My Relationships: Medicine, Or Poison?

The Buddha insisted that our relationships make up the “whole” of our spiritual life, and urged us to use our mindfulness practice to become more aware of who we’re choosing to associate with in order to ensure our sense of peace and well-being. Happily, his teachings offer us numerous ways that we can use our meditation practice to better discern whether our relationships are offering us poison (or, something that makes us feel bad), or medicine.

This talk explores how we can tap into our wise bodies and hearts to help us make these important decisions. It includes a meditation at the end.

Transcript

So,

Just a few weeks ago at a longer retreat that I was blessed to lead in Maryland,

I had a really interesting conversation with a student of mine who told me that just prior to our retreat,

She had spent several days with her mother,

And during our retreat,

She just couldn't shake the sense of feeling actually physically ill,

And she said she just frequently felt nauseous,

Even though she knew she was otherwise fine.

And because I know this student and I know that she has a very challenging relationship with her mother,

Who sadly tends to be emotionally abusive,

I understood that her body was trying to give her a message about this,

And that her meditation practice was really revealing this to her in a very powerful way.

As humans with intelligent minds,

It's just our natural tendency to spend most of our time living there as we try to navigate our lives and try to figure out how we can create more happiness and less pain and suffering for ourselves and for others.

But according to the teachings,

The problem with this is that because our minds are intelligent,

Sadly,

They can very often lie to us,

Or more often tell us stories that we just automatically believe to be true,

Or maybe don't even question.

And unfortunately,

These false beliefs can often keep us trapped for years and years in situations or relationships that are just not healthy for us or may even be harming us in some way.

But if we can learn how to pay closer attention to and follow the lead of our wise bodies,

And especially our hearts,

They will almost never lie to us and will often show us which direction that we need to take.

And so our meditation practice especially is where we can begin to get to know our bodies and hearts more intimately,

And really learn to trust them more and more,

Just as we might trust the most loving companion or consultant that we know.

In fact,

So often when I talk one-on-one with students who are going through any kind of difficulty,

Almost the first thing I do is to invite them to slow down and close their eyes,

Place one hand or both on their heart or one hand on their heart and one on their belly,

Just to really get quiet and drop the narrative and breathe.

And then we listen closely to the heart with as much kindness and compassion as we can.

No judgment especially,

No expectation,

Just listening.

And so whenever we're doing this,

We're not digging for any answers,

We're just listening with a kind of wise loving awareness.

And we'll go very slow with this and stay with it a while,

And as we continue to nurture that kind awareness,

That loving awareness,

I'll ask them to get really specific and express out loud whatever they're sensing in their bodies,

Especially in the heart area.

So for instance,

I might ask a person to consider,

Does the heart space feel constricted or heavy?

Or maybe is there any pain,

Painful feelings arising in the chest area?

Or maybe a sense of movement or a sense of an emotion trying to express itself.

Sometimes the heart can just feel really full.

We might also explore what the breath feels like.

I'll ask questions like,

Is it shallow or wispy?

Or maybe is it slow or fast?

Or is it maybe being felt more up in the chest or maybe deeper,

Maybe way more down in the belly?

And then we might really tap into whatever's happening in the belly itself,

Noticing for instance,

If maybe the belly feels heavy,

Maybe empty,

Or maybe there's a sense of butterflies,

Or like the student I was speaking with,

There's just a sense of unease or even nausea.

And then we might even explore the throat area and actually put a hand on the throat and see if there's any tightness or constriction or a squeeze,

Even a painful feeling.

And almost always after we've spent some more quality time with both the body and the heart and really listened closely with as much kindness and compassion as we can,

What usually happens is that some sort of unconscious messages that they've been holding onto will suddenly reveal themselves as if these unacknowledged communications from the heart have finally been seen and given permission to finally speak.

And over the years,

I found that these messages mostly arrive in two different ways,

And they're connected.

So the first way is that when we finally spent some time with our hearts and have again given them permission to speak without our tricky minds getting in the way,

What is often revealed is a kind of truth within us that we intuitively know and trust when we see it.

