The Way Of Love

This talk was given in front of a large group at Riverflow Yoga in New Hampshire. "The Way Of Love" includes an introduction to Seth Monk's personal journey and slowly focusing on the importance of love in the spiritual practice. Talk concluded with a meditation on love.

Please note: This track was recorded live and may contain background noises.

Transcript

Okay,

So I'm going to start with a joke tonight that my mom told me.

A very appropriate joke.

So there was a man in the hospital.

He was lying down in his hospital bed and he had his mask on.

Yeah,

He'd been there for a few days and the nurse came in and she said,

Well,

We're going to bathe you,

You can't really move,

So she's like the one that does the sponge bath,

So we're going to help you out.

She kind of gave a bit of instruction on what's going to happen.

And then the man said to her,

He said,

Nurse,

Are my testicles black?

And she was just kind of like,

What,

What?

Like she kind of felt ashamed,

Like what?

Kind of embarrassed,

Like what?

And she's like,

Uh,

Well I'm just here to give you a sponge bath,

But the upper part,

Like I don't really know.

And he kind of just like stares at her.

And then she's like,

So we're going to start the bath,

Okay?

And he goes,

Nurse,

Are my testicles black?

And she's like,

Sir,

Um,

You know,

I,

I,

I really would,

I just would rather wash the top part of your body.

And the guy still stares at her and he's just kind of staring.

And finally he's like,

Nurse,

Are my testicles black?

She's like,

Fine.

And she kind of like,

You know,

My mom said she grabbed his member and lifted it up and then pulled out,

You know,

Held his testicles in the other hand and like kind of was like looking at them.

And then she puts it back down and she's like,

Nope,

They're fine.

And the man's kind of just still staring at her.

And then he takes off his mask and he said,

Nurse,

Are my test results back?

It's from my mom.

Hi everybody.

Nice to see you.

Who is here for the healing that I did here?

Who was not here for the healing?

So it's like half half.

So who's never seen me before?

Wow.

Stop fiddling with the lights.

Jeez.

Sit on your little throne back there.

So,

Yeah.

So hi everybody.

I'm happy you're here.

So I don't yet know exactly what tonight is going to look like.

I'm a notorious,

Spontaneous guy.

I don't really plan things out.

Maybe we'll just begin by saying,

So who here has meditated before?

Who here has never meditated?

So who's meditated before?

Sorry.

Who meditates at least once a week?

Put your hands high so I can see.

Who meditates at least twice a week?

Who meditates at least three times a week?

Who meditates four times a week?

Five times a week?

Who meditates every day?

Ish.

Who meditates every day-ish?

Who kind of meditates every day?

Okay.

Okay,

Cool.

So a little bit of background information about myself.

Maybe some of you like researched me online or something before today.

So my name is Seth.

I'm originally from Andover,

Massachusetts.

Has anybody been to Andover,

Massachusetts?

More people have been to Andover than have meditated.

So I'm from Andover and I think my personal spiritual path began probably when I was already a little kid.

I had kind of weird ghost experiences in my house.

I woke up one night with this figure standing next to my bed.

It's a glowing white figure with big black eyes and a big black thing in its face.

I was like,

Ah,

And I covered myself in my blanket and I looked again and it was still there.

And then after a while,

Just sitting under my cover shaking,

I looked and it was finally gone.

Lots of really weird things happened to me when I was a kid.

I could probably talk for an hour and a half about the paranormal events of Seth as a little kid in Andover.

But I think that really just got me really from an early age knowing that there's kind of more going on than I was being taught at school.

So somehow my interest in that kind of stuff started really.

.

.

How would I say it?

It started.

.

.

There was a bit of a dissonance.

Maybe I can use the word dissonance.

There was a bit of dissonance between what I personally felt was going on in the world,

What is reality,

So to say,

And what the world was telling me reality was,

Which was very materialistic,

Especially as a kid growing up.

You have to get good grades in school,

To get a good job,

To get a family,

To die.

I don't know.

I didn't ever know what the end of that path was.

It didn't make sense to me.

And so something kind of always seemed off.

And I think because of that,

I really started looking for answers by myself.

So yeah,

I turned many different places growing up and eventually thought that I could go to college for physics,

Thinking like,

Oh,

Because physics has answers to things.

I went to school for physics in my very first semester.

I met a Buddhist monk and got initiated to Reiki and took magic mushrooms and went hiking and kind of realized that I did not want to sit in math class all day long,

That actually there's other things I'd want to do.

So instead I transferred to fine arts,

So I then became an artist in school.

Stopped looking for the answers out there,

But started looking inwards.

And it was during this time that I started also practicing meditation.

So I started practicing once a week.

I would sit for,

I think,

10 or 15 minutes every Wednesday night or something like this,

Which just kind of started building up a practice for me,

Started building up a sense of,

Oh,

Wow,

Okay,

This feels good and this is interesting and there's something to this.

And I had met a Buddhist monk who came every few months back to America to teach and I went to his talks.

And by the time I graduated college,

He actually asked me,

Do I want to come visit his monastery in Germany?

And I said,

Sure.

So first I drove to California,

Played my guitar on the corner,

Hit Ashbury and hung out and tried to live the 60s,

40 years too late.

And then I came back and then I flew to Germany.

So after I arrived in this monastery,

I kind of realized that,

You know,

I originally said I'd just be there for three months.

So I told my mom,

Okay,

I'll be home in three months.

And after those three months were over,

I said it's not that quick.

It doesn't happen that fast.

And so instead of going home,

I actually ordained and became a monk.

And I stayed in the monastery for the next eight years.

So during the time there,

You know,

We had every morning at 5 in the morning meditation.

And also at night we had a Chinese medicine and massage clinic.

So I learned a lot about also the body and different kind of medicine things.

And then we had lots of different people coming in,

Doing different kinds of seminars and retreats.

So I really learned kind of a lot of different modalities and different ways of looking at things.

And more than anything else,

I was really dealing with my own mind,

Really,

Seeing what's going on in myself.

And we also were really lucky in that we just started inviting these really great teachers and they started coming.

So we had the Dalai Lama come to Frankfurt.

