Why Accepting Change Is Vital For Happiness & Connection

This talk emphasizes the importance of accepting change as a fundamental pathway to happiness and meaningful connections. Change is constant, and our ability to embrace it positively impacts personal growth, resilience, empathy, and overall well-being. By letting go of attachments, adapting, and staying present, we cultivate greater fulfillment and forge deeper relationships, making change an essential tool for a more enriching life.

Transcript

So today we're going to be contemplating change,

And the inevitability of change,

And the fact that change is the one true constant in our world.

Every morning I sit outside to meditate,

And I look at the sky,

And every morning,

Most mornings at least,

There's clouds,

And the sun peeking through,

And if I take that moment to look at the clouds,

To see it,

To observe it,

To sit with it,

I realise a couple of things.

The fact that it is changing,

The fact that these clouds,

Moving in this way,

With the sun shining on them ever so,

And all of that light coming to my eyes,

And me feeling it,

All of that,

Whilst it looks similar to what I've seen in the past,

Is actually different.

Now I've seen clouds before,

I've seen the sun before,

I've seen that same scene again and again and again,

But because every morning I do it,

I look up,

I'm greeted with something different,

And the profundity of that difference only really resonates if I'm in a certain mood for it,

Because you could look up at the sky right now,

And yeah,

You see clouds,

You see the sky,

You see the same thing,

But it's always different,

It's always changing,

It's always new,

And there's something quite beautiful about that,

But let's extrapolate it further.

Life is change,

Breath is change,

Take a slow,

Deep breath right now,

In through the nose and out through the mouth,

That air,

That oxygen that's sustaining you,

Is new,

You've never breathed that breath before,

And now it's gone,

The thoughts that are running through your mind,

These words I'm speaking,

This exact moment,

And now the next,

And now the one after that,

It is changing,

It is growing,

It is evolving,

It is moving,

Just take a moment and consider all of the beauty that you will discover in the world,

All of the good things that will happen to you,

All of the joy,

Those things can never occur if life was to remain stagnant,

Your happiness is dependent on change,

Think of the most joyous,

Evocative,

Exciting moments in your life,

It is impossible to stay and sit in those moments forever,

They change,

And the fact that they peak and then they drop down back to a normal baseline,

Is the reason why they're evocative,

Why they've sat with you,

Why you are holding onto them as peak core memories,

Because it's not a constant,

Humans get very used to having the same thing happen to them again and again,

We get used to things,

We can't really sit and be stationary for long,

We're constantly striving for more,

We're constantly striving for change,

It's very hard to sit with that fact,

It's very hard to stay in a place and just be content,

Now that's perhaps a discussion for a practice of mindfulness or meditation or sitting with the status quo of observing the current moment,

But there's something to be said there,

Things change,

And that change makes life worth living,

In my hand I'm holding a cup of coffee right now,

And I want it to change me,

I want to drink it,

And I want it to transfer its energy,

Its essence into me,

I want it to make me more alive,

More awake,

That's why I'm having it,

I'm holding it in my hands right now and I'm feeling the warmth,

Transference from it to the cup,

To me,

I want that to happen,

I want that change,

Now there's a risk here of just being or falling into a hedonistic pleasure cycle,

Because we've got to balance this idea of change with acceptance,

Accepting the moment as it is for what it is right now,

With the goal of moving ourselves forward,

Of changing,

Of evolving,

Of growing,

But I think that sitting with the idea of change itself is the key to unlocking this,

When we practice mindfulness meditation we sit in a space,

A solitary space inside ourselves,

And we observe something,

Maybe we're listening to nature,

Maybe we're observing a candle,

Maybe we're feeling the breath,

Or perhaps even looking at the clouds,

And we're noticing the ever-changing nature and our responses to that,

Our thoughts moving and changing and growing and evolving in flow,

And we sit down and just watch it all happen,

That is the practice of grounding ourselves,

Now it depends on your philosophy here,

But I've always seen a little bit of the appeal of deep spirituality,

Of a soul,

Of religion,

Of a place of internal energy,

As being quite appealing,

Because there's this idea that there's something eternal,

Something unchanging,

Something forever,

That doesn't change in an ever-changing world,

And if you can check into that space you are solidly grounded,

If you go down the path of mindfulness deeply you end up discovering that you are emptiness,

