Hello and welcome.
Today's talk is the practice of self-care.
I remember the day that I decided to leave my peaceful retreat in Salt Spring Island to go back into the world and to really teach what I had learned in retreat and integrate myself back into the real world by starting a business and hiring people to help me launch teacher trainings.
And wow,
It was a real shift in practice from being in a retreat-like setting to now having to manage payments and accounting and people.
It was a lot of responsibility and it's what I found much easier to be peaceful when you're just out in nature not really doing much.
Much more challenging when you've got a lot of responsibilities and you're in the everyday grind of what you really need to be doing.
So that was a big shift to go from being in retreat and really focused on my own practice for a number of years and then taking everything I'd learned out into the real world.
The Buddha said life is suffering.
You could say that life is stressful.
It's uncomfortable and we have to deal with a lot of unexpected experiences that come up.
And yet,
How do we learn how to take care of ourselves when life is tough?
Because stress,
It eats away at your health,
Your vitality,
Your longevity,
Your well-being.
It kind of chips away at this special part of yourself.
And so how do we inoculate ourselves to stress?
Self-care is really an inside job.
It's something where we really have to turn our attention inward and ask ourselves,
What do I need?
What do I want?
It's not something we can expect others to understand or do for us.
We need to be attuned to our own inner being.
That is our responsibility.
And if we don't,
We know what can often happen when we ignore the signs of lack of self-care,
Like burnout and exhaustion and pain and disease.
So I'd like to ask you to rate yourself and give yourself an assessment.
How well do you feel that you take care of your body on a scale of one to 10?
Just go with the first number that comes up.
And this is not an opportunity to berate yourself,
But just to become more aware.
What about your mental health?
How would you rate yourself in terms of caring for your own mental health?
And how about your social health?
Having those connections that support you.
And just notice what comes up one to 10.
How about work health?
One to 10.
Emotional well-being.
Your spiritual well-being.
And your relationships.
Including your family,
Your loved ones,
The relationships to your neighbors.
And just noticing kind of what comes up for you on that one to 10 scale.
It's all interconnected.
What's affecting our physical health,
Affects our mental health,
Affects our relationships,
Affects our well-being.
And knowing this empowers us.
So what can we do?
Something we can do to take care of ourselves is slow down.
When you find yourself rushing and just going through the motions of getting it done and you're not really there,
You're in the future somewhere else,
Thinking about that next to-do thing you got to do,
That's an opportunity for us to slow down.
What we can do is start with our breath and start to shift our physiology.
Because as you shift your breath,
Your mind also begins to slow down.
And this is a gift we give ourselves.
When we're not there,
We're not anywhere.
We do better when we're present and we're connected and we can even serve others and do what we need to do in a better way when we're really there.
So just slowing down.
Anytime you feel that sense of false urgency,
Like you're racing against the clock,
Some invisible clock or pressure,
This is our cue to slow down.
Actively nurture connection.
And this is inner connection,
Connection to yourself,
Being connected to your own body,
Your own breath,
Your feelings,
Your spirit,
And then nurturing connection outside of yourself with the people that you're around,
Your connection to nature,
Your connection to your work.
And this is the second thing we can do to take care of ourselves.
Choose your thoughts.
So often our thoughts are running us and science has shown us that 80 to 90% of our thoughts are negative.
So they're not even helping us.
They're actually hurting us.
And so actively training and working with your mind is such a gift of self-care that every time you find yourself going into a spiral of negativity,
Whether it's yourself or someone else,
That you just start to pause and open up.
And choose a new conversation.
Choose new words,
Choose helpful words or positive,
Encouraging words and beliefs that then have a direct impact on your body and your behavior.
This is one of the most empowering self-care things we can do is to really learn how to choose our thoughts.
And that becomes possible through our daily meditation practice.
There are places in our life where we just overdo.
We're overperforming.
We're over committing.
Do you know the places in your life where you do this,
Where you put in so much emotional labor into a relationship or into a project and it doesn't quite yield that return or reciprocity or balance?
Where are you overperforming and where can you pull back and come into your center?
When we spend so much energy pouring out our energy into the world and we're not pulling in,
That's how we become drained of life force energy.
We're constantly doing,
Constantly performing,
Constantly producing.
And we need time to pull back in,
Retreat to our center.
So just pay attention to even what came up in your mind as I asked,
Where are you overperforming?
So where can you withdraw your effort and attention?
Sometimes we don't even know we're putting in too much effort.
They have names for parents that put in too much effort.
It's called helicopter parenting,
Parenting where you're just like way too much in there,
Way too leaned in.
So where can you lean back?
And knowing that it's okay and it's safe to withdraw your energy,
That you're still loved,
You're still valued.
So self-care is learning how to consciously choose your focus.
And that if you want to know what your focus is going to be,
Start with an intention of what you want to experience.
How do you want to experience the rest of your life?
Do you want to be gripping,
Tense,
Worried,
Or do you want to feel calm and free,
Peaceful?
Inside yourself.
Self-care is about how we choose our focus.
Thank you so much for listening to today's talk.
And remember,
You are the caretaker of your own soul.
