Self Love & Self Acceptance

The relationship we have with ourselves is arguably the most important one we will ever foster, because no matter what happens in this life, one of the only certainties is that we will spend it with ourselves. This track is taken from my course, ‘Questions To Heal Your Soul’, available now via my profile.

Transcript

Hello and welcome to the next session in the course Questions to Heal Your Soul.

I invite you to take a seat or lay down and get comfortable.

Close down the eyes if you wish and take three slow deep breaths in through the nose and out through the mouth.

So as we settle into this session we're going to begin by scanning and relaxing our body in turn and then opening our mind up to insight.

So keep taking those slow deep breaths,

Just draw your attention to your head,

Just acknowledge any tension and gently invite it to let go,

To release.

Moving down your face,

Your neck,

And your jaw,

Just acknowledging,

Just letting go of any tension that arises.

Drawing attention to your shoulders,

To your chest,

And your belly.

Just take a moment to breathe a deep slow breath into any space that you notice is holding tension.

Just inviting it to release on the out breath.

And noticing and releasing any tension in your back,

Your upper back or your lower back,

Down into your buttocks,

And your groin,

And your legs.

Just taking a moment to scan your entire body,

Just letting it relax and soften.

And as your body is softening,

Your mind is opening,

Opening up to the wisdom of the universe,

Of god,

Of the muse,

Of your intuition,

Of your ancestors,

Of whatever place or space it is that you draw your power from.

I'm going to approach the question in this session from a place of openness,

From a place of openness,

Flexibility,

And willingness to explore possibility and potential without judgments,

Or filters,

Or restrictions.

Just letting our mind work with the question to discover more.

In a moment I'm going to ask you a question two times,

And then we're just going to sit for a minute in contemplation.

Just allow the possibility to unfold before us.

What can you do to fix the relationship you have with yourself?

What can you do to fix the relationship that you have with yourself?

So this is an interesting question.

What can you do to fix the relationship you have with yourself?

Because it implies a couple of things.

Number one,

There's a part of you that's capable of Number one,

There's a part of you that's capable of having a relationship with a separate part of you.

So there's a bit of philosophy in there.

And it also implies that the relationship that you have with yourself needs fixing.

So we'll address these in turn.

What can you do to fix the relationship you have with yourself?

Really begs the question of,

Well,

What am I?

Who am I?

What part of me has choice?

What part of me is a function of my past,

Of my instincts,

Of my genetics,

Of my environment?

How much free will do I have?

It's bringing up these sort of questions.

Because the part of me that can choose in this instance to fix the relationship can surely choose in all instances to,

You know,

Fix myself or fix itself.

So it implies that there's part of me that I am under control with,

And part of me that I don't have control with.

And really,

The more I meditate,

The more I'm becoming aware that a lot of the thoughts that arise,

Emotions and feelings,

Memories,

All of these things,

My responses,

A lot of those things that arise seem to be out of my control.

They seem to be sort of happening.

And then I sort of,

After the fact,

Justify it.

It's almost as if the rational part of my mind is desperately trying to justify what the subconscious,

Irrational part of my mind is deciding to do.

I notice myself reaching for my phone to scroll social media,

Or to grab another chocolate,

Or to say or do things that don't quite make sense.

You know,

Speaking in anger or jealousy or,

You know,

Being too curt.

Things that I don't want to do.

I want to be a good person.

You know,

Defining good obviously is subjective,

But there's things that I would like to be and say and do.

And yet,

I find my mind,

My body,

Just doing things.

And then upon reflection,

Or even in the moment,

I notice that I probably shouldn't be doing that,

Or I don't want to be doing that.

This question is asking me to imply or suggest that I'm not fully in control.

And that I need to fix the relationship I have to myself.

Well,

If I accept that I'm not fully in control,

That's not me accepting,

You know,

The darker parts as just inevitable.

Rather,

It's me accepting that I can forgive myself for some of my mistakes.

That I'm only human.

You know,

Any habits that I've broken,

Any time that I've spoken in a way that just isn't 100% ideal,

Like that's acceptable,

That's understandable.

Because,

You know,

No one can be perfect.

Because we're not fully in control.

The words that I'm speaking right now will evoke imagery and thoughts in your mind.

You can't control that based on the inputs and the environment that you're getting.

For example,

My words right now,

Things will arise,

You have no choice over that.

At least not immediately.

And at least not intentionally.

You can't really easily choose the thoughts that arise.

You can combat them,

You can use techniques like meditation and visualization and march repetition,

All of these things to try and gain some control over your mind.

But ultimately,

Neurons are firing.

Things are just arising.

There's no choice.

Okay.

If we can accept that,

Part of what's arising,

Part of what I've been doing,

What's arising,

Part of what I've been doing is not under my direct control.

