One of the most frequently asked questions I hear is,
How do we make our kids' spouses' loved ones tidy up?
The answer I give them is,
Look inward first.
We can't force anyone to do anything and expect them to do it joyfully.
Lead by example,
And they will naturally be influenced by experiencing what a calming,
Well-organized environment can do for our well-being.
Tidying may not be the kind of self-care promoted on social media,
But transforming your space into a sanctuary is absolutely a form of necessary self-care.
Take a quick look around you right now.
Is your environment supporting who you are and who you are becoming?
If you have read Marie Kondo's books or watched the Netflix show,
You'll know that there are basic steps to following the method,
Making a firm commitment right at the start to see it through,
Keeping only what sparks joy,
And tidying by category rather than room.
This last one might sound counterintuitive,
But it creates a clear mental inventory of everything we own in a particular category or subcategory,
Which helps us make more mindful and intentional purchases in the long run.
Tidying with kids requires turning it from a chore into a fun activity.
So remember,
You need to top yourself up first.
We need a lot of energy and patience when we are decluttering with kids,
So make sure that you're not at low battery mode yourself.
We always have to surf from our overflow.
For example,
We can say,
Kids,
It's time for a scavenger hunt.
Let's find all the Legos in the house and bring them into your bedroom.
The same approach can be used for cuddly toys,
Coloring pencils,
Or just about anything else.
Hey,
Gang,
Let's organize the bookshelf.
Who wants to make a rainbow?
Alternatively,
You can arrange by theme or even book size.
There's no hard rules.
See what sparks joy in your household.
Girls,
I'd love for you to show me what your most favorite things are and what things we can bless other children with.
Involving the kids in the donation process,
It's a great way to teach gratitude and generosity.
Decluttering with kids is also a wonderful opportunity to reconnect and spend quality time.
Not only is learning what sparks joy a journey of self-discovery for them,
It also helps us parents develop a deeper appreciation for our children's passions and preferences.
I personally have witnesses in my two children who are now nine and seven years old.
They have been practicing this method since they were two years old and instilling this practice in them has paid dividends.
They have gained more confidence by having their voices heard and decisions respected during the tidying process,
Have learned to hold gratitude for their living space and belongings,
And become more discerning in terms of what toys,
Books,
Games,
And clothes truly spark joy for them.
Once the foundations have been laid by completing the initial tidying festival and the kids have been included as active participants in the process,
Regular maintenance through joy checking is quick and easy.
We do family joy checks every other month as the girls physically and mentally outgrow their stuff so quickly at this age,
And I swear it really does not take much time at all.
I've had people who have done this method tell me that joy checking the entire room with their kids takes under 30 minutes now.
Like tidying and decluttering,
Joy checking with kids can be fun and empowering.
Ask them to share why they love a particular item or don't enjoy it anymore.
What or who do their favorite items remind them of?
As a parent,
The hardest part is to reserve judgment and not project our own views on what should or shouldn't spark joy for our children.
We learn to hold space for their opinions and acknowledge that those opinions and preferences change over time just like ours.
I have learned recently that my two girls are highly sensitive and empaths just like me,
And I truly believe that giving them this training ground has helped them to develop healthy coping mechanisms and regulation practices so that they're able to confidently navigate the world and also to honor their sensitivity.
Following the tidying festival,
It's important to create a system that ensures all your children's prized possessions have a home.
This makes future tidying,
Finding items,
And maintaining order much easier.
It is just so much easier to be able to tell them,
Oh,
Can you put that back into its home now,
Rather than berating them or getting upset about seeing clutter around.
In recent years,
There has been increased interest in the neuroscience behind decluttering.
One Princeton University study found that physical clutter competes for our mental attention,
Resulting in decreased performance and increased anxiety.
Add to the mix a child's growing brain,
Which already makes focus,
Impulse control,
And emotional reactivity a challenge,
And there should be no question as to the benefits of decluttering for your whole family.
Tidying with kids may seem daunting at first,
But it's well worth persevering.
The KonMari Method offers a tried and tested framework to help you get started,
And once you find the strategies that work best for you and yours,
That home sanctuary will be just around the corner.
