What I Stopped Buying When I Stopped Buying Into Anti-Aging

A personal share exploring Skylar's journey from purchasing expensive anti-aging products in her 30s to rejecting beauty industry messaging in her 50s. This helpful talk addresses the psychological impact of anti-aging marketing and the shift from appearance-focused living to experience-focused liberation. A must-listen for anyone struggling with visibly aging.

Transcript

Hello and welcome.

I'm Skylar Liberty Rose and today I'm sharing a talk with you on what I stopped buying when I stopped buying into anti-aging.

The last expensive serum I bought promised to visibly reduce fine lines in just 14 days.

I used it religiously for three months and the only visible change was my bank balance.

That was years ago when I was barely in my 30s.

But I'd already been seduced by the anti-aging industry's promises.

It took me a few more years to begin paying attention to the ways women are conditioned to criticize ourselves.

Longer still,

Before I started looking closely at the words and phrases beauty brands use.

Our list of must-have products includes retinol serums,

Collagen supplements,

Eye masks,

Face masks,

Vitamin C treatments,

Peptide creams,

Neck firming lotions,

Under eye patches,

Facial oils promising to restore youthful radiance,

And devices that vibrate or emit red light and claim to lift what gravity has decided to clutcher.

It's not hard to spend more on these treatments than most people spend on groceries.

In my teens and 20s,

I lived in a constant state of mild to major dissatisfaction with my appearance.

Always working towards some future version of myself that would finally be acceptable.

As the years went by,

I gained more life experience.

Travel opened up a whole new world for me.

Reading too.

Loss and grief impacted me.

Creativity and adventure shaped me.

The more I truly lived and explored,

The less intense my self-loathing.

It's hard to lose loved ones too soon and still begrudge your visibly aging body.

It's hard to witness how harrowing some people's lives are and still insist on picking yourself to pieces.

On principle,

I haven't purchased anti-aging products for years now.

But the messaging is as relentless as ever.

Despite aligning with the values of very few brands,

I'm regularly contacted by companies who praise my pro-aging stance and then proceed to offer to send me products that they believe align with my message and mission.

When I visit their website to check their language,

They're almost always pushing anti-aging rhetoric,

Even without explicitly using that phrase.

I used to think that if they weren't specifying the words anti-aging,

Then that was good enough.

But that was my viewpoint five years ago.

I've changed since then,

In many ways.

However,

The beauty industry seems to be stuck in a time warp.

They care about their billions,

Not our self-esteem.

These days,

I expect more.

I don't want to soften wrinkles or noticeably firm my neck.

And I'm tired of the assumption that this is a given for an aging woman.

That,

Of course,

We want to erase or minimize signs of aging.

We're encouraged to adopt an anything-is-still-possible mindset.

But we're not permitted to actually look old when we're saying these things.

We are all going to age.

If we're living,

We're aging.

I might have another 50 summers left in my life.

I might have five.

Or it's possible that this might be the very last one.

My final chance to enjoy perfectly ripe peaches.

Or smell the salt water as I walk along the river.

To feel sand between my toes or watch fireflies blink in the dusk.

To have long conversations on my favorite trail and watch summer sunsets make magic in the sky.

What a shame.

What a tragedy it would be to waste that precious time by worrying about my face and body visibly aging.

The overpriced serum was just the beginning of what I walked away from.

I also stopped buying into the idea that my face was a project requiring constant improvement.

I abandoned the belief that looking my age or older was something to apologize for.

I stopped purchasing clothes designed to hide rather than celebrate my body.

No more shapewear that promised to smooth and sculpt.

No more tops with strategic draping to camouflage areas I've been taught to see as flaws.

I gave up working out and restricting food as a way to stay slim and instead focused on strengthening and fueling my body.

Most importantly,

I stopped buying the anxiety that comes from being at war with your own body.

The mental energy I spent worrying about my perceived imperfections could have powered a small city.

We sometimes say it's about choice but really it's about coercion.

It's about an entire industry that is set up to find flaws that we didn't even know existed and then constantly convince us we need to part with our time and money in order to fix these flaws.

Which we never fully can but really that's the best part for them.

Because in the pointless pursuit of the illusion of youth we will keep spending the metaphorical dangling carrot we can never quite catch.

