Believing You Are Loveable

Many of us carry around the belief that we aren't loveable. Past rejection and hurt have turned into self-doubt and shame. In this meditation, we'll sit with these feelings, allow them to be felt, and tap into our inner voice that's supportive, kind and compassionate.

Transcript

Thanks for joining me today.

I want to start this meditation off by talking a little bit about that nagging voice that we have within.

It's that one that resurfaces at the most inconvenient times and tells us that we're not lovable.

But also how I found a way recently to begin replacing that voice with a kinder,

More compassionate voice.

One that's more grounded in the present moment rather than stuck in the past with all our negative experiences that are hard to shake off.

The ones that reinforce our beliefs that we are somehow not worthy or capable of love.

Even as I say these words,

It sounds a little ridiculous.

That we can talk to ourselves so harshly that we can be so judgmental instead of supportive.

But I know it's the way I talk to myself sometimes and I bet it's how lots of people talk to themselves.

Sometimes they're not even aware of it.

But I've decided it's time to change that dialogue and replace it with a kinder voice.

And maybe as you're sitting here,

You've come to that same conclusion.

So let's begin by settling in,

Finding a comfortable position.

Relax your whole body and check in with your body as a whole.

Notice if there's any areas of tension and try to soften them.

And let's put everything aside,

Everything that came before you chose to sit in meditation and take a few deep breaths.

As you breathe in,

Know that you're breathing in.

As you breathe out,

Know that you're breathing out.

See where you feel your breath most.

Feel your belly and chest fill with air as you inhale and how your whole body relaxes as you exhale.

Just sit in the stillness and enjoy the silence knowing there's nothing to do except be in this moment.

Your mind is resting in your body.

Your body is supported by your chair or your mat.

And know that you are supported throughout this meditation.

If any difficult feelings come up at any time,

You can come back to your breath again and again.

So now that we're a little more settled in,

I want to share a recent experience with you where I was blown over by those thoughts and feelings that maybe I'm not lovable.

My self-doubt took over and I pretty much began questioning everything about me.

And for this story,

I'm talking about the romantic kind of love,

But it could also be about really any form of love or human connection.

You might be single or already in a relationship,

But I'm talking about the feelings where you question your love ability,

Where you question your worth.

And these feelings can pop up and hijack you at any moment.

And they affect how you connect with your partner and others.

So this time for me,

It is about romantic love and how I noticed that I'm beginning to block out the idea of ever really finding a romantic connection.

It's not like I've lost all hope or totally given up,

But oftentimes I won't even allow myself to entertain the idea that maybe there is someone out there for me,

That maybe that kind of love is possible,

That someone will accept me,

All of me,

My awkwardness,

My quirky ways,

My self-perceived flaws,

That there's a person that I'll actually allow all the way in.

And I know at the core of all these feelings,

There's fear.

Fear that's been fueled by rejections,

By recent dating mishaps and by a whole lifetime of experience,

Of letdowns,

Of insecurities that have formed.

But on this day when I was hit with the realization or really just a fearful feeling that I might not be lovable,

I was on a hike by myself and I found myself daydreaming about having a conversation with this guy I was with who I was interested in.

You know,

It was one of those conversations that you make up in your head where everything you say is fabulous and spot on.

You've got it all figured out.

And in this daydream,

I had just said something funny to this guy and he turned around,

Smiled,

And looked at me in such a caring and accepting way.

His look said everything I had wanted to hear for so long.

And then he said something about the first time he knew he loved me.

And it was because of something silly or awkward I had said or done.

Not for being perfect,

For being exactly me.

And I felt this complete sense of acceptance and love wash over me.

What an amazing feeling to be seen and loved.

But then these feelings were overshadowed by a deep sadness and longing.

Just like that.

They were replaced with the felt sense that this was only ever going to be a fantasy.

This type of connection was never going to happen for me in real life.

Tears welled up in my eyes.

And I'm not a big crier.

So for me,

That was a lot just having these tears pop up.

And all those feelings of elation and acceptance.

They were so easily replaced by deep sadness.

How quickly it changed.

And I think one of the reasons it did is because I started to listen to that clever,

Sneaky inner voice.

You know the one.

It's fueled by self-doubt and shame and all our insecurities.

And it says,

You aren't lovable.

You're weird.

You're awkward.

You're probably not even capable of letting love in or being loved.

Logically,

I know all of this isn't true.

But emotionally,

Those feelings are there always just beneath the surface.

And now as I give voice to these thoughts and feelings,

Like I am doing right now,

Even though it's really hard,

It's embarrassing,

It's uncomfortable.

There's still a little part of me that chimes in and says,

So what?

Yes,

You're flawed.

Everyone is.

And the people that really matter in your life,

You love them for their flaws.

Because that's what makes them real.

And guess what?

You're not alone.

There are other people who feel the same way.

So talk about it.

Give light to these feelings.

Because when you do,

You take away some of that inner bully's power.

Shame and self-doubt,

They feed off of darkness.

But when they're brought to the surface to be seen and felt,

Just as I had done on that hike,

That's the way you can begin to move through them.

So I'm sharing all of this with you,

My experience with feeling unlovable,

Where my self-doubt eclipses everything else.

So that when and if you're faced with these feelings,

Maybe you'll be able to sit with them,

Understand them,

Move through them,

And let them go.

You'll be able to give them some space so you can learn what you need to from them,

But then move on.

And hopefully you'll be a little bit wiser and a little more kind and gentle to yourself.

And maybe you'll also be able to start questioning that inner bully and begin to replace it with the kinder,

Gentler voice that tells you nice things.

Things like you are lovable.

You are worthy of love.

You are unique,

Not awkward.

You are silly and fun,

Not weird and odd.

And that you do really matter.

I'd like to wrap up this meditation with a quote that I came across on my Instagram feed recently.

I'm not sure who it's by,

But it really stuck with me.

And what it said is,

If only our eyes saw souls instead of bodies,

How different our ideals of beauty would be.

If only our eyes saw souls instead of bodies,

How different our ideals of beauty would be.

I hope that what I've shared with you today shows you that you're not alone when you feel unlovable.

I'm right there with you.

And that there is beauty within you.

There's beauty within all of us.

We are all lovable quirks,

Flaws and all.

I'm honored I could connect a little bit with you today on that deeper level.

In the spirit,

In the soul and know that you are loved.

I hope to sit with you again soon.

Take care.

Reviews

Thank you for sharing this and being so vulnerable. Your words touched me and I realized that I also feel unlovable. I look forward to exploring more of your meditations.

Yes! I needed to hear this and I plan on playing this on a regular basis to remind myself.