We had the Karmapa come.

We had Tenzin Palmo,

If you know anyone else she is.

She lived up in a cave for 12 years by herself in the Himalayas.

And then we had like Achand Brahms.

And the teachers from all these different traditions of Buddhism come.

And I had the opportunity of being a lot of,

You know,

The attendant to a lot of them or serving them or just being around them or listening to their interviews.

So I really learned about meditation and Buddhism and practice from many,

Many different viewpoints,

From many different people,

Practitioners from different countries and different traditions.

And because I was practicing myself,

I was able to kind of start assimilating the different things they were saying in a way that made sense holistically.

Because I knew that this all had to make sense together somehow.

And eventually it did.

Eventually my own practice brought me to a place where I understood kind of what everybody else was pointing at and kind of talking about.

So this included I lived with Thich Nhat Hanh.

I lived in Plum Village for a little while.

And yeah,

So really kind of got a very well-rounded Buddhist education,

I guess we'll say it like that.

So in 2014 I left the monastery.

I traveled through India and went to a lot of Buddhist holy places and then also,

You know,

I was hanging out with the Tibetan monks in Bodh Gaya doing prostrations.

And then one of them took me to his home monastery up in Sikkim,

So up in the mountains near Bhutan.

And I did a retreat in a cave there for a little bit.

Kind of really lived it out,

You know,

With the monk life.

And yeah,

Then I came home for a little while.

Oh,

Then I went to Australia,

Sorry.

I went to a monastery for three months.

Deep in my meditation practice it was kind of a Thai forest monastery,

But it was in Australia,

So it was like me and the kangaroos,

Kind of,

Literally,

Right.

And you know,

We had breakfast at five in the morning,

Lunch at eleven,

No dinner.

And that was really the only time you'd see people,

So you'd kind of go and you'd eat breakfast,

You'd go and you'd sit in your hut,

And then you'd go eat lunch,

You'd go sit in your hut,

Until the next day,

Kind of.

So this was this really,

Really intense time of practice,

Of really getting great guidance from Achim Brahm,

Who's the teacher.

And also my own practice really started to take off.

I would say that this is the kind of most consistent time of my life in terms of the deepness of my meditations,

And really what was happening,

What I was seeing.

And definitely in this time,

You know,

My whole reality kind of broke apart,

And really kind of came to the deeper understanding of what is,

What does it mean to be alive,

What is reality,

What is mind,

All of these things.

And I also felt along with reaching that place,

That I kind of was able to look at my life and see that the way that I was living was not very sustainable for myself.

I felt that I had built this kind of tower really,

Really,

Really high to kind of try to see what's above the clouds,

And I eventually was standing on this kind of,

Whoa,

Like the shaky platform.

But I could poke my head through and I saw what's up there,

And I finally knew,

Like,

Okay,

That's what this is all about.

And then I realized,

Like,

I can't stay here right now.

So I kind of had to crash the whole thing down,

And then say,

Now I need to find a way to build that up,

But more stably.

And that's also going to involve other people.

So around after this time I left the monastery,

I went back to India,

And I disrobed,

So I stopped being a monk.

And I spent the next eight months just kind of doing traveler stuff.

I went from south to north,

Met thousands of people,

It was really crazy,

Awesome.

I went to also a lot of ashrams,

I saw a lot of Hindu kind of stuff.

And then I've been back here for a little bit over a year.

And since coming home,

I kind of have this whole body of knowledge and experiences and all this stuff,

And I didn't really know what to do with it.

And actually what ended up happening was that schools,

So I was in touch with some of the schools in Andover,

They asked me to come and teach the kids.

They said that there's an opiate epidemic,

And a lot of kids in medication,

A lot of kids with anxiety.

So I started coming into classrooms and talking to high schoolers,

And then I started talking to middle schoolers,

And then I started talking to teachers.

And now I'm at the place where I'm running educators' retreats,

So I'm running weekend retreats for educators,

And also going into some schools,

Into their classrooms,

Working with the kids,

With the faculty,

Professional development days,

Things like this,

To really try to bring it into the society in a deeper kind of fundamental way.

And as another thing that I'm doing,

I'm also just kind of sharing in groups like this,

Where there's different yoga studios that I've been doing six-week classes in,

Or through different towns,

Right,

Through the town of Andover,

Six-week meditation classes.

So that's kind of like what brings me here,

I guess.

That's the bigger picture in a way.

So,

Usually in a situation like this,

I would kind of ask you guys why you're here.

There's so much that I can talk about.

There's really,

Really,

Really so much I can talk about.

But I'm really here for you guys to see what it is that you want to know,

What is it that you're trying to kind of figure out.

I'm sure some of you are just curious about who I am or what I had to say,

But maybe some of you also really are trying to practice meditation and are coming against some walls or really,

You know,

Just need some general pointers or advice.

So I'd actually maybe try just opening it up first and just hearing a little bit,

And if you don't have anything to say,

It's fine.

But just from,

Yeah,

Different people,

Kind of where you're at,

What you would like to come out of here with tonight,

Yeah,

Kind of how can I support you in your practice.

And we will also then have meditation tonight,

So we'll only be talking.

But I think that's a good place to start.

So I don't know,

You can just call out.

When people were asking me about this stuff,

I was like,

Well,

There's so many different ways to meditation.

I mean,

Asana can be meditation,

Gardening can be meditation,

Walking can be meditation.

So I was interested,

I use a lot of,

Right now I study A Course in Miracles,

And there's a meditation you're supposed to reflect on.

But,

You know,

I know there's so many different ways,

And I know the Buddhist traditions have different things to use.

So do you use more mantra?

Do you use malabites,

Or do you just come into the witnessing of your thoughts?

Yes.

Yes,

I love that answer.

Okay,

What else?

Well,

She left,

I can't answer her question.

Yeah,

I'll come back to it.

Kind of that same question,

I guess,

Because I can do really well with guided meditation,

But my own silent meditation,

Just quiet by myself,

Is a struggle.

So is that fine?

I guess it's fine for me.

Yes.

So like how do you maybe break away from someone guiding you through a meditation versus being at your own?

