me.

And I was,

A couple of things came to mind.

Number one,

I was like,

Wow,

I don't even know the impact that I'm having.

I don't even know the impact I'm having.

And in this sense,

It was a positive sense.

I'm like,

Wow,

This is,

This is beautiful.

This is amazing.

And two,

I was so grateful that he chose to share that with me.

He could have easily just left and not shared it,

But him sharing it with me,

I was left with this resonance and this connection and this just good feeling,

This knowledge that it's like,

Okay,

Like there's a transference that is happening and there's a beauty there.

So I'm deeply grateful for that moment.

I'm grateful that I could help him just by my presence and my smile.

I,

To be clear,

I don't even remember,

You know,

I don't remember that moment,

But he did.

You know,

We are impacting people in ways that we don't even know.

And this relates to that meta,

That loving kindness,

That idea that,

You know,

Things are happening and we need to,

You know,

Be,

Be good for people basically.

So that was one instance of,

You don't know the impact you were having,

But the other instance of the,

The impact that you don't know you were having also arrived as we're deconstructing.

I was sitting there around the table,

We're talking about all of these things.

And someone noticed that at one stage I was crying.

I was crying in the mists of a group meditation and they were like grateful.

They're like,

Oh,

It's working.

It's helping.

And I apologized.

I'm like,

Oh,

Sorry,

You know,

Sorry for crying.

Sorry for being disruptive.

And they're like,

That's okay.

And then someone said,

It's like,

Oh,

You were breathing heavy during the meditations.

And I'm like,

Oh,

Was I?

What do you mean?

And then someone else was like,

Yeah,

It was you.

And I'm like,

Oh no.

And it became very clear to me because sometimes I was wearing earbuds to block out some of the noise that I was being not the most considerate completely by accident.

Some of the meditations,

I was breathing quite heavy and that would have,

Was being disruptive to other people.

I was doing something that was causing annoyance and duress to people without my knowledge.

I thought I was being fine.

To my personal understanding of my experience,

I was being very calm,

Very considerate,

Very sort of neutral and just allowing the space to go.

But there were times at which my presence by accident was causing a disruption.

Now,

Yes,

Back to the previous lesson,

We were talking about the cause and the solution to suffering is internal.

I was doing something,

First arrow,

And their response to it is the second arrow.

I get that.

But on another sense,

I want to do my best not to even have that be an issue.

I want to be the positive.

I want the first arrow,

If I am to shoot those first arrows,

To be positive.

So those two sort of revelations happened very close to each other.

I realized that,

Oh,

Hey,

I am the cause of some annoyance,

Some suffering,

But I'm also the cause of some joy.

Just to be aware that you don't really know necessarily the impact you are having.

This leads to a greater discussion of morality.

The sort of crux of the Vipassana training is such that they suggest that you live by a certain ethics,

Certain morals.

Most every religion of worth does.

It's like,

Here's the morals,

Do good.

The Vipassana adds this real lived experience practice.

Do the practice to release the old feelings and live morally so you don't add any new ones.

They use their own terminology and all of that sort of stuff,

But that's the crux.

So I asked the instructor.

I'm like,

Okay,

Sure,

There's different precepts and things that they suggest you shouldn't,

Shouldn't do.

But very quickly with any sort of thought,

If you apply any sort of religion or traditions,

Ideas of morality to some sort of thoughts,

You quickly come to the idea that there are moral dilemmas and other things that unhinge or unpick or derail the simplistic morality that they offer,

Or rather the broad strokes morality that they offer.

If they say don't kill,

That's great.

And don't kill,

Right?

But don't kill any beings,

Animals,

All this sort of stuff.

But by building the very meditation building that we're in,

We have now killed bugs and potentially the habitats and the homes of animals.

The money that's gone to build this building could have been sent to save people in other countries or other places.

That money could have saved lives.

There is a complexity and a nuance to all of the ideas that they're suggesting.

It's like,

Oh,

Don't lie.

Well,

Don't lie,

But what if someone,

By lying,

You're saving someone's life?

There's moral dilemmas that arise very quickly.

There's contradictions,

There's paradoxes.

So I came to the instructor with this and I'm like,

Hey,

Obviously we don't know the impact we're having,

All of this sort of stuff.

We're trying to live morally.

We're trying to feel all these things that are arising.

How do I live according to your traditions,

Your teachings?

How do I live ethically?

Because I'm seeing these inherent contradictions,

These issues.

And I'm also seeing that I don't know the deeper level ongoing impacts of my choices.

I make a choice now,

But that might have downstream impacts.

If I buy a piece of technology and that's sourced from a certain country,

I have to now understand the morality and how that country treats their workers and all of these sort of things.

It gets very complex and it quickly devolves into this ever-expanding discussion of deep-level morality.

And I'm just simply not qualified to handle that.

I don't have deep-level philosophical training.

I'm not a moral philosopher or an expert thinker down these paths.

I don't have the tools.

What do I do?

And the simple summary was given.

And it's simple and I'll say it to you,

But it's actually quite beautiful in its delivery.

The answer is this.

The morality of the teaching,

My summary of their summary,

But I think there's a gem here.

Morality is this.

Do good,

Don't do bad,

And purify the mind,

I.

E.

Do the practice.

Do good,

Don't do bad,

And purify the mind.

What does this do?

You have an understanding of what goodness is.

Some things,

Those broad stroke gross actions are very obvious.

If I do something to intentionally harm someone directly,

That's pretty unequivocally bad.

If I do something that directly helps someone,

That's pretty unequivocally good.

But there's obviously all of these nuances and more fringe cases.

