So if you like we can just play with this idea of what relationship means in focusing.
Well you know the first thing you can say well what is not relationship?
It is pretty well the modus operandi of our culture.
It will ignore,
It will blame and judge,
It will repress,
It will mask,
It will just walk on by.
Or it will dissociate,
It will just become disconnected from it.
Something in us that wants attention.
Because these strategies have led to overwhelm and pain.
So something in us takes feelings as a threat.
And something in us senses control is the only strategy,
Right?
And we control by masking,
By repressing.
So that is what not relationship is.
But it is a form of relationship in itself.
And even to freeze is a form of relationship.
You know,
One gets frozen.
And it is a relationship in its own right.
But it is much more subconscious.
And it is reactive,
It is autopilot,
Yeah?
So it just perpetuates itself.
It never really,
The underlying volitions and stories and feelings never really heal.
They just basically rise up and then drop down.
They never actually come into any resolution.
So we live in this world of dis-ease.
That is how it can be for us,
Dis-ease.
If we ask the question,
What is relationship?
Well it is not just with those parts that rise in the body.
It is actually with the body,
You know,
Initially.
We need to come into a relationship with the whole of ourselves.
As a means to come into a relationship with the parts.
Because if we just go to the parts without reference to the body,
We are going to get overwhelmed.
It is not safe.
And the sensing is a healing faculty.
It is really going to serve us.
That is why coming into the grounded,
Embodied quality is going to serve us in relationship.
It is going to set a context for relationship proper.
So we just pause and sense our feet on the ground.
Or sense the body on a chair or a bed.
And immediately you have a sense of,
Oh yes,
Body.
Whole body,
Breathing.
And sensing,
So sensing outwards,
We can sense space,
You know.
So something in us can enjoy this sense of embodied,
In a way it is the natural state.
But in our culture,
It is not natural.
It is being divorced from the body.
And that is how we grew up after childhood.
We disconnected from it.
So when something does rise up,
Let's say some resistance,
You know.
Like something in me might want to go to the gym.
And then another part goes,
Oh no,
You don't want to go to the gym,
You are too tired.
You are not,
You know,
It is too much effort.
And I am,
Oh,
Something in me is not wanting to go.
Alright,
Let's just give that some space and it might be,
You know,
Running through my body somewhere.
So just checking in with yourself,
What is alive in you?
Is there a resisting or is there some kind of edge there right now?
You know,
Some kind of not wanting?
It is not normally that hard to sense that.
Often it is here.
So there is a sense of not wanting in there somewhere,
Even if it is buried.
Let's just entertain that.
Let's just go there.
Where is that in your body?
What is that like if it is there?
A slight kind of pressure in the tummy or the chest.
Or sometimes it can be quite anxious or it can be something sad or despairing.
So this is in a way the beginning of relationship is feet on the ground.
And then the refining of relationship is making space for what is here and being available to it.
So I would say the word availability is primary.
Available to what is inside me.
And the willingness to acknowledge it.
Ah,
It is like that in me.
I am not quite sure what it is but it is like that.
Are you OK for me to say hello to you?
You are.
Well hello.
Hello that one that is like that.
Now,
As I be with it,
I am waiting to hear back.
This is what we call correspondence or resonance.
Waiting to hear back.
We are not just aware of it.
We are coming into relationship.
And when we are with our friends,
We wait to hear back.
We say something and they will respond,
Right?
This is no different.
Waiting to hear back.
Except this is often much more subtle.
But the very act of waiting to hear back is more important than something coming back.
In effect,
We can just sit with.
Waiting to hear back.
Being with the experience directly from this grounded sense of ourselves.
We lean in and listen with the ear of the heart.
With our embodied self or from our embodied self.
And what happens when you companion these parts for long enough often may well surprise you.
And it may well surprise it.
This is the fundamental heart of deep change.
This process of resonance,
Correspondence and waiting to hear back.
And as we begin to complete,
We just say thank you all of this and me.
Thank you for being here.
I really appreciate it.
I'm going to continue to sit with you even though I'm kind of formally completing this quality of what we in focusing would call companioning.
Keeping ourselves company in this way.
