Welcome to a mindful self-compliment practice.
If you are a perfectionist,
Like me,
You may have a hard time taking a compliment.
You may dismiss or minimize a compliment or appreciation,
So that your brain never even has a chance to fully register it.
And if you ignore compliments from others,
You likely never give one to yourself.
So you move on to striving for the next achievement or task.
There is likely an inner critic taking the reins,
Pushing you forward.
In your mind,
The bar keeps getting higher,
And you have to keep up all the effort.
For this meditation,
I invite you to park the inner critics and their chariots at the starting gate,
As you practice giving yourself a compliment,
Just like you might to a friend who deserves appreciation.
Let's begin.
Sit,
Lie down,
Or lean gently against a wall for support.
We are practicing kindfulness,
Which is being aware of the present moment with heart.
Close your eyes if you like.
Whatever your bodily position,
Imagine yourself with a sense of grace,
With a strong back,
Soft shoulders,
And an open heart.
Settle in.
Take three deep breaths,
Breathing in slowly and gently,
And exhaling slowly and gently.
If a focus on breathing feels uncomfortable,
Simply direct your attention to where you feel supported,
Such as your hands on your lap,
Or over your heart,
Or resting at your sides.
You can also sense your body or feet rooted to the ground below you,
With your head and shoulders alert yet at ease,
Allowing the whole of you to feel a sense of support and kind attention.
Often,
Perfectionism arises out of a deep need for validation and acceptance,
Basic human needs that were not met at some point in the past.
Striving for approval and attention becomes an innocent motivation to seek love and belonging from outside of yourself.
It's a slippery slope,
However,
When striving to be worthy of attention or striving to achieve excellence or some kind of status becomes a burden.
One way to release the burden and the exhaustion is to give yourself the affirmation you needed when you were younger,
Or by an important person who was unaware or unable to do so.
The way I see this positive self-talk is as a befriending,
An authentic practice of self-compassion,
Allowing your body to breathe you in any way that feels natural and easy.
If it feels comfortable,
You may also close your eyes or gently gaze in front of you,
Sensing where you are in your surroundings and where your body makes contact with support,
Such as a chair or the ground beneath you.
Come back to this grounding sense of physical support or to your breath as an anchor whenever you notice discomfort or distractions.
Breathe in.
Breathe out.
Expanding with the inhale.
Releasing with the exhale.
Expanding.
Releasing.
Allowing yourself to be present and grounded.
And now directing your attention to your heart space,
The whole heart,
The front,
The back,
The sides.
The heart is known for having its own nervous system and intelligence,
Something referred to as the little heart brain.
Can you endear yourself to your little heart brain,
Allowing it to fully expand with the help of the lungs,
These oscillating organs of life,
Breathing you.
Allowing yourself to breathe.
You may even place your hands over your heart for a time.
You may always return your attention to your little heart brain and to your breathing as a source of support.
I invite you now to reflect on what might stop you from taking a compliment.
Is there a people pleaser element or a part that feels uncomfortable in getting attention?
A part that doesn't feel worthy?
Or is there a striver part that's already on to the next goal,
Ignoring the moment of appreciation?
Focus your attention on part of you that learned or got in a habit of ignoring the positives.
Welcome that part to sit at your side or across from you.
You are creating some internal distance so you can relate to this part of you,
Just like you might when meeting a friend for a cup of coffee or a walk in nature.
Invite that part to share something about why it's hard to take in the good.
When did it start minimizing positives?
When did it begin to maximize the negatives?
Maybe there is an enduring belief of never being good enough.
Wonder with this part,
What might happen if it begins to take in some appreciation?
Now with your compassion and support,
Invite this part to practice taking a compliment from you.
Ask this part what it feels proud of,
From any point in time,
From childhood to recently.
What qualities feel authentic and true to this part?
Qualities that go beyond external achievements or superficial elements.
Kindness,
Caring,
Intelligence,
Curiosity,
Creativity,
Imagination,
Grit,
Tenacity,
Sense of fairness,
Resilience,
And so on.
Ask this vulnerable part what it needs to hear from you now,
That it didn't get way back when.
Here are some prompts you can try.
I'm so proud of you for.
.
.
I appreciate when you.
.
.
I admire you.
.
.
My favorite thing about you is.
.
.
In the next moments,
Practice these compliments with a kind and warm internal tone of voice.
Now show yourself some appreciation for trying out this reflection.
Positive affirmations are demonstrated to support overall mental well-being.
And your little heart-brain will melt with tenderness.
A way to practice living into an affirmation,
Even if you don't fully feel on board yet,
Is to talk to yourself.
You can choose to do this from the perspective of a good friend,
Coach,
Or a higher power.
You've got this.
I'm proud of you.
Look at what went well today.
You are worthy of love and belonging.
You deserve this.
Good effort.
You can also practice with I-statements that align with your values.
I gave it my best effort.
I'm proud of myself.
I deserve to rest.
I am committed to my purpose.
I love who I am,
Imperfections and all.
Lastly,
If it's just too challenging to give yourself love and appreciation,
You can work around the edges.
Intellectually,
You want to,
But a part of you,
An inner critic perhaps,
Feels too uncomfortable.
In this case,
You can hold the paradox with an even-though statement.
Even though I feel awkward,
I'm practicing giving myself compliments.
Even though I still feel I don't deserve it,
I completely and deeply accept my feelings now,
And I'm learning to love myself more.
You get the idea.
You may also want to appreciate the inner critic who sat this out for the duration of this reflection.
The world didn't end,
And a part of you got what it needed.
Keep practicing.
After all,
Practice makes progress.
Let's turn our attention back to the heart area.
Take in a few inhales and exhales to release this reflection.
As we come to the end of this mindful self-compliment practice,
May you carry the warmth and kindness you've cultivated within yourself into your daily life.
Remember that acknowledging your intrinsic qualities,
Taking in the good,
And expressing self-compassion are powerful tools in overcoming perfectionism.
Be gentle with yourself,
And may you continue to foster a compassionate inner dialogue.
