Tonglen Meditation

Can we hold space for curiosity, even when life feels like it’s one pressure after another? Can we keep our hearts open instead of turning our backs and pushing against the flow? Tonglen is a beautiful way of moving through the ego's illusions into the space of openness and love. It’s not always easy but with a curious heart, we can play with this practice and explore it for ourselves. Each time we explore, we come to know ourselves more clearly.

Transcript

Welcome.

We offer these meditations freely and your donations make a real difference.

So thank you.

Okay so let's get ourselves into a comfortable position.

You know you can move if it becomes uncomfortable but ideally the spine is straight.

And if you feel like you need to fidget or adjust anything then give yourself that.

A cushion under your pelvis is a great way to have your pelvis higher than your knees which is traditionally the posture for meditation sitting cross-legged.

But us Westerners don't tend to have legs that love sitting cross-legged for ages so feel free to grab a chair or even to lie on your back.

What we want is to be able to dive into the practice without having the distraction of discomfort.

So pins and needles or just aching limbs are your body's way of saying can you change your position please.

Let's softly find the center line of the body and kind of gather yourself into that midline allowing yourself to sit straight.

But likewise allowing some softness so the shoulders drop away from the ears.

And we're breathing through the nose if that's available.

Gently breathing in through the nostrils and out through the nostrils.

So pressing the sitting bones down into the floor if you are sitting and noticing how that allows you to lift the rib cage a little higher to raise the sternum up towards the chin keeping the back of the neck open.

Can you sense the movement throughout the body as you breathe the expansion with the inhale?

Gathering back in the contraction to the midline as you exhale.

You might introduce some circles freeing up space in the physical body so dropping ear to shoulder exhaling as the chin drops down towards your chest.

Taking the other ear across to the other shoulder and then inhaling as you bring your head up and over.

Keeping a sense of spaciousness and moving just as slowly as you need to move to stay present.

Feeling every part.

And then switching directions.

So so making your way back to center and then circling the shoulders.

Inhaling as you draw your shoulders up letting them roll back and down as you exhale.

So maybe the elbows join in.

So if you have space perhaps circling the arms as a full arm extension.

There's really no right or wrong way to do any of this practice.

We're exploring the theme of curious this month so curious gives you the freedom to explore just find out for yourself.

We're not going to take anyone else's roadmap.

We're going to find our own.

Okay and resting your hands on your knees circling the heart.

So and switching directions.

So there'll be a speed that you want to move at.

I wonder if just slowing it down even more allows you to drop into your body in a deeper way.

Coming back to center or just very subtly gently rock the pelvis forwards and back.

The seat of your physical body and also your subtle body.

Coming back to center can you sense your relationship to the earth beneath you.

So wherever you're sitting somewhere beneath you there's a foundation of a building or a foundation of the soil.

It might be sand,

It might be earth,

It might be rock and as you travel into the earth it becomes rock.

Layer upon layer upon layer which eventually starts to become hotter and hotter until eventually the very center of the earth is fire.

Can we find a sense of our relationship to that here now?

And as you bring your awareness up through the spine coming up through the shoulder blades at the neck we find the space of the ridge where the skull meets the neck the atlas vertebrae the occiput ridge.

Can you bring awareness there?

Notice what sensations are available maybe the scalp allowing softness,

Expansion,

Openness.

And then returning to the the current of your breath.

So tonglen is a practice of giving and receiving and that process happens on the breath.

So the inhale is a receiving a taking in and the out breath is a giving away a generous offering a gift.

And in human nature our natural tendency is to hold on tight to the things that feel good the things that we love.

It's a grasping a clasping a rigid kind of fearful hold on this is a good moment this is a good feeling this is a good person this is a good experience I don't want to lose it I'm going to hold it tight and in that there's a locking in there's a tension.

So in Buddhism the teaching is to recognize that holding on and instead let go.

Trusting that there will be more that there is no holding on.

Change impermanence are ever with us and instead of struggling against that we can trust it and let go.

And then the other side of that relationship is when things feel bad uncomfortable heavy dark we don't want to be there we push it away and we reject we harden against it.

No you're not welcome I don't want to see you I don't want to feel you I don't want to experience you I'm turning my back I'm hardening up I will not do that and again we're bringing intention.

We're pushing against what is instead of allowing trusting that we have the space and the capacity to hold and that it will move through us and changes and transform us as a necessary part of this thing called life.

So Tonglin gives us the opportunity to reverse both of those tendencies I'm going to read from Pema Chodron's book Start Where You Are because she says it so beautifully what I just tried to articulate.

