The sense of self is an illusion.
When we introspect,
We see that there is nothing stable to hold onto.
Our moods,
Thoughts,
Desires,
Behaviours and opinions constantly change.
Turn the camera inwards and observe for yourself.
Watch the thoughts come and go.
Notice how you did not choose the thoughts that came,
Nor the thoughts that replaced them.
They just appeared and disappeared of their own volition.
Watch and see how emotions,
Memories,
Moods and other mental phenomena arise.
Where are they arising from?
Who chose the specific phenomena to occur?
Where do they go?
Carefully observe your mind and you will see the transient nature of the contents of consciousness.
The mind seems to be filled with the constant,
Undirected flow of mental chatter.
True,
You can choose to think something.
But who made that choice?
Where did the impulse to choose come from?
Could you stay with that choice?
Or does it flow onto something else?
Consider anger,
Jealousy,
Resentment or any other negative emotion.
These states can be overwhelming.
They can penetrate our memories and reasoning ability,
Causing us to re-evaluate our pasts and acting differently in the present.
In the same way that looking through coloured glass seems to tint the world,
Our emotions impact our perceptions.
The world is unchanged,
But not from our perspective.
In the process of getting to know a new person,
There are many potential opportunities for miscommunication.
Perhaps you are not yet familiar with their brand of humour and thus struggle to interpret the meaning behind their words.
How do you know if the compliment was spoken in jest or malice?
Likely you would rely upon your internal state.
If you were feeling confident or happy,
Your interpretation would be different than if you were shy or depressed.
Same comment,
Different interpretations.
We are in a state of constant change,
Yet most people identify with a stable sense of self.
I am Zachary,
Always have been and always will be.
The problem is that that person never existed.
My feelings of Zachary-ness are based on my current memories of myself.
Cherry-picked moments from my past that I may be both misremembering and misinterpreting.
Memory is terribly unreliable.
My mood will impact my ability to interpret my past.
False memories can be planted.
The words I choose to prompt recall can change the memory,
As can the very act of viewing the memory.
Thus,
The Zachary that I remember is a fiction,
One that changes depending upon my current state.
I evoke survivor Zachary when faced with hardship.
When depressed,
Who I am becomes failure Zachary.
When I am winning,
I have and always have been successful Zachary.
In reality,
I am all those people and far more.
It is impossible to encapsulate the totality of existence in working memory.
Consider the parts of you that you let go of.
The childish ignorance,
The teenage immaturity,
Or the young adult shame,
And the instances of selfishness and insecurity that you work through.
Are you still those things,
Or are you who you've become?
Either way,
You're in a constant state of flux as you learn,
Adapt,
And grow.
When you interact with someone,
You communicate and share information.
You influence them,
And they influence you.
You are both changed.
The same is true for books,
Poetry,
Music,
And movies.
We consume them so that we may be changed.
We want to be moved,
To learn,
Or to grow.
We want to lose ourselves in the narrative,
Or become the hero in a fantastic journey.
Mindfulness meditation helps us to step back and detach.
It enables us to see our true nature.
By non-judgmentally observing the present moment,
We see how our minds cling to the thoughts that arise.
We become hypnotized by the contents of consciousness to such an extent that we believe that we are those contents.
Even though they are ever-changing and often contradictory.
We identify with one thing,
And then the next.
There is a real beauty that comes from identifying and accepting yourself as constant change.
You are no longer stationary.
No longer defined or limited by your past.
You are a process.
This moment is just one of many connected,
Yet separate moments that will make up your journey from birth to death.
You are free to change course at any time.
When you accept that you are change,
You become free.
You are able to let go of the safety rail and jump.
To take risks and thrive.
By accepting that you are change,
Your ego diminishes.
You can push through failure because it now has nothing to hold onto.
There is no self to identify with.
That failure is just another aspect of your changing nature.
Another part of the process.
When our current mental states do not reflect our previous mental states,
We are faced with incongruity.
We look at our past actions and their consequences with extreme displeasure.
We want to run from our past and retell it in a new light.
It is tempting to put ourselves in the shoes of the past.
To use your present knowledge,
Wisdom and hindsight to justify your actions and reword the reasons for making certain choices.
But it is impossible to truly remember who you were.
Who you are now is not the same as who you were back then.
Yet as you think back,
You will inject your current mental state into those memories.
You cannot help it.
The drive to be consistent is too strong.
By trying to reconcile your past with your present,
You are destroying it.
You are creating a fictionalised narrative that is divorced from reality.
When you accept that you are change,
You can look back at your past with the knowledge that you are no longer that person.
Instead you are the process.
The journey from then until now.
This enables you to let go of embarrassments,
Resentments and grief.
By leaving the past alone,
You can witness the truth of your growth and see how far you've come.
From there it's easy to extrapolate just how much further it's possible to go.
This talk was taken from the book,
Reflections of the Self.
The Poetry,
Insights and Wisdom of Silence.
