Managing Worry

Do you worry about things like your family, the bills, your job, your business, how you'll get more clients, what people think of you? Basically, do you worry? If you answered "yes,"… this session is for you.

Transcript

Hello fellow Insight Timers.

Welcome to the Unstoppable Mindset,

A series of deep diving mindset related topics to empower,

Inspire,

Ignite,

And encourage one another.

So we go from underestimated to unstoppable.

And welcome to this session,

Managing Worry So It Doesn't Manage You.

Worry.

Every single person on this planet agonizes over something.

It's part of being human to fret about things like money,

Not being good enough,

Rejection,

What people think about us,

What they say about us.

Whether we made a fool out of ourselves at the dinner party or the last meeting we attended.

Worrying about our business falling apart,

Finding that perfect job or that perfect partner.

The list could go on and on for days.

And during this session,

We're going to expose worry for what it is,

A big pain in the backside,

And create some ways to manage it so it's not managing you.

I'm going to be sharing some experiments to try that I hope will help you to really take the charge out of the worry.

You know,

When it comes to worry,

Been there,

Done that,

Have the T-shirt and the bags under my eyes,

I used to think there was something really,

Really wrong with me,

That I couldn't get rid of those worries.

And so for the past four decades,

I've been on a mission to figure out how to stop the things like the anxiety that worry causes,

The what ifs,

The fears.

And here's something I've come to understand as a result of being on that mission.

It's not actually the worry that's the issue.

It's what we allow it to do to us.

That's when it becomes an issue.

When we allow it to do things like cause ruminations,

Distract us,

Drain our energy,

Tie us in knots,

Paralyze us,

Stop us from taking a chance or making a change,

Keep us up at night with a case of the toss and turns.

People please.

And as a recovering people pleaser,

I know this one all too well.

But here's a fun little factoid.

Your mind doesn't know fact from fiction or the future from the present moment.

It relies on you to tell it the truth.

That's why when you fret over something,

Your mind is taking those thoughts and making them feel like the truth.

Feel being the operative word.

And since thoughts create feelings,

It's those feelings that drive inaction or action.

That's also why when you're worried,

You either react to the worry in a way that might be emotionally charged or find yourself in a state of analysis paralysis,

Which is another nice way of saying inaction.

So if you're currently feeling like your worries are managing you instead of you managing them,

Not to worry.

No pun intended.

I've got your back today.

And before I share one of my favorite go tos when I'm in a place of concern or fretting about something,

I want to share two of my very favorite quotes that I think describe worry really well.

The first one is from the late Irma Baumbach.

She said,

Worry is like a rocking chair and gives you something to do,

But never get you anywhere.

And my second favorite quote is from the Dalai Lama.

And he said,

If a problem is fixable,

If a situation is such that you can do something about it,

Then there is no need to worry.

If it's not fixable,

Then there is no help in worrying.

There is no benefit in worrying whatsoever.

You know,

Those quotes are so on point.

Worry really is a waste of our time.

But the question then becomes,

If it's such a waste,

Then why do we do it?

Well,

I don't know about you,

But for me,

It's like Irma said,

It gives me something to do when I feel like I've got no other options or when I'm feeling powerless.

See,

Worry takes me out of the logical part of my brain,

My thinking brain,

And it throws me smack dab in the middle of what I call an amygdala hijack.

And the amygdala is the part of our brain that protects us from dangers.

It's what activates our urge to fight,

Fly or freeze.

And so that's what it does.

This is where I feel like I'm in need of fighting,

Flying or freezing.

And to get out of that hijack state and to begin to manage my worry and also to bring my brain back online,

I have found curiosity to be one of the very best tools.

Being curious takes some of the emotional charge out of the worry,

That emotional charge that has me connecting with the worry and then creating those sleepless nights or those knots in my stomach.

So the next time you find yourself worrying,

I want to encourage you to engage your curiosity by asking yourself a question.

Like,

For example,

Is there something I can do to fix this thing that I'm worried about?

By asking this question or any question,

For that matter,

You're helping to bring your own brain back online.

And this is where one of my favorite go tos comes in.

After I ask that question,

Is there something I can do to fix this thing I'm worried about?

I then engage choice because since worry makes me feel powerless,

Which in reality I'm really not,

Choice helps me to reengage my personal power.

So I then ask myself a question like,

So what do I choose to do right now instead of worry?

And I make a list of the things that I choose to do.

And then I choose from that list.

And if that question doesn't ring your bell,

Hey,

No problem.

Feel free to give some of the following questions a whirl.

And you may want to pull out a journal so that you can capture your thoughts and your ideas.

So another question you could ask yourself is if worry were a person,

What would I say to it to convince it to leave me alone?

I like to ask this question as well.

What is worry costing me?

And then as a follow up,

What do I want to do to mitigate that cost?

And another sample question you could ask is what is the opposite of worry for me?

For example,

Might be flow or ease and identifying what the opposite is.

You can then identify things you can do to create that those feelings of flow or ease or whatever the opposite of worry is for you.

And now I'd like to share a couple of experiments to try.

I want to encourage you.

Feel free.

Try one.

Try them all.

