Staying Sane This Festive Season

In this session, we talk about the importance of self-awareness and acceptance with our self and our relationship to the festive season. If we know what brings us joy and what takes it away, what costs us energy and what grants it, and whose company we enjoy and why, we can make better choices. In order to do so, we must first accept ourselves for who and what we are, dropping the negative self-talk that often accompanies stepping into our strength and leaning into the choices that work best for us. This track is taken from my course, ‘How To Stay Sane This Festive Season, available now via my profile.

Transcript

Hello and welcome to the session.

I invite you to take a seat or lay down and get yourself comfortable.

You can close down the eyes if you wish and just take a slow deep breath in through the nose and out through the mouth.

So in this first session of staying sane this festive season we're going to be looking at self-acceptance,

Processing any feelings of guilt or inner conflict and just sitting true within ourselves.

First and foremost you are you and your responses of overwhelm or upsetness or fear or anger or annoyance or anxiety or whatever is arising due to the festive season is fine and is normal.

It's important to understand that everyone has different responses to different events.

What you like will be different to what other people like.

Other people may love this season and you might find it barely tolerable,

But what you enjoy other people may find barely tolerable themselves.

The point of what I'm driving at here is that to expect yourself to have the same level of enthusiasm as your most enthusiastic relative or friend or co-worker is unfair.

You can only be you and in this session I hope that we can move to a place of self-acceptance.

Now throughout this course we're going to work a way to sort of thread the needle between accepting ourself with making sure that we plan ahead and implementing strategies to survive and hopefully enjoy the things we do attend this festive season,

But we've just got to make sure that we're doing so in a way that works for us.

So everyone that is listening to this course will come away with different takeaways.

The main one and the first one is to let go of any feelings of guilt that are arising.

You may only want to attend certain events,

You may want to leave those events sooner,

You may prefer to opt out of gift exchanges or instead replace it with words of affection or the purchasing of experiences.

Any and all options are fine provided we can detach ourselves enough from the narrative that's been given to us throughout our upbringing.

Now I'm speaking from a western perspective.

I was raised in Australia,

But I'm assuming that what we're talking about here will apply to any western context.

There's this sort of perception that you get through society,

Through religion,

Through social media,

Through television,

Through movies,

Through education,

Through the sort of constructs of different aspects that we interact with.

Decorations in supermarkets and social holidays,

All of these things.

There's a lot of external suggestions that we should feel a certain way in this time.

Think of Christmas carols and a whole variety of other external markers of what it means to be and who you should be and what a good festive person looks like over the festive season.

I'm sure these same social pressures expressed differently apply themselves in other social contexts.

East,

West and elsewhere,

We are burdened with and gifted a society that socializes us.

The point I'm trying to make here is that that zeitgeist,

What we see from all of it all,

Conglomerated down into this little message of,

Hey,

Be a happy,

Festive,

Christmas-loving person.

Insert your own social context words there.

Isn't real.

No person fully embodies that.

To expect yourself to hit this perfect ideal is folly.

In the same way that the media will suggest certain bodies are what is beautiful and other bodies are not.

That's a social construct.

Certain views of success is what makes it.

This is what we should be going for.

That completely disregards most everything else.

Fortunately for us,

These are all narratives that are inside our own minds.

If we can take a little step back,

Take a breath and just see the reality that we are living in,

That these social constructs are pushing us down certain paths,

We start to develop the ability to drop the expectations we hold upon ourselves.

Are we expected to dress up,

To participate,

To do all of the things for everyone all of the time this festive season?

I don't think so.

Take a quick stock of your friends and family and work colleagues and every other person that you interact with over this festive season.

Not everyone is invested.

People opt out.

People don't attend.

People make excuses.

People change their behaviours.

So if you can apply that same thing to yourself and say,

Hey,

It is okay,

I guess the deeper lesson here is that you can say no.

And in a later session we'll talk about planning and prioritising,

But what I want to highlight here is that it is okay for you to say no to certain things,

Whatever it is that bothers you.

Be it that there's too many gatherings,

Or too much expense,

Or too much expectation,

Or certain people,

Certain places are overwhelming or triggering.

You have the right to say no,

To opt out,

To change.

And yes,

Feelings of guilt will arise.

Feelings of incongruence with society will arise.

But those are things that need to be accepted because you can't easily change yourself.

And the fact that you're listening to this course and have had issues with this season in the past suggests that if you could change,

You would have.