At 51,

I'm much more interested in exploring and re-examining my worldview than figuring out how to please the world.

I want experiences that feel meaningful rather than painstakingly presenting myself for praise or validation.

Time with people who see me as more than the sum of my physical parts.

When I do buy beauty products now it's from a different place entirely.

I use moisturizer because my skin feels dry,

Not because I'm trying to erase decades of living.

I refuse to purchase anything from a place of shame.

The money I save is nice but it's the smallest benefit really.

The mental space I reclaimed however is vast.

While I may still be caught off guard by my ever-aging reflection,

I no longer catalog flaws or compare myself to others.

My face tells the story of my life.

My body is the map of me.

I am evidence of a life fully lived.

The anti-aging industry wants women to believe that looking out age is a failure.

I've stopped buying that story and I'm happy to say it's been one of my better investments.

I hope you enjoyed this talk and that it maybe helped you reconsider or reframe your eyes aging experience.

If there's anything in particular that jumped out to you or deeply resonated with you then please reach out to me.

I'd love to hear from you.

Reviews

Wow!! So much of this resonates with me. Throughout much of this track I couldn’t help but say, “Amen Sister!” I’m 57 now so I’m walking right along with you. This is so empowering and I loved your beautiful descriptions of life’s joys through nature. I think it was Iris Apfel who said “I don’t see what’s wrong with a little wrinkle, it’s kind of a badge of courage”. In a world that prey’s on women’s self esteem and vulnerability, there’s never been a better time to empower ourselves. For me, leaving most social media was one way. I’m beyond needing external validation and “likes” from fake “friends”. I’m responsible for my self esteem, joy, and confidence. Thank You!! 🙏🏻 ❤️🪷💝🤗🎆

At 69 years I have earned every single wrinkle on my face!! It shows a life well lived and am still surviving.
Thank you for reminding me this!

Love hearing the insights and truth about the self-serving and shaming beauty industry and how to be loving and appreciative of ourselves. Thank you. ❤️

Well said and thoughtout. I stopped coloring my hair just before Covid lockdown and found an amazing mane of multi hued silver, black, and every shade in between grew. My candy-floss like over colored frizzy hair was slowly replaced by strong, silky and heavy locks that are a joy to me. I took a deep plunge into daring when I did this and it was years of growing out the damage. I didn’t want to shorten my hair to shorten this process though so many suggested it. I love my long hair and didn’t want to give tgat up. Now I wnjoy the feel of healthy silky hair that is many hues of an older woman. I have received much feedback and admiration of showing & embracing so visibly my age.
I too stopped buying into the coercion of the industry that touts wrinkles as bad, scars as horrid, and other such bunk about the signs of life on a body as it walks further away from the womb.
Thank you for this talk, dear one

Thank you for your message. I feel this every day. Unlike you, I am still "hooked" on the belief that the older I look, the more unlovable I am. I have tapered back and have only a minimum amount of products I use once they pass my healthiness and ethical standards. Thank you for the reminder, Susan

Wow! Thank you Skylar I needed to hear that. The way you articulated this topic is incredibly helpful. I’ve spent my whole life believing that I needed to be different in some way so that I could be acceptable - to who and what I’m not sure...
At 48 I’m horrified by the changes to my face and now my body too and I am powerless to stop them, and yet I know it’s better than the alternative - volunteering in a hospice has taught me that. And honestly I believe it’s more about genes than anything I did…and health is the most valuable asset I can ever have. Without that I have nothing.
Beauty standards are insane and the rise of botox and fillers is terrifying, I know 21 year olds having filler, filling in what?! We cannot win against these marketing machines and yet you have stepped away from the competition.
Thank you for sharing your wisdom on this topic I truly appreciate your words and I will listen to this message often until it sinks in!

Thank you for leading the way. I just turned 65 and have been trying to undo decades of conditioning and brainwashing from society and family. It’s so hard and progress is slow. I greatly appreciate hearing you articulate this mindset so clearly and firmly.

Good talk! Im 72 and proud of my skin, ptoud of my body, but most proud of my beautiful, creative mind and the home I've spent years making my own sacred sanctuary. Feeling my blessings right now! 🙏🏽✍️🏽 Many thanks.