You Can Lead A Horse To Water...

In this session we contemplate the saying, 'You can lead a horse to water, but you can't force it to drink', using it to discuss motivation, human nature, parenting, teaching, and personal development. This track is taken from my course, ‘Live Your Most Fulfilling Life’, available now via my profile.

Transcript

Hello and welcome to the session.

I invite you to take a seat or lie down and get yourself comfortable.

You can close down the eyes if you wish and take a deep slow breath in through the nose and out through the mouth.

In a moment I'm going to share with you a proverb,

Aphorism,

Idiom or saying for you to contemplate and I invite you to do so as deeply as possible.

To look beyond your initial default reactions to it and to consider it from all sides.

To be open to it guiding you,

Encouraging you and informing you of potential knowledge,

Insights and wisdom that might be lying just below the surface.

Our goal,

Our goal with each of these daily contemplations is to use the session to acquire a deeper understanding of ourself,

The world and our place within it.

So let's take another slow deep breath in through the nose and out through the mouth and consider the following.

You can lead a horse to water but you can't force it to drink.

You can lead a horse to water but you can't force it to drink.

So this saying,

You can lead a horse to water but you can't force it to drink,

Is poignant for multiple reasons and we'll do the obvious one first.

The obvious one is when you are teaching someone,

When you are guiding someone,

When you are parenting someone or managing someone.

You can show them the way,

You can demonstrate it,

You can explain it,

You can do all the things necessary,

You can even command it.

But ultimately it's on them to take the steps to do it.

You can't really force anyone to do anything.

You can coerce them,

You can cajole them,

You can try and convince them to do it.

You can coerce them,

You can cajole them,

You can try and convince them,

You can lead by example,

You can show them the results of your actions.

But ultimately it's on them,

Right?

Now that's obvious and it has some basic implications here,

You know,

Be the person you want to see in the world,

Be the change you want to see in the world,

Do the steps to encourage people to take initiative into their own hands,

All of those things.

But that's not what interests me about this quote.

That's not what interests me about this idea.

We ultimately can only really look after ourselves.

Ultimately we can only focus on ourselves here.

And I want to sort of turn it on its head.

You can lead a horse to water,

But you can't force it to drink.

Let's apply this to ourselves for a moment.

How many people are leading us towards the proverbial water?

You know,

Let's flip the script here.

How many people are saying,

Hey,

Look there,

There it is,

You know,

There is the thing,

You know,

There's the water bunny.

Because how easy is it to see the issues,

Mistakes,

Opportunities of someone else,

But when we struggle to apply it to ourselves,

Right?

I wonder how much advice is being,

For lack of a better expression,

Screamed at me.

I wonder how many people can see the solutions to my problems.

I'm here,

You know,

Quote,

Unquote,

Dying of thirst.

And yet there's water sitting right next to me.

And they're just saying,

Drink it,

Please drink it,

Right?

But I just don't see it.

Because they can't force me to drink.

What if I became aware that the support around me,

The advice that I'm getting from my mentors and my coaches and my leaders and my managers and my partners and my friends and my family,

What if all of that was pointing towards something that could actually help me,

Towards water that is flowing abundantly near me?

Now we're thinking,

Now we're talking,

What does that even mean?

What is the reality that I actually exist in?

Because it's all too easy to say,

Oh,

Hey,

I've got a sore neck,

I can't bend down that low to drink the water,

Right?

Oh,

I'll drink at the next river.

How easy is it to be that stubborn horse that won't drink?

Maybe it's out of ego.

Maybe it's out of shame.

Maybe it's out of a lack of belief in the other person's knowledge.

But for whatever reason,

We find ourselves ruminating and struggling and going around in circles when,

Well,

When if we just stop,

Listen to the advice and take it,

Good things might come of it.

But something to consider,

You can lead a horse to water,

But you can't force it to drink.

And I guess the application of this to ourselves is,

Let's just sort of be aware of how hard it is to,

You know,

Force someone else to do what is necessary for them,

What they need,

The better outcomes of their life,

Right?

And consider when that has worked for us.

When has it worked when we've led someone to water and they have drunk,

Right?

When has that happened?

Well,

For me,

It happens when I,

You know,

Say,

Hey,

Come with me.