And we suddenly have the courage to now voice it and affirm it.

That's the first way it shows up.

The second common reveal is almost the opposite of this,

And that it's often a kind of strong ancient or core false belief that we can suddenly recognize that we've been believing and actually living our lives out of,

That we can instantly and very clearly acknowledge is actually not true at all.

And so as you might imagine,

These two almost always go together,

The truth and the lie,

If you will.

And suddenly we can see both of them very clearly.

Now,

Sadly,

This does not mean that we won't go back to sleep,

As Rumi says,

And somehow forget or want to deny what our heart showed us.

But once we've seen the truth,

It can serve as a kind of breadcrumb for us.

You know,

It might be small,

But it's something that can slowly lead us back home to ourselves and lead us back home.

This is actually one of the main reasons that I truly love this practice,

Because it really is like we're training ourselves to be spiritual doctors in a way.

Doctors who are able to use the practice of loving awareness as a kind of powerful x-ray machine to very closely discern what might be ailing us.

And for me,

I always like to remember that the Buddha himself was often considered a kind of doctor or a master healer.

And so just like a more modern doctor might try to rid the body of all the various physical toxins or cancers that might be causing it to be ill,

Or maybe to not feel good,

The Buddha was trying to help us cleanse ourselves of the more spiritual or psychological toxins that we tend to poison ourselves with,

That also,

Of course,

Don't make us feel very good.

In fact,

This master healer called the unwholesome negative or unhealthy qualities of heart poison,

Poison.

And he called the more wholesome or healthy qualities of heart medicine.

Things like loving kindness,

Compassion,

Empathy,

Generosity,

Peace,

Ease,

Those good qualities are medicine.

And so the idea here is that while we can poison our minds and hearts with our own unwholesome thoughts and actions,

Happily,

We can also learn to cure ourselves with the medicine,

If you will,

Of our wholesome thoughts and actions,

Our more loving thoughts and actions.

And this is also absolutely true of all of our relationships,

Which can either poison us in some way and make us feel bad,

Or can help us to become more healthy,

More happy by offering us the medicine of those more wholesome qualities.

In the scriptures,

The Buddha taught that he could see,

Quote,

No other thing so responsible for the arising of unwholesome qualities in a person as bad relationship,

And nothing so helpful for the arising of wholesome qualities as good relationship.

One of my very favorite teachers,

The Venerable Bhikkhu Bodhi,

Actually insists that our entire progress along the path of the Dhamma,

Our progress towards happiness and liberation itself,

Hinges,

It hinges on our making right choices in our relationships,

Which means that our happiness truly depends on this.

It is that important.

The very famous Sutta,

The Upada Sutta,

The Buddha's longtime attendant Ananda mentions to him that noble friends and companions seem so important that certainly they must be half of the holy life.

They're that important.

But the Buddha said to him,

No,

No,

Do not say that,

Ananda.

Noble friends and companions are the whole of the holy life.

They are the whole.

And so in essence,

The teachings are telling us that who we choose to associate with is absolutely essential for our own happiness,

For our emotional well-being,

The quality of our lives,

And the development of our personal character as we continue to walk through this life.

To quote Bhikkhu Bodhi again,

He tells us,

Quote,

Our mind resembles a chameleon,

Which alters its coloring according to its background.

Just as a lizard turns green when in the grass,

And brown when on the ground,

So we become fools when we associate with fools,

And sages when we associate with sages.

Happily,

Throughout the entire Pali Canon,

There seems to be hundreds of ways that the Buddha talks about how we can be more discerning about this.

But for me,

That simple concept of using our mindfulness practice to become more and more aware of which relationships in our lives are maybe bringing us more poison,

And which ones are bringing us more medicine,

Seems to make it just a little easier for me to discern how all these different relationships are affecting the quality of my life.

And of course,

Because we're all human,

Which means that none of us is perfect,

Every single one of us actually carries with us both poison and medicine in different ways,

Right?