I do it really well when I'm doing acupuncture.

I can do that quietly there,

I guess.

Getting or giving?

Getting.

Okay.

Maybe I'll collect the questions and then I'll just vomit all the answers out at once.

And one long kind of thing.

So,

But yeah,

So guided meditation,

How to ease from guided into the self,

Okay.

So that's one thing.

Or should I just answer one at a time?

That's okay,

I'll just answer it.

So,

You know,

I guess maybe like the difference between driving somewhere with a GPS versus knowing how to get there.

That's one way to talk about it.

So talking about it that way,

You know,

If you use your GPS and you go somewhere enough times,

You just kind of learn how to get there just by going through those motions enough that then eventually you can just drive without needing it.

So I'd kind of just say it's like that.

It's a familiarization process.

I think guided meditation,

It's great.

I guide meditation all day long,

So I guess I have to say that,

Right?

But ultimately,

Yeah,

Ultimately you really need to internalize that.

And I think when you start becoming more familiar with that place in yourself,

You start to really see the way and you start to kind of see what that is.

There comes a point where nobody can help you anymore,

That you really have to put in the time by yourself and go through it.

And I think it's really important when you meditate not to have any expectations.

A lot of people tell me that they can't meditate.

They say to me they can't meditate.

I don't really know what that means when they tell me that.

So I ask them,

What do you mean?

And they say,

Yeah,

Well,

I sit down to meditate and I'm just thinking a lot.

My mind is racing,

Right?

So I wouldn't say that means you can't meditate if your mind is racing.

It's almost like if I tell you to relax your body,

You know,

You're standing here really tense and I say relax your body,

You'd say okay and then you'd lay down and you can relax the muscles.

So then I say to you,

Okay,

Now relax your mind.

And your mind is also really tense,

But then you're like,

I can't,

It's tense.

So why when I say relax your body can you go from a place of tension to a place of relaxation,

But if I say relax your mind and the mind is tense,

You say it's impossible.

It's just because you don't know how it works.

It's not like your mind can be too busy to meditate,

Just like your body can't be too tight to relax.

It's just about knowing how to do it.

So if you kind of come into meditation and you notice that your mind is really busy,

Then you just know like my teacher Achim Brahm,

He said,

If somebody tells me I'm having trouble meditating,

I don't tell them what to do in the meditation.

I ask them what they were doing before the meditation.

Because ultimately if your mind is going a million miles an hour,

It means that your relationship to your world is really unbalanced.

That when you sit down and meditate you're only actually just seeing that.

That when you sit there and close your eyes and you're seeing how fast everything is spinning,

That's actually happening all day long.

And the way that you're living your life is actually what's creating that momentum.

This is called karma.

Karma is just the effects of what we're doing.

So you're doing however you're living your life,

And it's creating this busyness that doesn't stop inside of yourself.

If you go to a store and you look around,

Everyone that's like waiting in line,

They'll just take out their phones.

Not because there's anything particularly interesting happening on Facebook,

But because they don't know how to stop.

Because they've built up such a momentum that if there is a little pocket of time,

They'll just do something just to keep it rolling.

Because it feels so uncomfortable to face that feeling of emptiness or busyness or whatever when you just stop.

Because we're more and more separate from ourselves.

We're farther and farther away from ourselves that when you actually take a moment to stop,

You feel this empty void.

And instead of facing that empty void,

It's easier just to keep scrolling through the thing.

It's painful,

But at least it's like an escapism or distraction or whatever you want to call it.

So,

I mean I'll get into this soon,

But meditation,

It's really more process-based than it is result-based.

Do you guys know what I mean when I say that?

I can explain that I guess.

So,

I thought of the example once,

And the example was imagine that you jump into a swimming pool.

You jump into a swimming pool,

Right?

So you jump into a swimming pool and the waves are kind of,

What was that,

Choppy?

Like sloshing around?

You jump in and the water is like sloshing around?

Now,

You want that water to stop.

Okay?

How do you stop the water?

This is really the best explanation I can give in terms of meditation.

What the average person does is they'll jump into the pool,

They see the water splashing,

And they'll say,

Up doesn't work,

Water's too splashy,

And they'll get out.

The next group of people says,

Oh there's this thing called meditation,

It's about not thinking.

So they jump in the water,

They see the water sloshing,

And they say,

Oh but it's not supposed to be sloshing,

It's supposed to be still,

So they start trying to hit the water down to stop it from moving.

It's supposed to stop.

No,

This is supposed to be still.

I guess you know what that leads to as a result.

It's called burnout,

A panic attack on your meditation retreat.

It's not working.

So the third kind of person jumps into the pool,

And they see the water splashing,

And they know,

Ah if I want the water to be still,

I have to be still.

And they just sit there and they wait and the water's moving,

And they just smile and breathe and wait,

And the water's splashing,

Splashing.

Slowly the water calms down by itself,

Because they knew that to get the results,

It wasn't about forcing the result to happen,

Right?

You can't hold the water still with your hands,

Right?

So it's not result-based,

You can't get the result by grabbing it,

You can't get the result directly.

You have to know the process,

And the process is to be still.

The process is to be still,

The process is,

When you're still,

The water is still.

So what a lot of us don't realize about our mind,

And I'm just going to use words to describe things here,

I'm going to say there's you and there's your mind.

We're just using words here,

So I'm going to say there's you and there's your mind.

So when the average person sits to meditate,

There's me,

And then there's my mind,

My thoughts,

These things.

That's like the experience that we have,

There's me and my thoughts,

Me and my feelings,

Me and my body,

Right?

So there's this me,

And then there's the and,

This other thing.

So there's me and then there's my mind,

So my mind is the thoughts,

The feelings,

The stuff,

The memories,

Everything that's kind of rolling around up in there,

Right in here even.

What we don't understand is that your mind is a reflection of you.

So if you're kind of similar to the pool thing,

If you're looking in a mirror,

And the guy in the mirror is like doing this,

Like waving or something,

And you want the guy in the mirror to stop waving,

What do you have to do?

Stop waving.

So your mind is only moving because you're moving it.

And a lot of us say,

No,

That's not,

No,

That's not true.

