Buddha's "Most Important Meditation": Patience

The Buddha was once asked “what is the most important thing for us to practice?” He answered: patience (or khanti, in Pali) and assured us that this skill or quality is something we can all learn to apply to absolutely everything we struggle with in our lives - every person, situation, and even ourselves - in order to become much more peaceful, self-controlled, compassionate, and undisturbed by life itself. This talk explores his teachings about how we can do this. It includes a meditation at the end.

Transcript

So I wanted to start this talk by first offering a personal message to those of you who listen regularly,

Basically to say thank you so much for your patience,

Which also happens to be the subject of this talk.

It's been about six months actually since I've given one of these teachings,

And in the past several months I've been getting a lot of emails from my students asking if I've decided to stop offering them,

And so I just want to assure everyone that I have not.

It just said along with an extremely full teaching schedule this past year,

My life became unexpectedly complicated and I just wasn't able to put in the time that these talks require of me.

So some of you may know that just about a year ago I made what was probably the most difficult decision of my life,

Which was to separate from my husband of 30 years and also to leave the farmhouse where I'd been living for almost as long,

And so for me this entire year has really ended up being a kind of boot camp in practicing patience with so many different things in my life,

And you know if I'm honest I think it's something I've actually needed to remind myself of on an almost hourly basis really,

Mainly because of what I see as my impatience as it concerns my strong desire for things to just feel normal again or maybe familiar or grounded,

As in not tomorrow or you know sometime in my future,

But right now this exact minute.

And so along with noticing that strong presence of what is considered the hindrance or obstacle of wanting or desire or craving,

I've also been fully aware of its opposite,

Which is of course the hindrance of not wanting or aversion.

And that hindrance has been showing up in the form of not wanting to experience the very heavy amount of grief and sadness and even fear that this big move has brought up for me,

Even though I recognize that you know this just isn't realistic or even possible to make this big of a change after three decades of my life and expect myself to not feel any of these normal very human emotions.

And so to make a very long story short,

I've been finding myself where we all tend to find ourselves when we're in the middle of big change,

Either personally or maybe on a more national even global level,

Which is to feel as if we've somehow taken a leap off a cliff and that we just don't have any solid footing or ground beneath us.

And of course whenever there's big change or a time when we're either really wanting or not wanting something,

It's very natural for us to reach out for something to hold on to or to grasp for something that feels familiar.

Maybe something we believe can provide us with some sense of stability as we search for more solid ground.

But as the Buddha so wisely pointed out to us,

The truth is that the ground that we're searching for doesn't actually exist and there is truly nothing solid for us to hold on to.

The Diamond Sutra the Buddha tells us,

Quote,

This is how to contemplate our conditioned existence in this fleeting world,

Like a tiny drop of dew or a bubble floating in a stream,

Like a flash of lightning in a summer cloud,

Or a flickering lamp,

An illusion,

A phantom,

Or a dream.

So is all conditioned existence to be seen.

And I recognize that this is just one of those truths from the Buddhist teachings that sounds like such a big bummer,

But it's also something we all can't deny.

You know,

The fact that everything in this world,

Including ourselves,

Is in a constant state of transition or change.

Or in the Pali language this is called Anicca,

Which means change without end,

Impermanence,

Change without end.

And sometimes I think,

You know,

Wouldn't it be nice just once to be able to maybe press a pause button,

Right,

And have the whole world stop just for a little while.

Instead of waking up each morning remembering that everything is still constantly moving.

I've been so behind lately I've actually imagined that scenario more times than I would like to admit.

You know,

It's like I keep imagining some time in the future where everything in my life is just going to be completely how I want it to be,

And then that's just going to stay that way.

My favorite Buddhist nun,

Pema Chodron,

Calls this the dream of constant okayness.

The dream of constant okayness.

And she said this,

It's not impermanence per se or even knowing we're going to die that is the cause of our suffering,

The Buddha taught.

Rather it is our resistance to the fundamental uncertainty of our situation.

Our discomfort arises from all of our efforts to put ground under our feet to realize our dream of constant okayness.

And so the idea here is that because that ground that we're all searching for doesn't actually exist,

The Buddha is urging us to use our practice to repeatedly discover,

Maybe rediscover over and over,

That place of ground or balance within ourselves.