And all of us at different times,

And sometimes with different people,

Often unconsciously dispense either poison or medicine.

Of course,

Sometimes we know exactly what type of pills are in the bottle that we're offering,

If you will,

Either poison or medicine,

And we know what's in there.

In any case,

The reality is that no one is going to constantly bring us only medicine,

Or only poison.

Although truly,

I think some people may come close to this.

And here I'm thinking of my dear maternal grandmother,

Who was my spiritual role model.

And I can only recall being mad at me one time,

And it was only because I woke her up too early.

And I totally understood I'm not a morning person.

So to me,

She was mostly all medicine.

And of course,

For many of our relationships,

We often pretty much know exactly what they're bringing us,

Right?

And so we don't need to do a whole lot of investigating around it.

We are really clear about whatever kind of medicine or poison this person's bringing us.

But for others,

We may need to take a little more time and really consider,

On balance,

Is this person more often than not bringing me poison or medicine?

One way we can start to notice this is by paying close attention to how we feel when we spent some time with this person,

Or had an interaction with them.

And this includes how we feel before,

During,

And even after these interactions.

And so the best way to begin noticing this is by first paying attention to how our bodies feel,

Really checking in with ourselves about this.

Again,

Our bodies are so wise,

And they can tell us so many things.

But the trick is that we really need to check in with them on a regular basis,

And then really allow ourselves to actually listen to what they're trying to tell us.

For instance,

Before,

During,

Or after an interaction we have with someone,

We might ask ourselves,

When I'm thinking about spending time with this person,

Does my body feel good?

Does it feel more relaxed,

Or content,

Or warmer,

Maybe even excited to see them?

Does my heart feel more gladdened,

Maybe softer,

More open?

Or do I maybe feel more agitated,

Or tight,

Maybe heavy in some way?

Sometimes there might even be a physical sensation that does feel a little bit like sickness,

Or again like nausea,

Some sort of dis-ease,

Disease.

And then both during and after we've had an interaction with this person,

Or spent some time with them,

We might then consider how this person has influenced the state of both our minds and our hearts.

For instance,

We might ask ourselves questions like,

Do I feel more joyful,

Or more contented during or after this contact?

We might consider,

Do I feel in some way seen?

I feel seen.

Or do I feel more connected,

Or supported,

Or understood?

You might even consider,

Do I feel more enlightened,

Or more understanding about something in some way?

You might even consider,

Do I feel like this relationship is helping me to grow in the right direction?

Is it helping me to grow in the right direction?

Another way I like to think of this sometimes is in terms of a kind of gift that this person has brought with them,

One that after I leave them I'm now somehow carrying around with me.

My practice is to consider whether this gift contains poison or medicine,

Or maybe,

You know,

Does this gift that I'm carrying around make me feel good or not?

Or does it make me feel a little healthier or happier or not?

Because if we think about it,

Sometimes when someone brings us an actual physical gift of some sort,

It can often not really be a gift at all,

Right?

Now sometimes there's some sort of an emotional attachment that goes along with whatever it is that's being offered.

Then maybe we sense some sort of dis-ease.

So as a contemplation,

We might consider asking ourselves,

What is this person actually bringing into my life as a gift?

So for instance,

We might ask ourselves,

Is this person in some way maybe regularly offering me their defensiveness,

Or their judgment,

Or their resentment,

Or maybe even their contempt?

And am I now carrying that feeling around with me in some way?

And by the way,

This person's expression of aversion might of course be squarely directed at you,

But sometimes the aversion that they're expressing might be something that they just habitually direct towards others or maybe the world at large.

So again,

After these interactions,

You might end up carrying these more poisonous feelings around with you,

Even unconsciously.

In a different but similar way,

We might consider,

Does this person maybe regularly bring me their fears,

Or their doubt,

Or their anxiety?

And do I tend to maybe absorb that?

And is this maybe a kind of regular interaction?

And is it kind of poisoning my heart somehow,

These habitual regular interactions?