If you go down the path of Christianity or other spiritual things you discover that at your core you are love,

You are God,

Or you are,

You know,

God's energy,

But either way if you are empty or if you are full there is something there to grasp on to,

Even emptiness is a point of unchangingness,

Right,

And if you go down the spiritual path and you discover that everything is an unchanging God,

Then that too is a place of stability,

Or even from a secular perspective,

If you discover that everything is change,

Then change becomes that God,

And change is the only consistent eternal thing,

So let's embrace whatever you find at your core,

Be it emptiness,

Be it God,

Be it change,

We can sit in a place of stability,

But for the purpose of this contemplation I want to pretend,

Or at least consider,

Or at least imagine that that place inside is change,

That everything is changing,

Me as an entity,

I am me now,

And there I can see the consistent flow over time of the events that led me to here,

To be in this place,

Nature conspiring with nurture to produce me in this moment right now,

Okay,

I am here,

I'm speaking these words as you are hearing them,

Well you're hearing them on a delay of course,

But I'm speaking them right now in this moment,

With the intent for them to be listened to now by you,

Change is beautiful,

If I walk down the street and someone smiles,

My kid smiles at me,

Then that smile in that moment has changed me towards something beautiful,

It is for me,

If I consider that that smile is always there,

Those laughter is always there,

Then I'm missing that moment,

I'm missing the beauty of the moment because I think it will always be there,

One of my biggest regrets with my first child was thinking that he would stay in this state longer,

A small thing,

A simple thing as him falling asleep hugging me,

I missed out on because I was so busy doing other things that I didn't just sit with that moment and I can't remember the last time he fell asleep in my arms hugging me,

But I fear that I've missed out,

I fear that it was the last time that will happen and I don't even remember it and that brings me sadness,

But it also brings me an awareness of other last moments,

But also other pleasures of the moment,

I heard my boys playing with each other giggling and laughing and you know screaming in you know kid based joy and part of my brain was stay working,

Do the job,

Get what needs to be done,

Done,

You've got stuff to do,

But the other part of me checked into the fact of going this moment will never come again,

This time that they're playing will never come again,

Yes they will play again but they'll be playing again differently,

They'll be playing again in a way that isn't this moment,

So I paused what I was doing,

I went in and I joined in with them,

Now I didn't stay for long,

I stayed for a little bit and I went back to my work because obviously we've got a balanced life in all its facets,

I can't just play,

I can't just work,

I can't just eat or exercise or do any one thing,

Single thing,

But what I can do is sit in this space of appreciating the moment and when I am in a moment be with that moment fully,

This is a constant practice,

This is something I am working on,

This is something I'm trying to to sit with and be with,

It is not perfect and I get it wrong all the time,

But I know I've got it wrong when my inner intuition is pulling me in another direction,

If I sit down and check into myself I can feel an energetic push flowing through me,

It feels like an inner knowing,

A tingling,

You know a physical sensation of tingling throughout my body and it shows me what I should be doing,

What I should be growing for,

What I should be knowing,

It tells me that there are blockages in my body that I need to heal,

That I need to work on,

It shows me that I need to sit and do certain things and I wonder if we're talking about change,

Is that energy,

Is that feeling,

Is that thing,

Is that you know the voice of God,

Is that the voice of my soul,

Is that the voice of me or is that too just a feeling of intuition that itself can change,

Either way I check into it and it shows me something more about myself,

About the world,

About things that I need to be doing,

It feels good,

Feels good to have that place of solid space to sit with,

I can feel that energy pulling me,

Pulling me to finish this talk,

Pulling me to go outside,

To exercise,

To move my body,

To be with myself in movement,

In flow,

Because that's what I need right now,

Thank you for joining me on this session and I'll see you next time.

Reviews

Thank you. I apreciate your articulateness and examples.. which helped me slow down and open to the moment.