Nuh-uh,

Right?

Because you're saying no,

Like I'm sitting and I'm breathing and the mind's moving and I'm not moving it.

And again,

This is what I'm saying,

This is karma,

This is your karma that you've created.

You jumped in the pool and you were really busy and loud,

Splashing around in the pool,

And then you stop and the pool's still doing this,

And you're like,

That's not me.

Of course it's you.

Of course it's you.

So that's your karma,

And that stuff will roll out by itself.

You don't have to do anything.

Karma,

It expires by itself,

It just ends.

It's like physics,

Right?

So the mind works after the properties of physics as well.

So we're all nature,

Right?

We are part of nature,

Right?

We come from the earth,

We eat food,

This body.

So even the mind follows natural principles.

So the mind is the same thing,

That if nothing happens to it,

It will eventually stop by itself.

But if you have a ball,

And you roll a ball and it stops,

If you rolled a ball in space,

It would just keep going forever.

But if another force acts on it,

It stops.

When you roll a ball,

It stops.

Why?

It's like the friction,

It's the weight and the friction,

And that's what kind of stops it.

So what is friction in terms of how do you stop the mind?

So the mind is kind of going,

And you stop.

What could be called the friction that stops the mind in that sense?

A thought?

Well,

I would say a thought is the movement.

Your breathing.

.

.

Presence?

Presence is the stopped ball.

But what stops the ball?

What brings the mind into presence?

Stillness is the stopped ball.

Sound?

Sound,

So when I go to a Foo Fighters concert,

I'm in presence.

Mindfulness?

Mindfulness,

So if I'm mindfully at the Foo Fighters concert.

.

.

Two by four.

They're my favorite band grown-ups.

Nobody knows?

Your emotion of peacefulness?

This is actually very,

Very close.

That's good.

Wasn't it the words?

So the emotion of peacefulness,

Why did you say that?

I just thought about what it feels like when I try to meditate,

And that's what I came up with.

In your life,

I like teaching by making you guys do all the work for me.

I'm tired,

You guys have to do the work tonight.

When in life are you the most present?

Just realistic,

This isn't like a.

.

.

It's not a trick question.

For you,

In your.

.

.

Enjoy happy love.

There's no wrong answers.

Even angry,

You're present.

When you're so focused on one thing and one thing and nothing else,

It distracts you from that one point.

So you and that counterpoint,

It's a relationship that's unfazed by other variables.

That's like the mechanics of it,

But what actual life.

.

.

Real down to earth practical things,

Like when are you most present during your day?

When is your mind the most present?

Emotionally at peace,

But like what?

When you have food or when you're.

.

.

Thank you,

Food.

When you're eating,

Yeah?

Yeah,

You're eating.

Wow,

That was good.

Come on.

Skiing.

Laughing,

What else?

Stuff like this,

Yeah.

Any emotion?

Petting your.

.

.

Cuddling with your pet.

Cuddling with your pet,

Very good.

Being with children or in nature.

Okay,

Good,

Children,

Nature.

When you lose yourself in something that you enjoy,

Whatever it is.

Okay.

Okay,

Some hit or miss going on,

But we're getting there.

Okay.

So.

.

.

Okay,

Weren't you saying.

.

.

Who said angry?

Someone said angry.

I did.

When you're angry,

What is your mind doing?

Exploding.

Exploding.

Exploding.

So,

Is that.

.

.

Presence?

Or is that like.

.

.

Reaction.

So,

It's true that when you're angry,

You're very present in terms of very aware of that anger.

Because it's painful,

You're aware of it.

But your mind is not at a peaceful,

Still state.

Your mind is.

.

.

They say it's like flies buzzing around shit.

Right?

When you have anger,

You have fear,

Right?

The thoughts and everything,

It's like.

.

.

They just keep going.

So,

I heard things like children,

Nature,

Skiing,

Food.

What's the commonality between these things?

Comfort,

Joy.

Happy.

Yeah,

I know it's winter time,

But has anybody ever gone to like a beach?

Things are meant to be.

Yeah.

So,

You'll notice that if you are in a place that's nice,

If you're doing an activity that you like,

If you're with somebody that you love,

You said love,

Yeah,

The mind naturally is there.

I think if you're walking and you pass like a rose bush and you catch a scent of the rose,

What happens?

You're almost drawn into it.

Your mind opens up into that thing.

You eat something good,

It's like you open up into it.

You see that person you love,

Ah.

That the mind when it contacts an object,

Something that it likes,

Something that it enjoys,

Something that it takes pleasure in,

It opens up and it becomes totally present all by itself.

Yeah.

So,

After you got back from vacation,

You know that feeling you have of feeling really relaxed and refreshed?

I guess that's a good way?

Refreshed and energized?

Why does that happen?

Has anyone ever thought about that?

Why?

Why do people spend like thousands of dollars to go off on vacation?

Why?

They're not thinking about it.

Right,

Not thinking about this stuff.

And what else besides that you're not thinking about this stuff?

Where are you?

What are you thinking about?

Well,

Most people vacation somewhere nice.

Yeah,

Right.

And because you're somewhere nice,

That means your mind is probably what?

Probably.

Has anyone ever gone away for a week and it feels like it's been a month?

Do you guys know that feeling?

Like vacations,

When they're nice at least.

Actually when they're terrible also I guess,

But.

But when they're nice,

Right?

And then you come home and you're like,

Wow,

You feel totally charged.

Do you see somebody after they came back from vacation?

They're like younger.

Do you guys know that feeling?

So,

What are we talking about here?

I'm kind of like,

I'm not giving you the whole answer yet.

I'm kind of hitting it from two different sides slowly working our way into it.

So,

When the mind is happy,

When the mind is joyful,

Enjoying,

When the mind is content,

When it's somewhere it wants to be,

When it's able to be present,

Yeah,

When the mind feels good,

Good feeling,

Yeah,

Which often also means dropping all of the other stuff that's usually going on,

Right?

Yeah,

The mind naturally becomes present.

The mind really revels in being present.

It feels good,

It feels bright,

It feels strong.

Yeah.

So,

That's the process of meditation.