Because that is truly the only place that we're ever going to find it.

Again,

Obviously we don't do this just once.

We do this over and over again as life continues to move and shift and change,

Change without end.

And truly this is really his whole teaching to us,

To show us how he himself finally discovered that sense of inner groundedness or inner steadiness,

A quality that he described as unshakable,

Unshakable.

And happily he assured us that we are all capable of developing this unshakable quality.

And in the Dhammapada he uses the image of our shadow to describe this,

As in once we develop it,

It becomes like our shadow,

Something that isn't separate from us,

But it requires light in order to reveal it.

This light is considered the light of our awareness,

And what it recognizes is that our freedom from suffering arises from letting go of the whole idea of ground itself,

And accepting the truth that we're always sort of leaping off a cliff.

One of my teachers,

Jack Garnfeld,

Once tried to sum up the Buddha's teachings in a few simple words of advice that I like to remember.

Jack said,

Quote,

Everything that has a beginning has an ending.

Make peace with that and all will be well.

I'll repeat that.

Everything that has a beginning has an ending.

Make peace with that and all will be well.

For me,

I sometimes like to recall something my mother used to tell me when I was really young,

Which was that I couldn't crawl back into the womb,

You know.

Once you're born you know where you're headed.

There's no going back.

In the teachings,

There's a short exchange between the Buddha and his cousin Ananda,

Who also happens to be his most dedicated student and companion,

Where Ananda asks him,

Sir,

Sir,

What is the most important thing for a monk to practice?

Just for a moment here,

We might just pause and consider the full weight of that question to the Buddha.

Sir,

What is the most important thing for a monk to practice?

The Buddha's answer was just one word,

Which was Kanti,

Which again means patience,

Patience.

I need to confess here,

I'm always a little sad that I didn't learn about that short exchange when I first started practicing more than 35 years ago now,

Because I think it might have saved me a whole lot of time.

Because essentially what this means is that through our practice,

We're being asked to train ourselves to develop this kind of calm,

Steady,

Staying power with everything,

With all the situations we find ourselves in,

With other people,

With life itself.

Of course,

What we probably all need them to be the most patient with is with ourselves.

Another one of my teachers,

The great modern scholar Bhikkhu Ananya,

Has very famously summed up our entire practice in just four words,

And I know many of you can likely recite these words by heart because I use them so often,

But these are just four words,

Keep calmly knowing change.

That's it,

Our whole practice summed up in four words,

Keep calmly knowing change.

And I bring this up because it occurs to me that if we think about it,

This whole phrase is really pointing directly at our practice of Kanti.

In fact,

We might even be able to condense Bhikkhu Ananya's excellent forward phrase down to just that one simple word,

Kanti,

Patience.

Patience.

And this is because essentially what we're being asked to do is to calmly,

Which means patiently,

Recognize and know that everything,

Including ourselves,

Is constantly shifting and changing.

But again,

The stable ground that we're all searching for does not actually exist.

The Dalai Lama once spoke about the importance of the practice of patience this way.

He said,

Patience guards us against losing our presence of mind.

It enables us to remain undisturbed even when the situation is really difficult.

It gives us a certain amount of inner peace,

Which allows us some self-control so that we can choose to respond to situations in an appropriate and compassionate manner rather than being driven by our disturbing emotions.

And I just love that because if we think about it,

Doesn't it sort of summarize how we all want to be in this world ideally?

Don't we all want to be that person who is patient and peaceful,

Self-controlled,

Appropriate,

Compassionate,

Undisturbed by life itself?

We might even think about the opposite of the person that we want to be.

We might think about the qualities of aversion or not wanting,

Which includes the feelings of frustration,

Complaint,

Discontent,

Bitterness,

Anger,

Etc.

And I bring this up because the quality of Kanti or patience is considered the main antidote to our aversion.

It's the main antidote.

And our aversion,

You might notice,

Is always pointing to a sense of resisting what is.

And by the way,

We can also of course experience these exact same emotions whenever we're really wanting something,

Can't we?

We can feel irritated,

Frustrated,

Annoyed,

Resentful,

Jealous,

Or even rageful about not being able to get what we want,

Right?