Follow me.

Look at what I'm doing.

Look,

I'm taking a sip.

Do you want a sip?

No,

You're not ready yet?

Cool.

I'm going to keep walking.

But that water has,

You know,

Refreshed me.

It's helped me.

Rather than walking at a slow pace,

I'm now walking at a brisk pace.

Oh,

Look,

There's some more water here.

I'm going to take another sip.

Now I'm jogging.

Another sip.

Now I'm running.

Another sip.

Now I'm sprinting,

Right?

It's like be the change you want to see in the world.

It's like lead by example.

It is showing people that,

Hey,

I am practicing what I preach.

This may work.

It may not work.

But if we return to the application of this saying to ourselves,

When we are the horse,

I am trying to follow people whose advice works.

I get endless offers of advice.

But how many of those people know what they're talking about?

The vast majority is,

Well,

Ignorant.

The vast majority of advice offered is offered by people who aren't living it,

Haven't done it,

And don't know what they're talking about.

So it makes sense to be a bit skeptical.

But the advice that I take,

The water that I drink from,

Is given to me from people who know.

You know,

People I'm paying,

My coach.

People who are living a life that is working.

People that are in a place that I want to be.

Who should you take advice from?

The person that is doing it,

Or has done it,

Or someone who is just thinking about it,

Right?

I'll take advice from the former,

Because that person knows what it is to attain,

To be,

To become,

To live.

The other person,

The other person is talking based of subjecture,

Based on guesswork.

Do you want to learn how to swim from someone who knows how to swim,

Or from someone who's just read a bunch of books on swimming?

Right?

The person who's read the books knows all the theory,

But there's an artistry that comes from actually doing the thing.

If I want to grow my business,

I want to speak to entrepreneurs who are growing a business,

Someone that's a bit ahead of me.

If I want to get wiser,

I want to listen to people who are a bit wiser than me.

If I want to get better at my martial arts,

I employ the services of a coach who is a world champion.

If I want to get better at writing,

I read books and I listen to teachers who are best sellers,

Or who have moved me physically and spiritually.

Who else is there to learn from?

So,

If we take this saying both ways,

You can lead a horse to water,

But you can't force it to drink,

Fair enough.

If you're trying to convince someone,

Be that change,

Do the thing,

And let them see that,

Hey,

That water is benefiting you and it can benefit them.

And conversely,

Yeah,

Be a bit skeptical,

Be a bit hesitant of following anyone's advice on anything.

But if someone's an expert on a topic,

Consider it more deeply.

Consider that might work for you.

And what's more,

Consider that you might be blind to the need.

Yeah,

I've got a young son who gets dysregulated.

He overheats.

He struggles to eat or drink when he's excited.

This is a typical thing for young kids.

They get so immersed and engrossed in a game or an action or a play that they forget to go to the toilet.

They forget to do the basic necessities of their body,

And all of a sudden they're overwhelmed.

Oh,

I gotta go,

I gotta go.

From an external perspective,

I can see that he needs something.

And it's a matter of gently and calmly encouraging him to just check into his body and consider that he might not be aware of some of the needs.

And then that makes me consider similarly that I may not be aware of some of my needs,

And someone wiser,

Someone more experienced than me might be able to help me with that.

So I ask you to consider.

You can lead a horse to water,

But you can't force it to drink.

You can lead a horse to water,

But you can't force it to drink.

So,

Well done.

This brings us to the end of the session.

At the bottom of your screen,

You'll see the option to view a classroom or to ask a question.

Before moving on,

I invite you to take a moment to click through and share your insights,

To read the answers from other students,

And to hear my replies.

Remember to start your responses by restating the contemplation.

In this case,

A horse to water,

So we know which one you are referring to.

This is an opportunity for deep learning,

Further introspection and insight,

So please don't miss out.

I look forward to seeing you in the next session.

Thank you.

This track is taken from my course,

Live Your Most Fulfilling Life.

It's out now on Insight Timer and is available via my profile.

I invite you to check it out.

See you there.

Reviews

Lead a horse It is difficult when a loved one will not be lead to water and their health deteriorates because of it. I have had to learn I cannot force anyone to drink the water.

Thank you very much for this interesting, helpful and insightful piece.