Dear beloved,
I know you want to heal.
It's why you're here.
To allow wholeness to reside within you,
Through you,
As you.
And I know how hard it can feel to not know which way to turn when you're in the umbra of your ache.
But there is purpose in all of this and one you need not try too hard,
Nor travel too far in order to find.
In fact,
In the kernel of this pain lives the voice of your soul.
It has many voices but knows you will sit up and listen earnestly through discomfort.
You see,
Every ache has a question embedded inside of it that guides you back to your healing.
What are you still holding onto?
It's through avoiding answering the steeper question that we hurt most.
Busyness is a decent enough way to avoid mourning all those questions we never got to live.
Time to grieve,
That is something the heart longs for most.
Time enough to mourn what never came to be.
What caused us to lose our own rhythm and endure a beat that's not truly our own.
But even in our pain we are sent grace.
Because through discomfort we are forced to turn towards our feet and inspect their condition.
To really see how long we have been off kilter and unbalanced.
To look back into your own rhythm is always most potent during a depression,
A period of severe anxiety or a deep loss of any kind.
It is through this chaos,
This dirt being kicked up,
That we are tilled,
Like the airing of the soil that creates the furrows for new seeds to be planted.
Shallow tilling through the denial that this pain is void of any worth allows for no roots and therefore no growth.
This is when we abandon our wiser self.
The one who is leading us down to the soil bed,
The one who is asking us to kneel on all fours and to dig with our bare hands into the pain.
So that we might see what roots are rotting,
What dominant belief is sprouting.
And what is taking the light away from all else that wishes to grow.
So allow yourself to feel the great spectrum of whatever ache you are going through right now.
Let yourself fall apart with intention,
With the sincere curiosity of discovering what lives down there in the dark and fertile soil.
To rush against the natural cycle of life is to move against your intuitive self.
You are nature,
Its expression and embodiment of both the micro and macro cycles that exist within every living thing.
You will find your healing by coming back into the ebb and flow that reminds us all that small deaths are a sacred part of renewal.
The life,
Death and rebirth nature of all things is what we tend to forget easiest in lives that become thermostats and not open windows.
The cyclical pattern of bloom,
Shed and repurpose is the foundational truth of all life that we refuse to believe in most when we ourselves are in the darkness of our own winter.
But if we remembered our place in all things,
Our purpose in this moment,
Our innate rhythm that is ever dancing upon its toes,
Can keep the power we always have within us that safely guides us through even the toughest of moments.
The cyclical nature of life offers us a learning ground in every stage we find ourselves in.
What comes goes and what goes comes back differently.
Holding on to places,
People,
Pain,
Coping mechanisms that should have had their day of mourning is how we stay in a perpetually set thermostat that promises comfort but keeps us polluted.
None of us would thrive in a body of water that has no connection to new rainfall or that allowed for no movement and therefore no life.
And when we allow these moments of movement and change to slow us down,
However uncomfortable they may feel,
We land up returning back to the deeper undercurrent of healing through surrender.
And when we live in a state of surrender,
We live in alliance with the great truth that we are not alone in our struggles,
That we are supported by a cycle that gives and takes and gives even more when we allow it to.
It is all within you.
You are already in tune with this gently beating primordial cycle.
Planted in the center of your body is an echo of what calls all of nature to heal,
Adapt and evolve.
And you fall into rhythm with this great inner healer whenever you are still,
Whenever you are in a state of surrender,
Whenever you move so patiently that the roots beneath your feet reach up to meet your bare souls.
All of this,
The body knows,
This body your body remembers.
But in our forgetting we suffer profoundly,
But strip the body of comfort,
Safety and habit and we will find them quite capable of holding on to what's left that's good and right and whole.
Body is wise and knows the cyclical nature of life.
It lives it when we are not looking.
Idle hands make for hearts play,
Unburdened by hurry and busyness the palms reach,
Only for what feeds the heart.
And what fills the heart,
This substance.
Slow,
Rude,
Potent and simple.
A body healing from depression,
Anxiety or the fog of trauma reaches out for what's most simple.
Those overs and unders.
Those finger pokes followed by seed.
Those need and presses.
Those eyes following the page.
Those quiet footsteps before sunrise.
Those bends and stretches.
