The Thief Of Joy

In this session we contemplate the saying, 'Comparison is the thief of joy', using it as a starting point to discuss the impact of expectations lost, of managing jealousy and feelings of unfairness, how the grass can seem greener on the other side, and how to find joy regardless.

This track is taken from my course, ‘Live Your Most Fulfilling Life’, available now via my profile.

Transcript

Hello and welcome to the session.

I invite you to take a seat or lie down and get yourself comfortable.

You can close down the eyes if you wish and take a deep slow breath in through the nose and out through the mouth.

In a moment I'm going to share with you a proverb,

Idiom,

Aphorism or saying for you to contemplate and I invite you to do so as deeply as possible.

To look beyond your initial default reaction to it,

To consider it from all sides,

To be open to it guiding you,

Encouraging you and informing you of potential knowledge,

Insights and wisdom that might be lying just below the surface.

Our goal with each of these daily contemplations is to use the session to acquire a deeper understanding of ourselves,

The world and our place within it.

So let's take another slow deep breath in through the nose and out through the mouth and consider the following.

Comparison is the thief of joy.

Comparison is the thief of joy.

So this idea,

This saying,

Comparison is the thief of joy,

Feels like truth.

It evokes feelings of expectations lost,

Expectations of ourself and of the world.

It evokes feelings of jealousy,

Of unfairness,

Of a sibling of a sibling.

Looking at their contemporaries and going,

That's not fair,

What do they get more?

Of people comparing themselves to others and inevitably coming up short.

Joy is a feeling of great pleasure and happiness and indeed in moments of great pleasure or happiness.

In every context actually,

If you compare your lived current experience with some imagined possibility or a memory or what you know to be true of another,

To be true of another,

Your joy will fade and I think it's because you are becoming out of the moment,

You are losing mindfulness.

Part of your brain is in real time comparing what you're doing and what you have to an expectation.

You could probably reframe this to being expectation is the thief of joy because you're comparing yourself to what you think you should have an expectation,

A thing that you think must exist.

But why?

The reality of nature is that you're not owed anything.

Fairness is a concept that is utterly subjective.

It's grounded in modern civilization.

We have this notion that everything should be fair.

But why?

Perhaps we'll talk about it in a different session but it's this idea of life is not fair.

It's a harsh reality that we have to accept because if we can't accept it,

Even when that joy comes,

We're comparing that amount of joy to someone else's joy.

And it's not fair.

It's not fair that some people have more and some people have less.

But the problem is,

Is no matter who you are,

No matter what you've got,

Someone has something more in some category than you.

You may be rich but do you have your health,

Your youth?

Are you loved?

You may be loved but are you rich?

Do you have shelter?

Are you living in a safe place?

There is joy to be found in most all lives.

And indeed,

The life you have will have joy in it.

I spoke of it in another course but there's this concept of being grateful in advance for the wonderful things that are going to happen.

Good things will happen in your life.

That's a fact.

Good things will happen at some future stage so let's be grateful for it.

But if in anticipation of those good things,

You start comparing them or as they are arising,

You compare it,

It will be ruined.

How nice is that morning cup of coffee or chocolate or fried chips or whatever your pleasure food is.

But it's not the best you've ever had,

Is it?

Is today's iteration the best one you've ever had?

No?

Well now doesn't it feel a little bit worse than it was before?

Comparison is the thief of joy.

Now this isn't to say that you shouldn't take action to fix things.

We will naturally compare ourselves to other people.

It's in our nature.

And indeed it is the act of comparison,

The act of striving that causes us to grow as species and as individuals.

But if we can't sit with the joy of our attainments as they come,

What's the point?

What's the point other than survival?

You're surviving right now,

Joyous or not,

You're surviving.

It feels like to me it's better to be joyous,

To accept where we are whilst thriving.

It's like that concept of acceptance and commitment therapy.

We accept where we are but we commit to taking action,

To pursuing our values.

It's like let's go,

But let's not get bogged down in comparison.

Modern social media is particularly vile in this regard.

For most people,

Most of the time,

You only see the highlight reels.

You only see what they choose to share,

Yeah?

So you can scroll social media and see someone's successes,

See someone getting fit in the gym,

See someone on holiday,

See someone getting married,

Someone with a child,

All of these things,

All of these amazing things.

They've got a new house,

Look at that,

They've done something.

Then you're just living your normal life,

Your just day-to-day life and you compare your normal with one of the hundred people you follow's amazing and your joy fades.

And then the next day you hop on and you see someone else's success and you compare it to your normal and your joy fades,

Never realizing that what you're seeing isn't reality.

You're not seeing the hard work,

The grind,

The dedication that it took to get there.

You're just seeing the end result and you're comparing it to your day-to-day grind.

And what's more,

You're not seeing that when you post something,

You're doing the same thing to them.

So everyone's in this comparing,

Comparison,

Miserable state where we share our best moments but not really live them,

Not really feel the joy of them.

Comparison is the thief of joy and it's costing us.

So what can we do?

We can practice mindfulness meditation.

We can ground ourselves in our body and in the moment.

We can have a gratitude practice for what we've got and what we will get.

We can take a breath and accept what's arising.

We can notice those thoughts of comparison and just acknowledge them and let them go and return back to the breath.

It is normal,

It is human,

It is in our nature to compare.

But just know that if we indulge in that practice,

If we perpetuate that habit,

Our joy might be stolen from us.

So when feelings of jealousy arise or unfairness arise,

Acknowledge them,

Accept them,

Take action to address it,

But don't dwell.

Embrace,

Be,

Love in this moment as it is for what it is right now.

So with that said,

I invite you to sit in contemplation for one more minute on the idea that comparison is the thief of joy.

Comparison is the thief of joy.

So,

Well done.

This brings us to the end of the session.

At the bottom of your screen,

You'll see the option to view the classroom or to ask a question.

Before moving on,

I invite you to take a moment to click through and share your insights,

To read the answers from other students and to hear my replies.

Remember to start your responses by restating the contemplation.

In this case,

Comparison is the thief of joy,

So we all know which one you are referring to.

This is an opportunity for deep learning,

Further introspection and insight,

So please don't miss out.

I look forward to seeing you in the next session.

Thank you.

This track is taken from my course,

Live Your Most Fulfilling Life.

It's out now on Insight Timer and is available via my profile.

I invite you to check it out.

See you there.