Reminder: Good Or Bad, This Too Shall Pass

There is a temptation to paint our entire future through the lens of the present. To assume that it will always be as it is. This can lead to a false read on reality; one that is entirely pessimistic or far too optimistic. Balance is key. This talk will show you how, good or bad, this too shall pass. When we live with this knowledge, we are in the best place possible to enjoy our lives as they happen, rather than force it down an incongruous path.

Transcript

A quick review of our pasts reveals many moments of joy and positivity.

Times when things just worked.

When a failure came,

It did not break us.

We picked ourselves back up,

Learnt a lesson,

And pushed forward.

Similarly,

We can look back and see expanses of misery and suffering.

Times when we were down and out,

At rock bottom,

And struggling.

There were occasional wins,

Yet these barely succeeded in moving the needle.

Peace comes when we can recognise the trend of our lives as it's happening.

To see the ups and the downs we are currently experiencing as temporary,

And that good or bad,

This too shall pass.

I tend to get carried away by my victories.

On the back of a win,

Whether it be sporting,

Personal or business,

I overbook myself,

Or set goals that are far out of reach.

Then as the days turn to weeks,

I sober up.

The rush of endorphins stop,

And I check into the mountain of new goals and responsibilities that I've taken on,

And bulk.

Quickly I become overwhelmed with the workload,

And crumble.

Clearly this is not ideal.

There is a temptation to paint our entire future through the lens of the present.

To assume that it will always be as it is.

This can lead to a false read on reality.

One that is entirely pessimistic,

Or far too optimistic.

Balance is the key.

I'm not suggesting that we should always be putting a dampener on our wins.

We should revel in victory,

And embrace the positivity,

Joy and feelings that come.

But we should however keep in mind the transient nature of our moods,

Energy levels and fortunes.

We should review our pasts to reveal the trend of our lives.

Focusing on the long term movements over the daily rollercoaster of emotionality.

The euphoria of a win may cause us to take on far more than we can realistically handle.

When on top of the world,

We feel like we can accomplish anything.

But the truth is that we can't.

I'm not saying we shouldn't aim high,

Or that we need to limit ourselves.

Rather,

We need to realise that our current mood can and will change.

When the high wears off,

All we are left with is discipline,

Routine and the day to day grind.

That is the person that will live in the future we are deciding for ourselves now.

What can that person accomplish?

Where should that person focus their energy?

Similarly,

We should not assume that our negative mood following a failure will last.

After a mental health breakdown,

Initial work,

A loss or any sort of setback,

Pessimism can creep in.

These feelings can paint the world black,

Leaving the future to seem like a desolated wasteland of lost hope.

What is the point,

I'm just going to fail again.

I always come to regret my decision making when it is done in these kind of mental states.

I've been known to bail on connections,

Shirk responsibility and believe myself to be far less capable than I really am.

This has cost me countless opportunities,

Both personal and professional.

The solution is to observe the trend of our lives,

To ignore the outliers and to delay making life decisions until we are in a calm,

Detached and neutral mental state.

This skill can be developed with practice.

It involves taking the emotionality out of the moment and replacing it with cold logic,

One that considers the fact that we are,

At our core,

Emotional beings.

If we know we are likely to make poor decisions in the heat of the moment,

We need to change ourselves,

To stop,

Wait,

Detach and then decide.

To sleep on it.

Wait until we are detached enough to be sure that we will not take on too much or sell ourselves short.

This may mean we will replace the instantaneous,

Yes of course I will,

And the no,

Not a chance.

With the non-committal,

I'm not sure right now.

Let me think about it and I'll get back to you.

Just as our personal fortunes will vary,

So too will the fortunes of those around us.

At times,

Our experience will mirror theirs.

We will share in the joys of raising a family,

Or the abundance granted from personal and business successes.

At other times,

We will mourn a collective loss or fret together at the unknowns of the future.

At these times of connection,

Good or bad,

We are blessed with a feeling of community.

The knowledge that others are walking with us.

We know that people can,

Will and are acknowledging the realities of our lives.

We feel seen.

We feel like we belong.

Despite potential hardships and emotionality that comes with it,

We know that we are not alone in our suffering,

And that knowledge sustains us.