Those paintbrush strokes.
Those inhales and exhales.
We are all capable of turning to a very simple pattern when healing and yet it is one of the hardest things to do for the mind.
Because it wants meaning and complexity.
It knows not that time is man-made,
That healing is cyclical and that pain is not something to get rid of but to be recognized as a vital piece of the greater cycle.
Letting go of the mind while returning to your wholeness is not just something to be aware of but a practice to commit yourself to as if your life depended on it.
Returning to simple and slow makes visible what seems hidden.
It's the receding tide that reveals the shipwreck of eight.
It's the time to make sense,
To listen to the quiet calls of the heart.
To mend those moth holes that have occurred while you shut yourself away in darkness.
Without depression,
Anxiety,
Crisis,
Health,
Stresses,
Triggers,
It would rarely stop long enough to listen to what is calling us home.
There is fertility in chaos dear beloved.
So surrender to what is going on in your life right now,
Allow it to churn you up,
Allow it to loosen you,
To undam and return you not back to yourself but to the greater cycle of healing that will continually support you on your life's journey.
When you create a union with the universal cycle of life,
You come to see that your healing is not determined on how well you eradicate each pain but how well you integrate each pain's lesson into your life so that you may continue on to the next phase.
And yes,
There is another phase waiting for you,
One of clarity and abundance and blooms.
Holding on to just one season is what prolongs suffering.
It's what rots the roots and withers the blooms in you.
Allowing pain to show you its purpose is how we move on.
It's the gathering of insight and the collecting of seeds,
It's how we plant ourselves back into the greater garden of wisdom that knows nothing can fully grow without the cycle of cracking open,
Rooting,
Rising,
Connecting,
Releasing,
Shifting,
Falling and regrowth.
Let us take a moment to reunite with the slow undercurrent of all things that moves in cycles.
Through slowing down,
Let us see what has been hidden by hurry and resistance.
Let us return to that healing cycle of life that exists within the very core of who we are.
We connect to the greater rhythm by locating it within ourselves.
As without,
So within.
You may close your eyes.
Just notice the breath,
How shallow or deep it is.
Just observe it without want of change.
Now begin to elongate your out-breath through the nose.
Just a little.
Stretch it out further and allow the in-breath to be as natural as possible.
Focus on the out-breath.
So much of our survival responses caused the body to gasp air in as if we were drowning.
So focus on gently expelling as much breath out of the lungs.
Use your diaphragm to push the air upwards towards the spine as you exhale.
Pause ever so slightly just before the in-breath takes over.
Linger in that emptiness before naturally breathing in again.
Now relax the breath.
Take a long and deep inhale followed by one last stretched out exhale.
Shake the body a little now,
Loosening any tension on the face,
Chest,
Belly,
Legs.
Wiggle the feet,
Reminding yourself that you are here.
You are here.
Settle into yourself again.
Gently invite the body to be still.
Invite it to join you on a journey into the deeper cycle of life.
Ask it to listen and respond in a way that connects you to its wisdom.
Weave your body through these words,
Allowing those that resonate to light up.
And offer those that belong to you a home inside of you.
Allow yourself to be taken by the undercurrent of rising and falling.
All fermented in the deeply healing underworld of nature.
Imagine yourself sitting on the bank of a small stream.
Clear water winds itself through a thick forest and runs past your feet in front of you.
The sun casts a blanket of warmth upon you through the eaves as you sit upon the soft moss.
The sweet smell of green pine and peaty earth fills your senses.
You can see the small threads of spider web glistening in the sun and dust particles floating in the light.
As you breathe slowly,
You notice that the forest is not as silent as you first thought.
Through your stillness,
A choir of sounds,
Patterns,
Rhythms unfold.
All quietly being expressed in honor of the great cycle.
Turn your attention to the water flowing by your feet.
To the light wind wrapping around you.
Listen to the quietly stretching bark around each tree.
The methodical outward expansion of mycelium beneath you.
Soft,
Fluttering and then stillness of wings above.
Feel the ebb and flow,
The rise and fall of the whole forest.
The roots of every plant repurposing what has fallen.
Feel the vibration of the ground beneath you that resonates with the same vibration of your body.
The shallow pools slowly evaporating in the sun and filling up again with the rain.
