Giving And Receiving Love
Buddhist psychologist Lorne Ladner leads a meditation on giving and receiving love, a loving-kindness meditation with themes of connection, gratitude, and warmth. "The love I received and the love I give are not independent. They’re interdependent."
Transcript
Start by getting just get comfortable.
Just to bring ourselves into the present moment.
It can kind of help us ease extraneous discursive thoughts.
Just for a moment,
We'll focus on our breath.
As you breathe in,
Be aware of the present moment sensations of breathing in.
As you breathe out,
Be aware of the present moment sensations of breathing out.
As you breathe out,
Be aware of the present moment sensations of breathing out.
As you breathe out,
Be aware of the present moment sensations of breathing out.
As you breathe out,
Be aware of the present moment sensations of breathing out.
And while we're noticing the breathing,
Notice it in your body as well as you know,
Notice the movement of your rib cage as you breathe.
The subtler movement of your abdomen.
Now,
We're going to shift our attention.
What I ask you to do is actually to bring to mind.
One person from your childhood or early years who was kind to you,
Who loved you,
Could be a relative or a family friend,
A teacher,
Coach.
But just think of one person who you felt at some point.
Could be in your early childhood or teenage years,
You choose.
But just pick one person for now as an example who you felt,
At least in some moment,
Loved by,
For some moments.
What I want to ask you to do now is think of that person and think of what their facial expression was like when they were feeling that towards you when they looked at you.
In your mind's eye,
See the look in their eyes.
The look on their face.
See what their body was like.
What their posture was,
Their gestures.
And take a moment to like empathically resonate with what they were feeling.
You can also think of their behaviors,
What they were actually doing.
But the key here is to focus on the feeling,
How they were feeling towards you.
And just a few more moments.
Like open your heart to take that feeling in.
So as you're thinking of their facial expression,
The look in their eyes,
Their body posture,
Their tone of voice,
Their behaviors towards you when they were feeling love for you.
To let your own body resonate to that,
To feel it in your own body and mind.
And take a moment to notice what are those feelings,
Right?
When they were feeling their love for you,
Were they feeling concern or joy or warmth,
Affection,
Or whatever other feelings were connected to that.
And while still thinking of them,
Then shift a little bit your focus,
You know,
So you're still imagining them there,
Remembering the look in their eyes,
Their behavior,
Their emotions of love.
Then also shift your focus just a bit to also encompass what you feel as you remember that or bring that to mind or bring that up.
And so again,
You notice for yourself,
You may notice feelings of safety,
Feelings of warmth,
Feeling of being loved.
Feeling of gratitude or appreciation or your own warmth and let that resonate in your body.
All those,
Whatever feelings of those,
You know,
Connected to that love and connection,
Let them resonate in your mind and your body both.
Because as our mind focuses on receiving love,
It's the nature of our human body,
Right?
It's mammalian bodies that we resonate to that.
So let your body do that.
Whatever you can,
Feelings of fullness,
Warmth,
Safety,
Contentment.
And then next step in this contemplative meditation.
This is when I stay with those kinds of feelings,
But expand it to other people.
So just let yourself bring to mind a few other examples,
Or as many as you feel like right now,
Of other people who've loved you,
Who've appreciated you,
Who've cherished you.
Now again,
Just for a few moments here,
Bring to mind their body postures,
Their facial expressions,
The looks in their own,
How they were feeling.
Let yourself empathize with how they were feeling towards you,
Cherishing you,
Feeling warmly towards you,
Feeling concern-free.
Don't push yourself.
If it's just one or two people you bring to mind for now,
That's fine.
Or if you want to open up to actually that,
If you open up to even including those who felt that just for moments for you,
There's probably many people who had moments of feeling warmly,
Moments of feeling concern,
Moments of feeling kind,
Moments of cherishing you,
Appreciating you.
And if you have a resistance to that,
Notice that too,
Right?
That it's hard to take it in and that's okay.
Be gentle with your own resistance,
But just notice it.
Okay,
Wow.
Is it easy for me to take in that people have loved me,
Cherished me,
Or do I have blocks to that?
The feeling too vulnerable or something.
Just notice that's okay.
This is awareness.