What do I have control over?

I have control over the direction of my life,

My long-term choices,

The habits,

The systems that I put in place,

Aiming for a long-term growth,

For trending upwards.

Because over time,

Those upward trends will lead that,

Or ideally lead that irrational subconscious mind to be making better choices.

If I consume drugs or alcohol,

Then my choices will be impacted differently if I consume water.

Right?

If I eat well,

My thoughts should be better.

So I do have some choice in this matter.

So what can I do to fix the relationship with myself?

Because now we're talking about this idea of self-worth,

The other side of the equation here.

We're talking about self-talk.

Can I talk to myself in a way that matters?

Can I be kind to myself?

Can I judge myself in a way that I would judge others?

Some people judge others far too harshly and judge themselves far too kindly.

But I think that a lot of people go the other way.

They judge themselves way too harshly and other people way too kindly,

At least comparatively.

Perhaps we should approach judging everyone with compassion,

With sympathy,

With understanding,

With an acknowledgement that we all have shadows,

That we all have faults,

That we're all going through this game of life without fully understanding who or what we are.

The fact that a part of you can judge another part of you suggests that whatever we are,

Whatever I am is not fully solid.

Find yourself is one of the questions that us meditators will contemplate a lot,

Like,

What am I?

Who am I?

If you're contemplating that question,

Unless you know fully who and what you are,

Unless you've got an answer to that,

It's very hard to hold a negative stigma-based judgment of yourself in the same grasp.

It's quite illogical,

And yet we still do.

It's like,

I am this,

I am that,

I am worthless,

I'm hopeless.

All of these negative thoughts that run through your mind,

Self-judgments,

Those examples are quite cliched,

Obviously,

But there'll be more specific,

Unique ones that are true only to you,

That you speak to yourself,

To your soul,

To your darkness,

That the shadow is screaming at you,

That you only see when you look in the mirror.

But who's judging what?

Those thoughts that arise are just one part of the conscious expanse that is you,

And it's judging another part of you.

It's quite trippy when you think about it.

Who is judging what?

What is judging what?

So if I was to fix the relationship with myself,

I'll try and understand that I don't really even know who or what I am,

That that leads me down a path of self-discovery,

Of introspection,

Meditation,

Contemplation,

Like we're doing here.

But it also leads me to just,

You know,

Having a meta-practice,

Loving-kindness practice to myself,

To the unknown,

And that's okay.

And I guess if we step out of this philosophical approach and just look at it from a more generalist perspective,

Just understanding ourselves and just being kind,

It's like I can't overwork myself,

I'll break,

I can't overdo things because it's too much.

I need to care for myself,

Put in the right amount of,

You know,

Good foods and diet and exercise and self-care and socializing and all that sort of stuff,

Treat myself like I matter.

There was a meme or a post or something that I saw that suggested that you should treat yourself like a dog.

And it's a bit,

You know,

Tongue-in-cheek,

But the idea is that if you have a pet,

Dog or cat or whatever,

And it gets sick,

At least in the West,

People take that thing to the doctor,

To the vet,

And get it treated.

They'll pay for medicine,

For surgery,

They're doing the regular upkeep,

You know,

The worming tablets,

All of that sort of stuff on clockwork like it matters,

Right?

Because it does,

You know,

You love your pet,

But then you turn that lens upon yourself.

Did you get a dentist checkup?

When was that overdue from?

Have you done your taxes?

Have you done the things that you need to do to,

You know,

Live your life?

Have you cleaned your house?

Have you cleaned your body?

Have you had a skin check?

You know,

Are you feeding yourself well enough?

Are you treating yourself like you treat your pets?

And this is from the positive perspective,

Right?

And a lot of us,

When they're confronted with this thing,

Realize,

Well,

No,

I treat my pet better than I treat myself,

I treat my kids better than I treat myself,

I treat everyone else better than I treat myself.

Which is weird,

Where's the self-preservation?

And I don't mean this from a self-selfishness perspective,

I mean it from like an ability to help other people perspective.

Help yourself,

So you can best help others.

So I ask you,

What can you do to fix the relationship you have with yourself?

What can you do to fix the relationship you have with yourself?

Well done.

This brings us to the end of the session.

The bottom of your screen,

You'll see an option to view the classroom or to ask a question.

Before moving on,

I invite you to take a moment to click through and share your insights,

To read the answers from other students,

And to hear my replies.

Remember to start your responses with session six,

Or to repeat the question,

What can you do to fix the relationship you have with yourself?

So we all know which question you're referring to.

This is an opportunity for deep learning,

Further introspection and insight,

So please don't miss out.

I look forward to seeing you in the next session.

This track was taken from the course,

Questions to Heal Your Soul.

It's out now on Insight Timer and available via my profile.

I invite you to join in.