Another thing we might consider is,

Does this person regularly gift me with a sense of guilt,

Or maybe a sense of obligation?

Something that again,

Feels a little bit like poison to me.

Does it make me feel good?

Maybe this poison arrives in the form of judgment,

Or some unsolicited advice,

Or maybe even a whole truckload of advice about how we might live our own lives better than how they think that we're living it.

Maybe a person in your life just regularly does not listen to you very well,

Or maybe doesn't often see you as you are,

Or maybe gives you the cold shoulder in some way.

And so whenever any of this happens,

We might again truly check in with our bodies and our hearts,

And pay close attention to how that feels,

To carry that particular gift in our bodies and in our hearts.

At the same time,

And on the other hand,

We might then consider,

Did maybe this person gift me with their kindness,

Or their attention,

Or their curiosity about me?

Maybe we can consider,

Were they really interested in what I had to say?

Maybe they asked even more questions to find out more.

Did they offer me their non-judgmental listening,

Or empathy,

Or care?

Did they gift me with their joy,

Or their laughter,

Or their understanding?

Does this person gift me with their ease,

Or presence,

Or sense of confidence,

Or sense of integrity?

You know,

We might also ask,

Does this person maybe gift me with their kind and honest advice or counseling,

But only after it's earnestly sought out and asked for?

So these are just some of the many questions that we can start to ask ourselves in all of our relationships.

Remembering that main and maybe easiest question,

Which is,

Does this relationship feel more like poison or medicine to me?

And really assess that.

And of course,

Sometimes the answer to this might be,

Well,

One day this person brings me poison,

And then the next medicine.

And on the whole,

It seems to balance itself out.

So I'm willing to hang around and stick this out.

If,

However,

After some honest assessment,

We recognize that someone is more often than not bringing us something that just doesn't make us feel good,

Or is maybe truly affecting the quality of our lives,

Then we need to courageously ask ourselves,

How much of my own wellness,

Or my own well-being is being affected by this?

And how much connection do I really want to continue to have with this person?

Or maybe,

How much more poison am I willing to continue to drink?

Of course,

Making the decision to distance ourselves or even leave a relationship can be incredibly difficult and challenging,

Because none of us likes to let go,

And for so many reasons.

Again,

Because we are all human and care for other people,

Most of us are often afraid that we're going to hurt somebody's feelings if we decide to distance ourselves.

But honestly,

Sometimes not distancing ourselves just means that we are,

In essence,

Putting our own feelings and our own well-being to the side,

Not hurt their feelings.

In the Udana Sutta,

The Buddha reminds us,

Quote,

A person who deserves more love and affection than oneself,

In any place or anywhere,

Cannot be found.

I'll repeat that.

A person who deserves more love and affection than one's own self,

In any place or anywhere,

Cannot be found.

What this means is that we ourselves are just as worthy of our own love and care as anyone else,

And we do not need to sacrifice our own happiness for others.

Sometimes one of the reasons we don't allow ourselves to step away is because somehow we believe that we can change that person,

Right?

We feel like we can change them.

But as the poet Maya Angelou so wisely told us,

Quote,

When someone shows you who they are,

Believe them the first time.

People know themselves much better than you do.

That's why it's important to stop expecting them to be something other than who they are.

On the other hand,

You know,

Sometimes the change that we're afraid of is the change that we might feel once we've either distanced ourselves from that person,

Or maybe have decided to not have them in our lives anymore.

As the Buddha so wisely points out to us,

We are all so incredibly attached to familiarity.

And so we're often just too afraid to make that big of a leap,

Even though that leap might be exactly what we need in order to find more freedom and happiness in our lives.

Another reason we might sometimes feel trapped in a relationship is because of a strong belief system that tells us we just can't or we aren't allowed in some way to let go.

Maybe because the person in question is a family member,

Maybe multiple family members.

But the hard truth is that this is simply a false belief.

And often,

You know,

It serves to keep us trapped in well-worn ancient patterns that are continuing to poison us,

Sometimes for decades or even throughout a lifetime.

