Buddha: Don't Associate With Fools

The Buddha tells us that our relationships are “the whole of this spiritual life”; that in fact, they can greatly determine both our happiness, or our sorrow. Because of this, he urges us to use our practice to closely discern which relationships we should nurture, and which we might want to abandon. This talk dives into the teachings on this in more detail, and offers examples about how we might go about doing this.

Transcript

Don't be confused by the shape of your body,

Ms.

Jimena and Dr.

Simons word.

Because why am I so sure the words can,

They would reveal the sleeping meditation points.

So,

In the Maha Mangala Sutta,

There's this great story about the Buddha being visited late one night in the monastery by this deity of stunning beauty,

Having descended to earth in the stillness of the night,

Whose surpassing splendor illuminated the entire Jeddah Grove.

And I like to picture this.

And apparently,

This beautiful illuminated deity very gently approached the Buddha and bowed down to him and asked him,

Pray,

Exalted one,

Tell me,

What is the greatest blessing?

What is the greatest blessing?

And instead of giving this deity just one answer,

The Buddha actually ended up offering him 38 answers to this question.

But what I find interesting is that the very first thing the Buddha said after being asked about the greatest blessing was this.

He said,

Not to associate with the foolish,

But to associate with the wise and to honor those who are worthy of honor,

This is the greatest blessing.

And here,

It's really important to remember that whenever we're studying the suttas,

It is always wise to be aware of whatever the Buddha mentions first,

Because it means he really wanted to emphasize this as something that we should pay close attention to and really truly take to heart.

So in this example,

When the Buddha is asked to describe the greatest blessing in this life,

His immediate response right off the bat is to say that it lies with our ability to be discerning about who we associate with.

And of course,

This can almost seem like common knowledge in a way,

But it's always helpful for me to keep in mind that throughout his life,

The Buddha was always and forever trying to give us the very best advice about how we can reduce our suffering and increase our happiness.

And because so many of these suttas were actually written down by monks many hundreds of years after the Buddha's death,

I often like to think of these teachings as just clear,

Precise,

Ancient wisdom gleaned from those whose lived experience and study and deep contemplation led them to these wise insights into the human condition itself.

So in this particular teaching,

Our instructions for achieving more happiness and less suffering are very clear.

Do not associate with the foolish,

But associate with the wise and honor those who are worthy of honor.

The great,

Venerable Bhikkhu Bodhi,

When he was discussing this particular sutta,

Then as far as to say that he believes,

In fact,

That our entire progress along the path of the Dhamma,

Our progress towards more happiness and towards liberation itself,

Hinges on our making the right choices in our relationships,

Which means it truly depends on this.

The same truth can actually be found in another famous sutta,

The Upara Sutta,

Where the Buddha's longtime attendant Ananda mentions to him that noble friends and companions seem so important that certainly they must be half of the holy life.

But the Buddha says to Ananda,

No,

No,

Do not say so,

Ananda.

Noble friends and companions are the whole of the holy life.

They are the whole of the holy life.

So in essence,

The teachings are telling us that who we choose to associate with is absolutely essential for our own happiness,

For our emotional being,

For the quality of our lives,

And for the development of our own personal character as we continue to walk through this life.

So because of this,

We're being asked to be fully aware of and discerning about all of our relations and not just take them for granted.

In fact,

The Buddha taught that he could see no other thing so responsible for the arising of unwholesome qualities in a person as bad friendship and nothing so helpful for the arising of wholesome qualities as good friendship.

So who we choose to associate with really,

Truly affects us in all ways.

To quote Bhikkhu Bodhi again,

He tells us,

Our mind resembles a chameleon which alters its color according to its background.

Just as a lizard turns green when in the grass and brown when in the ground,

So we become fools when we associate with fools and sages when we associate with sages.

So the message here is that we shouldn't allow ourselves to just passively accept whoever chooses to be in our lives,

But instead to be active,

Willing,

And aware participants and decide for ourselves who we allow into our lives or not.

It really is our choice.

And happily,

Throughout the entire Pali Canon,

There seem to be hundreds of ways that the Buddha talks about how we can be more discerning about this,

Which includes even how we might assess who might be considered wise and who might be considered foolish,

Or rather what sort of relationships are good for us and which really are not,

And how to avoid those that really aren't and cultivate deeper relations with those that are.