When I say meditation is not result based,

It's process based.

Because if you focus on the process,

The results will come.

If you focus on the result,

You will never get there.

Yeah.

So,

The process of meditation involves creating this place of relaxation,

Of joy,

Of enjoying,

Yeah,

Of really being peaceful,

Of really being able to put things down,

Of really just letting go,

Just kind of letting go,

Not even trying to meditate,

Because that's just another thing that some people set up on their pedestal,

This thing now that I have to do called,

I have to bring the kids,

Now I have to meditate,

Like it's this new thing,

You know what I mean?

The next activity that I have to do,

No,

Fuck that.

Yeah,

That's,

Yeah,

Again,

Then you're hurting yourself,

Then go eat Ben and Jerry's or something.

So,

Meditation is not this next thing that you have to do,

Right?

It's not this next activity.

It's actually about letting things go.

It's about putting things down.

It's about really allowing yourself to just be,

Right?

Human beings,

Right?

So it's about allowing yourself just to be for a little bit,

And to not have to think,

You can tell your mind,

You know,

All that crap,

Put it outside.

Sometimes I mentally,

You know,

I'll lie in bed at night,

And something will come up to me,

And I'll put it outside of my door,

And the next thing comes up,

And I put it outside of my door,

And the next thing I put,

And everything that comes up,

I just put it outside my door until I'm empty.

You could also write it down if you don't want to forget it,

But if it's stuff you know you're not going to forget,

You can just put it outside your door,

And be like,

No,

No,

It's not the time for you to write it down.

So what happens is,

The more that you're able to relax,

The more the mind becomes present,

And those things feed each other.

Okay,

Those things feed each other.

So the more happy your mind is,

The more the mind will start to open up and be present,

The more the mind is open and present,

The more it's like,

Wow,

The more it also becomes happy.

Those things kind of feed each other and take off into the happy meditation bliss place.

Most of us are at the place where we don't know how to get from where we are right now to that place where we feel even a little bit happy and relaxed.

That's the jump most people are having trouble making.

How to go from daily life,

Every day,

Total hot mess me,

To this place where I'm relaxed enough to go into the meditation.

That's where things like guided meditation can help.

That's where things like going for a walk in nature,

Things like dancing or doing art,

There's a hundred ways to slowly move your mind in the direction that you feel happier,

That you feel more okay where you are,

Doing yoga,

Doing different things like this.

For me personally,

Because I've made that journey so many times,

No matter what's going on,

More or less,

No matter what's going on,

I can sit and I can close my eyes and I can smile and I wait.

And what happens is like I'll feel my body and I'll feel my breathing and a thought will come,

But I just let the thoughts go.

So I'm not trying not to think,

But I'm not engaging in the thoughts.

I'm just sitting,

So it's like thought,

Thought,

Thought,

And I'm breathing,

Thought,

Relaxing,

Smiling,

And the smile feels nice.

So the mind kind of starts to rest at the smile,

Oh yeah,

That's nice.

And then I'm breathing and I'm like,

Oh yeah,

And it feels the breath,

And the breath is nice and relaxing too.

And then it's like,

Ah,

Yeah,

And it kind of starts to like,

A layer kind of drops off.

It's like,

Okay,

Now I'm kind of more here,

Feeling my body,

I'm kind of relaxing my body,

And it feels good to relax,

It feels good not to be able to,

I'm not doing anything,

I have like some time for myself.

Okay,

So it starts to relax,

So it starts to almost generate this relaxation energy.

Maybe I'll go off into some thoughts,

And then it kind of comes back all by itself.

And then again,

Just breathing,

Relaxing,

And it's kind of this play,

Because things kind of are coming and going,

Like thoughts will come,

Your mind will go off,

It'll come back,

You'll feel something,

You'll hear a sound,

And you'll start thinking about that thing,

Then you'll remember this thing,

That your mind kind of goes around.

But ultimately,

More or less,

You just kind of smile and you wait.

And what's going to slowly happen is that the more you focus on just being still,

The more the mind is going to be like,

La la la la,

And the more it'll slowly start to meet you there.

So the mind is this interesting,

How would I say,

Like the mechanics of the mind,

You could say it like this a little bit.

Whatever the mind focuses on,

That's what gets stronger or louder.

If you're ever watching TV,

You'll notice that you're not seeing the room around you anymore,

You only see that thing.

You'll maybe notice as I'm speaking to you right now,

And you're listening to me,

You haven't noticed the feeling of your feet.

That feeling of your feet hasn't gone anywhere,

Like your sense of touch is always active,

The feeling of your clothing on your body,

It's not like that's gone anywhere,

But because your mind has been focusing on me,

It's been tuning that stuff out.

So the mind has this amazing ability of simply wherever you rest your attention,

That's where your brain kind of engages and everything else drops away.

When I sit and meditate,

I really,

Honestly,

I focus more on smiling,

On resting,

And I feel the space around me,

The spaciousness,

Which is kind of like the still space that's around me.

And it's as if that space around me slowly goes into my head or something,

Right?

It's almost as if that I start to merge with that space around me.

So the thoughts are coming and going by themselves,

I don't care,

They're not my concern.

As far as I'm concerned,

My thoughts are like the cars driving by outside.

They have nothing to do with me.

So the trap a lot of people get into is they're wrestling with their thoughts,

Or they think their thoughts are them.

If your thoughts were really you,

You should probably be able to control those.

So if I say to you,

Don't think for the next minute,

Try it.

Try it,

You know.

Maybe you could make it like 20 seconds and be like,

Oh wow,

I'm doing it,

Right?

Thought,

Right?

Yeah,

It's not,

You can't really do it because we're not in control of that stuff.

You can kind of try to force,

You can kind of try to force your thoughts away for a little while,

But they'll just,

Yeah.

So it's really meditation,

It's really about how we decide to focus,

What you're resting your attention on.

I mentioned breathing before.

Breath is something that's used just because it's happening by itself,

It's automatic.

And when I have people to breathe,

So the way that the Buddha taught meditation is you start with like the body level,

It's like the gross,

Like gross to subtle,

Right?

So the grossest aspect of us.

