Making Friends With Your Inner Critic

Have you ever noticed that you can be in constant conversation with yourself?Sometimes you can even be of two minds. Or it’s like you’ve got this inner sidekick chattering away. Much of the time the inner narrative is unkind and judgy, caught in a compare-and-despair trap. This voice is simply unhelpful mental patterns gone unchecked over time. The invitation in this practice is to befriend this inner narrative, get to know it, strike a truce, and befriend it.

Transcript

Welcome,

I'm Tara Kuzno and I'm so glad you're here.

Have you ever noticed that you can be in constant conversation with yourself?

Sometimes you can even be of two minds.

Or it's like you've got this inner sidekick chattering away.

And a lot of the time the inner narrative is unkind and judgy,

Caught in a compare-and-dispair trap.

This voice,

Or chorus of voices,

Are simply unhelpful mental patterns gone unchecked over time.

In part because they serve to purpose at some point in your life and are shaped by the beliefs,

Circumstances,

Or environments you have been exposed to.

And truth be told,

Are reinforced by a culture of unrelenting rating and ranking.

The invitation in this practice is to befriend this inner narrative.

Get to know it.

Strike a truce.

Let's get started.

Find a posture of grace and strength,

Cultivating a sense of an open heart and a strong back.

Begin with gentle breathing.

Breathing in and breathing out in a natural way.

Noticing the cadence of your breathing.

Whenever you notice your mind wandering,

You can always come back to the rhythm of your breathing.

Noticing the inhale and the exhale.

And remembering the posture of strength,

Ease,

And dignity.

Spend a moment reflecting.

Notice the judgy mind.

Perhaps how persistent it is,

Even about the simplest of things.

You may notice that right now your mind judges your breathing or your posture.

You may think,

I'm not doing this right.

Or my mind can't focus.

Or I need to practice more.

For now,

Just let such thoughts go.

The imputation here is to reflect on a judgmental mental pattern that is familiar in your life.

You may land on something that you experienced in the last day or week where you felt evaluated or judged or made a mistake.

Perhaps some experience at work or school or home or in conversation or communication with someone.

See if you can bring to mind something specific,

But not too dramatic right now.

Something workable.

See yourself in this situation as if looking from the outside in and being a kind witness to the scene.

Notice how your inner critical voice affects you.

Perhaps you observe how multi-layered the experience can be.

What sensations do you notice in your body?

What emotions arise?

What kinds of thoughts or narratives show up?

And perhaps noticing how the inner judgment affects your behavior or your reactions.

Without trying to push away the inner critical voice,

See if you can turn toward your inner voice with curiosity and with kindness.

Try to be in touch with a part of yourself that feels criticized,

Shamed,

Or blamed.

As if the quality is like an inner judge or inner cop or bully or a taskmaster.

What type of character is it?

Name this voice if you are game,

As this can help you distance yourself enough to be in a relationship with the voice.

Notice what it feels like to receive the critical messages from the inner critic.

Maybe you even try to give yourself compassion for how hard it is to receive such judgment.

In turning towards what is difficult,

Acknowledge any suffering you experience from the judgmental voice with a quality of kind awareness.

Just simply saying,

Harsh,

Or this is uncomfortable,

Or this is painful.

Breathe in,

Letting it be,

Not trying to change or fix anything.

Breathe out,

Letting go.

On each inhale,

Allow yourself to be with whatever arises.

And on each exhale,

Simply release.

Breathing in acceptance,

Breathing out a sigh of relief.

Breathing in acceptance,

Breathing out relief.

Now in a state of receptivity,

I invite you to befriend this inner critical voice.

Drawing on compassion for this part of you.

Being curious about this mental pattern,

This inner judge.

And imagine it as outside of you so that you can converse with it like an imaginary friend.

Reflect for a moment on the purpose of the inner critic.

What role does it serve?

Noticing again any sensations or feelings that arise,

Drawing on the in-breath of acceptance and breathing out compassion.

Consider that this inner critical voice has served you in some way as a mental pattern that arose to protect you,

Whether from rejection or emotional pain,

Or perhaps it arose to motivate you.

