Holiday Survival Guide For Single Women Over 40: Ep 12

In the heartfelt Season 1 finale of the Stop Chasing Unavailable Guys podcast, host Truly Eleanor shares a special holiday survival guide crafted for single women over 40 who may be feeling the holiday pressure. Reflecting on the transformational journey of Season 1, this episode is packed with practical tips to help you navigate the festive season with confidence and grace.

What You'll Learn: Reflect on your year and uncover patterns in your love life, Set boundaries with family and friends during holiday gatherings, Learn the power of having a supportive ally, Release emotions and prioritize self-care amidst the holiday hustle, Manifest love with intention and embrace a circle exercise to let go of negativity.

Transcript

If you're a single woman over 40 and you're looking for love and you're dreading the holidays and being the single person at the holiday dinner table,

Then please listen into this episode.

I'm going to go over my holiday survival guide as well as wrapping up season one and what is to come in season two.

So you don't want to miss this.

Let's get started.

Welcome to the Stop Chasing Unavailable Guys podcast,

Where I teach single women over 40 the fastest path to find Mr.

Right,

So you can stop wasting time on emotionally unavailable guys.

I'm your host,

Truly Eleanor,

And I'm here to give you the tools to find the love you desire.

After years of coaching women worldwide and breaking my own patterns to find Mr.

Right in my forties,

I know love is closer than you think.

Let's get started.

Welcome to season one finale,

Episode 12.

I really can't believe it.

This has been a whirlwind and just a dream come true for me to do this podcast for you.

And I really want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for listening in and coming along with me on your Shiro's journey.

First,

Let's go over what we've learned and all of the things that you have kind of experienced throughout this season.

I like to think of it as what I call the Shiro's journey,

Which is really coming into your own power in terms of love,

Taking your power back and being able to make choices that are good for you and choosing the right person and the right guy who I call Mr.

Right.

And of course,

It's Mr.

Right for you.

It's different for everyone.

So in episode one,

I went over my mission,

Which is to help women really know that they're not alone,

That love is possible,

That you can step into the realm of possibilities.

No matter what your circumstances have been in the past,

No matter what kind of patterns you have or choices you've made.

And even if you feel like,

Oh,

I keep making the same decisions over and over again that are not good for me.

It's still possible to find the love of your life.

And especially after 40,

It is actually something that you can do and that I've done myself and seen time and time again with clients and my community.

And of course,

I love to say,

If you've been listening to this season,

My favorite phrase is love is closer than you think.

And that's really what I mean by my mission is to help women not only to know that and truly believe that,

But also learn practical steps and tips to go through so that you can start making those choices that are leading you in the direction of your Mr.

Right and to stop wasting time and precious energy on those unavailable guys.

And so that's really my mission in a nutshell.

And so if you want to hear more about that,

You can go to episode one.

And then in the second episode,

I went over my story,

Which is my Shiro's love journey from what I call,

You know,

My hot mess express when I was dating and choosing unavailable relationships over and over again and chasing after love as opposed to letting love into my life and to actually putting my energy into finding someone who's going to see me for who I am.

And so I talk about my story and my journey in episode number two.

Then we talk about what I call pinch me love,

Which is the description and really the way I see love and true love or whatever word you want to use.

I like to use pinch me love because I actually found something that was better than I could ever imagine.

And so when you experience that,

You're like,

Pinch me,

Is this real?

And it's like,

Yes,

It is.

And I've had clients describe their experiences of meeting someone,

The love of their life as the same type of thing better than they could have imagined.

And that's why I talk about pinch me love.

If you want to know more about what that is,

I go into that in episode three.

And then I went over the dating myths.

So the top dating myths that I see women over 40 doing time and time again,

And what I feel are the most kind of destructive and time wasting and energy wasting kind of mistakes that we make as women when we're dating over 40.

And some of the myths that we fall prey to and belief systems.

So I really go deeply into that and the top dating myths and the underlying limiting beliefs.

And I go into,

You know,

What is behind that?

What is the need behind falling for those kind of myths?

And really unraveling the whole mystery around it so you can have some real clarity in your life around dating.