So it's actually something I've been thinking a lot about this year during this time of being mostly isolated away from friends and community and even family.

And I know I'm not alone in this.

So many of us,

It seems,

Have been engaged in a kind of deeper discernment about the state of our relationships these days.

For instance,

Many of us may be noticing who among our friends have really been there for us this year during these incredibly difficult times.

And of course,

Also then noticing who hasn't really been there for us too.

Many of us have also been contemplating all of our different communities or groups that we've been involved with.

We may even be considering groups that we would like to be involved with in the future when this pandemic finally ends.

In my own personal community,

It seems like more than a handful of people have decided that this is the year that they're finally going to move,

Maybe into another community that better supports them or fits them better in some way.

And I know others who are thinking about or have already quit a job that wasn't working for them,

Often because of conflicts with their coworkers or employers,

Or they've left a relationship that wasn't working,

Whether it was a friendship or a marriage or intimate partnership or even a family member.

And maybe because my personal mental space has been so influenced by this pandemic,

I've become aware that I've been contemplating my own relationships lately in terms of both sickness and wellness,

Which is actually not an uncommon theme in the teachings.

In fact,

The Buddha was considered a kind of doctor or a healer who offered us ways that we could cure what ails us.

And of course,

This meant on a more psychological and spiritual level.

He also often spoke of the unwholesome,

Negative or maybe unhealthy qualities as a kind of poison.

And of course,

This poison stems from what are considered the three main poisons of greed,

Hatred and delusion.

And he spoke of the more wholesome or healthy qualities as medicine,

Qualities like loving kindness,

Compassion,

Empathy,

Peace and ease.

So I've been considering this idea that when someone exhibits unwholesome or maybe unhealthy qualities,

It's like they are in some way bringing us poison or maybe dis-ease,

Disease,

Something that can actually infect us depending on the amount of dose that we receive,

If you will.

And of course,

On the other hand,

When someone offers us one or more of the wholesome or healthy qualities,

It's like they're truly bringing us medicine,

A cure for what ails us.

And so part of my reflection lately has been to consider who in my life has maybe been consistently bringing me qualities that feel a bit like poison or dis-ease and who has been bringing me qualities that feel more like medicine.

It's actually a fairly simple contemplation,

But I found that it's been a very powerful tool in helping me to discern how my different relationships are affecting the quality of my life.

And of course,

Since we're all human,

Which means that none of us is perfect,

Every single one of us carries with us both poison and medicine in different ways,

Which means that we each tend to dispense either poison or medicine at different times,

Often quite unconsciously,

Though of course sometimes,

Right,

We know exactly what kind of liquid is in the bottle we're offering,

If you will.

In any case,

The reality is that no one is likely going to consistently bring us only medicine or only poison.

Although truly some may come close to this.

And here I'm thinking of my dear maternal grandmother,

Who I can only recall being mad at me once,

And it was only because I woke her up too early.

But to me,

My grandmother was mostly all medicine.

I'm sure there are people in your life that maybe are like that.

And for many of our relationships,

We know exactly what they are bringing us,

And we don't need to do a lot of heavy investigation.

But for others,

We may need to consider on balance,

Is this person more often than not bringing me poison or medicine?

One way that we can start to notice this is by paying close attention to how we feel after we spent some time with someone or had an interaction with them or even during our interactions.

So for instance,

We might use our practice to notice how our bodies feel and to really check in with ourselves about this.

Our bodies are so wise,

And they can tell us so many things.

But the trick is that we really need to check in with them regularly and then allow ourselves to truly listen to what they're saying.

So for instance,

We might ask ourselves,

Does my body feel more relaxed or content or warmer maybe when I'm with this person?

Does my heart feel more gladdened or open or softer?

Or do I maybe feel more tight or restless or heavy or agitated?

Sometimes there might even be a physical sensation that does feel a bit like sickness or like a little bit of nausea,

Some sort of dis-ease in the body.

After we've checked in with our bodies then,

We might consider how this person has influenced the state of our minds and our hearts.

Now we can maybe ask ourselves questions like,

Do I feel more joyful or more contented during or after this contact?