And even if I feel some hesitance,
Still I know on some level,
Those people felt warmly towards me or cherished me or appreciated me.
It's still true.
I can be gentle with my own.
If I have awkwardness around vulnerability,
I can be gentle with that as well.
Just for another moment,
To the extent that you're willing and open or let yourself take in various people or perhaps many people have appreciated you.
Have cherished you.
Have felt love for you or compassion.
And let that resonate in your body and in your mind.
And again,
Notice from your own side,
How that may be connected to feelings of warmth.
Feelings of safety.
And again,
If it's also connected to some feelings of hesitance around vulnerability,
Just notice that also,
Be very gentle and accepting that that's part of your experience.
And just let yourself be filled up to the extent that you can with all those feelings and images.
Hush- Greene.
And next I want to just experiment with letting them overflow.
And when anybody does,
Let's start gently with just,
So now I'll think of one person in your present life,
In the present in your life.
And I want to ask just to imagine looking at them now with love.
Feeling love in your heart for them,
For one person for whom you feel it.
Maybe even it could be a pet or a human being,
Doesn't matter,
An animal or a person,
Whatever's easiest for you.
Start with the easy.
And imagine looking at them in your heart and feeling in your heart love for them,
Cherishing them,
Caring for them.
Think of them receiving that,
Seeing it in your eyes.
So now what you received,
Now you imagine them receiving that so they're feeling safe,
They're feeling cherished,
They're feeling warm.
As you're giving that from your body,
From your mind,
In your facial expression,
In your gesture.
And notice how it feels for you,
If you imagine them actually feeling that,
Receiving it.
How would it feel for them?
How does it feel for you?
How would it feel for you?
Just expand that a little more.
If you could actually give them a sense of safety,
A sense of happiness,
A sense of flourishing,
Well-being,
Joy,
You know,
A sense of goodness they could carry with them all the rest of their days and nights.
How would that feel?
How does that feel?
Something they can carry on forever.
That's giving love.
Notice the sense,
Right,
Of interconnectedness.
The love I receive,
The love I give are not independent,
They're interdependent.
If you wanna stay with just one person,
That's okay,
Or one animal or whatever,
But if you wanna expand that a little bit,
You can do it with just one person.
Okay,
Or one animal or whatever,
But if you wanna expand it out,
Then just play with that for a moment.
So imagine like that same exercise with others.
So other people,
You know,
Right,
Where they feel that you imagine you feel love for them and they feel love,
They feel protected or safe or careful or cherished.
And if you expand that out a bit,
Then notice how that feels.
Notice what you feel in your own body and mind.
And as you imagine them receiving it,
Receiving feelings of safety or being loved or being cherished or flourishing of wellbeing,
Wellbeing,
How does that feel?
One more time,
Just connect back,
Right?
So all,
You know,
Whether it be from that one person you started with or other,
You know,
All the people you may have thought of,
Like there's so many moments of love,
Of connection,
Of warmth that received.
And just again,
One last time,
Let's play for a moment with expanding,
Sending that outward.
Imagine that you're sending that energy outward of love.
So wherever somebody feels unsafe,
May they feel safe.
Wherever somebody feels,
Is feeling lonely.
May they have a friend or loved ones.
In families where people are in conflict with each other,
May they let go of conflict and feel loved by each other and safe with each other.
People are sick and afraid,
May they feel comforted,
Healed.
People are struggling,
May they have supportive,
Imagine giving them supportive friends.
Even like where nations are,
You know,
People are in conflict with each other.
They're feeling fear or hatred or anger.
May they feel love for each other,
For themselves and each other.
And we can conclude this meditation with a commitment to love actually.
So I've called it,
It's a meditation that I've been doing for a while now.
I can conclude this meditation with a commitment to love actually.
So I've cultivated some love in my own being,
I've received some love in my life.
So may my commitment be,
You know,
Whatever others do,
I can't control that.
But may my commitment be,
Love,
That that's what I'll strive to bring in the context of my family,
In the context of my neighborhood,
In the context of my workplace,
In the context of my town,
My state,
My country,
My planet,
The universe I find myself within.
My commitment is to,
I have a choice,
Right?
May my commitment,
My commitment is,
That's what I'll strive to contribute.