And whether it's family or friends or someone in our community,

So often we just don't want to let go because we feel like it's going to enhance our sense of loneliness,

Our sense of feeling separate,

Which the teachings tell us is actually the source of our deepest wounding,

Right?

Which is why,

Of course,

It's so difficult to let go.

It's also sadly why so often we are willing to put up with harmful,

Toxic behavior that might be slowly poisoning us or that might be making us feel frequently sick and awful,

Simply because we're afraid of experiencing that sense of separation.

But as the poet Penny Edwards tells us,

Quote,

Know your worth.

Know your worth.

You must find the courage to leave the table if respect is no longer being served.

Know your worth.

And I know in my own experience,

Whenever I've allowed myself to do this,

To distance myself or even to let go of a relationship,

Even some that have been very longstanding,

The end result has always,

Always been a much happier,

Healthier quality of life,

Even if the recovery period or the letting go period is super painful,

Which,

Of course,

It so often just is.

In any case,

Even if we choose to disconnect with someone or maybe have less contact with them,

It is absolutely essential that we never,

Ever,

Ever put anyone out of our hearts.

Now,

This is so important and crucial because we don't ever want to allow our own hearts to close down or become hardened or hateful towards someone.

And we don't want to hold on to that aversion or judgment or hatred because we don't want to nurture that kind of poison within our own hearts.

We don't want to harm ourselves with this kind of aversion,

Just as we don't want to harm the other person with our aversion.

So instead,

We really need to practice allowing ourselves to nurture a sense of compassion for whoever it is that we're distancing ourselves from.

And often what this means is having compassion for this person's particular conditioning,

You know,

Recognizing that there are reasons that they behave like they do or relate to us the way that they do based on their own unique past and upbringing and beliefs and experiences,

Etc.

,

Their conditioning.

So,

For instance,

Even though we may not want to be around someone anymore because of their negative influence on us or because of how they treat us,

We can still practice treating them with kindness and respect.

The modern teacher Sylvia Borstein Hoylove says it another way.

She says,

Certainly decisions about war and peace are made by people,

People we could name and blame as culprits.

I wonder,

Though,

If we are not best served by naming ignorance as the enemy to be defeated,

Even as we act firmly to oppose what we see as wrongdoing in the world,

What we recognize as causing pain.

This would leave us without human enemies,

Only with confused people needing help,

Confused people needing help.

I also like to remember this quote from Henry Wadsworth Long Fellow,

Who told us,

If we could read the secret history of our enemies,

We should find in each person's life sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all hostility.

So true.

In each of these two quotes I just mentioned,

You might have noticed the term enemy,

Which is actually the term the Buddha uses in the Sikha Lovata Sutta,

Which I want to talk about very briefly before we finish.

In this Sutta,

He outlines how we can identify people who call themselves our friend or our companion,

But who are actually bringing us poison rather than medicine.

But before I launch in,

I really want to make clear that the word enemy that Sylvia Borstein mentions really means that someone's actions or behaviors are harmful to us.

It does not in any way mean that someone is inherently evil or inhuman because they do some of the things that I'm going to mention.

So this is really important that we remember to not dehumanize or other anyone ever.

Our language,

How we describe people,

Can be incredibly powerful,

And so we really need to be careful about this and aware of it.

The Merriam's Dictionary describes enemy as someone who is antagonistic towards us,

A hostile unit or a force.

It does not say that an enemy is evil or inhuman.

It's just someone who exhibits hostility or aversion to us in some way.

That's the definition.

So in the Sutta,

I want to summarize quickly the Sikha Lovata Sutta.

The Buddha is asking us to be aware of those we consider allies might actually be enemies who are offering us poison instead of medicine.

And so in the Sutta,

The Buddha tells us,

Quote,

Be aware of four enemies disguised as friends,

The taker,

Talker,

The flatterer,

And the reckless companion.

The friend who is all take,

The friend of empty words,

The friend full of flattery,

And the reckless friend.

