New Year New You!

This session introduces the concept's of 'S.M.A.R.T.' and 'D.U.M.B.' goals, intertwining their teachings to help you craft a resolution in a way that will uniquely work for you. We also cover aspects of habit building, including considerations of how to ensure that it is life appropriate, getting your family on board, and other must have for implementation any successful change. This track is taken from my course, How To Make A New Year's Resolution You Will Actually Stick To available now via my profile.

Transcript

Hello,

And welcome to day two of the course,

How to Make a New Year's Resolution You'll Actually Stick to.

In the previous session,

We ended with the idea of working out your highest value and setting a new year's resolution around that.

So I'm going to assume that you've done that work,

That you've introspected and you've worked out what it is that you value.

And if you haven't,

Or if you couldn't and you don't know what you value,

I would suggest that perhaps you should make a new year's resolution about introspection,

About turning inwards,

About self-awareness.

Because self-awareness is the key to all good things in life.

If you know who you are and what you want,

You can take steps towards attaining that.

So either you're coming to this session knowing what value it is and sort of having a rough idea of what your new year's resolution should be,

Or you're going to be working on self-awareness,

Introspection,

That kind of thing.

So I want to briefly touch upon how to set a goal.

And there's a variety of different things that you can do.

But the two main sort of models that I like to look at are smart goals and dumb goals.

And I'm not going to go too deep into these things because it's sort of pop culture and all of this sort of stuff.

But the basic push approach of a smart goal,

And it sounds very businessy,

Is that you need to make goals that are specific,

Measurable,

Attainable,

Relevant,

And timely.

That's all well and good,

But what does it mean?

If you set a goal that you want to attain,

If you just say,

I want to lose weight,

Like I said in the previous session,

There are many ways to lose weight.

But that's not really what you want.

Because if you just want to lose weight,

You just stop eating,

Right?

Or,

You know,

If you just want to gain weight,

You could just keep eating.

But that's not going to give you the goal because the underlying goal there is a bit more specific,

Isn't it?

You want to be healthy.

Yeah.

I mean,

I suppose some people might be very number driven,

But a focus purely on the number on the scales isn't the healthiest because that number doesn't represent health.

It just represents weight,

And there's a distinct difference here.

Markers of health are born of blood pressure,

And resting heart rate,

And body fat percentages,

And flexibility,

And strength,

And all of these other sort of broader markers.

Like I said,

You could lose weight by just not eating,

But that's not going to get you that health goal.

So really,

If we're looking at a goal of health,

We step back and look at a higher goal.

That's what we're going to aim for,

Aim towards.

We want to be specific here.

Relevant.

Is it relevant to you?

So like we're saying here,

Losing weight is specific.

It's like,

I'm going to lose weight.

But is it relevant to what you want?

Well,

You might want to actually want health.

That's what you want.

So the goal has to relate to health,

Not to weight loss.

Is it attainable?

Can you do this goal?

Is it timely?

Is there a time limit,

I.

E.

By a certain date or daily?

And if it is attainable,

Is it possible to maintain this daily?

If you said to me,

I want to exercise for three hours every day,

That's going to be hard to maintain,

Right?

I'm going to sit and meditate for 60 minutes in silence daily.

Good luck.

Good luck unless you've got an established practice.

That's going to be hard.

It's not impossible,

But it's going to be very hard for you to do.

So when you're setting a goal,

I want you to consider all of those things.

If we talk about positive habit building,

It might look like I'm going to do one language lesson a day every day with the goal of becoming fluent in this language in three years.

That's pretty specific.

That's a smart goal.

That's one way you can approach goal setting.

Dumb goals,

On the other hand,

Are a bit of a different approach.

It encourages you to dream big,

Destiny fulfillment,

Uplifting,

Method friendly,

And behavior driven.

So you want to make sure that your goal brings you to this higher level of attainment.

And this is sort of why I'm sort of just touching upon these ideas of smart goals and dumb goals,

Because we're going to intermix them and combine them to make a specific news resolution for you.

Looking at destiny fulfillment,

This higher value,

It's hitting that long-term goal.

It's like the thing that will get you to the distant mountain range.

We want our goals to be this long-term focus,

This dream,

This big,

This uplifting.

You want to feel good,

Right?

The you of dumb goals is uplifting.

Does losing weight sound uplifting?

Not really.

But does becoming so ridiculously fit that I can keep up with my five-year-old child as we run and play in the park?

That's pretty uplifting,

Right?

So you want to set goals in a way that sort of makes resonance and sort of gives you goosebumps for lack of a better expression.

I'm going to meditate daily for 60 minutes in silence.

The uplifting version of that might be,

I'm going to attain such calm and clarity that I'm able to sit with anyone,

No matter their emotional state,

And not be moved.

Do you feel the resonance there?

You get the idea.

Method-driven and behaviorally triggered.

This is the final part of the dumb goal framework.

Method-driven talks about this idea of,

You know,

There's an approach to doing it,

Or behavior-triggered,

There's an approach to doing it.

Like let's say you wanted to get fit,

That example,

To be with your child.

Okay,

Well,

There's a few ways you can do it.

When you find your child playing,

You get down and play with them.

Their behavior,

Play,

Triggers you to do the exercise,

Right?

There's a method there,

There's a behavior trigger there.

You're putting in ways that you can best accomplish it for you.

I meditate daily in the morning.

It's a routine because I know it helps my life.

I know it helps me best attain things.

It's going to get me closer to being a good father,

A good partner.

But I also have a watch beeping every hour on the hour.

It beeps,

I take a mindful,

Calm,

Slow breath.

And I've got my son doing the same.

It's become this family event.

It's behavior-triggered,

It's method-driven,

It's dream-driven,

It's uplifting.

We all do it together.