Well,

The grossest aspect of us is our daily lives.

So that's why the very first thing,

So meditation,

It's a movement from gross to subtle.

So the grossest thing is like going shopping at Whole Foods,

I guess.

Not because it's gross,

But because you're kind of completely like externally focused,

Right?

So the first step in meditation is to,

Often to kind of step back from that daily life activity to come,

For instance,

Into a room like this that's designed for sitting quietly,

Right?

So we already have taken a step inwards by coming into this room together.

But now we're still sitting,

We're seeing each other,

Right?

There's this social aspect,

Right?

So then the next step is when you meditate,

Then you close your eyes,

Right?

So then you've closed your eyes,

Closed your mouth,

Closed your body,

Right?

So you're kind of closing down your senses,

So you're moving now more subtle,

You're getting more subtle.

Then there's like touch and hearing,

You know,

But eventually that stuff kind of fades away.

And then you're more left with like your thoughts and your feelings,

Right?

Even more subtle.

Yeah,

And then eventually as you're sitting and you're relaxing,

You're feeling at peace,

Your thoughts actually start to float away because your feelings,

Feelings are more refined than thoughts are.

If you've ever noticed like you wake up in the morning and you stretch and you're like,

You know that really nice feeling,

There's no thoughts,

Your mind is completely free for a couple of seconds right there.

You're just like,

I'm just feeling this really nice feeling,

Right?

That feelings,

Like when you're in these nice feelings,

Actually there's no thoughts.

When you're lying on the beach,

It's like,

Ah,

Right?

We all probably know when you're feeling really relaxed and refreshed,

And you're like maybe in the sun or the beach or something,

The mind is pretty much blank,

You're just there,

Right?

So actually the feelings is actually the next level in,

So the thoughts start to go away and then it's just the feelings,

Right?

Then you start to feel relaxed,

You feel peaceful,

And then these feelings start to get really intense.

They start to get more kind of soft,

More pleasant,

More joyful,

But then they start to really get almost like blissful.

It starts to like really become this like really intense feeling of happiness and peace,

And it's like really intense but also really cooling and like refreshing at the same time,

It's kind of both at once.

And that gets deeper and deeper and deeper and stronger.

And eventually these feelings even start to become more subtle and they turn into just a perception of like spaciousness.

And then you start to be aware that there's just an,

Then there's like an awareness.

And then eventually even that kind of spaciousness drops away and then there's just this awareness.

And awareness,

Again like I was saying,

Right,

We're human beings.

That beingness is actually one of the,

It's like the subtlest,

You know,

This really incredibly subtle level of us that you're always aware of,

Right?

When you say like,

I see you,

That I you're talking about,

It's your awareness,

Right?

I feel sad,

Right?

So there's this I,

There's the awareness,

There's an awareness of a feeling of sadness.

So we identify with this awareness,

There's this awareness that's always kind of present,

But we're never able to be with the awareness by itself because it's always connected to all of these things.

So it gets more and more subtle until it's kind of this field of awareness.

And what starts to drop away is also your sense of self,

There's no more feeling of me,

There's no more like Seth feeling his breath,

There's just an awareness.

And that awareness doesn't feel like it's me,

It's just there,

It's just this spacious awareness that's there.

So it's this kind of path from gross to subtle,

I guess we could say it like that.

And all you have to do is set your mind,

Set your mind towards that,

Set your mind towards the subtle.

So when you sit down to meditate,

And like I said,

Smile,

So there's this monk actually,

And the way he teaches retreats is he tells people to sit,

He said,

I'm not going to teach you how to meditate,

I'm going to teach you how to smile.

And he has people sit and that's all they do.

They're asking for meditation instructions,

And he's like,

Yes,

Keep smiling.

That's it,

Just sit and smile.

And people are like,

Yeah,

But I feel like I'm faking it,

Doesn't matter,

Keep smiling.

Yeah,

It's not working,

It's fine,

Keep going.

And eventually,

Because eventually what happens is that,

It depends how much of a control freak you are,

So a lot of us are like,

Oh,

But it's not,

Maybe I smile bigger?

Like we're still trying to,

You know,

Eventually what has to happen is you have to,

You're going to have to give up.

You know,

You have to give up.

You're going to have to just give up and just be like,

Fine,

You know what,

I can't meditate,

I guess I'm just going to sit here and smile.

And then guess what happens,

You start meditating.

So it's about,

Really it's about relaxing,

It's about allowing,

Right.

Meditation isn't something you can do,

It's not like you can try to do it.

If you're trying,

You're already going in the wrong direction,

Right.

If you try,

You're going to fail,

Because how can you try to relax?

You can't,

If you're trying,

That means you're exerting effort and tension,

Right.

So the Buddha taught the eight-fold path,

Which is kind of this way to enlightenment,

If you follow all these different facets,

It brings you in the direction.

And he talked about the right intention for us to have.

And the right intention to have,

It's actually something along the lines of being harmless.

Again,

My teacher,

Atram Brahm,

He said,

It's about,

How do you say it,

It's about being kind,

Being gentle,

And making peace.

Right,

So if you ask me how do I meditate,

I would say to you,

Be kind,

Be gentle,

And make peace.

Be kind to yourself,

Be kind to your thoughts,

Right.

I don't know why people associate meditation with being at war with their minds.

A lot of people go inward and they start fighting themselves.

So meditation is an act of love,

So love,

Love your minds,

Love your thoughts.

Oh,

I'm restless,

Hi restless.

So nice to sit with you restlessness today.

You're my best friend.

You know,

Whatever,

Make peace with whatever comes.

Because ultimately,

You know,

If you sit and your mind is really restless and you go,

And you really say that,

You're like,

Hi restlessness,

Nice to see you,

Oh let's just be restless together for an hour.

Oh,

I have leg pain,

Great.

Hi leg pain,

Let's hang out.

Because I was really lonely until you came leg pain,

It's good that we're together now.

Tell me all about how bad it is to be in my leg today.

You know,

But what starts to happen is all that stuff starts to get softer,

It starts to become happier,

Playful,

Right.

And then the mind starts to just get really like gooey,

Like,

You know.