So you purify the mind,

You do the practice,

You delve into these level of thoughts,

And then you trust what arises.

So the more you purify the mind,

I.

E.

Through the practice of vipassana,

Focusing on the breath,

Focusing on the body,

With equanimity and non-judgmental awareness,

Mindfulness,

All of these things,

Then you face a decision.

Okay,

Should I buy this product or that product?

Well,

Which one based from a more purified mind,

More lived experience of wisdom is the better choice?

Now,

Yes,

You might get that wrong.

And yes,

I'm basically saying,

Do what feels right,

But I'm not.

What I'm saying is,

Work daily to understand the depths of your own morality and of the reality of the world,

And make a informed choice that follows the highest intentions.

Don't just choose the easy option,

Choose the best option,

And the best option based on what you know to be the best option now,

In this moment.

And yeah,

Over time,

As you purify the mind more through practice,

As you get a deeper understanding of ethics,

And morality,

And concepts,

And pain,

And suffering,

And craving,

And aversion,

And all of these things,

Your understanding might get nuanced,

And you might make a different choice later on,

But you have to live now.

So morality is,

Do good,

Don't do bad,

And continue to purify the mind.

So with that said,

I want to leave you with a summary,

And a sitting with,

And a practice of the technique.

For the first minute of our sit together,

You're going to focus on the breath,

The sensation of the breath entering and leaving the nose.

If your mind wanders,

You just bring it back to that focus,

The sensation of the breath at the nose,

Noting what nostril the breath is going up,

What nostril it's going down,

Noting the touch,

The touch of the breath as it begins,

And as it finishes,

Noticing the temperature of the breath as it enters,

And as it leaves,

Focusing on the breath for one minute.

And then after the one minute,

I'll say,

Now turn your attention to the sensations on the body.

And you'll begin from the head,

And just a scanning down,

And scanning up,

Noting the sensations that are arising,

Not craving for them,

Not running from them,

Just feeling what is arising as they arise,

The gross sensations,

The big ones,

The pains,

And the subtle sensations,

And the pleasures,

Not trying to change them,

Not trying to move them,

Not trying to hold on to them,

Not trying to push them away,

Just observing them from a detached perspective with curiosity.

And this technique,

You'll just sit with that for five minutes,

And then we'll finish off the session.

But that technique,

This idea of beginning with a focus on the breath,

Then sitting with the sensations of the body,

And then we'll end with a little,

Little hint of metta,

Of loving-kindness,

That is the practice of Vipassana.

And this course,

I've hoped to give you a taste,

Some of the wisdom that I acquired,

And a little bit of the taste of the practice,

But nothing replaces the absolute experience,

The immersion,

The depth that comes with a 10-day course.

So as I said before,

If this has triggered that feeling,

This desire,

I strongly encourage you to look into it.

But with that said,

Let's take a seat,

Get ourselves comfortable,

Put in a nice,

Good meditative posture,

And we're going to sit with strong determination,

Not to open our hands,

Not to open our eyes,

Not to uncross our legs,

Doing our best not to move for the next six minutes,

With the first one focusing on the breath at the nose,

Then the five minutes with the sensations on the body,

Scanning from head to toe and toe to head,

And then with a little bit of an outro of metta meditation.

Let's begin and focus on the breath at the nose.

Okay,

So now draw your attention to the sensations on your body,

Scanning from head to toe and toe to head.

Okay,

Now before you open your eyes,

Before you move,

Let's just offer ourselves and the world,

All beings,

Loving-kindness.

May all beings be free of ill-will,

Free of suffering,

Full of loving-kindness.

May they be happy.

Take a breath.

Take a breath.

Well done.

So today we looked at the idea of not knowing the impact you are having,

And I shared a story of the positive impact I had,

Some of the potential negative impacts that I might have been having.

We discussed the idea of the morality,

The simple yet deep approach of do good,

Don't do bad,

And continue to purify the mind.

And then we ended with a mini-summary of the technique,

Starting with a focus on the breath,

Then moving to the sensations on the body,

And then ending with the metta,

The loving-kindness.

If this practice is something that appeals to you,

I suggest that you work with it ongoing.

Start small,

But build up your time over time.

Five minutes,

Ten minutes,

An hour,

More per day,

Potentially leading into a full ten-day course.

When you sit,

Sit with strong determination,

That you'll get through the session,

That you won't move,

That you will be with the feelings that arise without judgement.

Not trying to change them,

Not run from them,

Not cling to them,

Just being there for them.

You'll watch them come,

You'll watch them go.

You'll note the transients,

The arising,

The impermanence.

And some of these wisdoms,

And inner understandings,

And deep revelations will arise.

Choose a time,

And choose a time that seems like a little bit of a challenge.

If you can do five minutes easily,

Do ten.

If ten's easy,

Do twenty,

And so forth.

As always,

I encourage you to sit with any thoughts,

Feelings,

Or insights that have arisen,

And take some time to explore the practice.

And if you have any questions,

Or would like some further clarification,

Or have an insight you wish to share,

Please do so in the classroom.

There I'll be able to give you a voice response,

And you'll be able to read the questions and answers from other students.

This is an opportunity for deep learning,

Further introspection,

And insight,

So please don't miss out.

And if you feel so compelled,

You can return back to this course at any time.

Completing it in full,

Or whichever session or lesson appealed to you most.

I'll see you then,

Or I'll see you in some of the other courses that I've got up here on Insight Dharma.

Have a great day,

And may you be happy.

This track was taken from the course,

The Path Within.

Lessons from a 10-day Vipassana Retreat.

It's out now on Insight Dharma,

And available through my profile.

I invite you to check it out.