And so when we're considering aversion and that vast range of feelings that that emotion encompasses,

We might remember that aversion is not only considered the greatest threat to our mindfulness practice,

But to our ability to discover peace and ease in this life.

And that the main,

Most important antidote for all of it is this incredibly important quality of patience or Kanti,

Which is spelled K-H-A-N-T-I,

Kanti.

And so given this,

It can be really helpful to understand how the Buddha described this quality so we can better understand how to start practicing it more.

In the teachings,

Kanti is said to have three main qualities,

And it's important to remember that these aren't separate,

They're all intimately intertwined.

And I'll repeat these.

These three are a gentle or compassionate forbearance,

A calm endurance of hardship,

And a recognition and acceptance of the truth.

A gentle or compassionate forbearance,

A calm endurance of hardship,

And a recognition and acceptance of the truth.

Those qualities.

So with that first quality,

A gentle or compassionate forbearance,

We might notice two main practices that we actually need to apply first whenever we're feeling impatient about anything.

These are the qualities of compassion or Karuna in the Pali language,

And gentleness or Madhava in Pali,

Both of which are considered divine qualities of heart.

So what this means is that whenever we're feeling impatient,

We almost immediately want to gently and compassionately recognize and acknowledge how hard it is to be faced with whatever we're struggling with.

And again,

This can be something relatively minor or temporary,

Or it could be something much more challenging or long-term.

And especially if we've been sort of flying off that cliff for you,

If you will,

For much longer than we expected,

We really want to remember to offer ourselves our own gentleness and compassion for the fact that this just doesn't feel good,

For the fact that it's hard.

So it might be helpful to know that practicing patience does not mean that we're being asked to like whatever we're feeling impatient about,

Or maybe the timeline that we might be facing.

We are allowed to not like how long it might be taking for us to find some sense of peace or groundedness around that thing that we've been struggling with.

What this part of the practice is saying is that what's most important is that we do not abandon ourselves in the process.

We don't abandon ourselves.

And of course,

This is the really hard part because so often we're so busy trying to figure out how we can wiggle out or away from our difficult feelings or from our impatience that we tend to forget to offer ourselves any sort of compassion or gentleness.

And so one of the ways we can start to develop patience is by using our mindfulness practice to notice when we're doing this kind of wiggling or squirming or running away,

Avoiding,

Etc.

And if you'll stay with me,

We might even imagine for a moment that we're a baby bird,

Right?

Maybe the particular nest that we find ourselves in feels kind of uncomfortable or unpleasant,

Right?

Maybe it feels very old or hot,

Claustrophobic,

Or just completely overcrowded with ancient,

Stinky beliefs,

Etc.

Nest is overcrowded.

For the most part,

Whenever we're experiencing this,

It just makes sense that we mostly just want to immediately jump out,

Right?

We just have no patience for simply being there.

And on top of this,

Often when we realize that we can't immediately jump or squirm out of that uncomfortable place,

What we tend to do is resort to blame,

Okay?

Blame.

For instance,

Instead of acknowledging that we're experiencing something unpleasant,

We tend to focus all of our attention on finding out who or what is to blame for whatever's going on,

For whatever we're experiencing.

It's like we have an almost automatic response that involves an underlying belief that somehow,

Somewhere,

Someone or something has to be responsible for this.

And we usually also have an underlying belief that the responsible party needs to be held accountable in some way,

Maybe even punished.

And sadly,

This type of blaming can just be never-ending,

Go on for years and years and years.

We might recognize this in the form of beliefs that convince us that I should or shouldn't have,

Or it should or shouldn't have,

Or he,

She,

They should or shouldn't have,

Etc.

As a practice,

We might even begin to notice how much energy we might be putting into all these distracting shoulds,

Maybe by imagining them as bees that are swarming our nest.

Sometimes when we start to pay more attention to these,

We might realize that they really are only a few of these bees or shoulds,

Not really bothering us too much.

But other times we might recognize there's just a whole swarm of them buzzing around,

Stinging us over and over again.

Especially when we're blaming ourselves,

This can just make whatever we're feeling that much more painful.

Either way though,

Whenever we can use our mindfulness practice to finally catch one of those bees,

If you will,

It can just feel so satisfying to more clearly see how we've been distracting ourselves with our shoulds.

