Rising From Depression

As we experience a change in seasons it is the perfect time to prepare with a little emotional and mental self-care. This meditation focuses on depression that results from repressing parts of ourselves. Embracing, making peace with & expressing all parts of ourselves help us rise from the depths and begin the journey to thriving.

Transcript

Hi friends,

As we move from the warm summer months into the fall,

Before we know it into the holidays and winter,

I think it's very important that we do a little bit of emotional and mental self-care.

I definitely know,

Especially if you live in those colder climates,

That the seasons,

The shorter daylight can absolutely affect our moods,

Our emotions,

And our mental well-being.

Plus for some people,

The holidays are just a challenging time.

I want to share a little bit about my journey with mental health and wellness.

In my teenage years,

I did start to notice a slight tendency towards depression,

But maybe because I grew up in a small town,

The word depression had quite a stigma attached to it.

I didn't want to have any kind of stigma on me,

So I really kind of tried to avoid it or avoid thinking about it.

And in my college years,

I noticed it a bit more,

And then especially as I got into my mid-20s,

I really went into a very deep,

Dark depression.

Now depression does not have the same cause for every person.

Some common causes of depression are,

Of course,

If you lose a loved one or any kind of loss or grief can trigger depression.

It might be the loss of a job,

Loss of a relationship.

So many kinds of losses or grief can lead to depression.

But today,

I'd like to focus a little bit more on my experience with depression,

Which was a bit more of an existential depression.

So what I realized in looking back is that in my 20s,

I really,

Really,

Really wanted to live up to the expectations of family members and even the culture I lived in.

And in order to live up to the expectations of others,

Usually we have to sacrifice part of ourselves.

Usually it means repressing or not expressing some very beautiful,

Important parts of ourselves.

And so to make a long story short,

In my mid-20s,

In trying to appease others,

In really,

In essence,

Trying to be a people pleaser,

I was slowly killing a part of myself and really,

Really starting to struggle.

I went into a very,

Very black,

Dark depression that lasted about three years.

The worst of it was about three years long.

And part of it was this disconnect of what was expected of me.

You see,

In my 20s,

I went to university and grad school and I was on track to live this life that was expected.

And there's nothing wrong with those expectations of family members or those around me.

But I realized that deep down inside,

I was feeling this divine guidance to take my life in a different direction.

And the direction I deep down felt I needed to go did not match what would please those around me.

And out of fear,

I thought,

Well,

I got to please the people that I know.

That really caused some problems.

Looking back,

I realized that the depression was necessary.

It had to get so bad,

So dark,

So ugly for me,

That I would be willing to try something different.

That I'd be willing to break the mold,

Break out of the box,

And just live according to my heart and soul.

One thing I've learned from this is that no one can know our soul path,

Our soul purposes,

Better than we can know it ourselves in our heart and soul,

Deep down.

Now,

We're real good at ignoring it at times,

Or especially if it feels a little frightening or new territory,

We might ignore it.

But no one can know it for us better than we can know it ourselves,

Deep in our hearts and souls.

It wasn't until I finally just did a bit of surrender and said,

Okay,

Okay God,

You win.

I don't know what this looks like.

I don't know how it'll work out.

I really don't even believe I can live this life that I feel like you're kind of showing me in my heart and soul.

It's like there was a part of me that thought I wasn't good enough for it,

Or it just wouldn't happen,

Or it sounded too pie in the sky for me.

I can tell you now,

In my 40s looking back,

That my life that I have now,

I really couldn't have believed it was possible in my 20s.

I couldn't have accepted that this would be the life that I have,

And I love my life.

It's not perfect.

It's not going to be,

But I love it.

It's truly a beautiful,

Blessed life.

I say all of that to say this.

If you've ever been through a deep,

Dark depression,

Maybe it was caused by a grief or loss.

But maybe,

If you've been through it before or you're going through it now,

It's because there's a part of you that you haven't made peace with.