Maybe do I feel more connected,

More supported or understood?

Do I feel more enlightened or more understanding about something in some way?

Do I feel like this relationship is helping me to grow in the right direction?

Another way I like to think of this is in terms of a kind of gift that the person has brought with them and one that I'm now somehow carrying around with me.

And again,

My practice is to consider whether this gift contains poison or medicine,

Sickness or maybe a cure for what ails me.

Because honestly,

When someone brings us an actual physical gift of some sort,

Sometimes it's not really a gift at all,

Right?

Sometimes there's some sort of an emotional attachment that goes along with whatever's being offered.

And then maybe we sense some sort of dis-ease about it.

So as a contemplation then,

We might consider asking ourselves,

What are others bringing into our lives as gifts?

What are others bringing into our lives as gifts?

So for instance,

We might ask ourselves,

Did this person bring me anger about something,

Maybe about the state of the world or maybe some anger towards others or even towards me?

And am I now carrying that anger around with me too?

We might consider,

Did this person just bring me their fear or doubt or anxiety and am I now experiencing this as well?

Or did they bring me gossip about someone and now I feel influenced or conflicted about their opinion that they just gave me?

We might even consider,

Did this person just bring me a pile of guilt or maybe a sense of obligation that I'm now carrying around with me?

Maybe they brought me their judgment or some unsolicited advice or maybe even a whole truckload of advice packages about how I might live my own life better than they think that I'm living it.

We might consider,

Did they try to rile me up somehow about breaking some rules or doing something I know isn't right or isn't good for myself or others?

On the other hand,

Maybe they gifted me with their kind,

Non-judgmental listening or their empathy or their care about me.

Maybe they gifted me with their joy or their laughter or their understanding or kindness.

Maybe they gifted me with their ease of being,

Their presence,

Their sense of confidence or sense of integrity.

Maybe they gifted me with their kind and honest advice or consoling but only after it was earnestly sought out and asked for.

So these are just some of the many questions that we can ask ourselves in all of our relationships.

Does this feel more like medicine or poison?

We might also begin to notice,

Does this person give me the same gifts maybe on a regular basis?

And again,

If so,

Are they regularly bringing me poison or disease or more medicine?

And sometimes our answer might be,

Well,

One day this person brings me poison and the next medicine and on the whole it seems to balance itself out.

So I'm willing to stick this out.

That's often the case.

If however,

After some really honest assessment,

We recognize that someone is more often than not bringing us something that really doesn't make us feel very good,

Then we need to courageously ask ourselves how much our own wellness,

Our own well-being is being affected by this and how much connection we really want to continue to have with this person.

Remembering again the Buddhist teachings that he could see no other thing so responsible for the arising of unwholesome qualities as bad friendship and nothing so helpful for the arising of wholesome qualities as good friendship.

Our relationships again are truly the whole of this life,

Which as far as we know is the only one we have.

And of course,

Making the decision to distance ourselves or even leave our relationship can be incredibly difficult because none of us really likes to let go for so many reasons.

In some cases,

Of course,

Due to maybe financial or other reasons,

It really can be difficult or maybe even impossible to completely let go of a relationship for our own or another's welfare.

That truly is the reality sometimes.

No,

It just is.

But it's also something we need to be brutally honest with ourselves about and ask ourselves,

Is this really true?

Is this really true?

Or is there some other reason that I'm unwilling to let go?

And because we are all human and care for others,

Most of us are also often afraid that we're going to hurt someone's feelings if we decide to distance ourselves.

But honestly,

Doing this just means that we are in essence putting our own feelings and well-being to the side.

In the Udana Sutta,

The Buddha reminds us,

A person who deserves more love and affection than one's own self in any place or anywhere cannot be found.

I'm going to repeat that.

A person who deserves more love and affection than one's own self in any place or anywhere cannot be found.

This means that we ourselves are just as worthy of our own love and care as anyone else.

And we don't need to sacrifice our own happiness for others.

Sometimes one of the reasons we don't allow ourselves to step away is because somehow we believe that we can change another person.

But as the poet Maya Angelou so wisely told us,

When someone shows you who they are,

Believe them the first time.

People know themselves much better than you do.