Notice the earth's slow pivot,
The spider sitting in the center of its web,
Rewoven over and over again.
Watch the seemingly solid rocks expand and contract with the changing air temperature.
See the lizard's tail growing slowly back,
The fern leaf uncoiling,
Repeatedly sprouting each perfect leaf.
All dances to the great cycle,
All harness change,
Depends on it,
Trusts it,
Uses it as a guide for when to shed,
When to grow,
When to root.
Now focus inward to this body.
Notice how it mirrors this environment.
Every organ,
Limb,
Cell has its own rhythm,
But all surrenders itself to the great cycle of life,
Death and rebirth.
A breath,
Each inhale and exhale,
A cycle in itself.
The deep heartbeat drumming you into the song of the earth.
Your blood running like streams across the landscape of your form,
Regenerating itself daily.
Slow cell renewal,
Your skin like the outstretched hands of fungi,
Separating the vast intelligence within you from the limiting outer world.
Imagine your whole body in harmony with this great regenerative cycle,
As if you were now inseparable from the forest.
Covered in moss,
Ivy spreading over your bones,
Roots reaching tenderly upward to coil around your feet.
Butterflies landing on your shoulders.
Gentle wind breathing right through you,
Creating a beautiful synergy between your physical form and this alive and breathing forest.
Feel what it is like to be in union with this great cycle.
For things to fall away naturally.
For other parts of you to flower.
For your roots to receive nourishment of what's past.
For all to be at ease,
Even the decay,
Even the cracking seeds.
Your mind,
An exquisite body of water in itself.
Finding new pathways into open water.
Softening,
Retracting,
Filling,
Reconnecting with beauty,
Flushing away old beliefs,
Watering the heart,
Supporting the heart.
All is flowing naturally without effort,
Within the great cycle of life,
Death and rebirth.
Now locate your pain,
Something that is keeping you stuck,
Stagnant,
Unable to move on.
Place your hand upon this area that you feel it's expressing itself through.
The hole in the body where the ache pools.
Feel the emotions of this ache.
Allow it to concentrate in the area beneath your hand.
Feel how,
Against the natural rhythm of life,
This ache manifests.
It feels out of beat,
Like chaos,
Like twisted roots,
Airless water.
But it is organic and therefore can be transformed for little help.
Feel this ache churning inside of you and allow it to soften.
Allow it to loosen this space inside of you.
Imagine that dark soil forms beneath your hand,
Rich and fertile from all this pain.
It has made you ready for the seed and for the seasons that will help it transform.
In order to plant something new,
You must be willing to let go.
Let what is off beat in your life to fall away.
Let all that is stagnant and dammed up to be freed.
Offer anything that is still and silent and lifeless to be given back to the great cycle.
Let the body make good soil from it.
Imagine planting a golden,
Silky seed into this space now.
See it being taken in by the soil,
Its luminescence still visible beneath the dirt.
Pulsates with the promise of new life.
Take a final breath into this space.
Promise to care for this seed by living your life according to the great cycle.
By honoring the ever-moving,
Ever-changing and renewing nature of life.
Promising that every time you hold on too tight or for too long to any pain that you will surrender yourself to that ever-flowing current of transformation.
Only taking with you what's most simple and true and vital.
Give yourself a moment to honor your practice today.
Take a few breaths,
Release your hands,
Shake off the ivy and the roots.
And move away from the deep forest.
And when you are ready,
You may open your eyes.
The word cycle is rooted in the Latin word meaning to revolve around the soul.
For many of us our lives have found themselves revolving around a lesser value.
To come back to that soul cycle,
We must shed what keeps us in perpetual motion around what hurts us.
These are often thought patterns,
Habits,
Outdated coping strategies,
People and places that have no nourishing gravity.
Who we have to be in order to keep revolving around what hurts us is what's breaking us slowly.
But it is that disconnect that too speaks of our greater connection.
It is the manifestation of our wandering too far from the soul.
Simply surrender yourself to what your body is trying to teach you when it clings to the floor.
Because it knows that this place,
So close to the ground where it can smell the soil,
Has its best hope of finding the scent of soul again.
Thank you for being here with me today and for bringing these words to life through your body,
Through your mind and through your heart.