We shield our heart with an armor woven out of very old habits of pushing away pain and grasping at pleasure.

When we begin to breathe in the pain instead of pushing it away we begin to open our hearts to what's unwanted.

When we relate directly in this way to the unwanted areas of our lives the airless room of ego begins to be ventilated.

In the same way when we open up our clenched hearts and let the good things go radiate them out and share them with others that's also completely reversing the logic of ego which is to say reversing the logic of suffering.

Luzhong logic is the logic that transcends the messy and the unmessy,

Transcends pain and pleasure.

Luzhong logic begins to open up the space and it begins to ventilate this whole cocoon that we find ourselves in.

Whether you are breathing in or breathing out you are opening the heart which is awakening bodhichitta.

So let's stay curious about our capacity to let go and practice tonglen around the theme of curious.

So curious will have a sensation for you when you're in a space of curiosity.

See if you can feel the sensation of curiosity in your body.

See if you can access that sensation.

Often for me it comes with a little sense of humor,

A childish kind of wonder of what can happen.

Realizing that the really good stuff is seldom the stuff that I've organized or controlled.

And then there will be an opposite sort of polarity against the sensation of curious.

So for me that might be control and it certainly feels hard and steely and almost metallic sharp edges and corners.

But you will of course have your own relationship with what curious feels like to you how it feels in your body and what the opposite of curious is to you and how that feels in your body.

And we're going to have opportunity to play with that.

So I'll use my words as guides but by all means use your words,

Do the practice as it comes to you.

Let's start just by being aware of the breathing in and aware of the breathing out in your body.

Perhaps we'll start by breathing in the sensation of playful.

Breathing out the sensation of playful.

The opposite of playful might be serious.

So as you breathe in,

Breathe in the feeling of serious.

And then we'll start by breathing in the sensation of playful.

Perhaps you can start to get a sensitivity to the difference in the serious sensation as you breathe in.

And then breathe out the sensation of playful.

Perhaps you can start to get a sensitivity to the difference in the serious sensation as you breathe in,

The playful sensation as you breathe out.

Maybe it's a feeling of awe and wonder like the feeling when you see an incredible sunset or sunrise.

And the opposite of that might be when we're lost in the mundane,

A job list,

Tasks to be completed.

So how would it feel to breathe in the mundane,

Lost in the job list and breathe out the wonder of witnessing a beautiful sunset?

And then maybe we come to the sensation of curious,

How that feels in your body against the sensation of control.

When we think we've got it all pinned down,

Ticked every box,

No space for possibility.

So breathing in control and breathing out curiosity.

So so usually the mind starts to wander off when you notice if that is happening,

Smile and come back.

And we'll do our practice with someone that we care for deeply.

So a person might spring to mind or to heart,

Whom we adore.

Perhaps we can take their controlling experience and breathe it in.

Take it from them,

Hold it within ourselves and allow it to transform so that as we breathe out,

We offer them the capacity to stay curious.

Here take our gift,

Remember curious and how that feels.

And maybe we can take that practice to someone we feel fairly neutral towards,

Person whose path we perhaps cross with regularly,

But we don't know their intricate stories of their lives.

We often smile and say hello.

Let's explore as you breathe in,

Can you take in their controlling nature?

Could you take in their experience of trying to control the sensation?

And as you breathe out,

Can you generously offer your experience of staying curious,

Staying playful,

Staying in wonder and awe and offer it to them and offer it to them.

So so and how about taking the practice to someone who we find deeply challenging,

Someone who triggers all the worst sides,

All the difficult experiences and emotions.

Remember we're just exploring,

Nothing needs to be perfect.

In fact,

There possibly is no perfect.

So let's just explore this person whose relationship with you is most challenging.

Can you breathe in their experience of control,

How it feels?

Can you take it in with your in-breath?

And can you offer on your out-breath the experience of curiosity,

Wonder,

Playfulness,

Sending it their way,

Offering it as a gift.

So you you and knowing that every sentient being on Earth from all times has experienced their expression of control and their expression of playful curiosity Whilst each of our stories can be so different the human experience is just universal So can you play with breathing in our collective experience of control?

From all parts of the planet and can you play with exhaling out curiosity?

Helping us all to remember to bring the lens of curiosity to our experiences bring the lens of curiosity to our experiences and notice how your heart feels as you practice letting the practice go and just staying with your heart maybe we can ask the heart I'm curious what is it I need now bringing your hands to your heart dropping your chin to your chest offering the fruits of our practice to all beings so we may all find it slightly easier to hold a space for curiosity as we move through our days namaste