That is why it's important to stop expecting them to be something other than who they are.

So true.

Another reason we sometimes feel trapped in a relationship is because of a strong belief system that might tell us that we just can't or we aren't allowed in some way to let go.

Often because maybe the person in question is a family member or maybe multiple family members.

But the hard truth is,

This is simply a false belief.

And it often only serves to keep us trapped in well-worn ancient patterns that are continuing to poison us,

Sometimes for decades or even through a lifetime.

It's a false belief.

And whether it's family or friends or someone in our community,

So often we don't want to let go because we feel like it's only going to enhance our feelings of loneliness or our feeling of being separate somehow,

Which the teachings tell us is actually the source of our deepest wounding,

Which of course is why this is so difficult.

It is also sadly why so often we are willing to put up with harmful or maybe toxic behavior that might be slowly poisoning us,

That might be making us feel frequently sick and awful,

Simply because we're afraid of experiencing that sense of separation.

And here it might be helpful to remember these famous words from the Dhammapada,

Which tell us,

A person should travel with a company of equal mind or one who has a better mind.

One had better travel alone than to travel with a foolish person.

Now repeat that.

A person should travel with a company of equal mind or one who has a better mind.

One had better travel alone than to travel with a foolish person.

So this is the doctor's ancient advice.

Truly,

If we want to feel better,

We need to allow ourselves to become willing to travel alone without that person.

Or as the modern day poet,

Tenny Edwards tells us,

Know your worth,

Know your worth.

You must find the courage to leave the table if respect is no longer being served.

And in my own experience,

Whenever I've allowed myself to do this,

To distance myself,

Or even maybe let go of a relationship altogether,

Even some that have been very long standing,

The end result has always,

Always been a much happier,

Healthier quality of life.

Even if the recovery period or the letting go period was super painful,

Which of course it so often is.

In any case,

Even if we choose to disconnect with someone,

Or maybe have less contact with them,

It is absolutely essential that we never,

Ever,

Ever put anyone out of our hearts.

This is crucial because we don't ever want to allow our own hearts to close down or become hardened or hateful towards someone.

We don't want to hold on to that aversion or judgment or hatred.

We don't want to nurture that kind of poison within our own hearts because we don't want to harm ourselves actually with this kind of aversion.

Instead,

What we need to practice is allowing ourselves to nurture a sense of compassion for whoever it is that we're distancing ourselves from,

Which means having compassion for their particular conditioning,

Right?

Recognizing that there are reasons that this person does what they do or did what they did based on their own unique past and upbringing and beliefs and experiences,

Their conditioning.

So for instance,

Even though we may not want to be around someone anymore because of their negative influence on us or because of how they treated us,

We can still practice treating them with kindness and respect.

Modern teacher Sylvia Borstein says this another way.

Certainly,

She says,

Decisions about war and peace are made by people,

People we could name and blame as culprits.

I wonder though,

If we are not best served by naming ignorance as the enemy to be defeated,

Even as we act firmly to oppose what we see as wrongdoing in the world,

What we recognize as causing pain,

This would leave us without human enemies with only confused people needing help,

Confused people needing help.

I also like to remember this quote from Henry Wadsworth Longfellow,

Who tells us,

If we could read the secret history of our enemies,

We should find in each person's life,

Sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all hostility.

So in each of those two quotes that I just mentioned,

You may have noticed the term enemy,

Which is actually the term the Buddha uses in the Sigalavada Sutta,

Which I want to talk about very briefly before we finish.

In it,

He outlines how we can identify people who we believe are friends,

But who are actually bringing us poison rather than medicine.

Okay,

Outlines these.

But before I launch in,

I really wanted to make clear that the word enemy,

Like Sylvia Borstein mentions,

Really means that someone's actions or behavior are harmful to us.

It does not mean that anyone is inherently evil or awful or inhuman because they do some of these things that I'm going to mention.

This is really crucially important that we remember to not dehumanize anyone ever,

Ever.

Our language,

How we describe people can be so incredibly powerful.

And so we need to be really careful about this and aware of it.

The Merriman's Dictionary describes enemy as someone who is antagonistic towards us,

A hostile unit or force.

It does not say that an enemy is evil or inhuman.

