Release Your Need For Control (Equanimity Practice)

This practice will help you cultivate acceptance and peace with things you cannot control. This is specially useful when dealing with other people’s suffering or upsetting circumstances. Cultivating equanimity will support you in the awareness that we’re all part of a larger dance, enabling you to feel a sense of peace and balance. While you can care for others and strive to alleviate pain, other people’s happiness and suffering ultimately depends on their thoughts and actions.

Transcript

I was recently on a meditation retreat with Jack Kornfield,

Who's been a teacher and mentor of mine,

And there were several questions about what to do with the suffering of the world,

Whether it's climate change or racial injustice,

Or watching a family member or loved one struggle with an addiction or an illness.

How can we have compassion and yet also have a balanced,

Peaceful heart where we don't take on the weight of the world on our shoulders?

The practice that supports this is cultivating equanimity.

Letting go,

Letting go of control.

Letting go doesn't mean that you don't care about someone or some issue anymore.

It's just realizing that the only person you really have control over is yourself.

So today we'll be doing a practice of equanimity.

Sitting comfortably,

Resting here on the earth,

Feeling the support of a chair or floor beneath you,

And the spaciousness of the sky above you,

Allowing your eyes to gently close.

Beginning to inhale calm,

Peaceful energy,

And as you exhale,

Releasing any tension or stress that you've been holding onto.

When we practice equanimity,

We can feel this possibility of a balanced,

Peaceful heart in the midst of life when we recognize that life is not in our control.

We're part of a bigger dance.

So as you bring a soft attention to your breath and your body,

And mind begin to calm,

Begin by reflecting on the benefit of a mind that has balance and equanimity.

Sense what a gift it can be to bring a peaceful heart to the world around you.

Let yourself feel an inner sense of balance and ease.

Then begin repeating these phrases.

May I be balanced and at peace.

Acknowledge that all created things arise and pass away.

Joys,

Sorrows,

Pleasant events,

People,

Buildings,

Animals,

Nations,

Even whole civilizations arise and pass away.

Let yourself rest in the midst of them.

May I learn to see the arising and passing of all nature with equanimity and balance.

May I be open and balanced and peaceful.

Acknowledge that all beings are heirs to their own karma and that their lives arise and pass away following the care and care of their own karma.

Acknowledge that all beings are heirs to their own karma and that their lives arise and pass away following the conditions and deeds created by them.

While you can deeply love and care for others,

In the end,

Their happiness and suffering depend on their thoughts and actions.

To find equanimity with others,

Add this phrase.

Your happiness and suffering depend on your thoughts and actions and not my wishes for you.

Your happiness and suffering depend on your thoughts and actions and not my wishes for you.

In the next steps,

You can wish peace and equanimity for specific people you know and then to those beyond,

Individually or in groups.

Wishing,

May you learn to see the arising and passing of all things with equanimity and balance.

May you have true equanimity.

May you be balanced and peaceful.

May you be able to see the arising and passing of all things with equanimity and balance.

May you have true equanimity.

May you be balanced and peaceful.

May you be balanced and peaceful.

Finally,

You can expand your own field of equanimity to the whole world.

May I bring compassion and equanimity to the events of the world.

May I bring compassion and equanimity to the events of the world.

May I find balance and equanimity and peace amidst it all.

May I find balance and equanimity and peace amidst it all.

Calling to mind the well-known serenity prayer that says,

May I have the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.

The call to mind is to accept the things I cannot change.

The call to mind is to accept the things I cannot change.

The well-known serenity prayer that says,

May I have the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.

The courage to change the things I can.

And the wisdom to know the difference.

Wisdom recognizes that we can deeply love others and offer them assistance,

But in the end,

They must learn for themselves.

And their happiness and suffering depend on their thoughts and actions,

And not your wishes for them.

Calling to mind now someone in your life perhaps who's been suffering,

And for whom it's been difficult,

And you've had a hard time also watching them suffer.