We might even imagine ourselves saying something like,

Aha,

I gotcha,

You know,

When we can finally see what we've been doing.

So this is the one of the ways we can use our mindfulness practice,

Which is to really become much more aware of all the ways that we are in some way trying to jump out or maybe away from that uncomfortable place.

Again,

By either running,

Avoiding,

Distracting ourselves,

Or trying to focus on who's to blame.

On the other hand,

We also want to become more aware of all the ways our impatience might be showing up in the form of trying to jump in,

To jump in.

So for instance,

We might notice that we want to jump in and fight like hell with something,

Or we might immediately want to jump in and try to defend ourselves.

This jumping in might also express itself in the form of trying to somehow prop ourselves up,

Because we just have no patience for losing any egotistical ground,

If you will.

Another way this jumping in can show up is in the form of immediately trying to fix something,

Like right now,

Right,

Instead of calmly,

Patiently enduring whatever it is we might be feeling or believing.

By the way,

We not only do this with our own struggles,

But many of us also have a strong tendency to do this with others who are struggling.

So often,

We just don't have a lot of patience for allowing other people to simply feel whatever they're feeling.

And so instead,

We tend to become impatient with them,

And maybe we feel the urge to either jump away from them,

Or fight with them,

Or maybe judge or blame them,

Or maybe we jump in by showering them with whatever we believe is somehow going to fix them,

Or fix the situation they find themselves in,

Which we're in some way hoping is going to make their uncomfortable feelings go away.

But the truth is,

Their feelings are usually making us uncomfortable.

And if you've ever been on the receiving end of this,

You might recall just how painful that can be.

And so if you'll allow me to stick with that image of a baby bird,

We might imagine that as that bird,

Maybe we find ourselves kicked out of the nest,

Or maybe we've tried leaping out by ourselves.

But instead of flying,

We find ourselves just flat on the concrete,

Maybe,

You know,

Feeling emotionally bruised or injured.

And again,

Maybe this has happened over and over again,

That splat on the concrete.

In any case,

Again,

Whenever we find ourselves here,

We might imagine that the gentle or compassionate forbearance part of our practice is like a kind person who might lean over and very gently hold or cradle us in some way,

And offer us some kind words of empathy,

Understanding.

Maybe they help us to stand and study ourselves,

And maybe even return us to the nest to try again.

In the Tibetan Shambhala tradition,

Which is my first tradition,

There's actually a wonderful image that I like to recall that describes this kind of calm,

Gentle,

Loving patience that we want to offer ourselves whenever we're feeling impatient,

Or when we're experiencing something really difficult,

Which is that of a mother bird who protects and cares for her young until they're strong enough to fly away.

In the Tibetan teachings,

This is the practice of,

Quote,

Placing our fearful mind in the cradle of loving-kindness.

Placing our fearful mind in the cradle of loving-kindness.

And what's important to remember here is that when we're doing this,

We're asking ourselves to really be both the mother and the baby.

So we not only want to offer ourselves our own gentle care and patience,

We also want to actually allow ourselves to truly rest and receive that gentle care,

Which,

As we all know,

Can often be one most difficult parts of this practice,

Right,

To actually do that.

This type of gentleness,

Or medava,

Is so important because it is said to come out of a sense of compassion,

Care,

And also deep respect.

Deep respect.

In the Zen tradition,

There's a great description of how we can apply this kind of gentleness and respect.

This is from a story about a man who comes running into a temple where a Zen master is seated.

And in his rush,

This man sort of haphazardly and loudly throws his shoes off right before he bows at the master's feet and asks him,

Master,

Please,

Teach me about the Dharma.

And in his very calm and patient way,

The master replies,

Okay,

I will.

But first,

You need to learn to respect your shoes.

How we take care of inner objects reveals the state of the mind.

This medava,

Or gentleness,

Is a disposition of the mind.

When someone has the state of mind,

All their actions have this quality.

All their actions have this quality.

So as we continue,

We might again imagine that we've just been very gently picked up and placed back into the nest.

And we've offered ourselves our own compassion and gentleness.

But now maybe we're just feeling totally exhausted or confused or frustrated or maybe even hurt,

You know,

Emotionally or physically or both.

And we really just don't want to be in that nest again.

You know,

Again,

We're averse to it.