It's just someone who exhibits hostility or aversion to us in some way.

Okay.

And of course,

Some people are very clearly against us and they fit this description perfectly because their behavior indicates that they truly feel like they're in some sort of an ongoing battle with us.

And for the most part,

We tend to know exactly who these people are because they are mostly in some way overtly cruel to us or have harmed us in some very obvious ways.

In the sutta,

I want to summarize quickly the Sigalavada Sutta.

The Buddha is asking us to be aware of those people we consider friends,

But who again might be offering us poison instead of medicine.

And I think if the Buddha had lived today,

He might have used the modern term frenemies for this,

Which is kind of funny,

Which makes it maybe not so intense.

Frenemies.

So in this frenemies kind of sutta,

The Buddha tells us,

Be aware of four enemies disguised as friends.

The taker,

The talker,

The flatterer,

And the reckless companion.

The Buddha tells us this,

The friend who is all take,

The friend of empty words,

The friend full of flattery and the reckless friend.

These four are not friends,

But enemies.

The wise understand this and keep them at a distance as they would a dangerous path.

And by the way,

Sometimes someone can be one or two or even all four of these things,

These kind of friends,

And their behaviors can also either be very subtle or overt or sometimes a combination.

And as I describe these,

You might also notice that the common theme in all of them is an inflated sense of self,

That their actions and behaviors all tend to benefit the ego or the self,

Which means of course that they are then naturally sort of disregarding or disrespecting us,

The person they are in relationship with,

Which of course is where the harm comes in.

So in the Sutta,

The Buddha says that the taker can be identified as someone who only takes,

And I'm reading right here from the Sutta,

Asks for a lot while giving little,

Performs their duty out of fear,

And only offers their service in order to gain something.

And I'll break these down in the little after.

So that's the taker.

The talker is someone who reminds us of their past generosity,

Promises us their future generosity,

Mouths empty words of kindness,

And then protests their own personal misfortune when called upon to help.

The flatterer is someone who supports both our good and bad behavior indiscriminately and praises us to our face,

But then puts us down behind our backs.

The reckless companion is someone who accompanies us in things like drinking,

Roaming around at night,

Partying,

And gambling.

So let's break these down a bit in more modern terms.

The taker is someone who's simply out for themselves,

Someone who thinks that they are in some way more deserving or above others in some way.

They tend to weigh all their interactions in terms of what they can gain.

This is the what's in it for me type of friend.

This person is also usually marked by their false generosity,

False generosity in the sense that they're really doing something with the expectation of getting something in return.

So it's false generosity.

The talker can often be found saying things that they don't mean or making promises that they don't keep.

Like they might say something like,

I'm going to do that thing for you.

And then they never get around to doing it.

Or they keep breaking their commitments to a date or to something that we've asked them to do when they've said,

Sure,

I can do that.

And we can kind of identify the talker as the friend that we're always trying to pin down,

But they're mostly unpinable.

But they often make us seem like the bad friend and themselves the victim in some way,

Whenever we ask them about it or seem upset or ask them to apologize.

That's the talker.

The flatterer in the sutta could also be called the two-faced friend.

And this is someone who says one thing to us and then another to other people when we're not around.

And this one we can often discern by listening to how they talk about others.

So for instance,

If this person is always gossiping about someone they claim is their closest friend,

Be absolutely assured that they are also gossiping about you,

About anything you tell them.

The reckless companion is a pretty easy one to discern.

The Buddha mentions,

Quote,

Roaming around at night as one mark of the reckless companion.

So this is the friend who appeals to our weaknesses and often very convincing.

This is that person who induces us to stay out much later than we want to or drink too much or splurge on something that's way too expensive.

Or the person who encourages us to,

Quote,

Go to those places that we know we shouldn't or get into situations that we know we're going to later regret.

These are the ones that say things like,

Come on,

Don't be a baby,

Let's just do it or just do it.

This time of frenemy actually is often the most difficult one to let go of because while they're actually not at all good for us,

They can also sometimes be really fun to be around.

Right?

And again,

With all of these different relationships,

We are being asked to really use our practice to discern what are they actually bringing to us,

To our lives by investigating not only their actions,

But more importantly,

The state of our own bodies and minds and hearts whenever we are with them.

