Tonglen For Loving Kindness

The Tibetan word Tonglen (Tibetan: གཏོང་ལེན་) is often translated as 'giving and receiving', and refers to a meditation technique in which we 'breathe' in the suffering of others (and ourselves) into our hearts, transform this suffering, and 'breathe' out love, compassion & healing to those in need. The intent of this practice is to increase our compassion toward others (and ourselves) and cultivate a sense of engagement with suffering rather than react from a place of needing to fix or avoid.

Transcript

Nice to see everyone today.

Today I wanted to do another practice,

Another compassion loving-kindness type practice.

I wanted to do the practice of Tonglen and I know over the summer I did some instructions in Tonglen and I wanted to do that again if hopefully that will work for everyone.

The process of Tonglen is a Tibetan process of giving and receiving.

It's where we visualize connecting from our hearts to another,

Connecting to another person's suffering and by connecting from their suffering we take that in.

Now we don't take it in so that we absorb it and then carry it on our own.

We take it in and transform it from the power of our love,

The power of our heart.

This can be an intense practice but I find it wildly transformative for myself and for others and I'd love to hear your experience after doing this.

So I will explain more as we go along.

I invite you to begin this first of December by finding a comfortable posture.

We often talk about in Buddhist meditation finding a dignified posture,

An upright posture,

One that our spine can be elongated.

Yet for this practice we do not want the focus to be on our body,

On our aches and pains.

So if you need to find some support please do so.

If you need to prop yourself up that's okay.

I would encourage trying this practice in an upright position rather than lying down.

But do what's best for you today.

So if you're seated in a lotus position,

Half lotus,

Just cross-legged position that's okay.

If you're on a chair,

The edge of a bed or a sofa,

I invite you to put your feet down flat on the floor,

Firmly plant them on the floor.

If you have not closed your eyes already I invite you to just look around your room as if making a declaration this is where I am right here right now.

In this time in this space on this December 1st 2020,

Wow.

And then if you'd like you can allow your eyes to gently close.

If you prefer keeping your eyes open just gaze downward.

Allow the gaze to be soft.

Take a moment to orient to the sounds around you in your room,

Outside your room,

Sounds that you know that you can't expect to hear to pass your ears for the next 20 minutes or so.

Again orienting to this space and time and as you identify and know those sounds you can allow them to fall to the wayside.

Allow them to take a back seat in your consciousness so that each step of this process we can go more and more inward.

Feel where your body makes contact with whatever surface you're sitting on,

Resting on.

That might be the buttocks,

The thighs.

If you're being propped up by pillows feel that connection point on the back.

And there is a process called calm where we simply think of the letters in the word calm c-a-l-m.

C stands for chest.

We soften the chest and by softening the chest the breath drops gently into the belly.

When we think of A stands for arms we allow our arms to hang down or if you have your hands in your laps you still allow the shoulders to fall away from the ears.

The neck elongates.

For L we think of the legs.

We soften the legs.

We're not gripping with our feet.

We're not getting our feet ready to run.

We're not tightening in the thighs,

The groin,

The buttocks.

And then for M we think of mouth.

Relax the mouth,

The lips,

The tongue,

The jaw.

And this is just our starting point.

Chest,

Arms,

Legs,

Mouth.

Now in this position turn your attention a bit more deeply towards your heart.

If it helps you in the process you can rest a hand gently over your heart.

You can just bring your mind's eye attention to the area around your heart.

I'm taking a moment here as you feel your heart beating without any direction from you.

You feel your heart beating.

Let's offer some gratitude to our heart for its tireless job.

Now in the process of tonglen there are many steps.

I'm going to make it as simple as possible.

To begin with imagine a beautiful flowering lotus is the typical image or any flower that resonates with you.

A blossoming flowering pedaled lotus rose in the center of your heart.

The lotus often signifies that even in the mud,

In the muck,

In the suffering,

Beauty can arise.

So picturing that beautiful flower in the center of your heart.

Now in the center of the flower rests a jewel,

A jewel in the lotus,

A jewel in the flower.

A beautiful brilliant diamond signifying that purity.

We can just rest in this image that even in our own suffering beauty can grow.

That's the first step of the process to envision this.

As I said,

Tonglen is about giving and receiving.

So I invite you to call to mind someone you care about deeply,

Someone you love.

It could be a person,

It could be an animal,

And in my practice it could even be a place in nature,

Nature itself.

Let's not pick the entire planet to start,

But just an area.

So a person,

A loved one,

Something that we care about deeply.

And in your mind's eye see that person or animal or place 15 feet in front of you.

A place,

A person,

We know that is suffering whether they tell us or not.

Now in the imagery now we're going to imagine that this person,

Animal,

Place breathes out their suffering and that suffering looks like wisps of gray smoke which extends towards you.

Connecting to that jewel in our flowering lotus in our heart,

Connecting to that deep love for the other,

That deep desire for them to be at peace.

As they exhale their gray smoke of suffering,

Inhale their suffering.

Now we're not holding on to it,

We're breathing in that gray wisp of smoke in through our nose,

Down to our heart where that smoke touches the jewel in the lotus.

Our love transforms it to brilliant white and golden rays of compassion,

Love,

And healing which we exhale out to them.

So as you can see there's many steps to the process,

But we want to get into a gentle rhythm of our breath here,

Seeing that loved one before us.

Inhaling their smoky suffering,

Allowing it to come down to that jewel in the lotus,

Transforming it,

And then exhaling out golden white light which as you exhale moves back towards them,

Embraces them,

Envelopes them with love,

With compassion,

With your deepest heartfelt desire for healing.