And then some of my favorite parts were looking at the worst dating advice that I have seen for women over 40.

And as a love coach and coaching for over 15 years,

I've pretty much seen it all and,

And being in the spiritual world as an energy healer.

And working in that space,

I've seen a lot of very,

Almost toxic dating advice for women.

And so I go over the top three worst dating advice,

Kind of talking points in my episodes.

So if you want to go back and do that,

You can listen to those episodes.

It's a mini series within the season.

And I talk about getting into your divine feminine and keeping a guy's interests with sort of inauthentic phrases and looking at things like that.

So if that interests you,

And you haven't listened to those episodes,

Definitely go back and check that out.

And then I talk about some more into the dating advice.

And then I talk about my framework.

So what to actually do,

You know,

Like the last few episodes are,

Well,

This is all well and good.

Now I know what my limiting beliefs are.

I know the myths that are out there.

I know the worst dating advice.

And I'm pretty clear.

And as a lot of women has have told me,

They're like,

I know exactly what I'm doing.

And I know what I'm not supposed to be doing.

And I know what the sabotaging part of me is doing.

But what am I supposed to do instead?

Like I don't even really know how to find love,

Or maybe I haven't experienced the kind of relationship I'm looking for.

So I'm really unsure of what to do now.

And so in the last part of the season,

I go into step by step my technique,

Which I call the let love in technique.

And I do an overview of the whole framework,

So that you have a big picture,

Which I always like to do is,

What's the big picture and then diving into the details.

And so I have an episode on the overview,

Which is really about getting out of your head and into your heart and into your body,

And listening to your intuition and trusting yourself and allowing your heart's desires to guide you.

These are all extremely important shifts to make.

And the good news is that this is an internal shift that doesn't have anything to do with some of the things you might have heard out there like,

Oh,

I'm in,

I'm in New York City,

Or I'm in California,

Wherever it is.

And there's no men here.

And it's all women.

And like,

I'm,

I'm looking for a single guy.

And there's no one my age,

Who's going to like me.

And all of these are limiting beliefs.

And even though it is technically true that there are a lot more women than men,

It doesn't mean that you have like that it's not possible for you to find love.

And so getting out of your head and into your intuition and your heart's desires allows you to move towards what you want and make the choice.

This is what I want,

As opposed to getting pulled in every direction by the negative things in the news or things that people say around dating after 40.

And so that's really what my technique targets helps you target is you can do all of these things despite what everyone's saying.

Despite the circumstances that you think are against you,

Or not in your favor,

And you can still find love.

And this is still possible to find someone who is amazing and who can see you for who you are.

And what I call who I call Mr.

Right.

So then the next three episodes are around each piece of my framework.

And there's three pillars.

And so I talked about the let part of the let love in which is letting go of the past and going into all of those pieces and techniques and different healing modalities that you can use and practical exercises you can do.

And then the second part is the love piece or the love pillar,

Which I talked about having the love goggles on and how you can take off your love goggles so that you can actually see what you need to see and go in the direction of love.

And the last part is the in part of the let love in.

So that's really trusting in your heart and trusting in yourself and cultivating this authentic connection with your true self.

And that's a very pivotal piece of my framework.

So if any of those interest you,

You can just go back and look at the different episodes and dive into that.

And maybe if you have some extra time over the holiday season,

You can go and listen to those as a sort of self care journey that you can go on over the holidays and to help you move into 2025 with an exciting move in the direction of what you want and going after love in 2025.

Okay,

So let's talk about what you can do over the holidays in a practical sense because I always like to have really grounded ways of doing things.

It's all well and good to know about certain things,

But you need to have some practical things you can do to implement it and actually feel the change and feel better over the holidays specifically.

So the first part is really giving yourself space to assess your year.

This is going over the year and looking at,

Okay,

What has happened this year when it comes to relationships,

When it comes to dating,

Or even interpersonal relationships?

What have I experienced and what are some of the themes?

So just thinking about this now,

You can just go over your year in your head or you can write it down later and do some journaling.

But just how has my year been?

What have I been doing?