What we want is just to fly the hell out of there and be free.

But if we try to leap out in the same way that we did before,

It's very likely that we're just going to get hurt again in the very same way.

So it's actually really important for us to stop and rest here for a while and take care of ourselves before we try again.

And so whenever we find ourselves here in this place feeling stuck and impatient with these feelings that we really don't want to be feeling,

It can be helpful for us to remember the quality of patience that involves,

Quote,

A calm endurance of hardship.

And with this particular quality,

I really want to stress that this endurance does not mean that we're being asked to be passive.

We aren't in any way being asked to stuff anything or grit our teeth and bear it.

We are also not being asked to put up with anyone else's bad behavior.

And we also aren't being asked to just kind of give up in despair,

Not try again or not do or try something different.

OK.

What we are being asked to do is to just clearly recognize what's happening and nurture a real acceptance of it,

To honestly recognize the situation that we find ourselves in.

We might even recall that our practice of patience involves a,

Quote,

Recognition and acceptance of the truth.

Which means that we're being asked to accept our experience as it is,

With all its suffering,

Rather than how we want it to be.

So whenever we're feeling impatient with a person,

Situation or even ourselves,

We might notice that there's usually a gap between what is and how we want it to be.

You know,

It's our classic ongoing battle between craving and aversion,

Wanting and not wanting,

Or maybe between our hopes and our fears.

And as the teachings show us,

It's not our wanting or not wanting that really causes us to suffer.

It's our strong attachment to these things.

Or our attachment to wanting ourselves,

Other people,

Situations,

Life itself really can to be exactly as we want it to be all the time.

To paraphrase the modern day teacher Adi Ashanti,

Whenever we battle with reality,

We suffer.

Whenever we battle with reality,

We suffer.

In the Buddhist teachings,

There's a classic teaching story called the Parable of the Two Arrows that points to the pain of our impatience,

Where the Buddha describes what happens to us when we don't want to be with the ache of whatever's happening.

This parable,

When something unpleasant happens,

That's the first arrow and we feel the sting of it,

The ouch.

By the way,

This could be something relatively minor,

Like someone asking us to do something we just don't want to do,

Or it could be something much more impactful,

Maybe a bad health diagnosis or financial crisis,

Big breakup,

Etc.

In either case,

The first arrow is the sting,

Where we're simply recognizing,

Okay,

This is it.

This is it.

This is a moment of suffering.

I'm experiencing something unpleasant,

Painful or upsetting.

This is it.

The second arrow is the one we stab into ourselves,

Maybe over and over again.

This includes all of our commentary and stories and beliefs about what's happening.

Along with all the ways we might automatically be reacting to whatever's happening,

Maybe in unskillful or harmful ways.

And so the idea is that the first ouch,

That first arrow,

Is usually completely out of our control and unpredictable.

We really have little control about how,

When or in what form it will arrive,

Or how we really react to the initial sting of something.

It's just automatic.

Something happens,

Someone says something,

And we feel a sting and ouch,

Ouch.

But how we experience that second arrow,

It's really up to us.

After that first arrow,

We get to decide how many times we want to stab ourselves again,

And in what way and for how long.

There's a very common Buddhist phrase that relates to this story,

Which is,

Pain is inevitable,

Suffering is optional.

Pain is inevitable,

Suffering is optional.

And so part of this calm endurance of hardship,

Part of patience,

Means that we need to first become willing to gently and compassionately be with the ouch of that first arrow as it arises and passes.

While also becoming patient enough to take a good hard look at all the ways we might be stabbing ourselves with that second arrow.

One of the very best mindfulness tools that I know of that is so helpful for discovering this kind of patience is a practice that involves the acronym STOP,

Which has often been called the sacred pause.

I actually really like this practice,

Because even though it's not always easy to do,

It's actually really easy to remember,

Right,

Especially if we can remember that the first letter S is simply asking us to stop.

And of course,

The hard part about this initial step is that it's asking us to first recognize our need to stop,

To notice that we've been struck by some sort of arrow.

Or maybe to recognize that we're bleeding.

For instance,

Maybe the arrow has given us just a minor scratch.

It still stings and we still want to acknowledge it and offer ourselves our gentle compassion for experiencing that scratch.