These four are not friends,

But enemies.

The wise understand this and keep them at a distance as they would a dangerous path.

That's from the Sutta.

By the way,

Sometimes,

Of course,

Someone can be one or two or even all four of these things,

And their behaviors can be either very subtle or very overt,

Sometimes a combination.

And as I describe these,

You might notice that the common theme in all of them is an inflated sense of self,

That their actions and behaviors all tend to benefit ego or themselves,

Which means,

Of course,

That they are also then naturally disregarding or disrespecting us,

Or the person that they are in relationship with,

Which,

Of course,

Is where the harm usually comes in.

So I'll name some of these.

So in the Sutta,

The Buddha says that the taker can be identified as someone who only takes,

Asks for a lot while giving little,

Performs their duty out of fear,

And only offers their services in order to gain something.

This is from the Suttas.

The talker is someone who reminds us of their past generosity and promises their future generosity,

Mouths empty words of kindness,

And then protests their own personal misfortune when they themselves are called upon to help.

The flatterer is someone who supports both our good and bad behavior indiscriminately and praises us to our face,

But then puts us down behind our backs.

The reckless companion is someone who accompanies us in things like drinking and roaming around at night and partying and gambling.

So let's break these down a little bit in more modern terms.

The taker in our lives might be someone who thinks that they're more deserving or above us in some way,

And they tend to weigh all their interactions with us in terms of what they have to gain.

This is the what's-in-it-for-me type of companion.

This person is also usually marked by their false generosity in the sense that they're really doing something with the expectation of getting something in return.

So the talker can often be found saying things that they just don't mean or making promises that they have no intention to keep.

So they might say something like,

I'm going to do this thing for you,

And then they just never get around to doing it,

Or they just keep breaking their commitments to a date,

Or just something you've asked them to do when they've said,

Sure,

I can do that.

So we can identify the talker as a friend we're always kind of trying to pin down,

But they're mostly unpinnable,

But they often make us seem like the bad friend and themselves the victim in some way whenever we ask them about this,

Or seem upset,

Or ask them to apologize.

The flatterer in this sutta could also be called the tooth-faced friend.

This is someone who says one thing to us,

But then another when we're not around.

And we can often discern these types of friends by listening to how they talk about other people.

So for instance,

If they are always incessantly gossiping to you about someone they claim is their closest friend,

Be absolutely assured that they are also gossiping about you.

So the reckless companion is pretty easy to identify.

The Buddha mentions,

Quote,

Roaming around at night as one mark of a reckless companion.

So this is a friend who appeals to our weaknesses,

And they are very convincing.

So this is a person who induces us to stay out much later than we want to,

Or drink way too much,

Or splurge on a vacation,

Or something else is way too expensive.

Or the person who encourages us to go to those places,

Quote,

We know we shouldn't,

Or to get into situations that we know we'll probably later regret.

And this type of enemy or frenemy,

If you will,

Is often the most difficult one to let go of,

Because while they are actually not at all good for us,

They can also sometimes be really fun to be around.

So again,

To try to summarize a bit,

With all of these different relationships,

We're being asked to really use our practice to discern what they're actually bringing to us,

To our lives,

By investigating not only their actions,

But more importantly,

The state of our own minds,

Bodies,

And hearts,

Whenever we're with them,

Or even after.

And so I think I'm going to end there.

And if it's available for you,

I'd like to offer us a meditation on the subject of discerning our relationships.

So if it's available to you,

You might find a comfortable seat wherever you are.

Even maybe if you're outside and you want to sit,

Close the eyes,

Bring your attention to the breath.

If you're out walking,

Bring your attention to the bottom of your feet,

The act of walking.

The act of walking,

Feel the whole body moving through space.

So bring your attention to the body,

To the breath,

And the heart.

You're driving,

You might feel the position of your body in the seat,

Feel your seat on the cushion of the car,

Your hands on the wheel.

Again,

Paying attention to the breath.

For all of us,

Maybe taking a nice deep inhale,

Filling the lungs,

Maybe even holding at the top.