The first experiment is to schedule worry for another time.

So when worry hits the scene,

Make it a point to schedule time for it later.

Put it in your calendar.

And then when the scheduled time arises,

If you're still worried,

Sit with it.

Process it.

Allow yourself to feel it.

Journal about it.

Get curious.

Ask some questions.

Next experiment.

This one's a lot of fun.

Is to throw a worry party.

You heard me correctly.

Throw a worry party.

I mean,

Let's be honest.

If we're going to worry,

We might as well make it,

You know,

Make it fun.

So have a little worry party and you can include things like music,

Your favorite comfort foods.

This is not the time to count calories.

Black streamers and balloons because no party is complete without good decorations to set the mood.

A pad of paper and a pen for writing down all those funky worry feelings and negative thoughts.

And with your party supplies at the ready,

Set your worry party time and get ready to do just that.

The party,

Say,

For example,

You decide to quote unquote party from 8 p.

M.

To 10 p.

M.

Take that time to write down all the things you're worried about and why you're worried about them.

For example,

I'm worried that I'm going to lose my job because I don't think my manager likes me.

I'm worried that my boyfriend is going to break up with me because he'll meet someone else at work.

I'm worried that my friends think I'm weird because I want to go vegan.

Use the time to sit with your worries,

But make sure you don't go over the time you've allotted for that worry.

You don't want to turn your worry into an inconsiderate guest who stays well past the time the party is over.

The purpose of this little party is to give yourself the space and the time to get your worries out of your head where they have a tendency to grow larger.

Worry is similar to bacteria.

If it's left in the dark,

It will grow.

But when you shine a light on it,

It diminishes it inside.

And here's something that's very important.

Once the party is over,

Show worry to the door by ripping up or burning whatever it was you wrote.

And if you don't need the entire time that you've allotted for your party,

That's OK.

It's all good.

The next experiment is change the what if worries to how can I?

How can I empower?

Plain and simple,

It empowers.

So when you feel empowered,

You take yourself out of the worry zone because empowering feelings are much stronger than worry.

One of the best ways to feel empowered is to arm yourself with those viable actions that you can take when worry causes you to do the what if dance.

So ask yourself this question for every what if.

How can I and then fill in the blank.

For example,

Let's say you find yourself saying,

What if I flunk this test?

Ask yourself,

How can I make sure to pass this test?

And then let the answers come out.

Another example for another experiment.

Pardon me.

Reject worry and give it the bouncer boot.

Do you ever worry about being rejected or something not working out?

If you answered yes,

First,

You need to know that you're not alone.

And second,

Know that it's absolutely natural.

Every person has a need to feel accepted,

Loved and wanted,

Particularly when it comes to the things that are important,

Like that cool job or that loving relationship.

But what if I told you that there really was no such thing as rejection?

Hard to believe,

I know,

But there's not.

And here's why.

If something or someone doesn't work out,

That's just the universe's way of protecting you,

Protecting your time,

Your energy and your heart from something or someone that's not a good fit.

Ensuring that you have that space and that time for someone or something that is a good fit.

How cool is that?

It's like having your own personal bouncer,

Someone that quote unquote controls access to you,

Making sure that nothing and no one gets through unless they're a good fit.

So if you're currently worried about being rejected,

Be sure to ask yourself this question.

If this doesn't work out,

What will I have the space for?

And then take solace in knowing that something bigger and better is on its way.

Bouncer approved.

And the last experiment,

And I would love for you all to try this with me right now.

It's called present moment mojo.

Are you worrying about something that has not happened?

Are you thinking about something that happened and you're worried that it will happen again?

Either way,

Worry will take you on a little trip out of the present moment so it can continue to mess with your mind.

You see worry only likes to hang out in the future where events have yet to happen and may not even happen.

Or it likes to park itself in the past and cause ruminating thoughts.

So if you find yourself taking that little trip with worry,

Try engaging your present moment mojo with this simple but effective exercise.

And I'm going to ask you to do it right now with me.

Get comfortable.

You can sit comfortably or lay down,

Whatever you prefer.

And I'm going to ask you take a deep breath.

And I'm going to also ask that as you're taking a deep breath to look around.

What do you hear right now,

Aside from my voice?

What do you see right now?

What are you feeling on your skin at this moment?

What,

If anything,

Can you taste right now?

Now,

I would like to ask that you take another really good deep breath and filling your belly full of air and letting it go.

You've just used your senses as a way to get off the worry trip and back into the present moment where everything is OK.

I want to thank you for being here.

And I want to tell you until next time,

I'm wishing you much peace,

Love and unstoppable positive vibes.

Take care and be well,

Everyone.

Reviews

Such a gentle healing talk with practical tips and reality checks to deal with worry. Thank you!

I found this to be extremely helpful. 10 out of 10. Thank you so very much.

I found that really useful and interesting. Thank you 🙏

Very helpful. Thank you!

Awesome and what I needed. Thank You!

Very useful in finding ways to deal with worry. Thank you 🙏

Amazing! This is a refreshing take on how to manage your worries. I’ll definitely share this. 🥰

This was amazing, I took so many notes in my journal for the future. Thank you so much for sharing