Allowing Ourselves To Be Seen

Where in your life are you hiding and not allowing yourself to be fully seen? Putting ourselves out there can be overwhelming as fear of rejection and judgment override our desire for connection. In this meditation, we’ll take a closer look at ways to support ourselves when we question our value while also giving ourselves permission to just be our true selves.

Transcript

Thank you for choosing to sit with me today.

In this meditation,

We'll be taking a closer look at some of the reasons why we close ourselves off when we sit in fear of being vulnerable and exposed,

When we hold back so that we're not fully seen,

And then cultivate some ways that we can work through these feelings.

So let's begin.

Find a comfortable position where you're alert yet relaxed.

And try to put everything aside that came before you chose to sit today.

All the planning and worrying,

To-do lists and problem solving,

Set them aside for the next few minutes.

And we'll start off with a couple deep cleansing breaths.

As you breathe in,

Feel your breath.

As you exhale,

Feel your body relaxing a little more.

Notice how you are supported by your chair or your mat.

And check in with your body as a whole and see if you're still tense in any parts of your body.

Feel your hands resting in your lap.

Feel your head resting on your neck.

Lower your shoulders down.

Check in with your jaw.

Make sure you're not holding any tension there.

And just sit in this stillness and just be.

There's nothing to do right now.

There's nothing to figure out.

All you need to do is to sit here and begin turning inward.

And if that gets too much,

Just take this time to relax.

Just give yourself the gift of some stillness,

Of a pause to take care of yourself.

So I wanted to talk about the struggle of allowing myself to be seen because I think it's something that a lot of us share.

Do you ever catch yourself hiding parts of you that you believe are unattractive or embarrassing that you think will turn people off or make them run away?

I know I'm trying to become more aware of when I do this.

When I sometimes only show people the parts of myself that I see as flattering,

That I think people will want to see that they'll accept and embrace.

When I often reply,

I'm good,

When I'm anything but okay.

How I used to pride myself on being a chameleon,

Making myself conform to what supposedly is acceptable and good.

And I thought this was a skill.

But what I'm realizing is it's just a protective layer to keep people at a safe distance.

To never have to put myself fully out there so I can feel safe and protected.

But I'm actually stifling who I really am and that spark in me.

What makes me me starts to dim.

And I don't want to go through my whole life eclipsed by my fears and self-doubt.

I don't want to conceal my imperfections like a dog aimlessly burying bones in the yard.

So how do I find ways to feel safe enough to be seen?

To basically let it all hang out?

How do we peacefully coexist with our fears and self-doubt when they're ingrained in our DNA and we were brought up to believe that it's safer to keep parts of ourselves locked away?

I grew up believing I should show the outside world a polished version of myself and that I should keep all my inner turmoil locked safely within.

Don't be a bother.

Don't be a nuisance.

Be a people pleaser.

Does any of this ring true with you too?

Can you remember a recent time where what you said was not in line with what you were feeling?

And do you also think that there might be a better way to live?

That it's possible to rewrite the script of how you see yourself and what you choose to share with the world?

I know I don't want to feel guarded anymore.

It's exhausting and it gets lonely in there.

When we do this,

We miss out on a whole lot of deep intimate connection.

I'm not saying it's easy to break out of old habits,

But I think it is necessary.

And the simple fact that you are having this internal conversation is huge.

Becoming aware of your old patterns and having a willingness to look at them more closely is huge.

It's one of the keys to self-awareness and discovery.

And it sets the stage so that we can begin testing the waters,

Putting ourselves out there little by little.

And the more we do this,

The easier it gets.

Because most times all the horrible scenarios we create in our minds never actually happen.

I love the quote by Mark Twain where he says,

My life has been filled with terrible misfortune,

Most of which never happened.

That is so true.

We are all pros at creating made-up catastrophes in our heads.

And all they end up doing is feeding our fears,

Giving us more reasons to hold back.

Searching out potential danger is a survival instinct that served our ancestors well in staying physically safe.

But now it's just messing with our emotional equilibrium.

How do we counteract these deep-seated impulses to stay safe and hidden?

I think one way is to just allow all of this to be felt.

To sit with our fears,

To invite uncomfortable feelings in for a bit,

To listen to the messages from our self-doubt and shame,

And then let them move on.

Because nothing is permanent.

These difficult feelings only cause us trouble when we keep reviving them,

When we spin crazy stories around them,

And then we get stuck.

But there is a way out.

Just as we're doing right now in meditation,

And as we can carry this into our daily practice,

Of investigating these feelings,

Sitting with them,

And then letting them move on.

I recently stumbled upon some words from Vincent van Gogh,

Who was definitely a brilliant and tormented soul.

But what he said I found interesting.

He wrote in his diaries,

Does what happens inside show on the outside?

There is such a great fire in one's soul,

And yet nobody ever comes to warm themselves there,

And passerby see nothing but a little smoke coming from the top of the chimney and go on their way.

And I think what he's saying is that when we dim ourselves,

When we hold back parts of ourselves,

We're missing out on real connection.

We do this so we won't appear different,

So we won't stand out,

And can then be shielded from criticism or failure.

But we're actually missing out on so much more.

We're robbing ourselves and those around us of who we really are,

And all the beautiful things we have to offer.

We're showing the world incomplete versions of ourselves.

Wouldn't it feel better to be complete,

To be sharing all of ourselves with others,

And to be comfortable doing it?

It is actually pretty freeing to just let it all hang out.

I know I do this when I'm with my kids.

I've been paying more attention to that lately,

Where I'm not censoring myself or feeling self-conscious,

Just acting silly and laughing and being completely unguarded and exposed.

Can you think of people in your life where you allow yourself to be this free,

Where you can totally let go?

These are the people that make up our tribe,

The ones who we know will accept us,

All of us.

We know we will be cared for and supported no matter what.

I feel very grateful to have a place like Insight Timer to find people that are part of my tribe,

Part of my spiritual tribe.

I am honored that I was able to sit with you today,

To share how it feels when we struggle with being vulnerable,

With being seen.

Because I think when we give voice to these feelings,

We can take away some of their power.

We can learn from them,

Move through them,

And come out a little wiser with some more insight on the other side.

And I consider each of you part of my spiritual tribe.

I hope that we can connect again soon.

Take care.

Reviews

What I really like is that Tibby speaks in “I” and “we” statements. This sets her apart from most other contributors here that use “you” statements and try to tell me how I feel, how the universe supports me, who I am. Tibby is different and it was so refreshing.

The part about being like a chameleon really resonated. No surprise I felt exposed after hearing that but I guess that’s the point. Grateful I came across this meditation. Thank you