And then a slow exhale,

Letting go.

Pull around to these on your own,

Maybe just to bring your attention into the body using the breath.

On each exhale,

Really slowing everything down,

Softening the body,

Dropping any tension,

Letting go.

After a while,

Letting the breath just feel natural in the body,

Just observing the inhale.

Observing the exhale.

You might notice where you can soften a little more,

Maybe noticing the whole area of the face,

Letting the forehead be smooth,

Cheeks soft,

Eyes soft,

Teeth slightly parted so the jaw can relax.

Feel breathing.

You might notice the shoulders,

Let the arms get heavy,

Feel the shoulders dropping.

You might feel your seat,

Just the weight of the earth,

The weight of your body connected to the earth.

Sensing yourself held by the earth,

Sense that connection so that the rest of the body,

The skin and the muscles kind of relax around the skeleton that's supported by the earth.

Feel breathing.

Maybe opening your eyes a little bit,

Maybe opening the center of the palms,

Softening the center of the palms just a little more in a gesture of both receiving and letting go,

So that we're really opening to the flow of experience,

Letting go and receiving.

As you're ready,

I'm going to invite you now to consider one friendship or relationship that maybe you're struggling with right now.

Bring this person to mind,

Really see them in front of you.

Let this person be with you right now.

Really see them in your mind.

As you're ready,

You might consider,

How does my body feel when I'm with this person?

How does my body feel?

You might even place one hand or both on the heart or one hand on your heart and one on the belly.

See if you feel a little bit more of a connection with this person.

You might even place one hand or both on the heart or one hand on your heart and one on the belly.

See if you can offer your heart as much kindness and compassion as you can with no judgment.

Just listen.

How does my body,

Maybe my heart feel when I'm with this person?

You might consider,

Does my heart feel constricted,

Heavy?

Or is there any pain arising in the chest area?

Maybe a sense of movement or maybe a sense of an emotion trying to express itself.

Just staying with it and listening.

As you continue now,

You might even notice how the breath feels in the body when you're thinking about this person.

Is it shallow or wispy?

Maybe slow or fast?

Is it felt way up in the chest or is it maybe deeper down in the belly?

Just notice.

As you continue now,

You might notice how the belly feels.

Does it feel heavy or empty?

Or is there maybe a sense of butterflies or maybe in a sense of nausea or unease?

Notice.

As you continue now,

You might notice how the belly feels.

As you continue now,

You might even notice anything that's happening in the throat area.

And if you want,

You could even place a hand on the throat.

If there's any tightness or constriction here,

Any kind of painful feeling,

It might not be,

But just notice.

As you're ready now,

You might consider,

What am I really being given in this relationship?

Or maybe,

What kind of gifts does this person regularly bring to me?

What kind of gifts does this person regularly bring to me?

You might even ask yourself,

How does my body feel when I receive this?

Might even ask yourself,

How does my body feel when I receive this person's gift or gifts?

As you're ready now,

You might consider on the whole,

Does this relationship feel more like medicine or poison?

Medicine or poison?

With the eyes still closed,

You might listen to these words from the ancient poet Hafiz,

Who tells us this.

We have not come here to take prisoners,

But to surrender ever more deeply to freedom and joy.

We have not come into this exquisite world to hold ourselves hostage from love,

Run,

My dear,

From anything that may not strengthen your precious budding wings.

Run like hell,

My dear,

From anyone likely to put a sharp knife into the sacred,

Tender vision of your beautiful heart.

We have a duty to befriend those aspects of obedience that stand outside of our freedom.

We have a duty to befriend those aspects of obedience that stand outside of our house and shout to our reason,

Oh please,

Oh please,

Come out and play.

For we have not come here to take prisoners or to confine our wondrous spirits,

But to experience ever and ever more deeply our divine courage,

Freedom,

And light.

Namaste and blessings.

Reviews

Just WOW! I needed this so much and am so grateful for the gifts you’ve given me over these many years!🌞🪷💛