Shut Down The Internal Critic & Switch To Healthy Fuel

In this parts work meditation, you'll be invited to connect with the part of you that protects you in an aggressive way, and the part of you that rebels against it. By changing the way of relating to them, and listening to understand, we can re-structure this inner system to reflect what we actually want to do without force. Practice this regularly to see major shifts!

Transcript

Hey,

It's Cyrus,

And maybe you try to motivate yourself by being hard on yourself,

Or being a jerk to yourself,

Or being a commanding army general and saying,

Get your ish together,

Put your feelings aside and move forward,

But maybe you've noticed that only works sometimes.

And then the rest of the time you end up procrastinating or rebelling against yourself because you don't like being told what to do,

Not even by yourself.

So there's actually a way to lead and encourage yourself and others in a way that doesn't require that type of criticism,

Energy,

Judgment,

Or overly forceful push.

And it lasts,

It's consistent,

And it's sustainable.

And we're going to learn it right now,

But it requires your full attention and your mental and emotional agility.

So look alive and let's lock in together.

Go ahead and put aside any distractions,

Find a comfortable position.

And when you feel ready,

Close your eyes.

Take a deep breath in through the nose.

And slowly exhale out through the mouth.

Take one super deep breath all the way in through the nose,

Down to the toes.

And let it roll out through the mouth like you're breathing out through a straw,

Decompressing and relaxing your muscles as you exhale.

And now just let yourself land where you are.

Let your body be supple and relaxed and your mind be awake,

Buoyant,

And alert.

And just notice something that you try to get yourself to do consistently,

But you struggle to do consistently,

That you really want to do,

That you would benefit from doing consistently,

But you procrastinate it,

Or you rebel against yourself,

Or you just don't have the consistency you think you should or want to.

And notice the part of you that tries to motivate yourself by criticizing or judging or reprimanding or trying to get you to forcefully put your feelings aside and just lock in and focus and get it done.

And not that there's necessarily anything wrong with that,

But just notice that part of you in whatever form it expresses itself within you.

If you notice a sensation in your body when you think about that part of you,

Just go ahead and connect to that feeling,

To that sensation.

And we're literally going to interact and dialogue with these parts of ourselves as if they're real parts of our psyche,

So if you're down for that experiment,

Just go ahead and ask that part of yourself that criticizes or judges or tries to push you into doing things,

What makes it think that strategy is necessary to get things done.

Just go ahead and ask that non-judgmentally and see what answers you get from that part of yourself.

And maybe you agree or maybe you disagree with what it expressed,

But either way,

Just go ahead and acknowledge non-judgmentally what it said and thank it for doing its job and trying to help you all these years.

And now ask it to just wait in the waiting room so that we can interact with the part of you that feels hurt or scared or resistance or doesn't want to do that thing.

Just ask it to wait and relax a little bit so we can fully focus on the part of you that doesn't want to do that thing.

Literally ask it to wait and relax a bit now.

And if we could imagine like that internal critic was like an inner teenage version of you,

We're going to visit what we can imagine is an inner child version of you.

See the part of you that doesn't want to do that thing,

That just resists it,

That feels scared or apprehensive or some internal resistance.

And just take a moment to connect to that part of you and where you might feel any sensation in the body around that.

And once you've made that connection and you can see that part of you clearly like you're separate as your adult self,

Seeing that younger child self and you're able to connect with them in this moment from that separated place.

Go ahead and ask them to tell you more about what they're feeling or what makes them not want to do that thing.

And don't try to answer for them,

Just notice what they spontaneously express and just listen.

And instead of trying to convince them otherwise,

Or maybe the internal critic is cropping back up to try to poke its head in and give some advice or suggestions,

Just take a solid moment to empathize and acknowledge non-judgmentally with whatever that younger part of you said as an experiment and notice how they respond to your empathy and acknowledgement.

And now take a moment to reflect on and express whatever new information you could give them in order to help encourage them or see why doing this thing could be to their benefit.

Maybe it involves reassurance,

Like letting them know that they can't fail at this thing,

That either way,

No matter what happens,

They're going to learn.

Or that even if difficult emotions come up,

You're going to be there to help them feel it and move through it.

Or maybe you want to tell them something about your current capacities and skills so that they feel more confident and empowered,

But either way,

Take them seriously and give them some new information that might help them feel empowered and shift their perspective on the thing that you're aiming to do.

And with that new information,

Maybe you notice that younger part of you a little more open,

A little more receptive.

And as you give them that new information or that reassurance,

Maybe you notice that younger part of you feeling excited and open and empowered now.

In which case you can breathe that energy and start to channel it towards doing what you want to do now that they're on your side.

Or maybe they're still very apprehensive,

In which case you can go at their pace.

Or perhaps they're a little apprehensive but actually open to being led and you could just gently encourage them and lead them one step at a time.

Just go from wherever you're at and respect your own pace as it's a process and you're building a real relationship and connection with yourself.

So just take a moment to mentally and emotionally move forward along with that younger part of yourself in whatever way feels authentic for a moment now.

And now finally invite that protector version of you in,

The inner teenager that used to be critical or judgmental or try to push you super hard.

And as they come into the room and see that younger version of you,

Hopefully a little bit more open,

A little bit more empowered,

Less shut down,

More confident.

Just notice how that protector part of you reacts to see that perhaps they don't have to take on that old strategy of bullying or pushing or criticizing.

Notice and embrace any relief the protector might feel.

Allow that energy to start to decompress as they notice that the burden they've been carrying for so long might be safe to put down a little bit now.

They might no longer need to play quite the same role.

And breathe a sigh of relief if it feels good and true and allow that old energy and strategy to start to evaporate out of your body,

Out of your system.

And notice what role that protector wants to take on now,

If you ask them.

Maybe it's an enthusiastic cheerleader or a quiet,

Steadying person.

Maybe it's a presence that offers words of affirmation.

Or maybe they just want to rest for ten months after having exerted so much effort for so long.

But either way,

Offer them an opportunity to take on a new role and just allow them a moment to transform and shift into that.

And now notice yourself almost as if you're floating from above as the leader of that internal system of parts.

The protector and the more vulnerable,

Younger part of you that previously rebelled but now you're starting to connect to.

And you can repeat this process by simply connecting,

Listening to their feelings,

Empathizing,

But then also offering new information so that they can get on board and hopefully be more and more excited about doing things and creating on your behalf,

Offering all their magical energy to the party alongside the protector and whatever role it wants to play now.

And just notice how this form of leadership is consistent,

Connected,

And sustainable,

As you won't have to rebel against your own authority because you're actually being a self-connected leader,

Attuning to your own feelings without judgment and moving at your pace while still deciding which direction that ship is moving in.

So I invite you to repeat this session once a week for the next month if you feel like it would be helpful to really cement this shift within your system.

You can set a reminder for that now if you feel called to do so.

And then throughout your week,

Practice connecting with yourself in this way,

Making this internal shift conscious so that you can begin to get all the benefits of leading yourself in this conscious,

Consistent,

Connected way.

Feel free to let me know how this went for you,

And if you have any questions,

I invite you to share this with anyone you think it might benefit.

And I hope you have a phenomenal week.

Reviews

Very much needed work; I’ve placed it in my calendar weekly. Thank you for that suggestion.

Great angle to this about leadership! I enjoy the lessons here for empathy to team members and oneself. If habitual that inner critic can become equally unhelpful externally. Great work, Cyrus!