Welcome to Life Unedited,
The Power of Radical Acceptance,
28 Theories of Living in Reality.
This is a series of practical strategies to use in life through the lens of reality for changing obstacles into opportunities.
I'm Tiffany and this is Theory 14,
Words Have Power.
Words are charged energy.
How we speak to ourselves and others matters.
Speaking our truth with kindness,
Compassion,
And wisdom is a worthwhile and powerful practice.
Choosing our words is an art.
They are both a reflection and a projection of how we feel about ourselves.
Words are verbal gifts.
Yet so often we use them as weapons,
Especially against ourselves.
We are all our own worst enemy.
Ego is our judge and jury.
It uses our words against us,
Puts us down,
And reminds us how we are not enough.
This can be quite confusing,
Because on one hand,
Reminding us that we are not enough can be hurtful.
On the other hand,
It can be motivation to strive and grow.
If we are growing for ourselves,
That is purposeful.
If we are growing for someone else,
That is not authentic or sustainable.
My theory on ego is that its purpose is to protect us,
Yet it does so in a back-assward way.
If we feel bad enough about ourselves,
Then the outside world will not hurt us much.
It armors us against potential threat,
And while that threat is inside of us,
We protect it externally to build proverbial walls against it.
Ego also creates anxiety by what-if-ing worst-case scenarios to create an illusion that we have control of an imagined future event.
Gratitude is a beautiful way to derail worry.
It stops the spiral into self-imposed panic and anchors us in the present.
Ego can also be a teacher when we pay attention to it.
We can examine the things we say to ourselves and make conscious choices to challenge and change the monologue.
We can accept that what we perceive as threats,
Like things or people to fear,
Are only projections of ego.
We can choose to remain in that fear,
Or we can step outside of our comfort zone and into growth.
Even when risks lead to discomfort or pain,
They hold the potential for learning and expansion.
Want to feel the power of words first-hand?
Try this.
Sit quietly for a moment and then say out loud,
My life is so stressful.
Notice how it feels in your body.
Say it again.
Feel the literal weight of the word stressful.
It is heavy and we can feel it.
Now,
Replace the word stressful with the word curious and say,
My life is so curious.
Feel the difference?
Not only is it lighter in our body,
But it also manifests a sense of wonder and exploration.
It is whimsical.
Challenge ourselves to replace any form of the word stress with the word curious and see how that enhances our lives.
The word fail is also very heavy,
Especially when it comes to relationships.
Let's use failed marriages as an example.
Relationships and marriages don't fail.
They end.
They run their course.
Fail is about expectations.
We expect marriages to last until death do us part.
It is a beautiful tradition.
However,
How realistic is it?
Neither person entering a marriage will remain the same person throughout the years.
People do remain married for life for many different reasons,
Yet that does not mean that they succeeded at marriage.
Other people don't and get divorced,
But that doesn't mean they failed at marriage.
It simply means they ended the marriage.
What if there is no such thing as failure?
What if what we call failures are really opportunities to learn?
Let's talk about another charged word,
Need.
It is important to distinguish what we want and what we need.
We need to breathe.
We need water.
Most everything else is a want.
When we tell our child that we need them to clean their room,
We really want them to.
So need is inauthentic.
It seems that we think need has more weight than want.
We can come up with other authentic ways to make requests instead.
Will you please clean your room is a good example.
How does it feel when someone tells us they need us to do something?
When someone tells us what we need to do,
It sends shockwaves through our body and often makes us want to do the opposite,
To defend or to rebel.
So imagine what it feels like when we say that to others.
There are times to use the word need in an authentic way.
It's about practicing the pause and thinking before we speak.
The use of pronouns could make or break an interaction too.
Compare you make me mad versus I get mad when or I feel mad when.
You make me mad can put our listener on the defense because it sounds blaming.
No one makes us feel anything.
It also escalates things right at the onset of the interaction.
I get mad or I feel mad when is taking responsibility for how we feel and can be a gentler conversation starter.
We and us are pronouns that can deescalate conversations as well.
We slash us is inclusive of all parties involved.
It puts everyone on the same playing field,
And it makes us feel like we are part of the same team.
I have been using we and us throughout this manuscript to demonstrate how all of this is a practice for me as well as it is for each reader.
We are all included.
Words have power and weight.
Relatively small changes in our verbiage can make a big difference in our interactions and in ourselves.
When we speak conscientiously from a place of kindness,
Compassion and wisdom,
Our words not only land more softly with others,
They feel better within us.
And while others perceptions will always be theirs to manage.
Our job is to speak in ways that feel true to who and what we are.
We want to speak in a manner we don't have to apologize for.
This is a lifelong practice,
And every word is a chance to begin again.