But we can recognize it's just a scratch.

This is temporary,

Not so big,

Not so significant.

What I find interesting is that it's the times that we most need to stop and recognize that we're bleeding,

Maybe a lot,

That is also the exact time that we just don't allow ourselves to stop or pay attention,

Because it can just feel too overwhelming to do that.

And as you might imagine,

Of course,

This is exactly where we tend to start either jumping in or out.

So that's the first step,

And it can be really monumental to simply recognize this need to stop.

So the second part of the step is to actually do it,

Right,

To stop.

And here we might literally physically stop or pause,

Close our eyes,

Maybe even place a hand on our heart.

And as we're doing this,

We might acknowledge that what we're asking of ourselves is to courageously,

Patiently face whatever's happening with great compassion and gentleness again.

And because this can so often be a real challenge,

The next step can help us to stay with this.

And this is the T in stop,

Which stands for take a breath.

And honestly,

Sometimes just one simple breath can help us with this,

To stop.

Especially in an argument,

For instance,

Or when someone has just said something really rude,

Right,

Or challenging.

Just one breath can often save us from doing or saying something we just can't take back,

You know.

In fact,

One good,

Long,

Conscious,

Compassionate breath might even stop an entire relationship from crumbling.

And so to continue after we've stopped and taken a breath,

Our next step is the O in stop,

Which is another really difficult part because it involves opening up to the ouch,

Really allowing ourselves to feel it finally and stop avoiding it.

And for most of us,

It's almost always that step that we just want to pass over or jump over,

Just get away from.

It's exactly that place that we've been avoiding.

But this step of allowing ourselves to truly feel whatever it is that we're feeling is actually the most important step.

Because the truth is,

We can finally allow ourselves to stop stuffing or avoiding whatever it is we've been feeling and allow ourselves to more clearly see it and feel it.

This is where we find the possibility of freedom,

That place where something new can finally emerge.

It can really sometimes feel like just a breath of fresh air.

The way I often like to describe this is to imagine what it might feel like to hold a beach ball underneath the ocean,

Maybe for a few hours,

A day,

A week,

Or even years.

How much effort that would take to hold that beach ball down,

How absolutely exhausting that would be.

And to sense what a relief it would be to simply let go,

To let it rise up to the surface and be seen.

Also,

I want to say that very similar to how every single human on this planet does not want to be suppressed,

Tied down,

Put away,

Judged,

Criticized,

Or hidden,

Our own emotions don't want that type of treatment either.

Our emotions want our kind,

Compassionate,

Loving presence and attention.

They want to be acknowledged and seen and heard and to be able to express themselves.

And of course,

Just as we wouldn't want other people to act out on their emotions,

We also don't want to allow ourselves to simply act out of our emotions,

Especially in harmful ways.

What we do want to do is to simply acknowledge them and feel them and really listen to them.

Because if we can really allow this,

The truth is that they always,

Always have something important to say to us and to teach us.

And as we all know,

When we don't do this,

When we don't listen to our emotions,

They have a tendency to stick around,

Right?

They keep showing up again and again in all sorts of unpleasant and unwelcome ways until we finally have the courage to stop and sit down and just listen to what they've been trying to say or tell us.

And so,

That's the O in stop,

To open up to the ouch or maybe to open up to the ocean.

Once we've allowed this,

It can more clearly see that beach ball,

If you will.

This is where we can now use our mindfulness practice to actually question whatever it is that we've been telling ourselves about a particular situation or about ourselves.

To see these beliefs much more clearly.

Which leads us to the last step in the stop process,

Which is the P,

Which stands for either proceed or park.

Which,

By the way,

Is also an excellent option sometimes,

To just park.

In fact,

Making the choice to park is often a good sign that our patience is actually working.

When we can very consciously choose to wait or to maybe not do anything at all.

The Swiss scholar Marie Louise von Franz once wrote that,

Quote,

Sometimes,

Without anything being done,

Things change and become better.

There is a natural process of growth,

Of maturing and transforming in the psyche.

There are such situations where one has to wait,

And non-interference is the healing factor.

Non-interference is the healing factor.

So,

If you'll recall the parable of the two arrows,

And the truth that we only have control over that second arrow,

How we respond.

This final part of the stop practice is exactly where we now have this choice.