Have I been on dates?

Have I been just spending this year doing some internal reflective work?

Have I been doing some healing work?

Have I decided to give myself a break from dating?

Where have you been this year?

That's the first part.

And then seeing if you can figure out any themes.

So have you picked up on any patterns or noticed some themes?

Maybe going through this season and listening to these podcasts,

You've realized something about yourself and you've had clarity.

You've had an aha moment,

As Oprah would say.

And so write down your aha moments and your themes for the year around dating and love and even self-love.

This can be extremely helpful for you to go into the holidays.

So if you're going to be going over to friends' places or holiday parties or family gatherings and you're feeling a little bit upset or maybe people are always making comments or you feel insecure about being the only single person or one of the only single people left,

As you know sometimes can happen,

By giving yourself this time to reflect and to assess what has been going on,

It helps you to feel stronger within yourself so that you can be more confident to speak your truth and really speak up if things,

You know,

Become upsetting.

So I'll give you an example.

If you go to your,

You know,

A family gathering,

I want you to decide before you go on a couple of things for yourself.

Decide what your boundaries are.

I think the best way to do this is to ask someone for what you need before or tell someone where you are.

For example,

You can call a relative and say you're going to your parent's house or caregiver's or some family member,

Loved one's house.

Why not call them beforehand and say,

I just wanted to have a conversation with you because I'm feeling a little bit insecure about my single status or my relationship status and I really don't want it to be a topic of conversation and I would really appreciate if we could just leave that out of the conversation for this year and I really thank you for respecting my wishes and my boundaries and I appreciate your support.

So you can frame it like that.

If that is possible for you,

Sometimes the family dynamics are not that supportive and so that wouldn't be an option for you.

So the second thing you can do is actually bring a friend or have an ally.

So maybe you have a family member who is really supportive of you.

Talk to them beforehand and say,

I'm feeling really insecure and I get kind of upset when people bring up the fact that I'm single or if they make jokes or negative remarks and I'm wondering if you can help me or support me if that happens and just jump in for me.

So giving them a heads up and telling them what you need.

If there is someone in your family or a loved one that you can say,

I need your support over the holidays before we go to whatever event it is,

That's a really,

Really helpful one.

And then like I said before,

If those first two aren't really an option,

Then you can bring a friend.

Bring a friend with you who is supportive and tell them what you're going through.

They know ahead of time to jump in and support you or change topics or whatever it is to help you to get through the holidays and these events without being singled out,

No pun intended,

Or just made to feel embarrassed or whatever it is about your situation or being grilled.

Sometimes relatives can be like,

What is wrong?

How come you haven't found anyone?

And all of these things can kind of spiral into a negative conversation.

So that's a great set of tools that you can have as a survival guide for family interactions.

And then doing the journaling exercise,

You also want to give yourself some space,

Whether it's after work and before the party or giving yourself some time in your calendar,

Just saying,

Okay,

For the next two or three days,

I'm going to take this time for myself.

And even though I have time off and I could go see some relatives,

I'm not going to,

I'm going to instead take this day for myself.

And you can do like a releasing emotions kind of party for yourself and spend a couple of hours maybe in the bath.

I like to meditate and really tune in to how I'm feeling in the bath.

And it's just so relaxing with candles and you just close your eyes and say,

Okay,

How am I feeling right now?

And if you release some emotions,

If you feel some tears,

Some things coming out,

That's really wonderful.

Cause again,

That's going to help you to feel more confident,

To feel more clear within yourself,

To feel more connected to who you are so that when things come up that are upsetting or challenging or triggering,

That you are much more able to deal with these things with confidence and with integrity for yourself.

And so that's another thing is releasing emotions.

And then I've got two more here.

One is setting intentions for the holiday.

So the way we survive is to really take control and take our power back.

And this is not about controlling someone else.

You're not going to set an intention that someone else is going to be on their best behavior because we have absolutely no control over other people or relatives or anything like that.

When you set an intention,

What I mean by that is something like I intend to have fun,

To relax,

To laugh,

To find the humor and find the fun in this season.