As you say to them,

May you learn to see the arising and passing of all things with equanimity and balance.

May you have true equanimity.

May you be balanced and peaceful.

Your happiness and suffering depend on your thoughts and actions,

And not my wishes for them.

Your happiness and suffering depend on your thoughts and actions,

And not my wishes for you.

I release any of your pain and suffering that I've been holding.

I let that go.

I give that back to you now with love and ease.

Sometimes it can even help to gesture with your hands that you're letting go of this burden that you've been carrying on behalf of someone else.

Now breathing deeply into your calm,

Peaceful,

Balanced heart.

And as you let go of some of these pains and burdens of the world or of other people that you've been holding on to,

You create the space for a new beginning.

I'd like to read a poem by John O'Donoghue.

In out-of-the-way places of the heart where your thoughts never think to wander,

This beginning has been quietly forming,

Waiting until you were ready to emerge.

For a long time,

It has watched your desire,

Feeling the emptiness growing inside you,

Noticing how you willed yourself on,

Still unable to leave what you had outgrown.

It watched you play with the sedation of your thoughts and actions,

And the gray promises that sameness whispered.

Heard the waves of turmoil rise and relent.

Wondered,

Would you always live like this?

Then,

The delight,

When your courage kindled and out you stepped onto new ground,

Your eyes young again,

And your heart filled with joy.

You walked onto new ground,

Your eyes young again with energy and dream,

A path of plenitude opening before you.

Though your destination is not yet clear,

You can trust the promise of this opening.

Unfurl yourself into the grace of beginning that is at one with your life's desire.

Awaken your spirit to adventure.

Hold nothing back.

Learn to find ease in risk.

Soon,

You will be home in a new rhythm.

For your soul senses the world that awaits you.

As we cultivate a peaceful,

Balanced heart,

And create healthy boundaries with others,

Letting go of the things we cannot control,

This creates an opening for your soul to sense the world that awaits you as you step out fully with equanimity and love.

And as you're ready,

Allowing your eyes to gently open,

Noticing the colors and sounds in the room around you,

Perhaps taking in light and shadow,

Or some aspect of your environment that you hadn't noticed before.

As you go about your day,

Bringing this sense of equanimity with a peaceful,

Balanced heart to all that you do,

Have a wonderful day.

Namaste.

Reviews

Nice to hear your interpretation of these wonderful teachings.
Thank you, Vanessa!
Donna

Just what I needed today. I feel that this meditation has found me. Thank you so much 🙏.

This is possibly the best guided meditation that I've ever heard in my whole life. I can't believe just how much I needed to hear everything that you said. They all fit perfectly. I cried so much. Thank you.

Beautiful . Moving. Will come back to do it again. Thank you

Guidance that has helped to put my mind more at peace!

Grateful for taking this time to slow down and face my thoughts.

Love this awareness meditation.. thank you for sharing your insights.

Your voice and content really impacted me. Thank you

Wonderful guided meditation. Just what I needed today.

Peaceful, calming and empowering. A beautiful way to begin my day! Thank you!💛

Just amazing, Vanessa. The Universe flowed through you this day. I am very grateful! 🙏

Adding to my library as a tool for my search for equanimity. ❤️

This was very well received, as ivsruggle with many of the mentioned thoughts. Thank you.

Excelente prática para lidar com vontade de controlar tudo a nossa volta.

Beautiful..loved this longer version..I found this meditation very freeing 🌊 thank you Vanessa 🙏 🌻

Very peaceful. I’ll need to give another listen, as I was distracted by my kitty. 🙏🏼♥️

Wonderful words of wisdom. Just what I needed for today.
Have a serene day today
🙏

Such joy. Thank you for sharing such a beautiful gift reminding me that all things need not rest here in my heart, soul, and mind.
Namastee

Great when you need to release worry about those you cannot control

Loved the meditation and loved the poem spot on today thank you