We have all done things in our lives we regret and where we experience inner harshness towards ourselves.
This practice invites us to explore such an area,
An area in your life which you find hard to accept.
This requires some courage.
The suggestion is to choose something you feel OK to start with.
Later you may feel space to explore something more difficult.
You may have done or said something that hurt somebody or avoided something you should have done.
You may have let down a friend,
Yelled unreasonably at your child,
Forgotten a birthday card,
Neglected your pet or avoided telling the truth to your partner.
You may have been rude or missed a chance to be kind.
You may feel shame,
Guilt or remorse when you think of it.
If you have picked something out,
Start by pausing mindfully and welcoming a soothing breathing rhythm.
Remembering you can return to this basic practice again and again.
So if you feel overwhelmed or need to steady yourself,
Coming back to the breath,
Opening and welcoming our experience once more.
So now bringing this area into your life.
This time of inner harshness you feel happy to explore.
And begin looking around this area of harshness,
Exploring it curiously as an inner landscape.
What is there to discover?
How does the body feel?
What sensations are present?
What emotions surface?
What thoughts,
Images and stories cross your mind?
Looking at it non-judgmentally,
Connecting with your intention to alleviate suffering.
.
.
Holding it with friendliness and curiosity.
And while you explore this area of harshness,
Let a number of questions drop in and see what they touch inside.
There is no need to force any answers.
Simply be with the questions and mindfully notice what reactions and responses arise by themselves.
How did this inner harshness arise and develop?
Do you remember where and when you did what you did?
What happened?
Did you do it on purpose?
Was it a conscious decision?
Or an impulse on the spur of the moment?
Were you perhaps in threat or drive mode,
Caught up in a stress reaction or inner pattern?
Did you choose the cause from which this behaviour arose?
Did you foresee the consequences of what you did?
Would you do it again with the wisdom you have now?
How many people do you imagine are walking around on this globe who have done something similar in their lives?
Is there anything worthwhile you have learned or could learn from it?
This exercise is not about condoning mistakes or unwise behaviour.
It is an invitation to make peace with the vulnerable,
Imperfect person behind this behaviour.
Yes,
Yourself.
Like most human beings,
You are not quite perfect.
Most of us do things we later regret.
Often our wisdom is on vacation.
We may lack clarity,
Feel overburdened or tired.
We may follow emotions blindly and act on instinct,
Out of fear,
Anger or jealousy.
We forget to pause before we act and do not foresee the consequences of our behaviour.
How about acknowledging your imperfections and consider making peace with yourself?
Testing the word on your tongue.
Forgiveness.
What would it be like to forgive yourself?
You can just try it out and say for instance,
I understand what I did was causing harm.
I am willing to learn from this.
I see that not forgiving myself is causing further harm.
Therefore I forgive myself.
Can you say this from your heart and receive it?
Mindfully observe what happens.
There are no wrong experiences here.
Maybe it softens the harshness inside.
Maybe not.
If the words can be received,
Carry on by gently repeating,
I forgive myself or you are forgiven.
I understand what I did was causing harm.
I am willing to learn from this.
I see not forgiving myself is causing further harm.
Therefore I forgive myself.
I am willing to learn from this.
If you feel resistance,
Forgiveness might not be the connecting word you need to hear just now.
Maybe other words,
Phrases or reflections connect better.
How about forgivingness,
The intention to forgive.
May I be willing to forgive myself sometime.
Or may I wish myself reconciliation understanding comfort peace.
Or may I learn from my mistakes.
If somebody else suffered from what you did,
A wish in the we form may connect well.
May we make peace.
Or may we live in harmony.
And the words may be supported by a gentle smile on your face or a hand on your heart.
And sometimes there are no fitting words.
And then you may wish to practice compassionate breathing which does not need words.
Imagine placing the harshness,
The pain or your resistance in front of you,
Breathing it in and allowing it to transform into a softening energy which you breathe out.
If it helps also adding in the movements of the arms and hands,
Drawing in this pain and resistance inside and then releasing it,
Offering out with the hands as you breathe out.
Okay.
And of course,
If you don't feel much space around the theme you've explored,
You can forgive yourself for this and appreciate you at least made a start with this difficult area.
So bringing the practice to a close by letting go of this area of inner harshness and returning our attention to the body,
To the sensations of contact between the body and the surfaces supporting us,
Receiving those sensations of contact as we allow the weight of the body to sink down,
Bringing our awareness back to the breath,
Connecting with the rhythm of the breath as we inhale and exhale.
And if the mind wanders back,
Gently escorting the attention back to the body and the breath,
Anchoring ourself in the present just as we are right now,
Opening to thoughts,
Emotions and sensations in the body,
Meeting our experience with interest,
Friendliness.
And we can expand our awareness to include the sounds around us,
Fully present right here and now.
Thank you.