It's where we get to consider,

Alright,

If this is it,

What is the wisest,

Most compassionate response to this situation,

This person,

Or even to myself,

What's next?

And to go all the way back to the beginning of this talk,

The point is that we're not going to be able to get here,

To this place of being able to choose,

Until we can actually allow ourselves to rest in our nest,

If you will,

And practice being patient with whatever it is that we're feeling.

Which again,

To summarize,

Means that we are agreeing to face and be with whatever we're struggling with.

With a gentle and compassionate forbearance,

A calm endurance of hardship,

And a recognition and acceptance of the truth.

So,

Just to end,

Finally,

I thought I would invite you into a brief meditation that involves this practice of stop.

And so,

If it's available to you,

You might go ahead and find a comfortable seat,

Set down whatever you might be holding,

Set that up for yourself,

Find a comfortable posture.

If you're out walking,

You might sense into your body,

By sensing the bottom of your feet on the ground,

Sense the movement of your body through space.

If you're driving,

You can go ahead and notice your hands on the wheel,

Feeling of your seat on the cushion.

Getting that sense of connection to the body.

For all of us,

Maybe taking a nice deep inhale,

Filling the lungs.

A slow exhale,

Letting go.

Maybe a couple of rounds of those deeper breaths on your own,

Just to start to tap into the body,

This moment,

Your breath.

Might sense your heartbeat.

Might notice sound.

Might notice whatever you're feeling on your skin.

Sense of touch.

Still aware of the breath.

Maybe softening the whole area of the face.

Forehead smooth.

Eyes soft.

Teeth slightly parted so the jaw can relax.

Still aware of the breath.

Aware of your body in this moment.

Maybe dropping the shoulders,

Letting the shoulders be soft.

Maybe imagining softening the very center of your palms in a gesture of both receiving and letting go.

Not clinging to anything.

Letting go.

Maybe allowing your breath to just feel natural in the body now.

And if there's still control,

No worries at all.

Just noticing the inhale and exhale,

This moment,

Right now.

And as you're ready,

I'm going to invite you to think of something you've been struggling with lately.

Maybe something you've been feeling a bit impatient about.

It could be impatience you're having with another person,

A situation,

Or even yourself.

Think of something you're feeling impatient about.

Let that be here with you.

And if you'd like,

You can place your hand on the heart,

Or both hands on your heart,

Or one hand on the heart,

One hand on the belly.

And maybe really invite yourself to stop and pause and acknowledge this impatience.

Acknowledge that it's here.

You might now try on the T in stop,

Which is to take one or even several slow inhales and exhales.

And really allow yourself that gentle,

Compassionate care,

Like you're holding an injured baby bird who's just fallen out of the nest.

And just see if you can acknowledge how hard it's been to have this impatience.

Remembering you're allowed to acknowledge just how hard it's been.

Yeah,

Really acknowledge that.

As you continue,

You might try on the O in stop,

Which is to open up to the ouch of it.

And notice what this impatience has been saying to you.

What you've been believing,

Or maybe how it's been manifesting in the mind,

Body,

And heart.

What are you believing?

And just listen without really changing it.

Just let it be,

Listening.

As you're ready,

You might now even consider questioning these beliefs and ask yourself if there's another way you might think about this impatience that you've been experiencing.

No right or wrong answer.

Just consider if there's another way to think about this.

As you're ready now,

You might even try on the last part of the stop practice,

Which is to consider if you want to proceed or park,

And how you'd like to do that.

What is the wisest,

Most compassionate response to this person,

Situation,

Or even to yourself?

And finally,

With the eyes still closed,

Just listening to these words from the late,

Great Thich Nhat Hanh who told us,

To meditate does not mean to fight with a problem.

To meditate means to observe.

Your smile proves it.

It proves that you are being gentle with yourself,

That the sun of awareness is shining in you,

That you have control of your situation.

You are yourself,

And you have acquired some peace.

You have acquired some peace.

Namaste and blessings.

Reviews

Thank you! Always worth the wait. I am so grateful for your offerings.

Thank you for this talk, it was exactly what I needed to hear while leaving one home and not knowing where the next is right now 🙏🏻

Thank you dear Shell for the talk on such an important parami 🙏🏾🪷