So as a review,

We can ask ourselves four key questions about this.

The first is,

What am I really being given here?

I'm going to offer a meditation practice on this,

But I'm going to summarize these briefly.

What am I really being given?

The second thing we can ask is,

Does what I'm being given feel more like poison or medicine?

Does it feel more like poison or medicine?

How does my body feel?

Is the third question.

When I receive this person's gift or gifts,

Does my body feel?

And then how does my mind,

My heart feel when I receive this gift or gifts?

And then if we want to really go deeper and go for it,

We might even consider,

What would my life look like if I allowed myself to let go of this relationship in some way?

Just as a consideration,

There's no right or wrong answer here.

What would it look like if I allowed myself to let go?

And finally,

Before I offer a brief meditation on this,

As encouragement,

I wanted to offer you these lines from the Dhammapada,

Which tells us this.

It is good to see the noble ones.

Their company is always a delight.

Free from the sight of fools,

One would be constantly happy.

One who keeps company with fools will grieve for a long,

Long time.

Living with fools is painful,

As is living with foes.

Living with the wise is delightful.

Therefore,

You should follow a good,

Intelligent person who is wise,

Insightful,

Learned,

Committed to virtue,

Dutiful and noble,

As the moon follows the path of the stars.

So as you're ready,

If it's available,

I'd like to invite you into a meditation practice very briefly.

So if you're out walking,

You might take a nice couple of deeper breaths and notice your feet feel a little more grounded,

Clearing the mind.

If you're somewhere where you can sit and close your eyes,

I invite you to do that now.

Maybe begin by taking a couple nice deep breaths in,

Deep breaths out,

Getting in touch with the body and the breath.

On each exhale,

Especially really letting yourself settle into your seat,

Into your body,

Becoming more embodied.

Letting go.

You might even add a very slight smile to the corner of the eyes and the lips.

This is a way of inviting the sense of kindness and care into the body,

Sense of ease.

You might notice the body as a whole.

Imagine the skin all around the body softening and the muscles underneath the skin softening.

You might even sense the sit bones,

The weight of the body being held by the earth.

Maybe sensing the skeleton even,

Relaxing the skeleton as well.

And still breathing.

You might notice the whole facial area.

Relax all the muscles of the face,

Eyes,

Forehead,

Cheeks,

Jaw.

Allowing the shoulders to drop.

Body soft.

If it's helpful,

You can put a hand on the heart or hand on the belly.

Still breathing.

And as you're ready,

I'd like to invite you to consider one relationship that maybe you're struggling with right now.

You're just not sure about having some difficulty with maybe.

And as you're ready,

You might consider what kind of gifts does this person regularly bring to me?

Really,

What kind of gifts does this person regularly bring into my life?

Maybe considering whether the gift feels more like medicine or poison,

Dis-ease.

Considering it can be a combination sometimes.

Now as you're ready,

You might consider,

How does my body feel when I'm with this person?

How does my body feel?

Might even consider,

Does it feel like it's been given some kind of poison or medicine?

See if you can just stay with the feelings in the body for this moment.

Now as you're ready,

You might consider on the whole,

On the whole,

Does this relationship feel more like medicine or poison?

On the whole,

Does this relationship feel more like medicine or poison?

Finally,

You might even allow yourself to consider,

What would my life feel like if I allowed myself to step away from this person in some way?

What might that look like or feel like?

Remembering again,

There's no right or wrong answer.

Just really allow yourself to explore this.

With the eyes still closed,

I'd like to offer you these words from the ancient poet Hephies,

Who tells us,

We have not come here to take prisoners,

But to surrender ever more deeply to freedom and joy.

We have not come into this exquisite world to hold ourselves hostage from love.

Run,

My dear,

From anything that may not strengthen your precious budding wings.

Run like hell,

My dear,

From anyone likely to put a sharp knife into the sacred,

Tender vision of your beautiful heart.

We have a duty to befriend those aspects of obedience that stand outside of our house and shout to our reason,

Oh,

Please,

Oh,

Please come out and play.

For we have not come here to take prisoners or to confine our wondrous spirits,

But to experience ever and ever more deeply our divine courage,

Freedom and light.