A part of you that wants to be expressed,

Not repressed.

There might be something absolutely amazing in you that you've pushed down,

Denied.

Either because it wasn't practical,

Or maybe as an example,

A very common example,

Maybe you were a very creative child,

But a parent or a teacher ridiculed your creativity,

Or made it sound like it was not worthy or worthwhile.

So you push that part of yourself down.

This is a time where you're being asked by your heart and soul to go deep in there and look and go,

Is there anything I've repressed?

Is there anything good that I viewed as bad that I pushed down,

Avoided,

Ignored,

Trampled on?

I want to share a simple,

Brief meditation with you to help you dive into this,

Explore this,

And start your journey to bring up and express anything that may have been repressed.

And perhaps to start to climb out of any pit of darkness,

Despair,

Depression that you may have experienced in your life.

For this exercise,

I just want to start with a simple breathing exercise.

Go ahead and sit up nice and tall.

Reach your spine long as the crown of your head moves up towards the ceiling,

The tailbone moves down towards the ground.

I'm going to practice box breathing,

Which is just a very simple,

Nice way to calm the mind,

Calm the body.

Root down,

Ground down.

It's a four count inhale through the nose.

We hold the breath for a count of four.

Then we four count exhale through the nose.

Go ahead and empty all the air from your lungs.

Close your eyes and I invite you to take a four count inhale with me.

One,

Two,

Three,

Four.

Hold the breath in your belly for four.

One,

Two,

Three,

Four.

Exhale through the nose for four.

One,

Two,

Three,

Four.

Big inhale into the belly for four.

One,

Two,

Three,

Four.

Hold the breath in the belly for four.

One,

Two,

Three,

Four.

Exhale from the nose.

One,

Two,

Three,

Four.

Deep belly breath.

One,

Two,

Three,

Four.

Hold that navel out for four.

One,

Two,

Three,

Four.

Exhale through the nose for four.

One,

Two,

Three,

Four.

I invite you to go to that place deep within you where there is a deep,

Deep knowing and understanding.

Something that's deeper than your logic mind,

Deeper than your emotions.

There's a place within you where you can connect with your soul.

A part of you that is beyond ego,

Beyond emotions,

Beyond suffering.

Part of you that holds the blueprint of your soul and what your soul came here to do,

To learn,

To experience,

To achieve.

For some,

It can be helpful to bring your awareness into the center of the brain where the pineal gland is located.

For others,

You may bring your awareness into the center of your heart.

Just feel it out for yourself.

In my own journey,

When I made peace with,

Accepted,

And embraced all the parts of me that wanted to be expressed.

That,

And only then,

Is when I began the climb out of the deep pit of despair.

Your heart and soul has a message for you.

Maybe something in you that wants to be accepted,

Embraced,

Acknowledged,

Perhaps even expressed.

In this moment of stillness,

Your heart and soul pointing it out to you.

Just breathe,

Feel,

Be present.

Sometimes the ego wants to chime in and tell us,

It's a bad idea to face these things,

Or embrace these parts of ourselves,

Or even express these parts of ourselves.

But so much deeper than the ego is this deep,

Abiding knowledge that this part of you,

Or these parts of you,

Are beautiful,

Unique,

Wonderful.

Works of art,

Even.

When you're ready,

I invite you to open your eyes.

There's something that was coming to the surface for you.

Something wants to be embraced,

Accepted,

Acknowledged,

Expressed.

I just want to invite you to take a moment and journal about it.

Write it down.

Journaling about it can get the wheels turning on starting to do something positive with this understanding or knowledge.

It's also helpful to work with a deeply trusted friend or advisor.

It can help you find the courage to face,

Embrace,

And express.

I want to thank you for joining me on this meditative journey.

As we face these parts of ourselves,

And love these parts of ourselves,

And express these parts of ourselves,

We give ourselves permission to thrive.

Until next time.