You wouldn't expect someone that has a broken leg to run 100 metres.

And in the same way,

If due to past issues,

Due to mental health,

Due to neurodivergence,

Due to personality,

Due to whatever reason,

Aspects of the festive season are not working for you,

Rather than trying to sprint,

It'd be far more ideal to change the tasks,

To accept your current state,

And to do what you can,

Enjoy what you can.

That is what I do.

Up until very recently,

This festive season overwhelm has been a complete write-off.

The month of December and half of the month of January would be quite disruptive.

I'd lose a lot of functionality.

I wouldn't be able to work much.

I would basically be in overwhelm.

But through self-acceptance and then implementing some of the things we're going to cover in later sessions,

I've been able to reclaim this space and enjoy myself,

Which is important because I want to be able to be the best father I can be for my young boys,

Give them the festive season they deserve,

Be there for my partner,

Be there for the friends and the family that I really want to resonate with,

Enjoy the social gatherings with my hobbies and with my work and all of that sort of stuff,

But in a way that works for me.

So what I'm driving at here is then self-acceptance of some of the limitations or perceived limitations of you relative to this sort of unreachable expectation that has been ingrained from childhood,

Accepting who you are and going,

Okay,

I'm going to set a boundary here.

I'm going to stand up for myself.

I'm going to start to say no when I need to,

And yes to the things I want to.

It can be a hard thing to face,

And if these words and this idea or these thoughts are bringing up some memories or triggering certain things,

I invite you to gently explore them.

This is like a bit of shadow work or introspection or inner child care.

What memories are arising?

Can you turn the lens of attention and see the things that are happening around you?

Can you turn the lens of attention and see the first instance in which you felt that way?

And offer that person some loving kindness,

Some advice,

A hug,

And to let them know you've got them,

That you accept them,

That you're going to look after them.

Because,

And ultimately,

If you are doing things,

Buying gifts,

Turning up,

Participating in stuff out of obligation rather than out of joy,

You're not really engaging with the festive season anyway.

So it'd be better for you and for everyone to opt out and choose the things that work for you,

Where you can be fully invested.

This might cause disappointment,

Disappointment from other people,

In your lack of attendance,

Lack of opting in.

And that too is something to be meditated upon,

To be contemplated.

Yeah,

I will be causing people to be disappointed in me.

When I don't attend things,

Sometimes I receive comments and it's on me to process and address it and,

Where appropriate,

Explain myself.

Be like,

Hey,

This is me.

I can only do what I can do to own my personality,

To own my inner conflicts and problems,

To own my ability to respond and live in this world.

Only by living by my honest,

Vulnerable,

And authentic truth can I engage with the world in a way that enables me to continue functioning.

Because ultimately,

The festive season will end and I need to make sure that I've maintained my ability to survive so that I can thrive,

So that I can be and embody and live my truth.

So I invite you to sit with me in silent contemplation for one minute,

Just letting whatever arises in relation to this talk arise.

And if you see or feel a part of yourself wanting to speak,

Just listen,

Just observe,

And just offer it some loving-kindness,

Because that part of you needs healing and acceptance and integration.

And by doing so,

You'll be able to accept yourself more and better act act and prioritize over the festive season.

But more on that in the next sessions.

So let's sit together.

Take a slow,

Deep breath in through the nose and out through the mouth.

So,

How did you go?

Did you have a good time?

If you have any questions around self-acceptance in relation to the festive season,

Or any questions in general,

Please let me know in the classroom,

And I'll be in there daily to help you out.

And if you've had any personal anecdotes,

Issues,

Insights,

Or solutions that came up for you during this session,

I'd like to encourage you to share them in the classroom as you feel comfortable,

Of course.

Because together we can foster a community of support,

Guidance,

And growth.

One that helps one another bring positivity back to our experiences of the festive season.

I look forward to seeing you there and connecting with you,

As well as joining with you in the next session.

Have a great day.

This track is taken from the course,

How to Stay Sane This Festive Season.

Available now via my InsightTimer profile.

Reviews

I thought this was a great session for this season, especially right after Thanksgiving that I’m starting it. I didn’t see the course I’m gonna have to go back and look and find it now. But as always such good insight on how to prepare and how to gently bring ourselves to a better place for things in this life. So appreciate this course that I’m looking forward to, but also this meditation happy summer. Namaste 🙏

Thank you - I needed to hear this as I prepare for Thanksgiving interactions/festivities and obligations. 🙏