Namaste and blessings.

I hope you enjoyed this talk.

These talks are always offered freely so that no one is ever denied access to these teachings and your support really makes a difference.

Donna is an ancient Pali word meaning spontaneous generosity of heart.

If you feel inspired to offer Donna,

You can do so by visiting my website at www.

Mindfulvalley.

Com.

Thank you so much.

Reviews

This was thoughtful and made me a little sad, because I realized that my friend of 20 years is no longer on the same path with me...Now I understand why I begin to feel reluctant to meet up with her and feel emotionally drained after meetings💔

This is the best talk I believe I have heard for a long time.
💫⭐️🌟💖🌟⭐️💫
2 years later: Ditto my earlier sentiments!
Listen to this if one is ever in relationship quandary.

Another excellent share. Beautifully articulated and much to contemplate on. Thank you. 🙏

I am a Catholic, who welcomes and embraces other religions and spiritual practices. I understand what the Buddha says, to surround ourselves with people that nurture our spirit, without judging others who we don’t want to associate with. The same way that Jesus associated himself with a prostitute, a tax collector, and other people that the Pharisees considered “unclean” and sinful; however, Jesus showed mercy to them and forgiveness. I’d rather associate myself with people who seem lost or are in pain, than with people who seem to be well put together with the “perfect life”, like the Pharisees, who followed the law, but their hearts were hard and cold, and they placed judgement on everyone around them. I’d rather stay away from people who are sitting on the righteous horse, they’re throne of hypocrisy, believing that they are perfect, than those who are suffering but whose hearts are open for love and forgiveness. My son is an alcoholic and a drug addict struggling with his disease for 10 years. He had been sober for a long time but sadly recently relapsed overdosed and almost died. He had a spiritual experience calling him to life which made him seek for help. He is in treatment now. I’m aware I’m not in control and cannot cure him, but I will always show him love and and the mercy of God. I do not associate with him when he is consuming, nor do I enable him when his soul is lost, I pray and pray and pray in these dark times and surrender to Gods will, but when my son seeks for help I run to him so I can give him the good news! that God loves him! that I love him unconditionally!
When my son is sober, he is the kindest, most generous, charismatic, beautiful human being I know. What I learned from this talk is that the relationships that are most toxic to me and that I must dissociate from are from the people who may seem stable, responsible and functional, but are not honest with me, do not care about my feelings or my well-being, do not care about cultivating a virtuous life, those who value money, power, and influence more than compassion. Those are the people that I want to stay away from. I will say a prayer for me not to pass judgment on them so I can forgive. I will not spend energy in wanting to please people like them in trying to be accepted by them in caring about their opinion of me, or expecting true friendship from them. Thank you for this talk. Peace and love. Namaste, Amen.

Beautiful talk.. a lot to take from ✨💫🙏🏻thank you

Very clear very helpful and illuminating. I like the metaphor of poison and medicine.

Excellent for my awareness as I find myself isolating, having let go of unhealthy relationships. Now, as I heal, I know what/who I want to attract into life. Thank you.

Outstanding

Thank you. This was shown to me exactly at the time I needed guidance on what I needed to do in my life to be at peace.

Extremely helpful. I have been trying to figure out how to skillfully deal with a long term friendship that has moved from loving to distant, not wanting to abandon years of care for one another while also realizing creation takes two. This helped.

Excellent and very helpful for me at this particular time. Thank you, Shell 🌟

This helped me to be able to see clearly multiple blocks I have/was having. Thank you.

Great!

Beautiful and so relevant!

Thank you for your words ❤️ found peace and answers 💜🥸

I will listen to this again ~Thank You ✨

Really good. My husband died 3 years ago and I have not been able to let him go for so many varying reasons. This was an unexpected help in my path to letting him cross over and freeing myself. Thanks

This talk was one of the most practical I have heard. I find that it is much easier to stay mindful when I'm alone. It is with others that I get "triggered". All my life I've let others decide if they were in my life. It is eye opening to be reminded that I can make that decision. Thank you.

Excellent talk! Full of wisdom and love. Thank you 🙏

Thank you. An interesting talk. I hope it finds those who can learn. Not easy for many to move forward. Be kind to yourself. 🙏🏼