And it feels really nice just to be there and it kind of just sinks in,

It gets deeper and deeper and deeper.

And whatever comes up in your meditation,

Just make peace with it,

Be kind to it.

Allow it,

Don't fight anything.

If you're fighting,

You're going in the wrong direction.

Yeah,

It's really about opening up and allowing,

Being kind,

Being gentle.

I think meditation is actually a side effect of being really,

Really kind to yourself.

Think about that one.

Think about that one.

When you're really kind to yourself,

You're like,

Oh hi.

Yeah,

So happy.

Then you close your eyes and your mind is already so soft and so quiet and so nice and it's so happy to be here.

It's like cuddling itself,

You know.

Can you feel that?

You feel how it's like things are getting quieter?

Feel that?

With like this softness and gentleness and like lovingness.

There's like this feeling of like intimacy,

Right?

There's something like this quietness that's descending over everything.

And it's so nice to be here.

It's so nice to sit here,

To be with me.

I'm so happy to have this time to be here with myself,

My thoughts,

My fears,

My pains,

My whole backpack full of shit that I carry all day long,

So happy.

Yeah,

So sit in a position,

Sit in a way you feel comfortable,

You feel relaxed and stable.

And really try to make peace with yourself,

Try to really enjoy,

Allow yourself just to feel good being here,

To really love yourself,

Love whatever's coming up.

Please don't try to meditate.

The advertisements were lying.

It's not a meditation class.

It's a loving yourself workshop.

Breathe and smile.

We've closed our eyes and we relax our eyes.

Relax the muscles in our face which allows a gentle smile to form on our lips.

We relax our shoulders and our arms.

We relax our hands and fingers.

Sending love and thanks into our arms and hands.

Our hands do so much for us.

They drive our car and they help us eat.

Without your hands you couldn't pick your nose or slap someone when they get out of line.

And we relax our chest,

Our heart is in there,

This beautiful loving heart that has so much love for everybody around it,

So much love for ourselves.

I really enjoy feeling good,

Feeling seen and understood.

So let's see and understand our hearts.

We're so thankful that we have this place to feel,

To feel love.

Dropping down into our belly.

I love you little belly.

No matter how fat you get or if I get the six pack abs I saw on the yoga magazine.

I love you belly,

You're my belly.

You digest my food.

You hold up my pants.

You keep me warm at night.

We relax our back,

This wonderful back that helps us move,

Stand and sit.

This huge network of muscles doing an amazing job being there for us.

And we really put our back through a lot all day long.

We carry so much on our back.

We give our back a chance to rest.

Put down the emotional load.

Really say thanks.

Back you may rest.

And down in our hips,

Helping us walk and dance.

And connect to our legs,

These wonderful legs that help us out.

These knees that have taken so many steps.

They're like war heroes,

They've been through so much.

Down our ankles and feet.

Thanking deeply our feet since we were very small they've helped us walk around,

Touch the earth.

These feet have really assisted us to get to so many places on this earth and we so rarely give them a moment of gratitude for all they've done.

So nice feet,

Thank you for being here.

Please stay connected to my legs for as long as you can.

We feel the ground underneath us.

This beautiful studio that we're sitting in.

So nicely constructed and cleaned for us.

Resting on this beautiful earth.

This huge planet for these beings to be on.

Thank you earth.

We feel the space around us.

This beautiful,

Wonderful space.

It's allowed us to be,

To grow.

Allowing us to breathe.

So thankful for this air.

So thankful for these working lungs.

For life,

For this life that we're in.

Really feeling the air flowing into your body.

Feeling you,

Feeling the air flowing out.

This exchange of receiving from the air and giving back.

And just feeling our breath.

How beautiful that we can breathe.

Have this fresh air.

Really give thanks and enjoy.

Loving this body and also this mind.

All of our thoughts,

Feelings.

All of our big plans.

Especially our neurosis'.

We've all got so many of those.

So really thanking all that stuff in your head.

Thanking all that stuff in your emotional body too.

Your fear is just trying to protect you.

Thank you for trying to protect me.

Your anger is just trying to set boundaries.

Thank you for doing your job anger.

All of your emotions are just trying to serve you.

They just don't know how.

They're like misguided children.

Don't fight your fear and your anger.

Give them love.

They're doing their best.

They're doing what they know how to do.

Just thank them.

You can thank your stress.

Your stress is trying to make sure you get everything done.

Your stress is trying to make sure you don't fall apart.

It's trying to control things.

Thank you control freak.

Thank you for always trying to make sure everything's okay.

Even if you don't know what you're doing.

Thank you for trying.

You can also rest now.

I'm going to take over for now.

Control freak,

You can have the night off.

Go play Keno or something.

So just imagine this thankfulness penetrating all the molecules,

All the atoms of your body.

This thankfulness feeling your energy field.

Also your mind,

Your mental emotional field.

And just take a few moments to rest.

Ah.

Ah.

Allowing yourself to smile.

As you breathe in the energy of the smile fills your body.

Ah.

As we breathe and smile.

Call into your mind somebody that you really love.

Somebody that you want to send all of this love and happiness to.

Could be family,

Could be your best friend.

No judgments,

Just whoever comes to mind.

Feel this person who brings happiness and joy into your life.

Whether it's someone you know now or someone from the past.

As you breathe and smile and make a wish.

May this person be happy wherever they are.

May they be fulfilled and safe on a good way.

May this person that we love be at peace and have a peaceful mind.

We expand that feeling of love to our families.

May our entire family be well.

May our family be happy and safe.

May our family be at peace.

Real deep and honest peace.

May our family have peace.

And expanding it to our friends.

May all of our friends be happy and peaceful.

May they share our smile.

May their lives be amazing and fruitful.

May they have joy,

Health,

And safety.

And may all beings around us on this planet be happy and well.

May all of us in this room be peaceful and relaxed.

May we remember to love and to take care of ourselves.

May we remember it's not about the what,

It's about the how.

Making peace,

Being kind,

Being gentle.

And fully coming back into ourselves.

May I be happy.

May I be at peace.

May I remember to love and appreciate myself.

May I never make war with anything that I experience.