To spur you on to succeed or strive for recognition or approval.

To feel a sense of love and belonging and fitting in.

All very human needs.

Wonder for yourself how this inner critical voice might be trying to help you,

Even if the outcome is not exactly positive and is often counterproductive or unhelpful and may cause you stress.

Oftentimes the harm is that you hold back your inner gifts from yourself and from the world.

Keep in mind that sometimes self-criticism has no value at all.

It might be an internalized voice of someone who was harmful to you,

Or it may be a limiting belief that you absorbed in your upbringing or over time.

Be curious.

Be kind.

Giving yourself compassion as you notice this inner critical narrative and how long it may have been around.

See if you can really acknowledge its presence.

After all,

It's been working on your behalf for a long time,

Even if its strategies aren't very helpful now.

Let your inner critic know that you understand that it's been trying to keep you from feeling shame or blame or to shield you from rejection.

You might even venture a thank you for the warning.

Wish this part of you well.

Direct some reassurance or even tough love to this aspect of yourself,

To this mental pattern,

To this inner narrative that is ready to face a change.

Call a truce.

Say,

I hear you.

We can agree to disagree.

I'm taking a different path.

Breathing in acceptance and breathing out compassion.

Enter this,

The inner critical voice arises when something very important to you shows up in your life.

The voice is like a signal,

Just like a racing heartbeat or a clenching jaw is a signal.

When the voice shows up and you notice it,

You can say,

Oh,

Thanks for showing up,

But I really don't need you right now.

I've got this covered.

I'm going to try something new.

I'm going to call on my inner strengths,

Be it acceptance,

Caring,

Courage,

Patience,

Playfulness or self-compassion.

In this final moment,

I invite you to direct loving kindness blessings to this critical part of you and cultivate a wise and compassionate voice,

A counter narrative.

As you hold this image of this inner critical voice and mind,

You may repeat after me.

May you feel safe and protected from inner fears.

May you have a courageous heart.

May you find purpose and joy.

Now shift and direct these blessings to your whole self,

To the perfectly imperfect being that you are,

Including all the mental patterns,

All the parts and narratives that make you,

You.

May I feel safe and protected from inner fears.

May I have a courageous heart.

May I find purpose and joy.

As we release this reflection,

May you remember to tend and befriend your whole self.

The world needs your gifts.

Take gentle care.

Reviews

Thank you! I was very sleepy when listening but noted your gentle and compassionate voice. I found it really helpful to consider acceptance of the inner critic voice and following that up with compassion. I will listen again! I really need help with this.

Wooow thank you so much sharing these words with us. They were healing

Excellent. Moving. Healing.

I haven’t practiced quit like this with my inner critic before. I am going to do this again. Thank you.

Very healing and affirming.

Will be coming back to. I’m struggling with my inner critic whilst I try to recover from illness. Thanks for the gentle guidance. Many blessings 🙏💕

Namaste 🙏

Great I really went deep and saw that nasty critic tongue lashing me. I stood up to her!

This came at a perfect timing, I feel very different now. thank you so much!

Thank you for the reminder to respect my inner critic and to accept this as a gift of love.

I slept for over 8 hours last night. I usually only get 5. Your meditation messages helped.
Thank you

Relaxing and gentle

Awesome

I visualized my inner critic as my child-self, who has build so many coping mechanisms that come out as critical thoughts, and my inner strength as my grandmother-self, one who has wisdom, compassion, and unconditiona acceptance. This was a beautiful meditation, and I feel peaceful and content. Thank you.

Superb!

Your words andyour voice were really nice and to the point. Thank you

Thank you for the new perspective.

Just what I needed today! Excellent!!

I’ve been doing self therapy with internal family systems. This meditation was the most effective for me of all the inner critic work I have done. It opened my mind to re-interpretations of some of the events and interactions in my past where I had clearly projected my harsh, internal judgment on others to protect me from their words or actions.
Thank you for the kindness you helped me feel toward myself and others. Namaste 🙏

One to come back to. Beautiful 🙏🏻