Today,
We are exploring something that sounds so simple,
Yet feels so unsafe for so many perfectionists out there.
Rest.
Real rest.
The kind that isn't earned through exhaustion or guilt,
But that comes from safety,
Self-trust,
And inner permission.
So take a deep breath,
Close your eyes,
And whisper softly,
I allow myself to arrive.
Let your body land where you are.
And just notice,
Where in your body does that permission feel welcome?
And where does it feel tense?
Just observe.
Why perfectionists struggle to rest?
That's a good question.
If you have ever tried to rest and suddenly felt anxious,
Restless,
Or guilty,
You are not alone.
For many perfectionists,
The body has learned to equate being active with being safe.
As children,
This drive was never about ambition,
It was about survival.
Let me give you some examples.
Maybe you learned that when you achieved something,
You finally received attention.
Or when you took care of everyone else's needs,
You were finally accepted.
Or perhaps being perfect meant avoiding criticism or keeping the peace in a chaotic home.
So your nervous system learned,
If I do more,
I'll be loved.
If I control everything,
I'll be safe.
If I keep fixing problems,
Nothing bad will happen.
That rush you feel when you're multitasking,
Overthinking,
Or overgiving,
It's not energy.
It's cortisol and adrenaline.
It's the body's way of saying,
Stay alert,
Stay useful,
If you want to stay safe.
I also remember back from my childhood years,
There was no rest.
That was not part of a curriculum.
I studied,
I did homework,
I commuted to go from school to home to tutoring lessons.
Rest was a completely unknown word.
So think back to your childhood years.
What did you have to do in order to feel seen,
Safe,
In control,
Loved,
Appreciated,
Accepted?
Take a deep breath,
And thank that younger you who was doing their best to survive.
And what about now?
Now,
As adults,
The same pattern continues,
Just with more elegant disguises.
You stay late at work because being useful equals being worthy and keeping your job.
You meet everyone's needs so no one is disappointed because you have to keep the harmony.
Because disappointment still feels like danger,
Threat.
You constantly scan for problems because your body believes that if you find them first,
You can prevent them.
You can prevent trouble,
You can prevent pain.
And every time you try to rest,
That old survival code gets activated.
The guilt arises.
I should be doing something.
The anxiety whispers.
If I stop,
Something wrong will happen.
But remember,
This is not laziness or lack of discipline.
This is your nervous system wired for protection,
Not peace.
What I would like you to practice.
Notice the next time you feel the urge to just check one more thing and then I'm done.
Just one more thing and then I'm done.
Pause.
That's the moment you pause.
When you feel the urge to just check one more thing,
Pause.
Place your hand on your chest and say,
Nothing is collapsing in this moment.
I'm safe enough to pause.
This can wait for later.
I want to feel safe now.
I am safe enough to pause.
And just feel your heart's rhythm slowing down.
And since we're talking specifically about perfectionists,
Why perfectionists need rest the most?
Because actually your body has been running on high alert for years,
Maybe decades.
You've been serving,
Protecting,
Fixing,
Helping,
Supporting,
Caring,
Trying to make the world safe by managing it all.
But your body needs to know that it's safe even when you do nothing.
Your body needs to know that your needs are also important.
So rest is not what you think.
It's not a reward for your performance.
It's not the result after you have been productive.
It's a biological necessity.
It's a prerequisite.
It's the reset button your nervous system has been begging you to press.
So let's practice that in this present moment.
Unclench one part of your body.
One part.
Your jaw or your shoulders.
Your forehead.
Your belly.
Just unclench one part of your body and breathe into that space.
And let that part of your body know that you are safe now.
You don't have to hold everything together.
But when we are moving into this inner shift,
What does really happen?
Is that so easy and glamorous?
No.
Here's the paradox.
The very moment you begin to rest or you start thinking of resting,
Or allowing yourself to rest,
That very moment will feel like the most unsafe one.
Your mind will try to find any possible reason why you don't need to rest.
You're fine,
It will say.
You don't need rest.
You have plenty of things to do,
It will say.
We cannot afford rest now.
And your body will signal on the same wavelength.
You might feel uneasy,
Panic,
Restless.
Something is wrong.
But don't panic.
That's not danger.
That's detox.
That's your body unlearning the addiction to cortisol and adrenaline.
It's the moment you go from surviving to thriving.
It's detox,
Not danger.
And resting is not giving up.
It's returning home to yourself.
It's the body finally whispering,
We don't have to run anymore.
Thank goodness.
So when you slow down or you try to slow down,
What feelings rush in?
Just observe them.
And instead of fighting them or trying to do something so that they can stop,
Aka you go back to work or being productive,
Try this mantra.
These sensations are my body learning to feel safe again.
These sensations are my detox and my body unlearning the addiction to cortisol and adrenaline.
And it's okay.
Now,
Before the perfectionist idea of success was constant productivity,
Doing more,
Being more,
Proving more.
Now we're going to try the reframing.
That kind of success leaves no space for peace,
No space for joy.
Now we're going to create a new definition of success.
Success now means a calm nervous system.
Success now means a rested body.
Success now means a heart that feels safe enough to slow down.
Rest doesn't make you less ambitious.
It makes you clearer.
Calmer.
With more energy.
When you rest,
You think better.
You feel more connected to your needs.
You show up with energy that is sustainable,
Not energy borrowed from tomorrow.
So this practice of reframing success,
Write it down.
Write it somewhere visible.
Rest is the foundation of my success.
And every time guilt appears,
Read this line again and place your hand on that phrase and breathe.
Now,
Let's pause for a moment.
Imagine your body as a home that's been under construction for years.
Hammering,
Fixing,
Repairing,
Repainting,
Dust,
Noise,
Constant work.
And now picture yourself laying down the tools.
Quiet.
Light.
And yet the house stands strong and enough.
Can you trust that the walls will hold even when you stop repairing them for a while?
Can you remind yourself that your worth isn't measured by how much you do,
But by who you are,
Even in stillness?
So whisper to yourself,
Even when I rest,
I am enough.
Even when I do less,
I am safe.
Even when I stop running,
I am loved.
Spend one minute after this talk doing absolutely nothing.
No phone,
No note-taking,
Just breathe.
And let your body experience the radical act of rest.
So today,
When you take a break,
Don't call it laziness.
Call it courage.
Because resting,
For somebody who has lived in survival mode for so long,
Is one of the bravest acts of self-healing.
Rest is not an interruption to your growth.
It's the soil that allows it.
And when you rest,
Your body begins to trust again.
And from that trust,
Real strength,
Clarity and joy can grow again.
Let yourself rest.
You've done enough.
You are enough.
Thank you for listening.
Until next time,
Take good care of yourself.