I intend to open my heart and feel the Christmas spirits or the holiday spirits or religion or ceremonies you're taking part in.

You are feeling the magic,

The energy behind that season,

The meaning behind that season.

That can be an intention.

It has nothing to do with anybody else to make any decisions or changes because that's up to them.

Your intentions are always based on how you would like to feel,

What you want to experience.

It could be,

I intend to feel at peace within myself,

No matter where I am or what I'm doing this holiday season.

I intend to feel more at ease with myself,

More at peace,

Whatever it is.

I intend to feel more joy and connect into the joy of the moment.

These are all beautiful intentions that do not rely on anybody else.

And it doesn't matter what circumstances are,

You can still find the joy,

The peace,

The ease within yourself,

No matter what.

Those are really powerful things to do.

And I would write those down and have them with you as your survival guides,

Reading it in the morning or in the evening before you go out and having those as a beautiful tool in your toolbox.

The last thing I'll say,

Which is really another beautiful thing to do,

Is to look to the future.

You've assessed your year.

You've said,

Okay,

I've seen some patterns come up.

I was triggered by this or whatever situation it was.

Maybe you went on some dates and it was disappointing.

You want to look to the future and you can use those intentions for 2025.

It could be something like,

I intend to start dating in 2025.

I intend to ask friends for help to find someone or ask them to keep an eye out for someone who they think would be perfect for me or something like that.

I intend to open my heart to the possibilities of love in 2025.

Or you can just go right for the gold and say,

I intend to meet my Mr.

Right in 2025 and I'm so excited about it.

That could be a really beautiful intention.

Another thing is to do a circle manifestation.

This is really just a piece of paper and you draw a circle in the middle of the piece of paper and everything within the circle is for 2025 or for the next year.

Everything outside of the circle in this piece of paper is things you're letting go of.

Things in the circle are what you are inviting in for 2025.

What's outside of the circle is the things you're letting go of and leaving behind in 2024 or the year before.

Just take some time to write out in words,

Things like love,

Connection,

Intimacy,

Peace,

Relationship.

And then on the outside,

It could be letting go of insecurities,

Letting go of hesitation,

Letting go of any self-sabotaging dating patterns,

Letting go of feeling negative or feeling that things aren't possible.

And then in the circle,

You're inviting in feeling confident and feeling excited for the future.

Any of those examples are great.

And then when you're done,

You cut the circle and anything that is the scrap paper outside the circle,

You put in a bowl in a safe place.

So a ceramic bowl or something that won't be burned.

And you take a lighter and burn the outside of the circle where you're burning and letting go.

And it's a really powerful ceremony and a powerful exercise.

And I've done it multiple times and it's always worked out amazing.

And then you take the circle and you just have it with you somewhere like in your bedroom or somewhere you can see it on a regular basis and say,

This is my,

What I'm inviting in and creating in 2025.

I hope this has been helpful.

I will see you in season two,

Which is super exciting.

It's going to be coming out on January 20th,

2025.

We're going into action mode and how to actually meet your guy,

Your Mr.

Right.

We're going to be talking about the three ways to meet a high quality guy.

We're going to talk about red flags.

We're going to talk about the archetypes of how to recognize this Mr.

Unavailable that I talk about all the time and how to look at it as an archetype.

So you can see,

And it doesn't matter which guy it is.

You can always kind of see the archetype or the profile of the unavailable guy.

And we're going to do a first date,

What you need to know and being ready for your first date and all of these really exciting things.

You don't want to miss this.

I'm really excited for all of this stuff.

We're going to go into action mode in season two,

Meeting your guy.

Think about this holiday season.

Maybe you're not where you want to be and you're single and you're like,

I'm bummed out.

I'm single still.

But think about moving into the holidays for next year and having this relationship,

This beautiful pinch me love relationship with Mr.

Right.

Wouldn't that be amazing?

That's the vision I hold for you.

And I'm really excited to go through season two with you.

And remember,

Love is closer than you think.

Thank you so much for listening to season one.

And I can't wait to go through season two with you.

I'm Truly Eleanor.

See you next time.

And remember,

Love is closer than you think.