I have a sneaking suspicion that something significant is sitting in the silence.
I suspect that were I to stop and sit and be still,
That that something would speak,
And perhaps then I would start to see.
Perhaps then I would start to feel myself,
My true self,
That not-quite-definable something that is silently screaming to be seen.
As the minutes pass,
I realize I've become stupefied,
Cycling through thought.
I am not sure what would happen if I were to take these suspicions seriously,
But I did ask for a calling.
I do long to stoke the small flames that sit in my heart,
And to start seeing the wounds in my stomach,
To heal,
But I am scared,
Because what would it mean if I were to search for my soul,
But be unable to see,
What would that make me?
Oh,
Ye of little faith,
A voice whispers silently,
Stop self-sabotaging and take this one step,
Close your eyes,
Surrender.
Suddenly a moment of serene clarity.
All suspicions seep away,
Replaced by a recognition of a new reality,
A paradigm shift.
No more second-guessing,
No more doubt,
I feel safe.
My heart has opened up,
And with it I see the thing I seek sitting in front of me.
I am her and she is me,
Simultaneously we both speak,
Sharing ourselves completely,
Surrendering ourselves to the sweet ecstasy that comes when a spirit is satiated.
So much was said in that one second,
Too much to recount,
Anything more than this summary.
It turns out that my search was serendipitous,
For my soul has also been seeking me,
Sending me signs,
Hoping that I would see the beauty of the stillness that is sitting just in front of me,
Sitting inside of the silence,
In service of my higher self.
Simultaneously sending sermons on how to surmount shame,
With instructions on how to see and attain the summit of a distant mountain range,
And sending sunshine despite the rain.
Now I am no longer scared to speak,
No longer scared to share,
No longer scared to be second-guessed,
For my soul,
She is with me,
Sending shivers down my spine to remind me that we are one another's saviour,
That we will act as one another's sabre,
And that every second spent in silence together is a step away from sadness and a step closer to one another,
That every sacrifice wasn't in vain,
And that although things change,
That I am safe,
And that I always will be.