Remember the goal is not to take on their suffering,

The goal is not to develop their same pain,

Hurt,

But through our love and compassion transforming it to peace and ease.

So take your time here.

If you get lost,

First connect with your heart and envision a blossoming flower emerging from your own depths,

Your own suffering,

And all those years of pressure have created a beautiful jewel,

A healing diamond in the center of that flower,

And seeing that loved one in front of us.

As they exhale their suffering as gray wisps of smoke,

Inhale that smoke,

Allowing it to descend down to our heart where it touches that diamond and transforms it to brilliant rays of love,

Compassion,

And healing.

Let's take a moment here to see if we can create a gentle rhythm with our own breath,

Not rushed,

Not forced.

Remember not just to breathe in the smoke and hold it.

You touch their pain,

You touch their suffering with your heart and transform it.

Now you can stay here focusing on that one individual,

But I invite you to expand the circle just a bit.

We can start by just saying,

Who else,

Who else might we know is suffering in the same way?

Suffering from feelings of inadequacy,

Insecurity,

Isolation,

Pain,

Health issues.

So that loved one,

The one that we picked,

Calling to some mind someone who else might be suffering in a similar way,

And imagine them standing beside the original person,

And then breathing in both of their suffering.

Allowing your breath,

Your heart,

To create a nice gentle rhythm of breathing in,

Transforming,

Breathing out,

Healing.

In your mind's eye,

See your exhale surrounding,

Enveloping,

Supporting your loved ones.

And we begin to extend the circle gently at your own pace.

Someone else who is suffering the same way,

Someone you might not know as intimately,

You may know peripherally from a friend,

A friend of a friend,

Someone in your neighborhood who might be suffering in a very similar way,

Struggling with health,

Struggling with day-to-day routines.

Add them to the fold,

Breathing in their suffering,

Breathing out your love,

Compassion,

And healing.

And as the numbers grow,

So too does the lotus,

So too does the diamond.

The more and more people for whom you practice Tonglen,

It's as if it increases your own capacity for love,

Compassion,

And healing.

Now in your mind's eye,

You may begin to expand the circle.

Who else is suffering in the same way?

You might just begin by thinking of the people in your network,

The people you know,

That can extend to people in the network of others that you don't know.

Begin to include your state,

Your area.

Include your part of the coast.

Just begins to ripple out as we begin to include ourselves if we haven't already in the process.

And now we don't push away our own suffering,

We don't push away our own hurt.

We breathe it in.

Allow the gray,

Wispy tendrils to touch that jewel in the lotus.

Transform it back to love,

Compassion,

And healing.

You begin to recognize the inevitable truth.

Our pain,

Our suffering is far from unique.

We may say no one will understand.

We begin to recognize a multitude of people who are suffering with that same narrative,

And we breathe it in.

So we breathe in the suffering,

Allow it to touch our heart,

Transform it,

And breathe out love,

Compassion,

And healing.

We create a rhythm to the breath that is pleasing.

It doesn't feel like effort or force.

It begins just allow.

And a question begins to form of,

How will our day be when we meet suffering in this way?

How will our lives be when,

Rather than see our suffering as a problem we must fix now,

The suffering of others is something to fix now,

Where we mobilize or become so overwhelmed we collapse.

But instead we say there's our suffering,

There it is.

We breathe it in and shower it with love.

In this final moment I invite you to add anyone else to the mix.

As you begin to think about moving through the remainder of your day,

See what it would be like to approach our suffering in this way.

And we end as always just by reciting some phrases of metta.

May all beings everywhere be safe.

May all beings everywhere be healthy.

May all beings everywhere be at peace.

May all beings everywhere go gently knowing their goodness.

Thank you so much for joining me.

I would love if you're so inclined to either email me and let me know your experience with Tung Len.

What was this like for you?

What impact did this have on your mind and body?

Thank you so much for being here.

I'll see you next time.

Thank you.

Thank you all.

Reviews

Wonderfully paced. Thank you!

Thank you for this clear, instructive experiential practice. To engage in the 3 stages of tonglen; breathing into my heart lotus the smoky tendrils of another's suffering, allowing it to transform in the jewel of grace, then returning it as love and healing - I appreciate the clarity and simplicity of this process.

One of the best guided meditations of Tonglen. Thank you 🙏.

What a great gift you shared with each of us through the world! I feel so grateful. We are listening to your voice and doing tonglen. Thank you to insight timer too. I knew this practice and noticed today that the more I do it the deeper and easier it goes. I thank you so much 💓

Awesome guide. Well done. Taking this with me into my day.

Wow!

Thank you

Beautiful 🌺

Full of peace and good vibes

Such a blessing💕

Such a beautiful meditation. Tonglen is my favorite practice and could feel that it had been too long since I had commected with it. I found this one and dove in. It’s perfect. I love the added heart flower visualisation, which I had never used in tonglen before and loved it. My heart grew to a giant protective source of love. Thank you for this guided meditation.

Tonglen is a favorite practice of mine, started first when my daughter was in her early 20’s, not wanting to communicate much and facing some scary issues. I felt so helpless as a parent. I had a metta practice, but found tonglen and felt that indicated so much more! Then as time wore on and circumstances/circles changed, I felt a shift. Could my practice perpetuate privilege or hierarchy (I had something the other needed. As I practiced with you tonight, tonglen felt as mutual and reciprocal as breathing itself. It was humble and mutually helpful and as such it had deep love and mirth, as well. Thank you so much!