It beeps,

And he runs from the other side of the room,

Other side of the house,

And says to me,

Daddy,

Daddy,

The watch has beeped.

So we take a breath.

The point is I've got everyone on board.

I'm not just doing some meditation mindfulness.

It's a thing.

It's alive.

So what I'm wanting to give you is this.

Let's intersperse the idea of smart and dumb goals.

Smart,

Specific,

Measurable,

Attainable,

Relevant,

And timely.

Dumb goals are dream-driven,

Uplifting,

Method-driven,

And behaviorally triggered.

Let's combine these and work it out what works for you.

And how you formulate an approach will be unique to you.

If something resonates,

Go with that.

But what I want you to do is a couple of things to sit with this.

I want you to sit with this goal.

We're going to just sit in silence for a minute,

And you can extend it a little bit longer if you need to,

But get something down on a page that is resonating.

Something that hits these goals that we've been talking about,

Hits these markers,

And write it down.

And what I want to encourage you to do is just sit,

Take a breath,

And see what comes to you.

Let's sit for a minute,

And then we're going to play with that space a little bit.

So if you need a little bit more time,

Just pause the audio,

And get something down on that page.

Let's have a little look over it.

Is what you've written life-appropriate?

As in,

Will you be able to do it now,

But also in six months?

Is that realistic?

If not,

Make some changes.

Is the thing you've written down heading towards a dream,

A distant mountain,

Or is it aiming short?

If it is,

Make some changes.

Does the attainment of this uplift you?

If not,

Make some changes.

Is the goal you're going for actually attainable?

As in,

Can you do whatever you need to do to get it?

If not,

Make some changes.

Just consider who you need to tell in your life of this goal,

And why.

Maybe jot that down too.

So I want you to just consider all of those changes,

For one more minute of silence,

And get something solid down.

Let's give it a try.

Okay,

So how'd you go?

With that page,

I encourage you to stick it on your bedside table,

Bedside table,

Somewhere that you can see every morning and every night,

What it is you're aiming for,

What your resolution is,

And leave it there for the year.

Let it sit there and see it.

Say it to yourself morning,

Say it to yourself at night,

Let your family see it,

Have the conversation with them,

And come back to it,

Come back to it,

Come back to it.

Because here's the thing,

Your motivation will drop,

You will get other priorities,

You'll start integrating things that won't seem as important.

Life happens,

Lack of focus happens,

Things happen,

Whatever.

How can we prevent that?

You prevent it by saying that goal to yourself every single day.

You prevent that by looking for small changes in your life as a result of that consequence of the habit,

Of the goal.

What's changing in your life?

Is your body changing?

Is your mind changing?

Is your life changing?

Is your financial position changing?

Whatever it is,

Note those changes and celebrate the small wins.

Take steps,

Take steps that you know will help you.

Okay,

This is unique to you,

I'm just giving you this broad overview.

Tell your friends,

Tell your family,

Get people to help you stay accountable.

And I'll encourage you to do that in the classroom a little bit later on again,

But find ways that work for you.

I'm going to share my new year's resolution,

And that is to sit in the strength of my belly.

Notice how unique those words are to me,

It doesn't quite make sense as a new year's resolution,

But every day I'm going to sit in the strength of my belly.

What that means for me is there's an inner space of strength and awareness and aliveness that I've discovered in my belly.

A place that allows me to interact and connect from a place of strength and sovereignty without getting blown over by the winds of other people.

In the past,

I've said yes to things I should have said no to.

In the past,

I've agreed to things,

Favors,

Relationships,

Connections,

Jobs that I shouldn't have.

In the past,

I've allowed the moods and emotionalities of other people carry me away because I haven't had this space of strength and a weight to myself,

A place to sit in that I can sort of hold firm to,

Like a rock in a river.

But I found that place inside me recently,

And I don't want to lose it.

So my new year's resolution,

That I'm starting now by the way,

Early December,

Is to sit in the strength of my belly daily.

Every day,

Get up and just check back into that space.

I'm going to put that on my wall and look at it daily.

I'm going to tell my family,

My friends what that means to me.

I'm going to embody it and live it.

Is that attainable?

Yes.

Is it specific?

Yes.

Does it uplift me?

Yes,

It does.

And it leads to this dream of being able to work with and connect with and coach and teach and just sit with people from a space of calm,

Resonance,

And inner strength and grounding.

So as we come to the end of this session,

I encourage you to share in the classroom your new year's resolution.

Share it,

Hold yourself accountable,

And I will respond.

And I encourage you to check in on the other members of the course,

Comment on their new year's resolutions,

Encourage them to keep going.

Remember,

Social proof is real,

And it helps.

But beyond that,

Writing down the goal,

Putting it somewhere,

Even digitally,

Makes it a bit more real.

I encourage you to write it there,

And then in a month's time,

Perhaps at the end of January,

Come back and check your goal.

Read it.

Read the responses from other people.

Respond to those people.

Let them know how you're going.

Develop a dialogue,

A community.

Do it here in the classroom.

Do it in person.

And connect and grow.

And just remember,

If your goal is to do something daily,

And you skip a day,

You miss a day,

That's fine.

Don't quit.

Jump back on and keep going.

Because by the end of the year,

By the end of the year,

You will have done so,

So,

So much more than you would have done.

Don't fret maintaining a streak of perfect days.

Life happens.

Just get back on the next day,

And then the next.

So like I said,

Post that in the classroom,

And if you want some specific advice or guidance,

Ask the question there,

And I'll give you a voice note response.

Have an amazing day,

And a happy new year.

I look forward to seeing you attain everything you want,

To attain your highest value,

To grow,

To achieve,

Become the fullest version of you.

Catch ya.

This track is taken from my course,

How to Make a New Year's Resolution You Will Actually Stick To,

Available now on my InsightTimer profile.