May I remember that love and acceptance is this healing balm that makes everything soft and gentle and okay.

Taking a few deep breaths in through the nose,

Out through the mouth.

And we listen to a few sounds of the bell together.

The bell is ringing.

The bell is ringing.

The bell is ringing.

We can rub together our hands so they become warm.

We can put our hands on our eyes.

We can rub our face and our head and our ears.

Massaging down the back of our neck and shoulders.

We can rub our back and our belly.

We can stretch out your legs,

We can rub your knees,

Slowly open your eyes.

Really any part of your body that you feel needs some love,

Just rub it with your hand a little bit.

And then physically send some of that energy in there.

Good morning.

Good morning.

So it's ten minutes before eight.

Apparently tonight was a loving kindness meditation to ourselves.

When I was in Australia,

Still with this teacher Achambram,

He taught me a really good mantra.

He said this is a very,

Very ancient and secret mantra.

But I was able to repeat this mantra and it really aided me in my meditation practice.

So if you guys want,

I can share that mantra with you.

It's composed of two parts.

Two words actually.

I think it's in Sanskrit.

I think it's Sanskrit.

The words are good enough.

So I would sit down to meditate and I would say,

Okay,

Good enough,

It's good enough.

I only have twenty minutes,

It's okay,

It's good enough.

My mind's a mess,

It's good enough.

But my leg hurts,

It's good enough.

Whatever came up in my mind,

Whatever my mind would try to throw at me,

I would just say it's good enough.

I can't meditate,

It's good enough.

I'm hopeless,

It's good enough.

At least you're sitting.

My leg hurts,

At least you have a leg.

I can't quiet down,

At least you're not making it anywhere.

And eventually when you disarm yourself enough,

When there's no more excuses,

Then you're left with an empty,

Empty hands and an empty mind.

Is that good enough?

Because ultimately there's nothing to it.

You don't have to do,

You've done enough.

You guys,

Everyone in this room should get the person of the year award.

Because we all do so much.

And life is hard.

It's really hard,

And scary,

And painful.

So it's really a time,

This thing that's called meditation,

But you can throw that word away.

It's just really time for you,

It's time to really rest and come back to yourself and recharge.

And to take it easy on yourself.

To allow yourself.

Allow yourself some happiness.

And I know that's not easy for everybody.

I think for a lot of people that's even the biggest problem.

You don't really allow yourself to be happy,

Like you have to deserve it or something.

I think with that we'll just kind of come to an end for tonight.

It's really nice to sit here with all of you.

It's like such a warm energy in the room.

You guys are super powerful.

Any announcements from the back?

I'm going to do a holy water singing bowl blessing.

As in Wakefield actually.

I guess a couple things.

We can do one of these again.

We'll probably end up in a different place a little bit.

We could do another meditation night.

It's up to you guys.

We could do another one of these.

We'll probably do another healing at some point if anyone's interested.

Those are pretty cool.

Find me on Facebook.

I've recorded this talk.

I've started recording my talks for posterity.

Somebody asked me if I think I'm about to die or something.

Is that why I'm trying to put my talks out?

I don't think that's why I'm putting them out.

It's more that I kind of feel like I'm talking a lot.

I teach a lot.

I often give a lot of the same information.

I feel like I have a lot of information to give.

Instead of having to repeat myself again and again,

I can now start to put the information out there in chunks.

If you go actually on to iTunes,

Like the iTunes store I guess,

And you type in Seth Monk,

I come up under podcasts.

It's free.

It's just different talks I've been giving.

The talk tonight will be on there so you guys can actually listen to this again.

I've done a couple podcasts where I just talk straight into my laptop.

There's a lot of different classes I've led,

Some talks on meditation.

Just a good resource if anybody wants just some more.

Again,

There's really a hundred different ways to talk about this.

Tonight we really took the door of loving kindness in.

There's a lot of other ways in.

Feel free to check that out.

Then aside,

I'm leading a trip to India.

I'm doing one actually in March already.

I'm going to lead another one in August.

This is going to be from Delhi to Jaipur then up to Amritsar.

We're going to go to the Sikh holy temple,

The golden temple.

Then we're going to go to Dharamsala which is where the Dalai Lama has his Saphanik.

It's going to be a little bit from Delhi and then south and north.

It's going to be a ten day trip through India to some of these holy places.

It's going to be pretty cool.

If anybody thinks that that's interesting for them,

I also made a little Facebook event for that.

It's called Awakened Tours Holy Himalaya.

I named it myself.

A lot of people had voiced the interest to me after I told about my journey.

Everyone was like,

Wow,

You've done all this and I'd love to do that too.

I got kind of sick of hearing that so now no excuses.

I'm like,

Here's a trip to India,

Now you can also go.

I'm first going in March.

I'm taking a group in March for nine days.

This is my test run.

We're going to see what that's like.

Then when I get back April 1st,

Then I'll start kind of,

Yeah,

Like hashing out the groundwork for registration and stuff like this.

I've already made a website with the details and everything so you can check that out if you want.

I don't know.

That's all I can think of for now.

If you came and I don't have your email,

Not that I'm great about sending out emails,

But you want to know what's happening in the studio,

I mentioned that we're going to be doing a med club here.

There's that.

I'm set to figure out the book.

If you're just looking for more community to be in this room to share,

We'd love to have you.

I do have April Adams coming.

She does channel meditation.

She channels these spirit guides that she has.

It's very different from Seth.

Just another different modality.

We'll definitely have Seth back for death,

Maybe healing and probably some kind of meditation again.

See where that takes us.

So if I don't have your email and you're interested in knowing something,

Let me know.

Cool.

Okay.

So thank you all.

Thank you.

Have a good night.

Thank you.

See you later.

Thank you.

Thank you so much.

Reviews

Take the doorway inward with a smile. A phenomenal discussion on the actual process versus the result of mediation. If you focus on the process then the results will come. If you focus on the results then the results will never come. 💡
He then follows up with a compassionate loving-kindness meditation. It was better than good enough. Thank you so much Seth for sharing your journey and wisdom with us. I made a lot of connections with this one. Appreciate you 💚🙏🏼