Hello friends,
I have lived in a state of anxious expectation for most of my life,
And if you were listening to this,
I suspect you might know exactly what I'm talking about.
When you have anxiety,
You often second-guess decisions,
Are easily overwhelmed,
Take constructive criticism personally,
Feel unworthy,
Unloved,
Helpless,
Overthink everything,
Avoid social situations for fear of embarrassing yourself,
And engage in the sorry syndrome,
Which is the tendency to be overly and excessively sorry.
This expectation can also create derealization,
Anxiety or panic attacks,
Insomnia,
Body pain and shortness of breath,
Just to name a few.
As did I,
It is common for clients who come to me for therapy to tell me that they just want to know how to get rid of their anxiety.
While this may seem like a valid request to ask a psychologist,
It is not a realistic goal.
David Allen once said,
If you don't pay appropriate attention to what has your attention,
It will take more of your attention than it deserves.
So if you run from anxiety,
You reinforce the idea that you must always run from anxiety,
And that can take up much more attention than is necessary.
I think Eckhart Tolle said it best when he noted,
Whatever you fight,
You strengthen,
And whatever you resist,
Persist.
It took me a while,
But I now know that the more I fought to ignore my anxiety and resist experiencing any unpleasant feelings,
The more I was actually inadvertently reinforcing it.
So for today's meditation,
We will practice recognizing,
Allowing,
Investigating and nurturing all emotions.
This practice is also called RAIN,
And is associated with the work of Tara Brach.
But before we dive deep,
Let's land on the surface of this moment.
For the first few moments,
Don't do anything.
Allow yourself to be here.
There is nowhere else for you to go.
There is nothing else for you to do.
Your only effort is to remain.
Elevate the crown of your head up to the sky.
Expand through your torso and press your pelvis and your feet into the earth.
Notice the touch points of where your body touches this heat below you.
Your glutes,
Your thighs,
Your legs and feet.
And as you begin to feel the support of the ground below you,
Envision that line that separates you from the earth,
No longer exists.
Root yourself here.
And moving from the toes,
Through your legs,
Pelvis,
Stomach,
Chest,
Shoulders,
And toward the head,
Envision your body as one big field of sensation,
Gathering up within any tension,
Pressure you might still have,
And then envisioning moving it out from bone to muscle,
Muscle to skin,
Skin to air.
Let go.
Now take some deep breaths.
As you inhale,
Follow the breath through the nose,
Your throat,
And feel the expansion in your lungs.
And as you exhale,
Simply let the breath fall down deep within the belly.
Again,
Nose,
Throat,
Expand your lungs.
Exhale,
Drop it down deep.
In.
Now bring to mind a situation in which you feel you felt conflicted with,
Experienced self-doubt,
Self-critical.
Nothing really traumatic here,
Just something that is the most tolerant of your attention in this moment.
Keep it within view but out of reach,
As if you were in a museum looking at a picture of art on the wall.
Look at it from afar and notice the surface details,
Without getting caught up or being too concerned with what's behind it.
Who do you see there?
What is happening?
And as you do this,
You might start to notice that there are emotions that are rising.
They might be pleasant,
Unpleasant,
Or neutral.
Practice recognizing what emotions you see or are experiencing now.
Now that you've recognized what you felt,
You may be wondering what you're supposed to do with these emotions,
As our tendency is to redirect,
Avoid,
Or ignore unpleasant feelings.
Today,
I want you to do something a little different.
Today,
I want you to simply allow them to be there.
Greet them as you would a friend who needs a place to stay.
Welcome anxiety.
Have a seat,
Frustration.
Allowing unpleasant emotions does not mean that you act on them or believe their narratives here.
Here,
You are simply allowing space in your house for them to be there.
It might help you to visualize concretely the words themselves rather than the feelings that are attached to them.
When you welcome all the parts of you,
The walls of resistance,
The walls around them that keep their strength within,
Begins to falter and fall.
Begins to falter and fall.
Practice allowing now.
We will now begin to investigate.
To investigate does not mean to solve anything here.
To investigate means to simply take a closer look at the parts rather than just seeing the whole.
When you are able to separate all of the parts of this situation in which you felt these emotions,
You begin to regain control.
You begin to understand and see things a little better.
It might be helpful for you to ask yourself a few questions as you do this.
Ask yourself in what manner do these emotions show up in my body?
Physical manifestation of emotions in the body are sensations.
Sensations are often expressed as adjectives and verbs.
You might notice a coolness,
A warmth,
A dullness,
An aching or tingling.
In what manner do these emotions show up in my body?
You can also ask yourself what other times have I experienced these particular sensations?
Is this a pattern in my life or something new?
What other times have I experienced these sensations?
And just as a parent would comfort a child in times of need,
Listen to the message that is the most vulnerable part of you,
Your child,
Trying to tell you.
It could be a simple message,
Something more common,
Trying to tell you.
It could be a simple message,
Something more complex,
Or something that you need to change in your life.
Practice investigating where these sensations show up,
Whether they're a pattern,
A pattern,
And what is the message?
Practice investigating now.
Now call upon the parent part of you here,
The wise part of you,
Or maybe the wise part of someone else that you look up to,
And in a compassionate,
Kind,
And nurturing manner,
Respond to that vulnerable message.
What and how does it need to be conveyed,
This nurturance?
Is it a hug?
Are there words you should say?
Is it simply a kind smile?
It might be helpful if you physically placed your own hands over your heart to directly connect to the most vulnerable part of you.
Practice nurturing now.
Now keeping your eyes closed a bit longer,
Ask yourself,
How might my life be like without this vulnerable message?
I tell myself,
Who might I become then?
Allow yourself to become familiar with this image,
Feeling,
And thoughts that this new you might have.
And then bring awareness back to the body,
Back to the ground below you.
I will leave you with a poem called Risk by Anna Eason.
And then the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.
You see,
There will come a day when the pain of complacency will exceed the pain of actually daring to make a change.
I invite you to practice this method,
Reign of recognizing,
Allowing,
Investigating,
And nurturing,
Not only here in a meditation,
But throughout your day.
Remind yourself that being afraid of things going wrong isn't the way to make things go right.
Until we meet again,
My friends.
Namaste.