Yet there are times when we are suffering through a special kind of hell.

The kind where we can see heaven just by turning our heads.

When our family,

Neighbours or co-workers are on and up,

And we are not.

It is then we must act with faith,

Realise that there is a lag between actions and results.

One session in the gym will not produce any noticeable changes.

In order to achieve gains,

We need to turn up every day and lift.

Even so,

We won't notice any changes in strength or looks for months.

It takes time for the benefits of our new-found fitness habit to manifest themselves into reality.

In a way,

Hitting the gym is an act of faith.

The fitness fanatic lifts each day knowing that eventually they will be rewarded for their actions.

We must approach all of life's challenges in the same way,

One step at a time.

Acting with faith now to receive a future reward.

Meditation,

Education and every other self-improving action will not produce an immediate impact,

But instead will have cumulative benefits.

Consistent work will produce desirable results.

Sometimes we will face insurmountable obstacles,

And it is at these times we must wait with faith.

For loss,

A break-up and death,

Nothing can be done to rectify the deficit.

Therefore,

We need to look to others for assistance.

To ask for support and guidance.

To seek the wisdom of those who have travelled a similar path of loss,

And to walk in their footsteps towards recovery,

And likely towards a new normal.

Fighting will not help.

Acceptance is the key.

To be clear,

This is not synonymous with being happy that our lives have changed,

But rather an acknowledgement of our new normal,

One with a distinct whole full of pain and emotionality.

From such a place of acceptance,

Healing can occur.

We will not forget our losses,

And time will not heal our wounds.

Rather,

Time will give us some distance,

At first a single breath of peace,

And then eventually days,

Weeks,

And years.

Grief will come in waves,

So powerful that at first you will feel like you are drowning,

But slowly you will learn to manage the swell.

You will start to keep your head above water and swim.

Eventually you will learn to surf.

True,

You will occasionally fall off,

But by then you will know how to get back on the board and keep paddling.

On the other hand,

When things are going well for ourselves,

It's all too easy to purposely ignore or unintentionally forget the suffering of those around us.

It would not be hard to look upon others,

See their struggles and failures,

And judge them.

To compare the results of their lives with ours,

And simply walk on,

Thinking,

I made it,

Why can't they?

From there it's a small step to assume that they deserved their current fate.

This line of reasoning is reductive,

Toxic,

And ultimately undesirable,

Both for society at large and for you as an individual.

By thinking and acting this way,

You are likely to project a similar brand of Machinivalianism onto all those who you meet.

And when you judge the world to be selfish and self-serving,

You are likely to receive such judgements back.

This is a zero-sum game,

One that you will eventually lose.

You may be winning now,

But there will come a time where you won't be.

Of course,

Everyone needs to have some level of self-efficacy and agency,

And there needs to be consequences for poor choices.

Yet it's ignorant to assume that your current success is the sole product of individual action,

In the same way that you may have benefited from,

Or been limited by,

Your birthplace,

Circumstances,

Parents,

Gender,

Ethnicity,

Genetics,

And a plethora of other factors beyond your control.

So too is everyone else.

To get to this place of positivity,

At one time or another you needed help.

Advice,

Support,

Guidance,

Instruction,

Or capital was given,

And you used it to prosper.

So if you see someone in a hole,

Do not get down in there with them.

Instead,

Throw them a ladder and let them climb out.

Show them the path that you are taking and let them walk.

Give them the gentle nudge of support that you received,

And the suggestion that when they can,

They pay it forward,

As you have.

All life ends in the same place.

Regardless of our fortunes,

Eventually we will all pass.

It is a recognition of our collective mortality that can ultimately bring us closer.

The knowledge that despite the surface differences of religion,

Ethnicity,

Or language,

We will all face suffering.

Yet despite that suffering,

We all have the capacity for love,

Connection,

And growth.

This talk was taken from the book,

Reflections of the Self,

The Poetry,

Insights,

And Wisdom of Silence.

Reviews

Hi Zachary, thanks for these very helpful insights! Joe

Always enjoy your wisdom. Thanks for posting. Best wishes.

Very helpful thank you

Thank You.